47 days and the pink cloud is turning gray

[Change4life]

hi all!
I am sorry to say that I am miserable. spent last night and this morning crying. Im starting to get back into the mindset of what is the point..... Of anything? From the outside it appears that Im getting better, but inside Im feeling really crappy. Im DEPRESSED and I feel like giving up. My attitude stinks, iM totally feeling like f it. I had to go to the clinic this AM to follow up on my Er visit. The clinic was in the same town I use to cop in and when I left I was determined to get high. I didnt do it, but I might as well have. I have the worst head. I feel like I was up smoking crack all night. I have that same crappy feeling of anxiety,and Im totally impatient with everything. I feel like nothing I try to do is going right. Im arguing with everyone I know and the people im not having some drama with ive just totally isolated myself from.

I started another pT job and the money is good so I should be able to move soon which has been my goal for a year now, 47 days but the pink cloud is starting to turn gray and Im back to not wanting to wake up in the morning.

Im feeling really rough around the edge.

Anyone else gone through or going through the same thing?

I could use some encouragement today. Maybe Im just hormonal or something, but I feel like it sucks to be me right about now.

[ImJulie]

Hey! We have the same clean date. Im 47 days clean/sober too!
YaY for us!
~~grabs you by the hand~~~
~~swings you around~~~
Lets do the happy dance.
Oh, I know you dont feel like dancing.
Too bad.
Come dance with me...its my 47th day too ya know!

((hugs))

[ImJulie]

P.S- I know that might not have seemed very supportive of me....or very sympathetic or whatever...
but sometimes when I see someone having a hard time, all Im able to do is hold their hand.

[Change4life]

Thanks Julie. Grab my hand and lets dance. Ilove to dance, maybe it will make me feel better!

[ImJulie]

Ha! Well lookit you! Willing to do things you dont feel like doing.
I'd say you are right where you are supposed to be in your recovery (even if it sucks to be where you arte at right now)

I heard at a meeting last night:
Going through the pain wont kill you.....but not going through it just might"

And might I add...you can dance baby!

[quendrida]

yes i go through very dark days sometimes, i do have to let people know and trust it will pass ! i would check out with your doctor if you have any history of depression though. I do have really tough times but they do allways pass and sometimes reveal a even fluffyer cloud ! i have just over 6 months sobriety and it does get better . . the hard times are always hard but you learn they pass. But dont sit with it for too long, see a doctor if it gets so dark and hopless you dont need to feel like that, look after yourself give yourself some compassion do something u really love doing.

[GlassPrisoner]

feel like I was up smoking crack all night.

I've experienced that. Well, like I was up drinking all night. It's called an emotional hangover.

When I quit drinking on my own, I found that I had the same feelings and problems as I did when drinkking, only worse because of the wrecakge I had created and I no longer had my crutch.

The only thing I've found that alivieates these symptoms is a good, solid program of recovery. One where the change comes from within. I still have all these things in my life now, I just perceive them differntly.

[51anna]

Beth,

I am so excited that you are seeing your goal of moving out as a real possibility. I think that has been a huge issue for you for a long time. I think it will be such a good thing for you to have a safe place of your own.

Hang in there, Beth!

[least]

I too get very depressed a lot and feel like "what's the use"? I'm not drinking but it seems like the rest of my life is still back in 'square one'. I don't feel I'm making any progress towards a better, more rewarding life. I'm learning to take it one day at a time but there are days that seem to last a lifetime. Why is it that bad days last forever but good days fly by in the blink of an eye?

Hang in there. Dance, hold our hand(s), drink lots of water, exercise, take time to stop and smell the flowers, go for a nice walk. Keep yourself busy if you can. You can get thru this emotional slump. I have them often but they do pass!

[gypsy tears]

Beth ! I was wondering where you went. Great news on your 47 days!!! You know these feelings you're having? They're just feelings. They will pass. Even if you're unhappy today... that will change for the better if you just hang in there. You know it. I'm happy to hear about your job... sounds good.

[Dee74]

hey B
pink clouds are cotton candy...you know as well as I do real life is about sometimes feeling crappy, feeling sad, even feeling hormonal - and the alcoholic, addictive part of us will use that to say 'hey see? life's no better...'

Just more lies to try and keep us down

there's no reward in using, Beth. I know you know that - it's your sig, dammit
It doesn't make bad things better, it makes everything bad...

hang in there - this will pass, I promise
take care
D

[Change4life]

I have to keep reminding myself that everything is temporary including how im feeling right now.

Im trying to keep busy, but everything is getting on my nerves. My guitar which is usually my savior seems more annoying than anything nothing sounds right. Just like when I did too much coke. No flow, no patience.

The urge to use is subsiding a little though.

If this is an emotional hangover like glassprisoner says I hope it doesnt happen too often. What a b****, I feel really unsettled.

[ImJulie]

Hey....today is almost over and we are still 47 days clean and sober!

~~grabs you for some more happy dancing~~

[MagicMan08]

I am there today with you Change4Life....I went to sleep today as I work nights and I woke up @5:45 feeling like I had drank or something. That emotional hangover. Crazy part, I almost talked myself into going to see the woman whom causes me to drink instead of my AA meeting! Warrens said to watch myself, and I think I found an almost crucial slip in my recovery.

I found the answers and the like in your thread to fit exactly with my day! That is one of the great wonders of this board (I need to follow my damn signature!!!!)
ALMSOST @100 posts....that was quick!

[Change4life]

julie Im trying to dance, but Im just not feeling it.

[ImJulie]

No problem honey.
We'll dance the way I danced with my dad when I was a kid.
You can stand on my feet, and I will do all the dancing. That way, you just get to come along for the ride.

((hugs))