New here

[indigo]

Sorry I'm late on this one, Welcome Ravensoul and jeeplady glad you found us here at SR.

[22NGONE]

Ravensoul,

Welcome. I too was highly functional and drank mostly alone. I too knew I had a problem long before I admitted it. I went to AA originally to try and save my marriage but after being in the program for a while I soon realized that I needed to be there for me... and now I am. I don't think it matters what your motivation is initially as long as you come "to the rooms" and start your recovery. I believe in the 90 meetings in 90 days rule and in getting a sponsor right away. I understand with your children, logistically that may be a little difficult but TRY and make as many as you can. Good luck with your recovery!!

[Tazman53]

You know when I was having my outgoing interview from detox my counselor asked me if I was going to go to AA, I told him yes and I would get a sponsor but there was no way I could do 90 meetings in 90 days, I worked full time, was married and had kids!! He asked me to promise him that I would spend as much time on AA and recovery as I did drinking, because that is what it was going to take. Well he had me there!!!! I easily did 90 meetings in 90 days and the amazing thing was I actually spent more time with my family then I did when I was drinking!!!

My experience was that in early sobriety I had to spend as much time or more time working on my recovery then I did drinking, it has worked for 20 months now.

Since I no longer spend any time drinking I do go to only 3-4 meetings a week, the idea behind AA is to learn to live life on lifes terms sober, not to spend the rest of my life going to meetings every night.

Do not get me wrong, I will always go to meetings if for nothing more then to hold out my Experience, Strength, & Hope to other alcoholics who may need it and to continue to learn from others Experience, Strength, & Hope.

[problemchild]

Welcome, Ravensoul
I can relate to the misery of not being able to quit as we all can, I was pretty much in the dark tower cycle, just call me Roland of Gilead (from your post i'm sure you will get that) Until i deciede to get outside support and a great program to follow (AA) i could not break the cycle of on again off again. For me AA works there are other programs also that help with the alcoholisim, just try any of them until you find the one best for you.

Take care,
John

[Ravensoul]

OK, today was a big success, since I had the day off. Alone. All day. That almost full bottle of wine in the 'fridge.
It's still there
I was not craving a drink, mind you, but for so long, it had become my HABIT to use every oppourtunity to drink...Instead, I am choosing to create NEW habits. Actually, it is more like just getting back to how I USED to be, before I started drinking to excess.
I did some housework, went out and ran a few errands, watched a movie. (and I REALLY have gotten used to drinking during THAT activity...again, no actual desire to drink, just that niggling force of habit, which I ignored)

I understand that many (maybe even most or all) here are highly dubious of anything short of total abstinence and meetings/support groups, and I respect that....whatever works for anyone is what they should do, I think.

What has been working for me thus far is this...really, I am in the process of reprograming my thinking and behavior, as well as moderating my consumption. When I have the passing thought/impulse to drink (more than I am allowing myself or at times other than my "appointed" time) I choose to say NO. I remind myself how good I am feeling (for a change!) mentally and physically. I CHOOSE to continue feeling that way. Before, I was never really ready to quit abusing, not for longer than it took for the last killer hangover or shame at my behavior took to wear off. At such times, I kidded myself I was, but I always chose to go back to it (and it WAS a conscious choice, speaking for only myself...not some overpowering urge, but a decision, every single time. Of course, after enough drinks, it DID assume the form of an almost uncontrollable compulsion...being drunk is not the best thing for ones judgment or self-control, is it? But BEFORE I started to drink, I mean)

I also remind myself that my recent (and long-term) behavior is NOT "me"..that I had a long history of NOT drinking and very moderate use prior to that. I remind myself that I don't HAVE to be that way around alcohol.
I CHOSE to because it felt good and helped (I thought) me deal with some serious stress in my life. Of course, I built up a serious dependency, physically and mentally, over the years of habitual excess, which I am now dealing with.

Again, I fully respect everyone's truth, and that what works for one may not work for another. For me, I do not think the idea that I am powerless over this habit/addiction will work (that was an "excuse" (in quotes because that is how I used it) I used too often to justify my excess...it gave me an out, a rationalization to relieve my guilt over my actions)

Instead, I am taking responsibility for my actions (for a change) and admitting to myself that I CAN choose not to be an abuser anymore. I have too much to live for to allow that.

I can already feel myself coming back into focus, getting back in touch with the deep inner strength I have been drowning in alcohol for so long.

I so appreciate this site and the support and experience here. I promise not to disappear (well, God willing, of course) and to be honest with you all. (if this fails miserably, I will admit it. If not, I will share whatever I find along the way)
It helps a lot to "talk" here. Thanks.

[22NGONE]

Good luck.

[kmill]

Good luck Ravensoul but you really should not put red wine in the fridge.

[mle-sober]

Ravensoul,

I'm glad that you are finding a way to cut way back on your drinking so that you can stop eventually without having to go through detox. (Do I remember correctly that was part of your intention?) And it seems like you are benefiting enormously from your efforts and that can only be good. For you and your loved ones. So, that's excellent.

I do think, from your descriptions, that your experience is hugely different from mine. And one of the things I've noticed from being in a treatment program, doing a lot of reading, and attending many speaker meetings where people tell their stories of alcoholism, is that one thing most of us have in common is that once we have that one drink, we cannot stop. It is not a matter of will power. For me, I would promise and pledge over and over. I would mark a line on the bottle. I would tell friends to limit me. I would seek desperately to not even pick up the first drink. But if there was alcohol in my house, I drank it.

I have had a very complicated and difficult life. With many ups and downs. And I feel I have faced down advarsaries with determination and courage. I have beaten a childhood of neglect, poverty and abuse. I have beaten sexual and emotional trauma and abuse as a teenager and as a grownup. I have beaten several serious illnesses and recovered from several serious operations. But nothing has been as hard as alcoholism, for me.

One of the things you say above is interesting to me, especially. You say, "Of course, I built up a serious dependency, physically and mentally, over the years of habitual excess, which I am now dealing with." I do think that you identify here something very different from what I experience with alcohol. I think at an early stage in my alcoholism, before I crossed over that line into an alcoholic "of the hopeless variety" I had a serious dependency on alcohol.

So why am I saying this? I'm not sure. Partly because I want to affirm the steps you've taken and encourage you to continue to quit in full because I think you have arrested your progression into alcoholism at the stage of dependency. And you and your children will suffer much, much less if you can maintain your sobriety now. But I'm also saying this partly because what you are doing is so rare and I'm just not sure people who have truely progressed into full alcoholism can do what you are doing. And it's so hard not to punish yourself when you are first seaking help because you could not quit without help. As an alcoholic who tried for a long time to moderate and quit before surrendering to to God the fact that I was incapable of doing so, I was a beaten down dog when I finally asked for help. And no amount of kindness really helped at first to lift that terrible gut feeling inside of me that said I was worthless and an awful person because I couldn't quit.

Anyway, I am truly gald you are doing so well. I hope this doesn't sound like I'm not. And I hope you continue to do well.

I've got to run.
- MLE

[NOMOMERLOTMAMMA]

Kmill,

I got a good chuckle out of that one..thanks!

[Ravensoul]

Hey, just wanted to touch base, been gone a few days. Been busy with mom's day (out with the kids all weekend..swimming at the indoor pool, library, outdoor market, etc..) and a job interview yesterday and what not.
Doing good.

I understand the whole "if it's in the house, I will drink it" thing...but I have realized I don't HAVE to, am not helpless to not do so, but that I choose to. So been choosing not to. But I get that some cannot do that. I couldn't many times, but I think so much of it, for me, had to do with other issues in myself that made me want to drink to excess. Just for me, again.

And yes, I put my red wine in the 'fridge. Never said I was a "con-i-sewer", just a garden variety wino But I tend to pour it and let it warm a bit anyway, so...

"You are never alone or helpless. The force that guides the stars guides you, too." P.K. Sarkar

[mle-sober]

Ravensoul,

I'm glad you do not experience alcoholism the way I do. Stopping now and not letting your dependency develop further can only be a good thing. Keep us posted!

- MLE