where's all my money going??

[aldo1980]

I wasn't sure about posting this, so I asked the mods and they said it should be alrite. Howver if anybody has any onjections let me know and I'll delete everyting. I'd just like to make clear from the begining that I'm not boasting. This isn't a situation to boast about. Shame on me.

I intend to update this thread everyday. Please feel free to add comments of the kind "did you really need to buy ---" and "was it really neccesary" etc ect because i'm begining to understand I'm not capable of managing my finances anymore.

I've been having a few gambling problems recctnly. I can't stop. When I pay I'm secrative about how much I loose (frequently) and how much I win (rarly). So me and the mods have agreed that maybe it could be a good idea for me to publically publish my expenses here, so maybe I'll feel some shame and hopefully stop gambling. It's runing my life at the moment.

As many of you know I'm unemployed at the moment and I'm living off of handouts from my grandpartns. I get about €1200 a month, but not all together. They give me a bit every few days (they treat me like a child. They think I'm irrresponsable).

Right now I have to pay, in order of importance:

€300 rent for March. should be paid by the 10th of this month. but sometimes my landlords let me slip by a month or two.

€120 car insurance. expired Dec 26.

€76 satilite tv subscription. They called me last week and said if it wasn't paid by money the debt collector would be coming to visit me.

€193 gas. expiered Jan 13

€21 my ex's phone contract. her phone was in my name. expiered Jan 14

€163 landline phone. expiered Narch 13

€276 gas. expired March 16

€40 tap water. expieres march 31

what am i going to do. i've got no food in my appartment. i've got no money. not just 've got no money in my pocket. i've got no money in the bank. my mom has confiscated my credit card. i have no job and no income.

last week i went all week with no money at all. fortunatly i had some cigarettes stocked up for a rainy day.

yesterday and today i recieved a €150 handout from my grandparents. with that i bought one packet of cigarettes (€5), two or three coffees in the bar (€5). €10 of petrol/gas for my car. €10 credit for my cel phone. And the rest (about €120) all went into the machines.

I hope this excersize will enable me to feel some shame and remorse. I've got to stop gambling. It's runing me.

At least tomottorows my grandmothers pention day and because she's old and doesn't drive she always gives me a bonus when i take her to the bank to get her pension.

[Emimily]

why aren't you working? just out of curiosity.

[aldo1980]

Originally Posted by Emimily

why aren't you working? just out of curiosity.

I'm not qualified for much and I can'f find a job anyway. I mean I can't find any kind of job anyway. I don't have the psyique to really do any labour jobs (construction; factory jobs) but I'm willing to try. Just that their's nothing available.
I could of been a doctor or a dentist or a laywer or anything I wanted and I blew it all away

[mattcake79]

Aldo, I'm not an accountant or anything like that, but it seems to me you might have expenses that are unnecessary? Maybe you could establish some priorities? Like gas/coffee or whatever. I'm sorry, I can't quite relate to $ spending addiction or gambling, just wanted to offer support. I hope you can work this out.

Matt

PS Thinking about what might have been probably isn't helping right now. Why not focus on your current problems instead and work out a reasonable payment schedule?

[ANGELINA243]

Gambling can obvioubly be an addiction for some--that is why GA exists. How long has this been a problem for you? Do you have any other addictions as well--such as alcoholism. I"m glad you are here! We all try to break free from our addictions--whatever they may be.

[Emimily]

sales, waiting tables, janitorial work, call centers, retail (book shops, shoe shops, clothes shops, any kinda shop), movie theaters, fast food even. work is work is work. old folks homes - you can work in the cafeteria. i've done it. you get more from a job than a paycheck.

[resistra]

Gambling is a horrible addiction. I'd rather be an alcoholic - at least I could die miserably with a roof over my head.

Unfortunately the ultimate cure for gambling is similar to alcoholism/drug addiction etc... you can't keep any money - at all.

I have had many years first hand experience with this (not me, my ex), and it destroyed several families...

Aldo, get some help with this, and by all means appoint someone to manage your finances.

[aldo1980]

Originally Posted by ANGELINA243

Gambling can obvioubly be an addiction for some--that is why GA exists. How long has this been a problem for you? Do you have any other addictions as well--such as alcoholism. I"m glad you are here! We all try to break free from our addictions--whatever they may be.

I used to be a gambler in my teens. Then i was free for a good few years when i substituted it with alcohol and benzo's.
I'm a recovering alcoholic and a on/off benzo abuser. I'm also addicted to sex as well but at the moment I'm not being able to get any of that so i'm going blind :rof

[nandm]

Some great points here that I completely agree with and have found to be true from my personal experience.

Prioritizing my money. What is really important:

• roof over my head
• utilities such as gas for heat and cooking, electricity to power my lights and water so I can wash my clothes and dishes.
• food to eat (but that does not mean anything fancy just sustinence)
• water to drink (not the fancy bottled water just basic keep my body hydrated water)
• clothing to wear (nothing fancy just basics to cover my body.)
• Name brand clothing. Why pay a small fortune just to have a tag that says I like to spend money when the same thing can be bought without the tag for 1/4 of the cost?

What is not essential to life:

• coffee's from starbucks
• cable or satelite tv
• fancy or name brand clothes (I have even found that thrift stores many times are a good place to find clothes. Many people buy things then wear them once or twice and donate them. Once we wear something the first time it is not new anyway so why spent $30 on a new shirt when I can get the same thing worn once or twice for $5. I don't dress like a slob and make sure I look presentable when I go out. Very few people even realize that I don't necessarily buy all my clothes new. This can be done on a budget)
• bottled water
• restaraunt foods
• fun electronic gadgets
• The newest and latest CD's
• and the list goes on and on and on

The lists are just my experience and may not reflect what someone else finds important.

As far as jobs go:
I too have worked some low paying, blue collar jobs:

• pizza delivery person
• waitress
• newspaper delivery
• flyer stuffer

I also have worked some well paying, white collar jobs:

• 20 years nursing
• 12 years as a paramedic
• photographer for an online auto sales site

I can say that when I really needed a job I was willing to take whatever came my way so I could make ends meet. I found that the shame factor was too strong when I was always borrowing money from people. I felt much better about myself when I was working and supporting my self. It definately helped with my self esteem to be working no matter what the job.

[ANGELINA243]

Your killing me, aldo! What a warped sense of humor you have.

[51anna]

Hi Aldo,

I hope this thread helps you to understand that you need to prioritize your spending and get help to deal with the gambling problem.

This is a website for gambling help in Italy:

Italy - Società Italiana di Intervento sulle Patologie Compulsive
Sportello Infoazzardo

[wooforever]

I understand it is really hard to quit gambling. Does your grandparents or parents know about the gambling and rest of your addiction. You sound like you have an addicting personlity( sorry for spelling).

It is your choice if you pay your rent or gamble. Why did you pay your cell phone. You do not have a job so you do not need a cell phone.

It sounds like you need to be treated like a little kid and lose everything mb that is your rock bottom. YOu wonder why you can pay your bills is because you do not know what is important.

[felly79]

aldo, having addictions usually means your going to loose things, be it material possessions or jobs, or worse, loved ones and friends. One time when I lost my job I had to give up a lot to survive:

I cancelled the cable.
I cancelled the landline phone and only used my cellphone
I ate cheap food and never went out or ordered in
I bought things at the thrift store
I rode my bike whenever possible instead of driving
I only drank water and orange juice (and back then vodka)
I repaired my clothes instead of buying new

I really hope things start improving for you. <3

[LucyA]

Aldo, what more do you want? You're basically getting a free ride to anywhere you want to be, your parents support you, OK, mum got wise and scuppered the credit card (good for her) your grandparents support you. How old are you? Isn't it time you stood on your own two feet and at least supported your own gambling? or maybe stood on your own two feet and got stuff you need or want, or thought you could never have?

What are you going to do when your parents and grandparents are all gone? What will you miss? them or their money?


And when you say you can't stop, I know addiction's difficult, but Jeeze you've said it all yourself, you know what you need to do, do you want to do it though?

I think it's the same as any other addiction, it's up to you to want to change and stop the grip it has on you, only you can do it though, but you'll get plenty of support around here if you chose to take it. I hope you choose wisely.

[aldo1980]

Originally Posted by wooforever

Does your grandparents or parents know about the gambling and rest of your addiction. You sound like you have an addicting personlity( sorry for spelling).

My grandparents are old, about 80. They don't understand. They just think I'm stupid.
My parents don't care. As long as I keep them out of my troubles and as long as I'm not a financial burden on them they're happy.

[aldo1980]

I had another €50 today. Stright into the machine. I'm broke again untill tomorrow now.

[aldo1980]

Originally Posted by 51anna

Hi Aldo,

I hope this thread helps you to understand that you need to prioritize your spending and get help to deal with the gambling problem.

This is a website for gambling help in Italy:

Italy - Società Italiana di Intervento sulle Patologie Compulsive
Sportello Infoazzardo

I'm going to call them now.
Thanks.

[aldo1980]

Originally Posted by aldo1980

I'm going to call them now.

Thanks anyway Anna, but my goodness! €140 for 2 appointments with a shrink - just to be told what I already know.
Except in theory I know how this should be, but in practice I get it all wrong.

Let's forget everything. I'm doomed.

[gutterman317]

There is a 12 step program set up for gambler's. In these 12 steps you learn to conquer the obsession, not a physical ailment like us alkies. It is very much like alcoholism though, go gamble, lose all your money, and swear you will never do it again. Time goes by and you feel restless, irritable, and discontented. Your obsession kicks in and you talk yourself into a minimal bet. The viscious cycle repeats itself.
Action is the word. If you don't take some suugestions you will remain in this funk!!!

[best]

Originally Posted by aldo1980

(they treat me like a child. They think I'm irrresponsable).
And the rest (about €120) all went into the machines.

I hope this excersize will enable me to feel some shame and remorse. I've got to stop gambling. It's runing me.

Where it is just you, I like that you posted this because many times we see the damage done to others...a spouse or other family members.
You are showing that it is self that gets harmed by such actions as well.

I have only found one solution.
Work through the steps found in AA and where it says alcohol, replace it with gambling.
If you like, you can send me the 120 lbs each week and I will send you back a piece of paper that says either winner or loser on it. If it says winner, I will send back how ever much I want to let you win that week. maybe 10 lbs? *LOL*

Ok seriously... How I deal with money issues, be it how to spend it wisely or to look at ways I may be spending it foolishly. I see all my money as being given to me by God. Spend it in a manner He would agree is good.
If I find I am short on funds... I trust that God will always provide and by using such trust in Him, I don't seek out the false hopes that gambling brings.
Gambling is just that "False" hopes. We could win 1,000 but we spend 5,000 before we ever see such a win. That puts us 4,000 in the red.

[aldo1980]

today i recieved a few handouts: €70 from my grandmother; €90 from my grandfather and €200 from my dad. they told me to go and pay some of my bills.
so what did i do:

€10 credit on my cel phone
€10 petrol/gas for my car
€8 cigarettes
€10 bar (coffees and cola colas)
€270 machines

[aldo1980]

it's the instant gratification thing. i want to pay all my bills at once
what am i going to do. i'm so sick.
i'ce been on the machines all day today and now tonight i have gambling withdrawl (i'm all shaking, as if i were cold) and i'm already counting down till 8am when the bank opens because i know i'll have some money my mom sent me in the bank available tomorrow - but i wat to pay some bills with that, otherwise the debt collector will come (i was given time till monday, and it's now already going to be friday. 4 days too late. tomorrow) and take away my guitars or some possestion i'm attatched too.
i'm in trouble. not even when i was taking so many benzos i couldn't get out of bed, or not even when i was drinking and on my hands and kness every day was my life so ****ed up. their's something seriously wrong with me. the alcoholism and the benzo abuse and the gambling must all juyst be symptoms of my illness/insanity. i was talking to my dad about it yesterday and he said i'm the way i am because my will is weak, but that's not so. he won't accept that alcoholism and addicition and compulsive gambling and such issues are a real and true illness. i asked him to get me locked up in rehab or something, but he won't do that if he refuses to belive i'm sick. i also went to talk to my doc yesterday and all he said he can refer me to is a hospital for alcoholics, but i'm not alcoholic. like i said my alcoholism is jst a symptom of my condition. what's wrong with me??