Get over it....

[ex D-Boy]

thanks a lot for posting this splendra. this is the first time I read it and it was just what I needed today. Thanks again

[Rob B]

Spirit moved me to delete my response to Bugs.

[stone]

Originally Posted by tangerine13

Hey splendra, wonderful post, I want all of those things in time. A couselor once told me at the beginning of recovery, its like having to parent yourself all over again, and I feel I really need that!

Thanks

That's something I heard somewhere, in my Buddhist readings I think, it's in the same vein as being kind to yourself...'be a parent to yourself'....

I like that.

[splendra]

As a person who has lived in active addiction since birth I found that if I wanted to have a life that is my own I could not let myself fall back into my family of origin issues when I began therapy. Addiction is very tricky. I believe the 12 steps call it cunning and baffling.

I had to be able to acknowledge what the issues are. I had to be able to see the screaming baby that my addiction is.

I had to become an adult and take responsibility for the screaming baby in me that needed it's diaper changed cause it's butt was burning. I am sure that many children of alcoholics and addicts have sat in a diaper that needed changing or needed to eat and were not fed...

Many of us here grew up in active addiction and have no role model within their own family and it is almost impossible for some people to face the reality that their mom popped pills while the dad was out drinking, gambling and womanizing or some other version of active addiction.

Who we were as children is a part of who we are and that child had ways of getting needs met which when we are unconscious of we can and often do revert back to the childhood method of getting what we want. Until we are able to see our juvenile behavior and discipline ourselves we may not be able to get and stay sober.

Spare the rod...the Shepard's rod was used to keep the sheep from falling off of cliffs and on paths not as something to beat the sheep with...

So beating one's self up is not discipline it is abusive. I learned not to beat myself up it was very difficult to get past. I had to change my own diaper and fed myself...

oh ((((magicman))) I am glad that you can stand in front of a window and let the air in...sweet!!

I prefer AAA cause you get free towing...

[Rob B]

Splendra, I tried to PM you, your mailbox is filled and needs to be emptied if you want to receive messages.

[splendra]

Sorry about the full pm box I have to get some disks to down load my messages they are just too good to delete and I don't have enough space on my computer to down load them to it. You can email me if you want.

[splendra]

bump

[DSodaNow]

Thanks for this post! It is great!

Bugsworth - I really agree with your point here.

We may not all be alike, but we all do have one thing in common. We are alcoholics with a desire to be sober!

[splendra]

bump...

[NewDayNow]

Gettin after it Splendra, Notchin it up.

[NewDayNow]

Yeah!

[Lenina]

splenda,

Thank you! That was excellent! My first sponsor once told me that sometimes self-pity was mistaken for depression. Believe me, that bit of insight rocked my world. Self-pity has been my biggest character flaw. Once I was able to consider the difference, I was able to work on it and have since felt much better. At the very least I was able to make note of the of the possibility and focus on gratitude instead of wallowing.

Thanks again.

Love,

Lenina

[bostonluv]

Thanks for bumping this. I never got to read this before and I think everyone should read this and think quietly: get over yourself!! Love it!!!

Bury the past.....

[splendra]

I don't think I want to bury the past so much as have an honest look at it and understand that part of my struggle now is about bringing balance to have I have lived and the damage I have caused to myself and others.

I want to make amends to myself by not feeling sorry for myself and being thankful for the opportunity to start again to make different choices that benefit me and my loved ones.

The past is over that is for sure and today is all I really have so I have to do everything I can today to ensure that my past is one that I do not have to live in fear of smacking me down.

[gypsytears]

Originally Posted by splendra

... get over yourself.
Accept the past. Live for today.

Remember you are the one responsible for your choices. Nobody can make you stay clean or make you choose your drug of choice. so get over yourself...

I concur .

Thanks Spendra.

I missed this the 1st time around.

[ananda]

Originally Posted by Lenina

splenda,

Thank you! That was excellent! My first sponsor once told me that sometimes self-pity was mistaken for depression. Believe me, that bit of insight rocked my world. Self-pity has been my biggest character flaw. Once I was able to consider the difference, I was able to work on it and have since felt much better. At the very least I was able to make note of the of the possibility and focus on gratitude instead of wallowing.

Thanks again.

Love,

Lenina

True...but sometimes depression is mistaken for self-pity as well

[splendra]

True...but sometimes depression is mistaken for self-pity as well

I have also heard depression called anger turned inward and that anger masks fear. Emotion is very powerful energy we have them for many reasons. To ignore my feelings can make me extreemly ill. If something makes me feel I like to pay very close attention to them cause my feelings are giving me signals kind of like a cats whiskers alert them to things around them. Sometimes I have judged a situation wrong but it is still good exercise to pay attention to my feelings I also have my logic to help me out. Some times situations remind me of " a buried past" and old feelings emerge but it is not all bad some of it is good.

Something i personally learned about my anger is the quicker I get in touch with it the soooner I get over my stupidity to want to go out and harm myself with drinking or drugging.

I read something that helped me gauge my anger that said when anger is old and buried when it surfaces it scalds and when it is current anger it is warn. It feels good to be aware of my current anger and to do something about it that is going in a good direction for me. I had to learn that it is okay to be angry but, it is not okay to express it in ways that cause me or anyone else harm. Anger has a lot of energy and i can do lots of things with that energy. I like to be angry and clean the house, yea baby! I am kind to myself when I feel angry I don't call myself bad names like stupid...I encourage myself by saying I can try again and next time I will do better. I like show others my anger and let them hear my self talk to me to give others the same courtesy's and help them learn to be gentle with themselves. It feels really good to share this kind of energy with another human being especially someone with who I have exchanged angry words with.

It was tough to feel the old scalding anger and admit how mad, and afraid I had been and, to acknowledge my negative behavior towards myself and others. I don't ever ever want to do that to myself or anyone else again. I would much rather just feel everything and keep moving and thinking forward. I don't have time to hate myself anymore.
I love talking to babies in stores who are screaming and show mom's how to make them stop screaming. I love making babies laugh too. Life is too good to waste ya know!!!

[IO Storm]

I had to become an adult and take responsibility for the screaming baby in me that needed it's diaper changed cause it's butt was burning.

Until we are able to see our juvenile behavior and discipline ourselves we may not be able to get and stay sober.

Thank you Splendra!!!!

What an excellent thread. Growing up is dang hard. you have just described

to a "T" why I relapsed over and over and over again..just couldn't "get it".

"Change me, feed me"...and the saddest..."Love me."

Until I accepted what (I) had done...where I was at, and started recovery

at that turning point with my Higher Power..releasing all others from

blame...I couldn't stay sober.

I also loved this part..

Spare the rod...the Shepard's rod was used to keep the sheep from falling off of cliffs and on paths not as something to beat the sheep with...

I also think of the doggies that round up the sheep? They don't bite.

They have a quick eye, and run to the heels of a stray and set them back

on their course.

So..no self beating....keep your side of the street clean.

Thanks Splendra!

[bruce24]

Awesome post...thanks for the advice...things most people know but never practice to achieve them. Reminders of these things are great, Cheers!

[NewDayNow]

gettin over it

[Tazman53]

Awesome thread Splendra, you have gained much from the program and you give away what has been given to you well. I have gained from this thread, thanks!

[IO Storm]

oh ((((magicman))) I am glad that you can stand in front of a window and let the air in...sweet!!

The air is sweet today, Splendra...

[NewDayNow]

back to splendraville

[splendra]

I feel that alcohol does a lot of bad things to the body. I am sure I could not have gotten clean as soon as I did if I had not paid attention to getting my body in balance. I think it made the emotional stuff much easier to deal with,'

Perhaps you would be interested in reading this article on the damage alcohol can do to the body so you can understand why it is a good idea to have help getting clean.

Alcohol and Hormones - Alcohol Alert No. 26-1994