Sober 3 months & Under Club

[Negative Man]

Great job on the 25 days Barb! Congratulations.

NDZ, hang in there. Timeto is right. Things change and things look up.

As for me, I'm glad to be back in the swing of things at work. My sour mood from this weekend is gone. I'm scheduling in some new things to keep me busy and around cool people.

Day 37 down. On to 38 tomorrow. Goodnight everyone!

[nodrinkingzone]

Thanks guys. I got through the day, and the situation is this: This woman, my fiancee of 6 years, left me 9 weeks ago because she couldn't live with my alcoholism any more. We've been distant for a long time though, and I think I've wanted to split up with her for a while anyway.

The booze was a catalyst, but it wasn't the cause of all our problems. There's a reason we were engaged for so long and never married - I think we both knew that we weren't life partners, although we can certainly be life-long friends.

She came up last week to get some more of her things and to see a few people before she headed off to her new uni and new life 12 hours away. She stayed with me, we still get along well, but we also used this time to sort through a lot of our feelings toward each other, and she really let me have it a few times. She also supported me in many ways, but I guess we spent many hours basically ending our relationship and openly speaking about a lot of issues we just used to fight about. Now that I'm sober, they were actually productive!

i can see where she's coming from, she's angry that I'm a lot closer to the person she wanted me to be, we both know that we are so stuck in our roles that I can't be that person for her anyway, and she slipped into co-dependant incapable partner within hours, while I slipped into "I have to do everything" control freak know-it-all. It was awful, and really, really interesting.

Anyway, she's gone now, and that's a good thing, because I can get back to sorting myself out, enjoying my sobriety and getting used to being on my own and figuring out where my head's at. But I'll miss her too, because I still love her, and neither of us is a bad person - we're both lovely people, just not to each other.

That, plus the fact that I've seen a couple of folks from the live music scene around, and they're not interested in how I've been, who I am, what I'm doing - just a reminder that I've done some really stupid things and acted like a dick, and I can understand why people don't want to have a lot to do with me.

It's hard, and it hurts, but it's understandable and I know I'm not like that when I'm sober - I'm less of a dick, anyway.

pardon the french, hope you're all good, sorry for rambling again and I'm glad you're all here with me, thanks for the kind words.

[nodrinkingzone]

I just wanted to add that I know it could be worse, I'm not facing jail or death, I don't have to quit heroin, I'm not insane, I'm almost two months clean and sober and I feel physically fantastic, and I'm grateful for all the things I have in my life that ARE working.

I'm not in a violent relationship, I don't have kids that I've neglected, my family will still speak to me and support me if I call them, and I'm in a pretty good position to make all my sobriety count towards a really bright future that I'm determined to shape in a positive manner. If any of those things had happened to me, I know that I'd still deal with them better now that I'm sober. I am a really, really lucky guy.

I'm just having a crappy couple of days like my good mate Positive Man, and I guess that's part of life, isn't it. Sorry for being so selfish, I guess sometimes it's hard to see past the end of our noses.

Sorry everyone, thanks for listening. I'll try to be more considerate.

ndz

[gravity]

Hey NDZ,

You are really addressing a major aspect of your life, getting a sort of closure. This is a person you shared your life with for 6 years and it sounds like you are doing the right thing - for both of you. In the past, this is the kind of situation I would have ignored (too hard to deal with) or started drinking over. I admire your strength in meeting this head on. It's really good to know you!

This is a new chapter in your life - dealing with the past before moving on is all part of it. As emotionally draining as this has been, take it easy on yourself. You are putting things in place for the great future that you deserve. All the best!

[SF69]

NDZ, I know that life for you right now is frustrating and hard, but you're doing a great job! And just think how much worse it would be if you were not sober? Which I'm sure you've already thought about.

Also, I find bad times (especially after relationships end) make my songwriting better, turning that bad energy into good. So if all else fails for you, pick up that guitar and give it a try!

[mayorob1]

Originally Posted by nodrinkingzone

Thanks guys. I got through the day, and the situation is this: This woman, my fiancee of 6 years, left me 9 weeks ago because she couldn't live with my alcoholism any more. We've been distant for a long time though, and I think I've wanted to split up with her for a while anyway.

The booze was a catalyst, but it wasn't the cause of all our problems. There's a reason we were engaged for so long and never married - I think we both knew that we weren't life partners, although we can certainly be life-long friends.

She came up last week to get some more of her things and to see a few people before she headed off to her new uni and new life 12 hours away. She stayed with me, we still get along well, but we also used this time to sort through a lot of our feelings toward each other, and she really let me have it a few times. She also supported me in many ways, but I guess we spent many hours basically ending our relationship and openly speaking about a lot of issues we just used to fight about. Now that I'm sober, they were actually productive!

i can see where she's coming from, she's angry that I'm a lot closer to the person she wanted me to be, we both know that we are so stuck in our roles that I can't be that person for her anyway, and she slipped into co-dependant incapable partner within hours, while I slipped into "I have to do everything" control freak know-it-all. It was awful, and really, really interesting.

Anyway, she's gone now, and that's a good thing, because I can get back to sorting myself out, enjoying my sobriety and getting used to being on my own and figuring out where my head's at. But I'll miss her too, because I still love her, and neither of us is a bad person - we're both lovely people, just not to each other.

That, plus the fact that I've seen a couple of folks from the live music scene around, and they're not interested in how I've been, who I am, what I'm doing - just a reminder that I've done some really stupid things and acted like a dick, and I can understand why people don't want to have a lot to do with me.

It's hard, and it hurts, but it's understandable and I know I'm not like that when I'm sober - I'm less of a dick, anyway.

pardon the french, hope you're all good, sorry for rambling again and I'm glad you're all here with me, thanks for the kind words.

NDZ thanks for being so open and sharing your experience, your commitment to being sober is shinning through. As far as people not wanting any thing to do with you well I think back on the two week thread and what the groups thought on that was. After a while these people will see the I won't say improved but sober NDZ and respect your accomplishments to make a better person of your self. I know first hand that I am an ass 90% of the time drunk and the other 10% I was passed out!!!

You are starting a new chapter in your life and your ex will be involved but involved differently.

Thanks and take care

Rob

[mayorob1]

Originally Posted by SF69

NDZ, I know that life for you right now is frustrating and hard, but you're doing a great job! And just think how much worse it would be if you were not sober? Which I'm sure you've already thought about.

Also, I find bad times (especially after relationships end) make my songwriting better, turning that bad energy into good. So if all else fails for you, pick up that guitar and give it a try!

But please no songs like,

Oh my girl friend left me and my dog has lost a leg, and there's no heater in my truck and I don't give a &&^^%% okay

Sorry just trying to make a funny

[SF69]

Originally Posted by mayorob1

But please no songs like,

Oh my girl friend left me and my dog has lost a leg, and there's no heater in my truck and I don't give a &&^^%% okay

Sorry just trying to make a funny

Agreed!

[nodrinkingzone]

hahaha thanks Rob and SF, you guys are great. would you believe... yeah, I'm writing country songs these days, but nothing toooo cheesy (I hope). And yeah, I've written a couple of songs about her, but that's part of the process.

Thanks for letting me vent last night, it's a lot to work through, and I'm trying to be reasonable and think it through, and then sometimes I have the good sense to just let it happen and not think about it too much.

My brain's been working really well the last two months, so it tends to process more information than it needs to. I gotta slow down sometimes, and just let it be.

Rob - what you said is so true, that I just need to get on with being myself and I'm sure that the good stuff will shine through, and I think my percentages were about the same as you hahaha - 90/10's about right.

The other thought I've had is that I may not be meant to hang out with those people any more, the universe could be guiding me in a different direction altogether. And that's ok too.

Thanks guys, take it easy..

[gravity]

Originally Posted by nodrinkingzone

The other thought I've had is that I may not be meant to hang out with those people any more, the universe could be guiding me in a different direction altogether. And that's ok too.

That's an excellent way of looking at it. One thing I have difficulty with is not being able to hang out with many of my old mates, a couple of them close friends, because they abuse alcohol. Since I quit drinking, my social circle has been reduced to only a handful of people (I'm grateful for them of course). I spend most of my time working (sometimes hang out with a couple of colleagues), doing things with family members (wife, kids, sister, nieces, nephew), or doing things on my own (fitness centre, internet, watching movies/sports, stuff around the house). Actually, now that I've written it out, I don't feel so sorry for myself !

Maybe your right - it's not so much me cutting people out of my life as it is my Higher Power taking me in a new direction!

[Dean62]

Just passing through on the way to dream land, still sober.

Hang in there NDZ.

[Negative Man]

Me too. Sober. Headed to dreamland. Thanks to all of our friends here. Goodnight everyone!

[tay-lyn]

Hey all; This is the first time I have checked out this thread. I wish I would have earlier, it is great. Lots of solid support and good advice. I'll be sure to keep coming back. Today is day 18 for me. And so far I feel worse today than I have since I quit. I have zero energy this morning. I feel down and tired. Tired is a big problem. I have been going to bed sober at 9 or 10 pm and having to DRAG myself out of bed at 9 the next morning. It feels terrible. I am managing to get things done, but not happily. And this morning I was so tired, I didn't take the baby to her Baby Goose class. So I feel really guilty about that. I feel like a ton of bricks! I thought I'd feel so much better having quit.
The rest of me feels good though, inside I feel great.....a little down, but SO much better than before. No quilt, no shame, no wondering what I did, said....etc., etc..
Again, I'm so very glad I found this forum. I can't believe how much it has helped me. I really don't think I would have made it this far in my sobriety without the wonderful support you all have given me. This forum has been my lifeline.
Hope you're all doing well this morning.
Tay.

[SF69]

Good morning all! Day 25 and doing well. Except for all the crappy cold and snowy weather...but just trying to go with the flow on it, so it's not bothering me as much as it may have in the past.

Originally Posted by tay-lyn

Tired is a big problem. I have been going to bed sober at 9 or 10 pm and having to DRAG myself out of bed at 9 the next morning. It feels terrible.

Tay-lyn, I wonder if it's something about those days in recovery? I went through the same thing last weekend (days 18-20). I was sleeping 12 hours a day, and not doing much when I was awake. Glad to hear otherwise things are going well for you!

[trakin]

Hi, Everyone -- Checking in on Day 18. It's a raining, cold and miserable where I am too, but overall, I am feeling pretty good.

Tay-Lyn -- I'm glad you found this thread too! Maybe you are just tired because of the baby and not because of not drinking? Babies are wonderful, but, at the same time, they're also pretty notorious for causing the occasional case of "down and tired". I hope your spirits lift soon. Maybe the little one will take a nap today so you can too.

Definitely keep coming back here! I love your blog!

Best to all,
Trakin

[scaredykat]

Hi guys, I'm on day 26 me.

Welcome to our little thread Tay-lyn. Glad your here with this. This forum is my life line too. I'm also very tired again lately. I didn't have a good morning so far. I woke up late, gave my cat Tammy her insulin shot late, then she had to fight me on it. So now I'm just trying to relax and focus on my recovery. I know I'll feel better if i do. I'm looking forward to this weekend. I'll be getting my 1 month chip at my home group.

Barb

[mayorob1]

Originally Posted by tay-lyn

Hey all; This is the first time I have checked out this thread. I wish I would have earlier, it is great. Lots of solid support and good advice. I'll be sure to keep coming back. Today is day 18 for me. And so far I feel worse today than I have since I quit. I have zero energy this morning. I feel down and tired. Tired is a big problem. I have been going to bed sober at 9 or 10 pm and having to DRAG myself out of bed at 9 the next morning. It feels terrible. I am managing to get things done, but not happily. And this morning I was so tired, I didn't take the baby to her Baby Goose class. So I feel really guilty about that. I feel like a ton of bricks! I thought I'd feel so much better having quit.
The rest of me feels good though, inside I feel great.....a little down, but SO much better than before. No quilt, no shame, no wondering what I did, said....etc., etc..
Again, I'm so very glad I found this forum. I can't believe how much it has helped me. I really don't think I would have made it this far in my sobriety without the wonderful support you all have given me. This forum has been my lifeline.
Hope you're all doing well this morning.
Tay.

Hi Tay,

If I may ask do you take vitamins, I have found since I quit drinking that I have lots of mood swings. So I found a book which deals with vitamins, food and the chemicals in our brains and bodies.

The book is The Food-Mood Solution, I have been following the advice and am feeling a lot more energenic and less moods up and down

Anyhow welcome to the group congrats on Day 18

Rob

[theonlyway]

Hey Guys... Just a kwik check-in.....

I've been out a few days. I went to a Women's AA/AlAnon retreat this past weekend and then when I got home, I've been hit with this extremely uncomfortable sickness. I already posted on the whine board straight-away, so I'll spare you.

Anyhow,weekend was good. I was uncomfortable and nervous. I din't know wht to expect and I wasn't sure what to do either, but I made it through. I met some really wonderful, good people and for that, I'm thankful.

I didn't get the most out of it that I could have/should have -- live and learn. I took my cell phone with me (as every control-addict mom/wife/friend does, right?!) and oh BOY-- was THAT a mistake. During the course of my Saturday, I didn't take it WITH me to sessions or tables, but checked it in between each one.

My girls were fighting first thing Saturday morning... and to make it extra special, my daughter has these bouts of 'hitting herself' (she's 9 1/2) when she's on over-load and gets upset. She's bee in counseling and doing better lately (lots of "dad" issues...) Anyhow, she had a rough couple of days with him on the phone just prior to my leaving and then slid back a little while was gone. Throwing these little fits and hitting herself in the head,sux to be 1.5 hours away and just "knowing" its happening...

THEN -- my dh decides he needs to go hunting, which is fine... but mygirls call at 3pm and say-- he said he'd be back at noon and he's still not back. Grrrrrrrr

from there, I get a phone call from one of my best friends... I happened to be walking in to check messages when she rang, so I answered. She was fit to be tied. She had gotten VERY drunk the night before and sent me a text that said "I'm dying..." but I couldn't reach her after I'd gotten it. Anyhow, to make a long story short, she was a mess on Saturday. She had gotten very drunk, not remembered driving home, vomited all over herself and her car while driving, got stuck getting home, went to a "friend and co-worker's house" (stumbling and covered in YUK), to have him pull her car out, then when she got home and went inside, her 19 yr old daughter and a friend were there and witnessed the entry. Needless to say, the 19 year old is mortified and has lost all respect for mom. How heart breaking. No one in her family (husband, 15 yr old, 19 yr old) is speaking to her... She said 'i'm an alcoholic, i should be there with you'.

I called and got her the info on the meetings in her area for that night, but I felt so helpless... Good reminder, though.

AND, while talking to her, well, really just LISTENING to her, I missed a session. : (

STILL YET that night... i get a text that the church at my daughter's school (she goes to a catholic school) had to be evacuated during Saturday night mass because my daughter's classroom (a portable classroom outside the church/school) was on fire!! So very sad...

Check out the picture in this link! : ( 9&10 News: Fire: Catholic School Classroom Destroyed, Church Evacuated.

Needless to say, even though i was "there" -- i really wasn't always "there"...

BUT -- through all of that... i WAS there -- and it's where I needed to be. I'm now in the midst of day #24 and still sober. This afternoon, we go see the probation officer for my dh's evaluation before his dui sentening and i KNOW i'll make it through this day, as well.

Yesterday and this morning, I was in bed with this stupid sickness.

I'll be at my meeting tonight!

Thanks for listening and caring. Hugs to you all! ~C

[tay-lyn]

Wow, so much wonderful feedback on my post, thank you so much. It sure does make me feel great to have the support you give.
It is really snowy and cold here too. That may contribute to a bit of the tiredness. I do take a multi-vitamen and eat quite well, but still, I'm feeling so stagnant. I told myself that if I just got up and got myself and the baby out the door, I could go shopping, treat myself. Not even THAT got me out the door, so something MUST be wrong...lol.
But I shouldn't blame any of this on the baby because she is soooo good. She sleeps all through the night, takes 2 two hour naps a day and when she's up, she is a delight.
So I don't know. I am definately going to look at that book Rob suggested (by the way Rob, you and I are neighbors), the Food Mood Solution.
Again, thanks so much for all the feedback, that made me feel great and actually encouraged me to get up from a laying down position to a sitting up position on the couch! lol

Oh ya, the last time I felt like this I was pregnant! Hope that isn't the case this time, my little girl is only 7 months today!

[mayorob1]

Originally Posted by tay-lyn

Wow, so much wonderful feedback on my post, thank you so much. It sure does make me feel great to have the support you give.
It is really snowy and cold here too. That may contribute to a bit of the tiredness. I do take a multi-vitamen and eat quite well, but still, I'm feeling so stagnant. I told myself that if I just got up and got myself and the baby out the door, I could go shopping, treat myself. Not even THAT got me out the door, so something MUST be wrong...lol.
But I shouldn't blame any of this on the baby because she is soooo good. She sleeps all through the night, takes 2 two hour naps a day and when she's up, she is a delight.
So I don't know. I am definately going to look at that book Rob suggested (by the way Rob, you and I are neighbors), the Food Mood Solution.
Again, thanks so much for all the feedback, that made me feel great and actually encouraged me to get up from a laying down position to a sitting up position on the couch! lol

Oh ya, the last time I felt like this I was pregnant! Hope that isn't the case this time, my little girl is only 7 months today!

I live in Brantford area, are you in the GTA and enjoying this lovely wheather

Home today sick and probably tomorrow with a cold so let it snow let it snow

Cheers

Rob

[trakin]

OnlyWay -- I hope you feel better soon. Holy cr*p! What a story! Sometimes it seems that stressful things happen in clusters, but oh my gosh...that was some weekend you had. Good thing the powers that be chose to put you at an AA retreat while all that stuff was going on...Who knows...maybe that was the best place you could have been...

Well, I checked in this morning, said I was feeling good and advised Tay to try to take a nap. Mid-afternoon I wound up having to take my own advice. A tremendous wave of tiredness hit me very suddenly. I slept like a dead person for two hours, had crazy vivid dreams and woke up feeling like I had come down with Lyme disease...joints all achy...yuck. Whatever I have might be catching...my cat and puppy are both sleeping soundly on my lap right now looking like two little fuzzy fraternal twins. Although my kids still have unbounded energy despite the gloomy weather.

I'm going to check out that book, Rob...I looked it up on Amazon. It sounds good! Glad to hear you're benefiting from it.

Have a good evening...

Trakin