47 days and the pink cloud is turning gray

[MagicMan08]

Good post. I have been in almost an emotional hangover lately too. I have had my window open all day here, its only like 61 but the fresh air feels great. Yeah, sleepin it off during the day doesn't work too well. I usually try and talk to someone about it, or go do some feel good paul time.

I too used to be stressed about my legal issues, but to me....I told myself to **** on the police and the county....I cannot change anything about the sh*t i got myself into, I will deal with it when the day comes. Why let those ass hats get me all outta shape when surely they aren't....

[Change4life]

the legal stuff is such a pain cause I got busted 3 yrs ago with..... Are you ready for this $5 worth of crack actually it was $4.50. 3 years later its still unresolved and Im still dealing with this. The stress over all this time is punishment enough.

If I had raped someone the penalty would probably be less. What a screwed up world and system.

[StandFast]

I am quit 54 days and feel like you do more and more.

I am sober, supposedly I saved money but still don't know where mine is going.

I am constantly in a funk about my money, yeasterday, and tommorrow. In this respect, I feel hung over (even as I type). I have a drained tweeky feeling that won't go away despite, sleeping, working out and mediating.

Getting connected to my HP and working the steps, going to meeting, talking to other drunks helps alot.

I keep wonderin when does the "good stuff" happen? I am being patient, not gambling with my money or my sorbriety.

I hope your days get better and better!

[Change4life]

It is reassuring to know I am not alone in this feeling, but I am sorry to hear some of you are feeling the same way.

I hope we all get to feeling better soon.

Als I just wanted to say that after writing my last post I realized I am really not being accountable and IM just justifying my behavior.

Yea maybe that bust was for only 5 bucks but what about all the times i went out and didnt get caught. I should count my blessings for that.

Did you ever really think about it? If I got caught everytime I went out to cop I would be in prison for life or maybe even 2 or 3 lives.

Lucky to be alive, lucky to be free thats what I should be focusing on............

Still in a funk anyway

[gypsy tears]

It sounds like you're working through the funk Beth . Keep it up.

[MagicMan08]

I still wonder if I would have refused my breathalizer, I wouldn't have had that home monitoring, I would have my license plates.....but that stuff is in the past or there is not too much I can really do about it

[Change4life]

Magicman I dont know what happend It sounds like you lost your license for dwi.

Listen things happen for a reason....

No point in questioning it. Maybe by losing your license it prevented you from driving at a time when you might have had a serious accident Good forbid. Who knows. No point in wondering about it or trying to figure it out you cant turn back time you cantr change the past. We just have to continnue to move on.

If it makes you feel any better knowing someone else screwed up more I have a story for you. Not only did I lose my license I literally lost my car.

I had been up all night smoking crack popping pills and drinking. Started coming down and needed more. went out to copbut I got ripped off. I drove to a different spot with what little money I had left. I was so pissed and not paying attention I had an accident while parking. told the guy to pull off to the side street cause we were on a one way and blocking traffic. I knew I was high had paraphanelia in the car so I drove off. Almost got away, but.......... Dumb ass here ran out of gas and the guy caught up to me and called the cops. All i knew was I had to get away. I locked up the car grabbed the beer and took off. The car was towed. I never tried to find it cause I was worried there was a warrant for my arrest. I havent seen it since and that was probably 2 years ago.

**** happens that we cant take back so just move on youll save yourself alot of gri

All I want is to move on and I feel like the whole court situation is a huge ball and chain around my neck and its just holding me back. I feel like the system just perpetuates my negative self image, the image im tryimg to let go ids how im labeled and it doesnt feel fair, but i guess its am infairness I just have to accept.

[MagicMan08]

I have heard nightmare stories about people getting a letter in the mail from the towing company for whatever amount of money for the car still being there....hehehe

Might as well have lost my car, I can't drive whiskey plates to work, so I need a vehicle not in my name so it has regular plates....stress....ugh On a good note it is really nice outside. I want to drink outside....

[Dee74]

keep working the funk, B.

Sorry for the legal crap, but you just gotta go through with it, take your lumps whatever they might be, and be happy knowing that that was old Beth.

As for now...I worry about you. You know as well as I do that not drinking or using is only part of recovery.

You need to find something, or things, to start filling that hole you tried to fill with crap (feeling poetic today LOL).

Nothing changes if nothing changes, ya know?

For me coming here and helping others helped a lot to fill that hole. For you it might be something else - music, volunteer work, feeding pigeons in the park - I dunno.

But I hope you give some thought to this - I hate to see you white knuckling post after post - I just think it shouldn't be this hard to give up and turn things around.

hugs
D

[IO Storm]

Im feeling really rough around the edge.

Anyone else gone through or going through the same thing?

Hey Change,

That is from your first post! And I am going through this this lately....a real funk.

My attitude sucks donkeys. I'm a grouch, I do a "tenth" Step...at night and review how

horrible I have been all day, how grouchy and miserable I am, ask God to

fogive, and then seem to do it again.

But, I will have two years on June 8th....this is temporary, I know.

I have been around a lot of negativity lately and unable to meet with my sponsor due

to circumstances beyond (both) our control and I haven't been able to attend as

many meetings as I should.

Hmmmmm? Maybe I am not applying what I know

to help myself and my attitude....

You see how we beat ourselves up? It doesn't matter if we have a few months or years.

You know what my sponsor says when I call her?

"Did you stay sober, Sherry?" I say, "Well, of course."

She then tells me I did "O.K."

Keep up the good work, Change....

And I will too!

Love,



Sherry

[Change4life]

up until a few days ago I was feeling good. I have been filling the hole. Been getting involved with different organizations to do what I can to help and still doing the hospital gig. Like I said its just the pat few days.

Maybe Im just being to hard on myself, maybe things are just too much.. With not feeling well and all. On top of all the usual aches and pains I have a mixture of a noce cold and allergies.

I think maybe things were going up and up and now things have kinda leveled off for some time and Im just impatient. Everything together, the stew has me stewing.

This will pass right? I gotta Keep on believing

[Change4life]

Feeling slightly better today. Getting out of bes was a bitch, but I made it to work and cheered up as the day went on.

Off to my 2nd job. This is my first double shift in years. Im already tired and im wondering if Im gonna make it. Everyone keeps telling me not to take on too much, but I need to stay busy.

Ill check in later after work. have a good day everyone

[ImJulie]

Have a good time at work Ms 49 days!

[IO Storm]

Keep up the good work, Change!

Take care of your physical health first.

Think positively about yourself and your recovery...my goodness...you are doing quite a

lot. It does get better..and your body and mind continue to go through significant

changes at this stage that include mood swings.

You are being a tad too hard on yourself..in my opinion.

Love,

IO

[LogCabin]

Hang in there. The heebie Jebbies that call you out there do go away with time. But just keep fighting them now.

Really do just think about today. Not tomarrow. Not money. I know when I just think money is coming to me I start to get the nervous jitters just like you. It sucks. And it's unfair. It's like your sub-conscience is already gearing up before you can fight it.

Well, we can. Read the 12 by 12....It really helps me. Especially step 1 and 2, and 3. Over and over again.

[IO Storm]

Hijacking to say welcome LC! and love the Cabin!!!! *Lol*