Sober 3 months & under Part 2

[nodrinkingzone]

Originally Posted by Dean62

That sounds suspiciously like allowing God into your heart which is why "everything becomes possible".

that's exactly what it is - a faith I've resisted for many, many years.

And with that faith, comes an acceptance of the guidance I've refused for so long.

I'm not a religious man, but I am a spiritual being and I have a place in the greater order of things that I am happy to accept.

thanks again guys, 81 and feelin' good!

[SF69]

Just got back from my prelim hearing for my DUI, and while my HP didn't go overboard in helping me get the charges dropped or reduced, he did get the police and magistrate to agree to let me be evaluated for that first-time offender program I'd mentioned before. And He helped in getting the process speeded up from what was expected. So I'll hopefully be able to get this whole experience behind me a little sooner than what my lawyer initially expected.

And a little bonus, I was expecting to have the urge to really tie on one after this regardless of how it turned out. But if anything, I feel more commited to stay sober.

Hope you all are doing well today!

[gravity]

Originally Posted by SF69

And a little bonus, I was expecting to have the urge to really tie on one after this regardless of how it turned out. But if anything, I feel more commited to stay sober.

To me, this is your Higher Power supporting you. For the past 3 days I have been in places where drinking would have been automatic and I have been dealing with a high-stress situation.

Tuesday - hotel room, friends partying in the bar downstairs
Wednesday - different hotel room - mini-bar (I actually opened it to grab a Coke)
Thursday (right now!) - yet another hotel room - no committment tomorrow, would definitely have been out drinking in the past

But I've been okay! People & situations have been put in my life to reinforce my continued sobriety - friends have been confiding in me just needing someone to listen, people have been acknowledging my work, I received some kind comments/PM's here at SR, I have to get home tomorrow because my wife & little girl are sick (flu)...it goes on! Many days, I don't know where I am going to get strength to stay sober from but it always seems to be there. Maybe it's because I pray for strength every morning ?

Great stuff, SF69!

[Negative Man]

Hi Everyone... Just checking in. Day 17 almost done... I went to 3 meetings this week. I liked them. I'll be going back.

Feeling okay. Hope everyone else is grand!

[SF69]

NM: That's good to hear. Great to have you back here.

Gravity: Yeah, my HP has been doing a pretty good job. It's strange, but I think I'm starting to experience that 'spirital awakening' I've heard so much about here and in meetings. Right now, I have such a calmness that I don't ever remember experiencing...well other than that time I had to take a valium before getting my wisdom teeth pulled, but it's nice.

[gravity]

Originally Posted by warrens

The longer I go, the less philosophical I seem to become. Perhaps because it is really so simple this time. No alcohol Ever. Again.

This has been my experience as well. I have a tendency (obsession) to analyse everything to death - to question everything. I have read several self-help books and have tried so many ways to quit or control alcohol. I even spent the first few weeks in AA analysing & tearing apart the 12 steps trying to figure out how the program worked. I just have to accept things as they are rather than complicate matters.

Allow my HP to guide me, keep focused, keep working on my sobriety, don't have that first drink. That pretty much covers it!

[Negative Man]

I'm not sure if I'm having the spiritual awakening that SF69 is talking about (though I'm glad that you are!), but I would have to second another sentence: My HP has been doing a pretty good job.

I've been praying three times a day. Mostly all I say is "Please help me." And then I'll say "And also help (insert names of three other people, including people on our board here)." This goes back to something an AA person said to me: Your HP knows what you need. You don't need to worry about being specific.

So today my HP sent me to a meeting where the speaker had us rolling on the floor laughing about his drinking days. And HP gave me a good session with a therapist. And he sent me a nap. And a good days work. And a great dinner made by my housemates.

He also sent me in contact with the most annoying person I know today. Someone who I have resentments against. I sat across from her at a table, and I was really boiling. And then I thought, "I'm supposed to do something with this." So I engaged her in conversation, and it was very pleasant and nice, and I felt a lot better during it.

And then this person began being snobby and annoying again. LOL. Well, I hung in there for both the nice stuff and the bad stuff. But in any case, I hung in there!

Just my thoughts for the day. HP is doing okay by me. Thanks to everyone on this board. I really enjoy reading and posting here.

Day 18 in the books. Rock on.

-- NM

[mtnmagic]

Hi All - Just checking in. Gonna turn the page now for Day 29. I did it sober.
Feels good to be doing the absolute right thing for myself even though it just isn't easy at times. Sleep well and sweet dreams.

[nodrinkingzone]

hey everybody, good to see you guys still posting!

Gravity, Positive Man, Mtnmagic, warrens, SF69 and everybody else - you're all doing great, glad to see the few of you that slipped a bit came back.

I've come close to drinking the last week, real close. It's been a hellish time for me and I'm pretty close to finding a sponsor and starting the steps. I haven't done any additional work on my sobriety than going to my meeting once a week and the occasional post here, but I'm smoking cigarettes again and I've taken a few painkillers to mellow me out, and drinking enough coffee and sugar to get me wired.

Basically, all the patterns are starting again except I'm not drinking. I know that this means I need to deal with all the hidden, underlying reasons why I self-medicate to alter myself and my chemistry, so I have to face that now. I'm scared, I don't know what's going to happen and I know I've got a lot of emotional baggage to sort through, but I am looking forward to getting all that crap out of my life and finding the calm that I had for the first couple of months.

It's amazing, I went from cloud nine, literally glowing with health, confidence and pride to the old self-loathing negative dude like THAT *snap*. It has gotta stop happening, so here's to the universe and reminding myself that it's out of my hands, I need to let go and allow change to manifest in my life.

83 Days without a drink, thanks for listening,

ndz

[mattcake79]

Hi peeps,

Day 16 here, it took me a couple of days to surrender the previous thread I'm a nester. Oh well, here I am

Matt

[nodrinkingzone]

Hi Matt, nice to meet ya.

This thread is ace, it got me started and is just about the only place I post on here. Mostly because I don't have much time alone to post (it's a personal thing, y'know) but also because I am a bit lazy and selfish lol... and there's just so many people to meet and check in with, all of them amazing.

Great work on the 16 Days, I'm sober now because I've taken it been one day at a time. Hope you're cruising along wherever you are, take it easy,

ndz

[tellus]

"Basically, all the patterns are starting again except I'm not drinking. I know that this means I need to deal with all the hidden, underlying reasons why I self-medicate to alter myself and my chemistry, so I have to face that now."

NDZ, I could have written that paragraph. Scares the sh*t out of me, 'cause I don't know what to do about it. Keep us updated, eh?

[nodrinkingzone]

tellus, I will... tellyas, I mean... :rof

yeah, it's a journey, like people here keep saying. I know that I'm better off than I was 83 Days ago, and I've got a lot more clarity and understanding of where my head's at - before this, I was so messed up I didn't know how to check myself, you know?

I find myself thinking a lot about life and what I want out of it, and that is something that keeps me sober - all the things I want to see and do, ad knowing that I can find the calm if I keep searching.

I think I've been relying a little bit too heavily on the ol' HP, because I haven't actively sought more help, expecting that it'll all get sent to me when it's time... I guess this is the part where they say that recovery IS actually hard work (dammit!).

Thanks for writing back, and great news on the 56 Days (ish)

ndz

[SF69]

Matt: Congrats on the 16 days and welcome to the thread!

NDZ: Glad to hear that you're hanging in there, and that you're able to recognize those patterns that could be trouble for you. I know you have an especially tough situation, I don't know if I could make it half as long as you have, but you're doing great. I don't think your HP will mind if you seek out extra help on your own, it might just be part of His plan? Stay strong, Mate!

[gravity]

Originally Posted by tellus

"Basically, all the patterns are starting again except I'm not drinking. I know that this means I need to deal with all the hidden, underlying reasons why I self-medicate to alter myself and my chemistry, so I have to face that now."

NDZ, I could have written that paragraph. Scares the sh*t out of me, 'cause I don't know what to do about it. Keep us updated, eh?

I'll do my best to not sound like a big book thumper (not that there's anything wrong with that ) but it is the step work & the guidance of my sponsor that is helping me with the underlying reasons why I used to drink - my self-centeredness (eg. I must feel great all the time, I deserve a perfect life, I must be able to drink like everyone else, it's all about me, I can do this on my own) and my character defects (eg. fear, jealousy, dishonesty, selfishness). For me, this is what created such fertile ground for relapse. I honestly never realized how dysfunctional my thinking was and now, with my Creator's help, I try & acknowledge it & correct it immediately. It's amazing in itself that I can now actually recognize when these thought patterns occur & know that they are wrong.

I accept that I need my Creator to guide me & carry me at times but this alone won't ensure my sobriety (I actually know this from experience). As I read on another thread a while back, "each morning I turn my will over to God and each day I take it back" I still do this to a degree & at times I do feel wide open to a relapse but the more work I do, the stronger I feel.

All the best! D