Day1...Lets see how long I make it

[trakin]

Thanks to those of you who listened to my first post here yesterday. Thanks for your responses. I guess it's true. I am an alchoholic. Even though I don't drink all the time, and manage to hide it...it just can't be right to not be able to stop drinking once I start, and the blackouts -- those are not good at all.

I intend to stop drinking. I hope I can do it, but I'm scared. I'm surrounded by people who drink, but most don't seem to have the problem with it that I do.

Here's my usual pattern: I drink too much on the weekends. I get bad hangovers, I feel full of guilt and regret. I waste time. I don't get nearly as much done as I would like to. I decide I will cut down on my drinking. I decide that from now on, I will limit myself to two drinks only. During the week, I don't drink at all. I eat well, excercize, do my work, etc. By the time Friday rolls around, I usually feel very good and healthy, and because of this, I think...I must have been mistaken last weekend ...I can't possibly have a drinking problem! I am healthy, happy, productive ...there's just no way I could be an alcoholic. Then I stop and pick up a bottle of wine, promising myself that I will most definitely stop at two drinks. And I feel positive that I can, indeed, do that!

Cut to the following morning: empty wine bottle in the kitchen, headache, nausea, guilt, regret, no memory of what I did or said last night....Yuck.

It's happened one too many times. I know need to change my life now, before it gets too late. Next Friday, I intend to skip the wine and log in here instead. I know that will be hard to do. Any advice about how to make it through the early days of trying to quit drinking would be appreciated!

Thanks again, tra

[51anna]

Hi and good decision!

My suggestion, what worked for me, was to be doing something different. My routine was drink alone, at home, when my husband was away. So, I had to be sure to plan to do something different at that time. So when Friday comes around, plan to go to a movie or out for dinner or to the gym. Just do anything that takes your mind off your normal weekend routine.

And, read around here because it is always inspiring.

[CarolD]

Have you considered a Friday night AA meeting?

Blessings

[trakin]

Thanks. I think the gym or a movie will be the best bet for me. Or a good book. Do any of you remember the memoir called "Drinking: A Love Story?" I forget who the author was. I remember reading that book and feeling like her story was so much like mine. As it happens, she is dead now. She died fairly young, I think. No doubt her alcoholism played a part.

I know a lot of people in here are very into AA. I'm not against it, by any means. In fact. I went to meetings for about a month a few years back. I didn't really connect with anyone -- probably my own fault. I remember, though, that one of the leaders of the group would talk quite a bit and his tone and attitude seemed so arrogant and preachy that it was kind of a turn-off for me. Also, another one of the men from the meeting started calling my house regularly, which made me uncomfortable enough not to want to go back.

I live in a pretty small town. I think AA might work better for me if I lived in a more populated area.

Anyway, thanks for the encouragement.

[indigo]

Whatever works for you, work it and my wishes for your sobriety, it really is the best. I read til my eyes ached and I researched and I found SR. I am glad you are here.

[Missymae737]

Hi,

Recovery is possible, keep posting here...

Thinking of you...

[Chance]

Originally Posted by trakin

I intend to stop drinking. I hope I can do it, but I'm scared.

.

Those two things stuck out at me. First off all we get to the privilege of doing is just stopping for today and than another day and another day and well you get that right? It isn't easy some days but we just get through them without picking up

The next part OMG I always used to all myself the weekend warrior! Yep that is how it started but it didn't end up like that. At the end I just could not not drink. I had to have it, I had to in order to function and than it got to the point where I couldn't even do that but I am grateful because it did get me where I am today.

Hang on there we are all here for ya.:ghug

[Jersey Nonny]

The title of your thread is almost a self-fulfilling prophecy...like you're setting yourself up for failure.

Just concentrate on not drinking one day at a time, and don't project beyond today. As for AA...well, I can't say enough good things about it, although it is, after all, just another "community", and you'll find your share of bad apples, no matter where you go. These types are not the program of recovery...you'll find that in the 12 Steps...and, there is nothing there to hurt you, but only to bring you a new way of living without alcohol.

[51anna]

Hi,

Glad you're doing well!

"Drinking: A Love Story" is a fantastic book. After reading that book, I really believed that if she could become sober, so could I. It's by Caroline Knapp and she did not die of alcoholism. She died sober, from lung cancer, at age 42. I highly recommend that book to anyone who is trying to stop drinking.

[aharris77]

Trakin...I know how you feel so much. Guilt and regret...I am filled with it. I just went on a binge that has left me sick for two days and I feel so bad physically and emotionally. I wish I hadn't done it, and never want to touch alcohol again. However I've been on this pattern of bingeing for 15 years. I just want you to know you're not alone in how you are feeling. Stay strong...Day Two alcohol-free here and want to keep it that way!

[trakin]

Hi again everyone -- Thank you so much for your encouragement, advice and empathy. I really appreciate it. I am determined to do my best to stop. (Why can't I just say I will stop?) Maybe soon I'll be brave enough.

Thanks, Anna for reminding me of the author of the book I was thinking of. Maybe I will look it up and read it again. How tragic that she died so young of such an awful disease after overcoming her struggle with alcohol!

Aharris77, thanks for making me feel less alone. I will look for posts from you in here. Hopefully we can both get better and stop the madness of bingeing. One thing that helps me not drink is to think about how good I feel when I get up in the morning after not drinking. I will be thinking of you and hoping for the best for both of us!

tra