I can't forgive myself

[Impurrfect]

I'm glad you're going. Like Barb said, there's no need to apologize for taking care of yourself.

And by the way, you're not going to the ER alone...we're sending good thoughts along with you.

[Jomey]

Hope the ER waiting room is awfully big and has lots of coffee....because we'll ALL be there with you, hon. For real. You are not alone. Love, Jomey

[Tazman53]

Least do what you have to do, you know you are not alone, you have us here at SR and you have a phone as well.

[least]

spent a couple hours at er. gave me a shot of ativan to calm me down and a scrip for enough to get thru the next few days, i'm going to bed now. will post more later.

thank you all for your love and support.

[Tazman53]

Thanks for letting us know all is well for now, now is the time for action, recovery action!!

[hope45]

Hi Least (I really wish you'd change that name!). This is the first chance I've had to get on the computer and check on you. I'm so proud of you for hanging in there and getting in to the ER. Thanks for letting us know how you are. Get some rest!

[warrens]

Hey Lady

You must be exhausted. One of the worst things bout depression/anxiety is that it just wears one out over time. Realize this, Least. At its worst, you are so fatigued that it is literally impossible to assess what is real and what isn't. At its worst, winning the lottery would somehow seem an intrusion.

I'm not trying to be funny. Fatigue can cause insanity itself. Many studies show that it can be a killer on its own and can cause an emotional breakdown. A good diet and more than adequate sleep are imperative before we can tackle such a serious issue as recovery.

What I'm getting at is, that you are not to blame for your inability to put together a strong recovery. When mortar shells are bursting all around, one cannot focus on planting and maintaining a garden.

Recovery requires more of a human being than everyday, boring life. We must have physical and emotional reserves to draw upon. We must be the strongest we can be to encounter dragons. Eat well, sleep well, and drink well (juices, etc). Take care of the organism that is you.

Your mother and daughter seem of great concern to you. Their level of understanding, etc. They will never understand completely unless they face dragons of their own. But they can come to accept. Perhaps we can help.

Relationships and history can make objective communication impossible. There can be simply be too much baggage there. We don't have that baggage with your family, however. We have also been privy to your struggles and courage over time in a way that your family hasn't.

I wonder. If some of us were to write to your loved ones... Would it possibly help them toward acceptance? Might it give them an idea of what you face, what you have been through, and what you need to succeed? Just a thought. I'd certainly be willing and I suspect others would, too. Think about it.

Always here,

warren

[Impurrfect]

Get some rest, sweetie and check in when you can

[Dean62]

Thank you for calling your mom least. An excellent choice, I love your mom right now so please give her a big heartfelt hug from me.

[fallingdown]

Hi Least. I hope you're getting some rest and I hope you are feeling better today. Wish I lived closer so we could go walk the dogs when you get up. Hey I agree with Hope about your name, BTW, but that's something to think about later. Take care lady and let us know how you are.
Fallin

[least]

just took a couple ativan for these awful shakes. drinking sleepytime tea along with my own detox tea. I will lie down for a whle and watch a movie to relax. thank you all for being here for me when I was at my worst. it helped to know I'm not alone.

still shaking pretty bad and the racing pounding heart is trying to jump out of my chest. as soon as the ativan kicks in that should calm down.

[MsPlugginTheJug]

Hang in there Least!!! This too shall pass! I have mostly lurked here, but your strength and struggle has helped me (and I'm sure others) greatly and I completely believe in you. I know this is hard to go through again, but you never have to do it again!

I'm so happy to see how supportive everyone is here, everyone really DOES care!

Karen

[LosingmyMisery]

Tomorrow is a new day with a new beginning. Reading your posts really reminded me of that feeling of desperation and hopelessness. Boy, how I remember, but there is hope and there's a new life waiting for you. I'm proof of that. What you need to do is take action. As you well know, nothing changes if nothing changes. You are the one who has to make it happen. Make some calls and reach out for support and help. Your life will get better, but not if you don't pursue it.

[Dean62]

Ativan tea and a movie, that's what I'm talking about.

That sounds like the perfect plan for today.

[Hevyn]

Least, I was away yesterday so I didn't see you struggling. I'm so happy you got some medical help & all the wonderful support here, too. You need to stick around to see how this thing called "life" will end! Don't you want to see what's around the next corner? Don't let your story end with a surrender to alcohol. You never have to feel this horrible ever again - I felt lost & miserable in the beginning too - but I have almost 4 months. If you just forge on ahead you'll come out into the sun again. Your dogs, your family, and your SR brothers & sisters need you.

[sobergirl77]

Least, my prayers are with you... :::hugs::: I've been there with the shakes and awful withdrawals, I was all alone too during mine and finally went to the ER, but they gave me librium. The one non-medicated thing that helped me a little was a long, hot shower.

Keep updating us! And it's not uncommon to relapse at 30 days.

[parentrecovers]

welcome back to recovery, least. one day at a time, k