i just dont know

[felly79]

I have plenty of reasons to get sober. The main one is because the doctor said that since ive already had alcoholic hepatitis, I could easily end up in the hospital again, or die. Another reason to get sober is to get my life back, who wouldnt want to do that? But lately Ive been questioning myself about how serious I am about getting sober. Quitting completely has not worked. I used to drink everyday but now I only drink about once every two weeks. To me, this is improvement. I am worried though that I dont have the will to quit, that I am not serious enough about it. I really want to quit, but quitting takes action, which is where I am weak, I do not always take the action to stay sober. I guess the willingness to get sober is not enough.

[suki44883]

Well, in my opinion, in order to really quit, it has to be the most important thing in your life. Otherwise, you're just spinning your wheels.

[ex D-Boy]

Originally Posted by felly79

I have plenty of reasons to get sober. The main one is because the doctor said that since ive already had alcoholic hepatitis, I could easily end up in the hospital again, or die. Another reason to get sober is to get my life back, who wouldnt want to do that?

Ok so you got your reasons to get and maintain sobriety down pat it looks like.

Originally Posted by felly79

But lately Ive been questioning myself about how serious I am about getting sober. Quitting completely has not worked. I used to drink everyday but now I only drink about once every two weeks. To me, this is improvement.

That IS improvement!! and a great one at that. You are near the end of the road when it comes to drinking girl. Only drinking once every few weeks, you've beat the physical now all thats left is the mental nagging. The fact that you can stay clean for 2 weeks should make you realize that you have the ability to stay sober forever if you truly want to.

Originally Posted by felly79

I am worried though that I dont have the will to quit, that I am not serious enough about it. I really want to quit, but quitting takes action, which is where I am weak, I do not always take the action to stay sober. I guess the willingness to get sober is not enough.

Hey fellz, i love ya and im not gonna sugarcoat it for ya at all. Of all the time i've known and spoken with you I do not buy this ONE LITTLE BIT. I truly believe you want to maintain sobriety anyway you can. I believe this is just your addiction IQ trying to talk you back into the hole that YOU know you get into when you start to drink. You have a job opportunity that I am pretty sure you will get this week, think about a 2-3 months ago, even a month ago. You didn't want any type of job at all! Now you are interacting more with people and even looking for work which you have told me on several occasions makes you feel better about yourself when you work. You are progressing very nicely in recovery fellz, don't let a few moments of your addiction IQ playing tricks on you convince you that you do not want all the gifts that come from sobriety.

Anytime you got something on your mind feel free to talk to me about it on PM , in chat , wherever. Stay safe....and S O B E R!

[MsPlugginTheJug]

Being WILLING is a huge step. I know for me, I could not quit until I wanted to quit. Until I wanted to quit for good, I had no will. Having the will can help you take action and it sounds like you have taken some. You drink MUCH less frequently and you came here for help. I'm not sure how much time you've spent on this site, but it sure did help me. It helped me to realize what it means to be powerless over alcohol, that it's not my fault, and that I have a disease. I realized if I drink, it may one day kill me and I don't want to die, especially not like that. There are many here whose stories and words can offer great encouragement and strength and if you want to quit, you can.

Somebody at the AA meeting I went to said today (and it seems to be a great way to look at it) that we HAVE a disease, and the difference is, for us, we have to NOT pick up (a beer or alcohol, etc.) to get healthy and he'd much rather NOT have a beer than have to have a hit of chemo. Alcohol for you, as for all of us, can come down as a matter of life or death. You don't need alcohol, it will give you nothing good. There is NO safe amount for an alcoholic. I am only on day 39 now. The thought of quitting forever is too big to handle. The thought of not drinking today, however, is nice and manageable. One day at a time is not just a bumper sticker, it works!

If you can go 2 weeks, you have MUCH more will and have taken more action than many of us have when we began to realize we had a "problem". You CAN take action, just go two weeks, and then two weeks and one day, two weeks and two days, and soon, you'll feel better and stronger. I can't TELL you how much better I feel today than I did just over a month ago.

Stick around, and keep coming back, and I'm sorry for my babble. I hope it helps, but there is SO much love and support here, believe me!

Peace,
Karen

[51anna]

Staying sober takes work, but I think it's enjoyable work. You do have to want to be sober, more than anything else, because it's hard to do.

I hope you keep reading and posting.

[Last Call]

Originally Posted by felly79

Quitting completely has not worked. I used to drink everyday but now I only drink about once every two weeks. To me, this is improvement.

Drinking once every couple weeks has to be healthier than daily. But...

I have tried that road many times.

I think every time I drank it kept alive that voice telling me to drink again. Convincing me that I had it under control this time, until the intervals between drinking days started shrinking, until I was right back where I started.

As bad, when I wasn't drinking I was obsessed with the thought of drinking, since I was not committed to quitting. Constantly fighting cravings is exhausting.

I found that I was drinking like I was making up for lost time when I did drink. Went from a daily heavy drinker to a intermittent binge drinker that went way over the top on drinking days. I think this kind of drinking may be even more dangerous for me.

I have 43 days sober, sometimes I think I can go back and moderate or just drink occasionally. But I know from experience that is nonsense, completely irrational thinking.

Good luck, if your an alcoholic like me, your non-commitment will have an inevitable conclusion.

LC