Relationships

[threestars]

Hello, i'm back again, after numerous false starts.. i really need to keep it up this time.

What do you think about friendships and relationships when trying to get/stay sober? How do you deal with them?

I find that i am ok when i am on my own, i can just concentrate on me.. but i can't be alone all my life can i? I have recently met a lovely guy. He knows about my problem with alcohol, and he would be very supportive if we got together properly.

When i am with him everything is ok, i feel strong and positive, but when i am not with him, i feel so lonely and end up drinking.. I know i should cool it with him, as i was doing better before i met him, but now that i have met him, i don't want to lose him so i'm likely to drink anyway. Basically i am so rubbish at dealing with any kind of emotion, good or bad, and i always end up drinking to get away from it..

Does any of this make sense?

[HarryB]

Feel free to ignore me because I'm still using and having relationship problems of my own but...

...you're right - you can't be alone all your life. I think the second part of recovery is learning how to be part of society again.
Being around my girlfriend makes me use more but I know that's not her fault. She doesn't force me to take cocaine or anything else.
It's up to me to make the decision to stop and it's the same for you.
However, you might want to consider cooling it off with this chap if it wouldn't make the situation worse.
I've definately considered doing that with my girlfriend but we're in a pretty co-dependant relationship and she threatened suicide last time a 'break' was brought up.

I wish you luck with things.

By the way, I grew up near Hampshire - nice place.

[CarolD]

When I decided to save my sanity and quit drinking
I also decided to take a year off from men.

I did quit hanging out with anyone who drank.
It just made my sobriety too difficult and I
always went back to booze....

I found new non drinking friends in AA who shared the
same new goals I wanted. We had a sober blast!


Hope you find your way into the joy of recovery.

[serenityqueen]

When I first got into Recovery, I couldn't even focus on myself, much less a relationship.

There was so much for me to work on with just myself that if I tried to get into a new relationship, one or the other was going to suffer. And knowing myself,(however little I did at that time) I knew that it would be me.

I got into relationships with the wrong men, for the wrong reasons at the wrong times throughout most of my life. It didn't matter who came along, even if Mr. Perfect had been dropped out of the sky right in front of me, I would have had to walk away.

I am almost 3 years Clean & Sober and have yet to be in a relationship. Oh, sure, I've had more than a few guys from AA/NA who have asked me out, but honestly, I'm still learning about myself.

I'm in no way suggesting that anyone should have to wait 3 or more years to begin a relationship, but I have. I used for 32 of my 45 years and I have a lot of growing to do. Who knows? Tomorrow Mr. Perfect MAY drop out of the sky, if he does then I think I'm ready. But I'm in no rush to "find someone before it's too late." It won't be too late until they take a toe ring off and replace it with a toe tag. And I don't plan on that happening for a long, long time.



God Bless,
Judy

[threestars]

Great words, all three of you. Thanks!

I know deep down that i should walk away from him. I am also going to seek therapy, as i have known for a while that i have issues when it comes to relationships, even at the best of times. I get so needy it actually makes me hate myself.

I think about the person 24/7, and end up drinking because i am fed up with just waiting for their next call! Or because i am worried that they have gone off me! Usually i have been with men who indulge me in this, and call / text/ see me lots and lots of times during the day. This guy is far more aloof than that, so i usually end up texting him. These last few days i thought i'd wait for him to text me, but he didn't so i ended up drinking as i felt lonely just waiting. Crazy. That is why i think i am better off on my own, then i have no one else to worry about except me.

[indigo]

I'm glad you've posted and jmo you're peace of mind is the most important thing.

[Rusty Zipper]

3***

for me...

i learned the hard way, i cannot make anyone a power greater then...

not to put anyone on a pedistal...

people are failable...

i worked on me, then the relationships came...

in work, life and love!Grateful to feel calm and content today..

good wishes 3***

rz