I can't forgive myself

[fallingdown]

"my dogs have to suffer befause I am destitute. god hates me ther is nomor to be said"
"if i am lucly I will die. my dogs desere better than this"

God doesn't hate you Least, you are hating yourself right now. And no one is going to love your dogs the way you do. I somehow doubt that they are suffering because I know how much you care about them. There are a lot of people here with years of sobriety who had relapses before they made it. Right now it sounds like you are suffering from an alcohol induced depression. Been there more times than I'd like to admit myself. Don't throw away all the hard work you've done just because of a lapse in judgment. My heart is hurting for you and I'm worried. Just hang in there because you will feel better as long as you don't drink. I'm praying for you.
Fallin

[hope45]

I'm worried about you too. Please stop beating yourself up and call someone. Go find your doctor's phone number and let him/her know what's going on. Call a crisis hotline. There is help out there - you don't have to handle everything alone.

[Dean62]

Least do you think I would be lucky if I die today? Or anyone else on this board? Not one of us is better then you and there is nothing you can do or say that will change that.

When death looks like a viable option it is because we ourselves have shut the door to the real way out.

Ignore everything you know or everything you think you know.

Get somebody on the phone right now and tell somebody. "I give up, help me."

Do it now.

[least]

I have no options, I am done. I want only to die and be done with it. my life can't get any worse.

[hope45]

There are ALWAYS options. You just can't see them right now. This is your depression talking, not you. Please, please call someone. There are stickies in this forum with hotline numbers. Pick up the phone now. Just do it - right now!!!!!

[kj3880]

You said you had a month sober then you had a drink. Some of my new-found associates at NA tell me that relapse is more common right around an anniversary, for us, 30 days is the first big anniversary. Some of us think "Hey, I've been good. I did a whole month. I deserve to reward myself. I'll have a beer (pill, line, whatever our DOC was). That may be why you did this right at a month. This disease is soooo cunning. You'll know next time to be on your guard around your anniversaries. Just my 2 cents, maybe it applies to you??? Let me know if you think that could be it.
kj

[least]

daughter just found my stash. now am really ******. have no where to go. am just wisheing i could die. hate myself am useless and worthless.

have the means and the method, jst too cowardly to pull the trigger

[warrens]

Least

C'mon, Lady. Talk to me (us). Keep the conversation going. We're here. As long as you need us.



warren

[kj3880]

Do you want to talk? PM me if you like. In the meantime lets play the tape through to the end. Wouldn't your family rather have you alive and flawed (we are all human) than dead? I bet they would. No one will ever love your child the way you as a parent will. Nothing will ever make up for your loss. We can get through this.
kj

[gravity]

Praying for you, for strength.

You can get through this. There are many people who love you and will help you. Just reach out - hotline, AA members, family. Everyone needs a helping hand and support. You are human just like the rest of us.

Please take care.

Don

[barb dwyer]

{{{{{{{{{least}}}}}}}}}}}

PM me hon ... if you're still up that is ....

there's not a person on this board (telling the truth about themselves that is) who didn't try and try before they 'got it'.... and most all of them - couldn't do it alone.

[Negative Man]

Least. You're not a loser. You're an addict (like we all on here are), and you deserve help.

You may be right: Your life maybe can't get worse. But it can get better! Much better. Everyone has to hit their bottom. Push hard on it, and come back to the surface. One day at a time.

Do us a favor? Get through this day. If not for yourself, that's okay. Do it for us. We would really miss you on here. Keep posting.

-- NM

[least]

you're right, you're all right. It was the depression talking. it was the alcohol talking. but still don't know how I can handle all these setbacks. I'll try again. honest.

[barb dwyer]

one day at a time that's how.

one THING at a time.

{{{{{least}}}}}

do you need help organizing what needs to be done? is that it?

[best]

Originally Posted by least

but still don't know how I can handle all these setbacks. I'll try again. honest.

With us standing beside you and dealing with things one at a time, one day at a time.
Some of us have been in situations that you would never even think possible but we made it out. You will also.
Your not alone in this. There is help and support all around you.

I'll try again.

That is how we all do it. Keep trying and it will happen.

[barb dwyer]

*posts the world's WORST organizer*
but a world CLASS 'prioritizer' ...

[supernothing]

least i am here for you , if you want to chat on msn ill give you my address.
Please dont feel so bad, YOU CAN turn this around my friend, and youve proven you can and WANT to do this.
All my thoughts are with you.