I can't forgive myself - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

least · 05-03-2008, 09:14 PM

Yesterday I drank, after over a month of being sober. Don't know WHY I drank, only that now I have to go thru withdrawal all over again. It's my own fault and I can't forgive myself. I'll start over, with today as day one, but why oh why did I drink??

I was so pleased for making it so long without drinking. I was so happy with myself. I feel like such a fool. Such an idiot. Such a loser.

I'm sorry, so sorry.

What's wrong with me??

Last Call · 05-03-2008, 09:32 PM

Hey Least sorry you slipped. Forgive yourself and move on. Don't let one day turn into a relapse. And don't worry about going through withdrawal again, if you contain this slip to a day and don't turn it into a relapse I bet you find it's not a big deal. What may be a big deal is that voice telling you to drink again may be back to full strength for a few days, but if you don't give in it will pass.

What's wrong with you? Your probably an alcoholic.

I struggle understanding why I have slipped in the past, generally I just wanted to check out for some period of time. But the crap I was hiding from was still there when the fog cleared.

And drop the guilt, you don't need to apologize to anyone here. You let yourself down, resolve to try and stop doing that, guilt won't help.

Be kind to yourself, get some rest.

LC

suki44883 · 05-03-2008, 09:32 PM

Nothing is wrong with you; you just relapsed. It happens. Don't beat yourself up over it. Just start over. Get to a meeting. It's not the end of the world.

serenityqueen · 05-03-2008, 09:35 PM

First of all, stop beating yourself up. You are an alcoholic. We all have setbacks. We are only human. I don't know if you have read where I have shared this before, but my nickname, given to me by the nurses at the only hospital in the area that had a detox unit, was the Queen of Relapse. You said you drank last night. Are you meaning Sat. or Friday night?

It was one time, right? I seriously don't think you are going to go through any withdrawals. Maybe have a hell of a hangover.

When I was in early in Recovery, one of my Counselors at the Clinic suggested to all of us in the group that we begin keeping a journal. Not only is this a great way to share our thoughts and feelings, but also you can read back on things and see what was going on. You will see a pattern developing. Although I really wouldn't call one night of drinking a relapse, but picking up is actually the last stage in a relapse. First come the thoughts, actions, (or lack of) and then picking up. If you would like, I have some great worksheets on the signs of a Relapse I can send you. Just PM me and I'd be happy to send them to you.

Hang in there Hon and stop kicking yourself in the butt. I commend you for having the honesty to share it with us. Many people don't tell anyone and then it just eats at them. Remember, we are only as sick as the secrets we keep.

God Bless & I'll be thinking of you and saying a Prayer,
Judy

least · 05-03-2008, 09:51 PM

I felt I had to be honest, with myself and with my friends here. I may be a loser but I cannot be a liar. Please pray that I get thru the withdrawals and don't drink again. I feel so "dirty". please forgive me.

ananda · 05-03-2008, 10:06 PM

We are all here for you! A winner is a looser who never stops trying!!!! This is a disease, not a moral delima.

I have gone through the coming back thing....I know how hard it is. Just keep focused on the one day at atime.

**CarolD** · 05-04-2008, 02:45 AM

Geez! get a grip. You did not committ murder or treason.

Alcoholics keep drinking until they learn how to live sober.
False starts are not the end of your world.

Take those sober days and use them for a new beginning.

stone · 05-04-2008, 02:52 AM

LOL Carol! You are so right

Least, you will be feeling 100x times worse because you have a hangover right now. I get terrible feelings of remorse and self-hate with a hangover/withdrawal. When that wears off, I set about forgiving myself because not to would hold me back from staying sober.

Forgive yourself for the purely practical reason that not doing so will make it harder to stay sober this time.

Also forgive yourself because you deserve it, would you forgive someone you loved? Then forgive yourself because no-one deseves your love more than you do.

Rusty Zipper · 05-04-2008, 03:57 AM

oh least!

Quote:

What's wrong with me??

your a alk'y!

its alcoholism, not alcoholwasm!

glad you made it back, and were honest!

never give up least!

you can do it!

rz

Impurrfect · 05-04-2008, 05:36 AM

((((Least)))

You're not a loser, a fool, or an idiot. You're an alcoholic.

Please pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get back on the road to recovery.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

**51anna** · 05-04-2008, 06:11 AM

Least,

As long as you keep trying, you are not a loser.

Learn from what happened yesterday and what led you to drinking and you won't need to make the same mistake again.

Katecan · 05-04-2008, 06:27 AM

(((least))) you'll be ok. Just try not to drink today. Everyone gave you great advice from their experiences in the beginning. I know I still find weekends the toughest because of my free time. I had a few triggers this weekend. I'm happy it's Sunday and almost over to be honest. Hang in there, it's a new day and we are pulling for you.

gravity · 05-04-2008, 07:10 AM

Hi least,

You have received some really powerful advice already. Learn from your experience, don't let one night of drinking turn into something way worse, take it easy on yourself.

For me, it really helps to look back at why I took that first drink. It was usually either:

refusing to believe I am an alcoholic and thinking I could moderate
just not caring about my sobriety (feeling sorry for myself & wanting relief)

At no time did a beer just magically appear in my hand.

This knowledge really helps me understand what I am dealing with, to avoid triggers, and to develop/implement a plan of attack.

Maybe you need to modify/strengthen your recovery plan - work through the steps, more meetings etc.

Very happy that you came back here right away. Takes courage. D

Artur · 05-04-2008, 07:43 AM

Hi Least:
First of all, let me assure you that a relapse doen't make you a loser or an idiot...A loser and idiot wouldn't have come back. Relapse in not a requirement, but it is a reality for many alcoholics, and it has helped some come to their senses and finally Surrender. You have a lot of support here....Use it to your advantage, and remember...."This too shall pass". Reward yourself today --- "You are a Miracle"!!!!

Take good care just for today,
Artur

05-03-2008, 09:14 PM	#1 (permalink)
least Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: USA Posts: 2,352	I can't forgive myself Yesterday I drank, after over a month of being sober. Don't know WHY I drank, only that now I have to go thru withdrawal all over again. It's my own fault and I can't forgive myself. I'll start over, with today as day one, but why oh why did I drink?? I was so pleased for making it so long without drinking. I was so happy with myself. I feel like such a fool. Such an idiot. Such a loser. I'm sorry, so sorry. What's wrong with me??

05-03-2008, 09:32 PM	#2 (permalink)
Last Call Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Co Springs, CO Posts: 80	Hey Least sorry you slipped. Forgive yourself and move on. Don't let one day turn into a relapse. And don't worry about going through withdrawal again, if you contain this slip to a day and don't turn it into a relapse I bet you find it's not a big deal. What may be a big deal is that voice telling you to drink again may be back to full strength for a few days, but if you don't give in it will pass. What's wrong with you? Your probably an alcoholic. I struggle understanding why I have slipped in the past, generally I just wanted to check out for some period of time. But the crap I was hiding from was still there when the fog cleared. And drop the guilt, you don't need to apologize to anyone here. You let yourself down, resolve to try and stop doing that, guilt won't help. Be kind to yourself, get some rest. LC
	__________________ No, try not, do or do not...there is no try...Yoda 3/30/08

05-03-2008, 09:35 PM	#4 (permalink)
serenityqueen Attitude of Gratitude Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Dayton, Ohio Posts: 1,172	First of all, stop beating yourself up. You are an alcoholic. We all have setbacks. We are only human. I don't know if you have read where I have shared this before, but my nickname, given to me by the nurses at the only hospital in the area that had a detox unit, was the Queen of Relapse. You said you drank last night. Are you meaning Sat. or Friday night? It was one time, right? I seriously don't think you are going to go through any withdrawals. Maybe have a hell of a hangover. When I was in early in Recovery, one of my Counselors at the Clinic suggested to all of us in the group that we begin keeping a journal. Not only is this a great way to share our thoughts and feelings, but also you can read back on things and see what was going on. You will see a pattern developing. Although I really wouldn't call one night of drinking a relapse, but picking up is actually the last stage in a relapse. First come the thoughts, actions, (or lack of) and then picking up. If you would like, I have some great worksheets on the signs of a Relapse I can send you. Just PM me and I'd be happy to send them to you. Hang in there Hon and stop kicking yourself in the butt. I commend you for having the honesty to share it with us. Many people don't tell anyone and then it just eats at them. Remember, we are only as sick as the secrets we keep. God Bless & I'll be thinking of you and saying a Prayer, Judy
	__________________ *"It's Great to be the Queen!"*

05-04-2008, 02:45 AM	#7 (permalink)
CarolD Forum Leader Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Dallas, Ga. USA Posts: 13,791	Geez! get a grip. You did not committ murder or treason. Alcoholics keep drinking until they learn how to live sober. False starts are not the end of your world. Take those sober days and use them for a new beginning.
	__________________ Each Day Sober Is A Victory!! Joy In AA Recovery...

05-04-2008, 02:52 AM	#8 (permalink)
stone Pastafarian Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: UK Posts: 10,031	LOL Carol! You are so right Least, you will be feeling 100x times worse because you have a hangover right now. I get terrible feelings of remorse and self-hate with a hangover/withdrawal. When that wears off, I set about forgiving myself because not to would hold me back from staying sober. Forgive yourself for the purely practical reason that not doing so will make it harder to stay sober this time. Also forgive yourself because you deserve it, would you forgive someone you loved? Then forgive yourself because no-one deseves your love more than you do.
	__________________ . . . . .

05-03-2008, 09:32 PM	#3 (permalink)
suki44883 Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Texas Posts: 1,410	Nothing is wrong with you; you just relapsed. It happens. Don't beat yourself up over it. Just start over. Get to a meeting. It's not the end of the world.

05-03-2008, 09:51 PM	#5 (permalink)
least Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: USA Posts: 2,352	I felt I had to be honest, with myself and with my friends here. I may be a loser but I cannot be a liar. Please pray that I get thru the withdrawals and don't drink again. I feel so "dirty". please forgive me.

05-03-2008, 10:06 PM	#6 (permalink)
ananda Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Somewhere Left of Left Posts: 3,937	We are all here for you! A winner is a looser who never stops trying!!!! This is a disease, not a moral delima. I have gone through the coming back thing....I know how hard it is. Just keep focused on the one day at atime.

05-04-2008, 05:36 AM	#10 (permalink)
Impurrfect Member Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Atlanta Posts: 4,277	((((Least))) You're not a loser, a fool, or an idiot. You're an alcoholic. Please pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get back on the road to recovery. Hugs and prayers! Amy
	__________________ "I'm not where I want to be, but thank God I'm not where I used to be" - Joyce Meyer

05-04-2008, 06:11 AM	#11 (permalink)
51anna Forum Leader Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Dancing in the Light Posts: 10,286	Least, As long as you keep trying, you are not a loser. Learn from what happened yesterday and what led you to drinking and you won't need to make the same mistake again.
	__________________ Anna "I don't know what the future is holding in store I don't know where Im going, Im not sure where Ive been Theres a spirit that guides me, a light that shines for me My life is worth the living, I don't need to see the end." John Denver

05-04-2008, 06:27 AM	#12 (permalink)
Katecan Let go, let God. Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Canada Posts: 245	(((least))) you'll be ok. Just try not to drink today. Everyone gave you great advice from their experiences in the beginning. I know I still find weekends the toughest because of my free time. I had a few triggers this weekend. I'm happy it's Sunday and almost over to be honest. Hang in there, it's a new day and we are pulling for you.
	__________________ *I once was lost, but now I'm found* - Amazing Grace

05-04-2008, 07:10 AM	#13 (permalink)
gravity Keep me where the light is Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Ontario, Canada Posts: 1,054	Hi least, You have received some really powerful advice already. Learn from your experience, don't let one night of drinking turn into something way worse, take it easy on yourself. For me, it really helps to look back at why I took that first drink. It was usually either: refusing to believe I am an alcoholic and thinking I could moderate just not caring about my sobriety (feeling sorry for myself & wanting relief) At no time did a beer just magically appear in my hand. This knowledge really helps me understand what I am dealing with, to avoid triggers, and to develop/implement a plan of attack. Maybe you need to modify/strengthen your recovery plan - work through the steps, more meetings etc. Very happy that you came back here right away. Takes courage. D

05-04-2008, 07:43 AM	#14 (permalink)
Artur Member Join Date: May 2008 Location: Brooklyn, New York Posts: 90	Hi Least: First of all, let me assure you that a relapse doen't make you a loser or an idiot...A loser and idiot wouldn't have come back. Relapse in not a requirement, but it is a reality for many alcoholics, and it has helped some come to their senses and finally Surrender. You have a lot of support here....Use it to your advantage, and remember...."This too shall pass". Reward yourself today --- "You are a Miracle"!!!! Take good care just for today, Artur