Sober vision

[chiynita]

I just want to say up front that this post in no way is meant to be judgmental in any way.

I find that being sober I tend to see things alot differently.
Especially when I see others who are using.
I have seen alot of people lately who come to my job to buy alcohol and I have picked up on some things.
Like one lady refuses to put her beer in any type of bag except her purse. She freely told me she feels stupid if someone sees her carrying beer in a bag.
Another lady comes in once or twice a week and she can hardly get the beer out of the cooler she is shaking so bad.
And theres others that like clock work come in everyday..with the exact amount of money. And another guy who always makes it to the minute 3 minutes before cut off.
There have been times I have seen people doing drugs and do things I have done. But you dont relize how crazy these things are until you step back and look from the outside in.
Especially with my DOC. It is completely insane some of the things I have went through to get high.
But to be sober and see someone else doing the same exact thing is like. WOW..That is extreme. Desperate.
I have been there all too many times.

I never think of it that way or even relize the total craziness of it when I am using.

And I dont think bad of these people or for myself.
My heart breaks. Because I have been there.
And not until I am sober and looking in...Do I relize how absurd alot of what I have done is. How addiction has blinded me to reality. And distorted my minds ability to rationalise.

I feel so bad when I see this. I just want to make it all better.
It really does make me sad.

No real point here I guess. Just letting some of my mind out.

[nogard]

its not a good look eh chiy? Good reminders though. Time for us to tke our position 'in' life, enjoying each moment

[stone]

Thanks for sharing your thoughts Trish. I know what you are saying, it is absurd.

[Ang102]

How I can relate to that. You go in the bottle shop half off your face - chewing gum so they won't notice the smell. Been there - toooo many times

[1963comet]

Yes it is sad.

What bothers me is seeing people drinking and driving. Thing is, these people think they are fine driving. I know because I used to be one of them. Addictions can make you blind.

But I am glad that I am on the outside looking in like you. And hope people stay sober long enough to not be blind.

[nandm]

I can remember my excuse when I would be buying two 30-packs of beer at a time (three to four times a week) along with a pint to a fifth of 100 proof hot damn; my excuse was always "having some friends over". I usually had the smell of alcohol still coming out of my pores from the night before. Either the cashier thought I was just miss popularity (which I doubt) or she knew I was an alcoholic. All the while I tried to convince myself that they believed my story.

I am so grateful I no longer have to embarrass myself like that.

[unigirl]

Yh i know the feeling too chiniyta. I see and also have a lot of mates who make me feel sad and shocked. When i hear about some of their drinkign episodes im like "whaaaaat!?" but then i rememebr my drinking - i, like you, can't and dont judge these ppl. It is a harsh, painlful reminder. However i know staying sober is important - as i can hopefully be an example to those still suffering.

A couple of my closest mates will admit they're alcoholic but still drink - (i did this too) One of them just tells me straight out she is simply not ready to give up drinking despite the constant drama's and blackouts and all the rest of the baggage we get from alcoholism.Its sad, frustrating- and also v worrying as she is only young (20 like me) and gets into a lot of cr*p - some of it v dangerous. But theres nothin i can do- except be there for her and be an example. Thanks for your honest post, i really identify with how u feeling right now

[aldo1980]

Originally Posted by chiynita

I relize how absurd alot of what I have done is. How addiction has blinded me to reality. And distorted my minds ability to rationalise.

i understand that.

[mle-sober]

My first AA mtg, I was very drunk. I just wasn't able to get up the nerve to go without being drunk. And then I cried uncontrollably through the whole thing, just trying to keep from sobbing out loud and disturbing everyone as they talked. I know many of them talked directly to me, but I couldn't process much of it. One lady sitting beside me spent a lot of time with me, after the mtg. She was the reason I came back.

And then this past Friday, I was at this same mtg, sober for 3 months. And there I was all over again: I looked different - different hair and clothes - but it was me alright. Even in the same chair by the door. And I stunk of alcohol. And I cried through the whole mtg. I was shaking and trying hard to stay in the chair. Trying to understand what everyone was saying. But it was all I could do just to stay in the room, to admit that I was an alcoholic, that I couldn't stop, that my life had become completely unmanageable.

I am so, so grateful I am not in that place anymore. I don't feel like it is from any effort of mine. I feel like it was just God who took me by the hand and led me out of that misery. And one thing I think I've learned just this Friday in that mtg, is that I'm never really free from being that person who is consumed by alcoholism. When I looked over and saw her and when I reached for her and hugged her and tried to give her strength and courage, we were one and the same. Some part of me will always be that shaking, crying, drunk woman in that meeeting.

My sponsor tells me it gets easier. And I'm so grateful for that. I look forward to any kind of ease I can get. But I never want to forget that woman in the AA room that first time. Whether it's me or another. Somehow it's all the same. I don't know why. Maybe it will make more sense as time passes.

- MLE

[BUTTERFLY-7]

Yeah I could relate about this sober Vision Chy yesterday
It was our spring family gathering It was my cousin
daughter first communion and every body was so drunk it was
unbelievable in how I was able to see with my own eyes
the different trates of family behavior when they all get
together specially when they drink how every body was passing
out how my cousin tough the back yard sliding doors were open
and bump her self in then cause they were close I know I
shouldn't laugh at this but it was funny but at the same time
it wasn't

how my cousin husband couldn't walk striate and was determine to
drive his brother home,and how his brother got up so they
could take him home and he went head first stray into
the wall by were the stereo was at and also miss the out side
backyard sliding doors it's sad cause to them it's normal
to get up the next day and talk about this and laugh about it

[chiynita]

I'm sorry. But I seen something today that really got me heated.
I am outside working at my job and a lady comes flying into the parking lot like 35 miles an hour to a dead stop in about 20 feet.
Not to mention I am right in her path if she would have failed to stop in time.
So i tell her when she gets out she needs to slow it down when she is pulling in because there are alot of kids that walk through there.
That lady had the ignorance enough to say to me " Well I dont see any kids."
I wanted to punch her in her mouth.
I told her it doesnt matter slow down.
So she comes in and buys rolling papers and then flys once again to the other side of the parking lot where a black car has been sitting for like 15 mins and what I know was a drug deal went down.
Then she was all calm and drove pretty slow leaving.
Kids are unpredictable in their movements. They could come out of nowhere. Especially where I work. It is right in the middlw of the village and loads of kids are always walking through the parking lot. On bikes...skateboards.
I just couldnt believe she would say something like that.
If I catch her flying in there again. I will turn her in. The police station is right next door. Just for her total lack of disrespect for the welfare of other people ..especially children. Just so she can hurry up and get her drugs.

[ROFL]

It's pretty eye-opening.

[BUTTERFLY-7]

Yeah: I could understand were you coming from
but that's the harsh reality of been and addict all we could
do is pray for them Remember we were there
at one time my advice to you is don't get involve for your
own safety addicts can't rationalized there are sick individuals

she will hit her bottom sooner or later just for today
"Keep the Focus on You"

[fallingdown]

Great post.I always wondered what the person on the other side of the counter was thinking.