recovering alcoholic married to alcoholic

[AFewQuestions]

Forgive me if I am in the wrong place. I am trying to understand the effects of a situation and have flat out bombed in my google attempts. Maybe someone has experience with my questions or can't point me in the right direction.

Husband drinks all day, every day but is known as a "functioning alcoholic". Refuses to admit he has a problem.

Wife is a recovering alcoholic who remained sober for 13 years, relapsed recently and immediately went to rehab twice in short period of time.

1. If the husband constantly waved alcoholic to wife during those years, is he intentionally trying to get her to fail and join him on his level? Wife's ability to stay sober for 12 years under those circumstances - show's strong conviction to remaining sober, right?

2. If husband's life's failures result in filing bankruptcy, is that considered a stressful event to lead into wife's relapse?

3. How does divorcing husband affect a recovering alcoholic and relapse?

I'm struggling wording these questions - sorry. I'm watching a situation where the wife (the sober one) is being made to look horrible yet husband's drinking problems are a nonissue. Children are involved. I think it's because hers are admitted and documented and his aren't. To me, I have to give major props to the one that admitted and tackled the problem. However, others aren't seeing it in that light and have totally disagreed with me. If my stance is correct, any words of wisdom, articles on line, etc. that could help me change those opinions? If I'm wrong - TELL ME lol.

Thanks!

[51anna]

If you are a friend of this family, you might want to check out AlAnon which will offer support to you.

The people in this family who are addicts, will have to find their own way to recovery. Hopefully they will be able to do that soon.

[SaTiT]

Yes, of couse one's actions effect others..alki or not.

1 beats me..one's motive is one's motive
2 yes..
3 For me...i stayed longer than I had too

4 it's a loose, loose situation and heartbreaking in so many ways.
obviousely...I survived my own alcoholim and got into recovery
not to get hit by a train wreack by someone else alcoholism.
double the guilt, double the shame...i should have known better
or stuff like this should never happen to me...especailly if after I got
clean and sober to try to live a better life. obviouly i love my
gf and it's defferntly wasn't according to my plans for life to this
way..i'm tire..i feel like giving up half of the time. i tried to do good
i really did. So i get those mind F%$#k every so often.
i'm not a young stud like i use to be and the thought of starting
over again after repairing wreackage and working so hard to
get everything back the first time..Just makes me stupid tired.

Yes...god dropped me on my head just like my mother did.lol
i feel like laughting today..i cried the other day..oh well.

5. I'm also an ACOA..the light... all of the pain and chaos
forced me to look into recovery deeper. To understand alcoholism
from a broader spectrum. Once i got sober again. I still deeply
act out in my codependcy..becuase i didn't understand it.
So sometime...it gives me a damn head ache when i hear people
with less time..debating about this and that ..time and
percentage of how many people recover in AA or not AA..wtf???
oh yeah,,i don't have to look at it.lol

Ultimatly i had to be responsible for my own recovery.
I needed to get clean and sober no matter what.
i have to get beyound the blame, hurt, shame ..all of that
somehow and try to move forward.

I;m truuggggging on this so call happy road of whatever it is.lol

I guess if i need to live without my storm..I need to.
My focus is more on my codependency and healing myself
from grwoning up in a dysfunctioning home and healing for
my realtionship with my gf.
And there's all kinds of other issues ..asside from the drinking itself.

What i've done in earily recovey won't nesscassry work for me today.
I'm not that special thou..there'e people that had gone before me.
Life is unfair i guess.but oh well. it could be worst...it can alway be worst.

People without alcoholism or the insanity of aloholism lives through
a lot worst and are in alot worst circumstance than mine...i keep
an open mind to that when it hits me.lol

[Sugah]

This raises my feminist hackles -- sorry. I watched my mother bear the burden of my father's alcoholism. It didn't matter what she did, it was wrong. If she wanted to leave, she was deserting him. If he ruined a family event, she didn't keep him happy.

As a recovering alcoholic married to another recovering alcoholic, he's aware that there are only two things that are sure causes for divorce, and it applies to either of us: sexual misconduct or relapse.

My hat is off to this woman for her attempts to live under these conditions. Too bad she hasn't put her sobriety ahead of her husband's unwillingness to live another way.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

[AFewQuestions]

Thanks for the responses. I know so little about alcoholism but just get pi$$ed to see this woman who I think has done damn good considering all the history, past and present, (which I did not disclose) be knocked down so bad at every corner JUST because she admitted she had a problem. Yet the spouse, who drinks all day and into the night, is okay. ARGH!

Bless you all. Some of the stories I've read here are heartbreaking.

Have a great Thanksgiving!

[paulmh]

Friends and Family Forum here at SR too!

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ly-alcoholics/