Help

[Jes23]

I am in a terrible place. I have tried calling all the numbers that I recieved at the meeting and no one is answering. I need help. I am at my end. God, I just don't even have the thoughts to type anything. Sorry guys, i didn't know where else to turn. I am sick of the lies, the shame, the guilt, everything. I don't know what to do.

Please dear God, I am an alcoholic and I am powerless. I just want to cry out "help me" I dont know where to go. I am at work right now so a I can't go to a meeting.

[barb dwyer]

Well, Jes - you're here now - and you're not alone.

SO take a breath, hon.

WE're here.

[Jes23]

Thanks. I am in complete despiration.

[serenityqueen]

Jess, take a breath Hon.

You can cry out to God for help, no matter where you are.

Instead of focusing on the guilt, shame . . . try focusing on the good things.

I know it may sound like a gratitude list is my answer to everything But for me it is. Here's a few for starters:

How many days do you have clean?

Did you wake up knowing what you did last night?

You have a job

You have your health

You have those phone numbers


Ok, you said you're at work and you can't go to a meeting. Have you been going?

Ok, say it with me here : God Grant me the Serenity
To Accept the Things I Cannot Change,
Courage to Change The Things that I Can
&
The Wisdom to Know the Difference.


Jess, this too shall pass. With each bad time you get through, I believe that you take a tiny bit of the power away from your addiction

You're going to be ok.

Try some deep breathing!

You're in my thoughts,
Judy

[Jes23]

Thanks serenityqueen. Once I get off work I plan to call again and go to a meeting. I just want all this anguish to go away. How did I become this? I am so young, I don't want my life to be a waste yet I feel so hopeless and helpless.

[CarolD]

Jess...
Yes...prayers help me immensley.

Have you eaten recently?
Can you take a short pause from your work
to get outside for a walk?

[ken67]

Jes,
I'm on day 2.....I am at work also.
Things will start getting real hairy for me in a day or two, physically.
Right now, I am coping, through prayer.

I just said another one, and included you in it.

[Jes23]

I only have 3.5 more hours until I can leave. Sadly I can not leave my desk (I work at a front desk type deal.) At least the phone is not ringing..Trying to sound "normal" right now would be really difficult. Thank goodness it a Sunday morning and this place is nearly empty. I don't know what I would do if it was busy.

[barb dwyer]

it's okay now - we're here - did something happen?
or did the world just get really big all of a sudden?

[51anna]

Hi Jes,

I'm sorry you're feeling bad, but you are getting through this.

Take care of yourself, and as Carol said, eat something, then later try to get some rest.

I do understand your complete frustration with this disease and what it does to us.

Hang in there and continue to post. We're here for you!

[Jes23]

Something happened and I drank last night. I have never felt this way before - like everything is going to come crashing down. I know I need to calm down. I have surpassed problem drinking and now have a dependence (sp?) I am scared and I know I need help. Last night I had this intense urge followed by anxiety and a quick need to get to the store. I knew when I was going in there that it was all terrible and that I would end up paying for it some how, yet I felt like nothing could stop me.

I am thinking about coming clean to my family soon. I know (well I hope) that they will be supportive. I am sick of all the lies. I am scared shitless.

[Katecan]

((((Jes23)))) Things can get better from this moment on if you are completely ready to surrender. I promise you that. We are here for you.

[CarolD]

O yes....the remorse and guilt the morning after drinking.
......I remember it well.
This can be the last time you feel this miserable.

Your plan for finding a meeting is excellent.
You too can recover.

[Jes23]

HA! This is just so strange. I have absolutly never felt this way (I didn't even have enough to get wasted last night) and I have done some pretty ****** things while drinking. Nothing really even happened either. Just sat on my couch with a beer (is this how a 24 yr old is supposed to live??)

[51anna]

I also had those obsessive-compulsive urges with drinking Jes. I would start thinking about drinking in the back of my mind and the next thing I knew, I'd find myself walking to the wine store, knowing full well, it would be a huge mistake, but doing it anyways. It was absolutely terrifying.

You can take a step away from this vicious cycle. Take some deep breaths, know that you can get past this anxiety and that you don't need to drink today.

[ANGELINA243]

Sweetheart, don't give up! No, there is certainly more to life than living like that. I was a problem drinker by age 18....definitely full blown alcoholic by 23. I"m 29 now--but the past 10 years seemed to have "magically" disappeared somehow. That is definitedly no way to live. Get help while you are still willing--now! Trust me--it will only become harder to quit later on. This disease is out to kill us--period!

[MagicMan08]

Jes, I am right along with you on this one. For some strange reason, this last relapse kicked my butt. I was extremely depressed last night, and didn't really know what to do with myself. I too was at work while I was struggling....you are not alone. But we can both share one BIG thing in common....our sobriety date! I am excited to be free from the stranglehold this disease has on me! We can do it!