thinking..maybe too much

[lostnspain]

Reading the posts here,,I guess I need to type as if I´m ok and not a space case even thought thats how I feel. I started drinking when I was 14. Ihad been in an alcohol recovery center at 23,,but I continued to I drink and do drugs until I was 25. I stopped drinking for 25 years then with a divorce I started drinking again..what i really wanted to do is die. SO Here I am..This seems like a good place to learn and get support..which is really what i need,,support. I can´t do this on my own.

[barb dwyer]

hi lost - welcome to SR!

I hope you'll take time to read the stickies at the top of the forums ... there's tons of information there, as well as some of our own experiences.

ummm... I was 43 when I finally picked up alchol and drank like the alcoholic I am...
and that's also exactly why I chose alcohol to do it with.

just in case you needed some backup to know you may well be exactly where you ought to be.

You're the first person to ever come in here and say that.
Got to hand that one to you.
And for me to be sitting right here when your posty came up - wow.

Well - one thing is out of the way -

you're no longer alone.
and - you never have to do this again.

welcome!

[lostnspain]

Thanks ..I don´t want to be something I´m not. I´m tired of that. All my defenses are down..I know what I´m made of. It´s not pretty. I tried to kill myself here and the guardia civil found me in a field...20 miles from my villiage. They put me in the psych ward..and here it´s just like in the movies..people all have white gowns, the nurses want you to sit in front of the TV and do nothing more.I had to lie so they would let me out. I would face anything then being stuck in there. They give you drugs so you will behave.
So, I feel like I sleep with death, thinking that is the only way to escape these emotions. And reading on here these emotions are part of the drinking problem.
Anyways..thanks again barb dwyer

[barb dwyer]

you're not alone, hon.

there's always a way... there's always hope.

that's what I'd lost - hope.

I'm just one of those who can NOT live ...without it.

and again - welcome to SR!

others willbe along as they get here - to welcome you as well!

[Mick HK]

Hey lost,

Welcome to the site. I guess you know that alcohol is a depressant, thus it's probably exacerbating a lot of the feelings you have; certainly, for me, depression ceased to be so much of a factor in my life once I managed to quit drinking. Easier said than done, I know. The knowledge that you did quit for so long before might offer some confidence that it can be done again, perhaps, although I know it's not as simple as picking up and putting down on a whim. Are you planning or trying to quit, or HAVE you quit?

Anyway, this site proved very valuable to me, so I hope you keep reading and posting.

Best wishes,

Mick

[Rusty Zipper]

welcome lost, and this joint is another way to help ya get found!

good wishes lost!

rz

[lostnspain]

Yes I dont want to drink. I want to stop. I always thought you had to drink a lot and I drink maybe a bottle or 2 of wine a week. I think my mind is in a state of alcohol..my liver doesnt process like it use to. If I drink hard alcohol..maybe 3 drinks I get very sick, I can feel the effects 4 hours later...The worst is how i feel when im not drinking ..like death. THANKS FOR THE HOPE!!

[least]

THis site, like AA, offers lots of hope to those of us who are sick and tired of being sick and tired. Keep coming back. We can do this together.

[Missymae737]

Lots of good advice here...

You are not alone, we are here to support you...

thinking of you...

[felly79]

Hi lost and welcome to SR.

[aldo1980]

can you not go to an A.A. meeting?

[NoelleR]

Aldo made a very good point/question --- can you get to a meeting.....?

I don't know exactly where you're located, but I have a couple of phone numbers that may be of some help -- a couple of areas close(?) by to where you are....................:

Madrid.............. 34-1-341-8282
Valencia............ 34-6-391-7160
Murcia.............. 34-68-268026

These are the phone numbers for AA Intergroup for those areas. Now they may not be up-to-date numbers, but they're a place to start, and since they're a lot closer to you than I am, they'll probably be able to point you in the right direction for some AA groups, meetings, fellowship..... (o:

.....and don't ever forget.....there's always us here on SR


NoelleR

[lostnspain]

Thanks for the information..Someone else helped me with that,,but you know I need all the input I can get right now. I have called the valencia aa. I will go this weekend on the train since it´s 2 hours away. The woman on the phone also said to get to a meeting whether i understand the language or not. I´m tryiing to find out about one in my villiage..the population is over 200,00 so I think they should have a couple. Thanks again..aldo1980 and NoelleR

[daffodil75]

Good luck on your journey to recovery... All of us are fighting for this and I just know we can defeat it...

[lostnspain]

Ok I have the address it is sunday morning and..I get a taxi..go to the address..I ask the taxi driver to wait...well I spoke spanish..I ask people about the AA meeting and no one knew about a AA meeting at this address(catholic church)...In the web site it said 11 domingo..thats today..at this address. This is normal here..sooo I get in the Taxi and come home...well at least I can say I tried,,this is the address of several meetings..so
I will talk to a priest at a chuch closer to where I live to get another address and time for a AA meeting..thinking I need to just put energy into organizing my things in my house for the trip back to america May 7th..
Today I like me..I know Im an alcoholic. I drank this morning before going to the AA meeting. All the pain went away..I didnt feel sick anymore I had energy..this is not good. Then I remembered when I was younger in my 20´s..I use to love the morning buzz...How I remember thinking I would rather cut off one of my arms... then to stop drinking...

[barb dwyer]

{{{{{{{lost}}}}}}}

Again - you're not alone.

I hope you don't stop trying.
Spirit has a way of making things happen when they need to.

[lostnspain]

Barb I will never give up..Now I´m going to continue packing...Im having lunch with another English teacher today ..so i have an hour or so to pack..I feel strentgh as I pack..knowing I won´t be here much longer..I will be in a place that is better,,I will have a car..simple things..lol. I live very modestly here, I learned in Spain I can live on the bare minimum. When I left America..I wanted to learn a more simpler way of life. I was such a consumer in America..and It was normal--my lifestyle..but I wanted to think in a different way..Spain has taught me that. I´m not giving up!
NOW my life style is simpler less complicated. I have learned patience, life works step by step. There is always a solution sometimes it takes a long time..but it works out.
I have admitted that I am an alcoholic and I have a desire to quit.
this is where I´m at right now...

[barb dwyer]

*whew*

ok i can go for my three days off now - I'll keep you in my prayers, hon.


I have a list. LOL