For Those With Less than 2 weeks Sober Part 2

[Kickit]

Hey guys, 'all mouth and no trousers here' (do you have that saying). Had a small lager (beer) and 2 small glasses of wine tonight. Again, no real craving, or need just fancied it. Maybe I am just weak willed, or stupid, or whatever..

Feel like I am letting you all down - not least me. I start off so sure I want to stop, I accept I am an alcoholic etc etc... then don't stick to it. Think, nope I'm not and I can be ok. I don't think I can really have got this in my thick skull.

Will probably just lurk for awhile.. it seems wrong to post when you are all giving it your all and I feel like I am just messing around. Not gonna go off drinking like crazy so don't worry.

Good luck, keep going...Ruby I know you will be moving to that post soon..

[ANGELINA243]

Day 14 today--and it has been a really hard day--my mind trying to convince me I don't have a problem anymore>today will be different. I made a noon meeting today and will be going to another one here shortly @ 530. Just trying to do the "next right thing". Sad, sick mind tried to tell me I could celebrate my 2 weeks by having "a" drink. That is crazy! At least, I paused to think it over rather than reacting on impulse. Anyway--still here and clean/sober one more day.

[changeisgood]

Hi all. I'm Will, a drinker for 6.5+ years, I've been drinking both heavily and frequently for the past 3+ years (that's hard for me to write.)

I'm currently on day 13 which is the longest I've been sober in more than three, maybe four years. I've sobered up enough to realize that I both want and need to give up alcohol for good; this is the first time I've honestly felt like I *can* quit.

I've had anger and anxiety the past couple days, but compared to many of the stories I've read here I seem to have had it easy so far. And on the plus side I've lost weight, feel healthier and am happier (most of the time )

Anyway, I'm hoping for the best.

[Dean62]

Hi changeisgood. Glad you found us.


Hang in there Kickit. We are here for you.

[mattcake79]

Kickit, please don't be so hard on yourself. You are most certainly not letting us down, that's what we're here for. So be kind to yourself.

Matt

[mattcake79]

Welcome Changeisgood :-) You'll find a lot of nice people here, stick around.

Matt

[GoldenGirl]

Hi all,
This is my first post and day one. Took the plunge and told my partner this morning that I need to go alcohol free. I don't drink all the time but when I do I can't stop. So here I am feeling very wobbly and full of all sorts of excuses as to why I am not an alcoholic....but deep in my heart I know I am and it will only get worse if I don't do something about it.
Thanks for being there
GoldenGirl (my dads pet name for me when I was a kid)

[Kickit]

Well I said I was all mouth and no trousers - I said I wasn't posting and here I am, thanks guys for the support and making me feel its ok to be here (still!).

Was very sad and emotional yesterday, I couldn't sleep last night for thinking about everything: I think maybe because I was so upset that I had drank, but also because I REALLY know that I am lying to myself, am running out of excuses.

I also had a heart to heart with my partner this morning. We really talked things through rather than reacted to, for eg, something I had done, said or the way I had acted through drink. I was secretly considering - scrub that say 'going to be'- setting my therapy drink goal (I have many goals!) to 'manage' rather than 'stop'. I wasn't outright admiitting this to myself even, although as tomorrow loomed it got further to the front of my mind. But after yesterday, the talk with my partner and coming back here today I am going to set it to STOP, getting sober.

I know CBT is only the start of recovery treatment but that is enough to deal with for me for now. I have said many times that I am an alcoholic and I need to stop, I will stop...so I am afraid that I won't. Strangely I feel very tearful, sad and anxious about saying 'that's it' this time around. Have I run out of excuses?

Don't get me wrong, my brain is already saying, oh no, it will be miserable, what about that night out, that event etc etc, it's sooo unfair TOUGH, you are all dealing with that and sticking with it and I am going to start getting some extra help tomorrow to enable me deal with the negative thoughts and feelings I have around drink (and other things).

So its DAY 1 AGAIN, AGAIN. MUST keep my sense of humour, keep at it, THANKS AGAIN GUYS.

[Kickit]

Sorry guys, how selfish am I...

Angelina you are doing so well, keep going. You too Dean and Matt, NS, everyone else. Ruby, see you in the next thread the day after you graduate.

Welcome change and goldengirl.

[Negative Man]

Hi Everyone!

I hope to have time to write more tonight, but just wanted to welcome the newcomers and say hey to all my homies!

I'm on day 7 today. Feeling much, much better. For those of you in the very early days: stick with it. Once you get past the first five, you'll feel significantly better.

Thankful for our board!

-- NM

[GoldenGirl]

Hi,
Thanks for the welcome..Kickit thankyou SO much for the pm...it really helped. I got home from work and my partner is away for a couple of days...I really needed a hug and your message did the trick!
I tried to pm you but apparently I can't do that til I've got more posts.
Feel totally worn out tonight and desperately sad, but also kind of relieved.
Tomorrow is another day.

[Negative Man]

Golden and Change. Welcome! Kickit: you are definitely not just messing around here. You're doing an important thing for yourself and us by posting. I really look forward to your posts and hope that you'll continue.

Mattcake and Dean: What up!

Angelina -- 14 days. That's awesome. Congratulations! That is a very important milestone. Keep at it.

As for me, I'm exhausted from a long days work. Time to go to bed in a minute. Day 7 won and done. Not a hard sobriety day for me, and I'm grateful for it. I had only one significant urge, and I was like "Nah. Screw it."

I know there will be plenty of difficult days ahead. Thanks for everyone's help.

-- NM

[Kickit]

Hi Guys

I am feeling GREAT today.

Setting some really positive goals at my therapy, feel like I am actually doing something about all the underlying, nasty stuff that has dogged me all these years and facing my drinking. Very emotionally wearing..but well worth while.

Looks like everyone is going strong, well done guys.

NM, your positive attitude is inspiring. Dean, cheers for all your support, glad to see where you are with it all.

Goldengirl, glad I could help - hey just noticed that you are a fellow Brit! Keep going. Keep coming back.



PS. any idea how I can stop eating all these chocolate mini eggs (GoldenGirl you know the cadbury's mini ones), I will be glad when Easter has come and gone...I am turning into a giant egg!!! Mind you those galaxy minstrals (big candy coated buttons of chocolate) are pretty good too!!..... :rof

[Dodge_Ram_Hemi]

Dodge_Ram_Hemi - 61 Hours "DRY." Not sober, not sure if I'll make it through a weekend filled with triggers. More on my story later.

[Kickit]

Dodge_Ram_Hemi - welcome. Hope to hear more later. Hang in there.

[Kickit]

Forgot to say I may not be around much, or at all for the next week. So don't worry if I am not posting. I will catch up with everyone as soon as I can.

[GoldenGirl]

Well I've made it through day two. Was fine most of the day, spent it riding my horses. But this evening someone at the yard was annoying me...stepping over boundaries and invading my space. craving hit as I drove home but I managed to keep going. Got really shirty with me partner on the phone.
Going to have a bath and put on some nice music.
All your posts are an encouragement.
GG