introduction & my story

[aldo1980]

Day 78 (?) not drinking, and Day 3 of not gambling.
Maybe I'm back on the straight and narrow

[calfritch]

hey aldo - glad you are doing good man!! i haven't been on here much lately so i'm trying to catch up. your mom sounds a lot like my dad. i usually just ignore his negative comments and let him live with his delusions. stay strong buddy

[scaredykat]

Hi Aldo, hope your doing well. I haven't been on here much lately. I've been busy with other things on the computer, plus getting ready for Christmas.

Barb

[aldo1980]

I guess you must be doing well if you havn't felt the need to come on here much. That's good.

Originally Posted by scaredykat

I've been busy with other things on the computer, plus getting ready for Christmas.

In fact, not long to go now is it! Just a couple of weeks!!
I was thinking about going to Switzerland with some buddys for new years or maybe to Budapest, but I was thinking today that it's been a really bad year for me (quite possibly the worst ever. I lost my girl-friend; my car; my reputation; allot of money; I started drinking again; I almost died of a benzo + alcohol overdose. I almost lost an arm from a self inflicted wound ect etc) that really after a year like this their isn't much to celebrate. The only thing to celebrate may be that it's over So I think I'm going to stay home and not celebrate the new year at all.
Anyway I'm going to London next week (another Springsteen concert) and then in January I'm going on vacation to Africa so I don't really have much money to waste on new years anyway.

[tellus]

Wow, Aldo. Quite the jet-setter.

[scaredykat]

Originally Posted by aldo1980

I guess you must be doing well if you havn't felt the need to come on here much. That's good.:You_Rock

No, don't say that. you'll jinks me. LOL I was catching up on my other computer stuff and was learning new things. Plus my bad arm got screwed up putting up the tree. It happens every year. It usually takes me 2 days to put up my tree.

For New Years we should celebrate that we're sober. That's what I'm going to do. I might even drink Root Beer Floats like my sister does every year. That will be a first for me instead of the hard stuff. LOL

Barb

[aldo1980]

Hi Friends!
Day 81 for me today. I'm fine not drinking. Except I really just can't stop gambling.
<---- I just had to put that in somewhere here. I kinda think it's funny

Originally Posted by scaredykat

For New Years we should celebrate that we're sober. That's what I'm going to do.

That's a good idea. I'll consider it. Thanks!

[aldo1980]

Originally Posted by tellus

Wow, Aldo. Quite the jet-setter.

no it's just that here, in europe, we have allot of low cost airlines (easyjet, ryanair etc ect) so to go from one country to another can sometimes cost as little as a bus fare from one side of the city to the other. it's not as glamourous as it seems, plus nowadays on these low cost flights they don't even give you a meal or a drink anymore and the seats don't even recline. still it's ok for a 2 or 3 hours flight.

[aldo1980]

Hi Friends,
Day 82 today (I'll have 100 Days in a while ). I'm ok with not drinking. As you know I'm not ok with the gambling. And I've bene thinking neither am I ok with my life style.

I'm not living a healthy life style. My typical day begings with me getting up at about 2pm. Having breakfast. Then I usually go to visit my grandparents (they're really nice, kind, people. they've done allot for me over the years. in their regards i feel ashamed for being and doing what i do as they've invested allot in me) who live 5 miles down the road. Then I go and gamble on the slot machines for a couple of hours. I then go home and come on the net for a while and do anything that needs doing in my appartment (dishes; washing machine etc ect). Then I go to play the solt machines again for another few hours. I then either stay out for a bite to eat or come home to eat something. Then I just stay infront of the tv or on the net all evening and night and finally go to bed at 5 or 6am. This is no good. It's not healthy.
It's not just one aspect of my day that's messed up. It's all of it. My whole day is so ****ed up that it's not easy to correct.

I did something very irresponabile today. It's so bad I guess best be it I share it with you.
My grandmother (she's very old) gave me some money to pay her phone bill with. Instead of going to the post office to pay her bill I went to play the slot machines. I was loosing almost all of her money. Then, fortunatly, I won it back and a bit more too. That was lucky. However I suppose I must have wanted to push my luck so later this afternoon I went back to the machines and lost all my money and half of the money my grandmother had given me to pay her bill with. That was mean. I really shouldn't have done that.
I havn't told my grandmother I gambled her money away. I'm going to have to figuer out a way to get her bill payed ASAP without her knowing I didn't pay it for her today. Why am I ssooo stupid
Since I've started gambling again I just can't handle money at all anymore! And to think once I was a somewhat succesfull self-employed bussinessman. I don't know what's wrong with me....

[aldo1980]

Originally Posted by scaredykat

For New Years we should celebrate that we're sober. That's what I'm going to do.

Barb, Dec 31st will be your 100th Day! (and my 99th). That really is something to be happy about!
Two and Half months ago I don't think I could even of have immagined I could have gone this long without a drink. Being sober's kool!

[aldo1980]

I'm curious as to wether their's anybody else other then Scardykat and Calfritch reading my thread here.
If anybody else is reading could you please alcknowledge by using the "thanks" button below.

[paulmh]

Why be concerned? If you share your experience strength and hope (and struggles!) you don't know how, if, or when it might help someone else. You might write something here that someone will remember for a decade, but they'll suddenly go "oh! Now I get it!". And in sharing honestly you help yourself. Ego wants audience. Spirit wants integrity! Keep reading and keep sharing honestly!

[aldo1980]

Hi Friends!
Day 86 today. My gambling problem persists. I don't know why I put 3 or 400 $ into a machine which can only pay $50.
Anyhow I'm approaching gambling rock bottom. This morning I didn't have any money for breakfast; petrol; and I only had 2 cigarettes left. I've also had to return a dvd to Blockbuster for about a week now because I never have the money to pay for the rental of it.
I'm so sad today. I havn't been this sad since the begining of my recovery.
A few months ago I planned a trip to London to go to see a concert (Bruce, again) so for a couple of months the excitment has been building, the fact that I hadn't yet found tickets didn't botther me in the least however (I live on hope allot. Even when I've put hundreds of $ into a slot machine and I'm down to my last coin I still hope it will pay, so I'll be able to keep playing for longer. It's a delusion).
On Sunday I heard through a friend of a chap who had tickets. So I contacted this guy and we agreed that the following morning (yesterday/Monday) I'd send him payment through the bank and he's send me the ticket by special next day delivery.
Today my ticket didn't arrive in the mail And my main man seems to be finding all the possible excuses he can to not give me the postal tracking number. So I'm wondering if perhaps he was out to trick me from the begining.
Even if my ticket arrives tomorrow it will be of no use to me because I was set to leave my house much earlier then when the postman passes in order to catch the flight.
So I've lost the money I'd paid for the ticket. I'll lose the money I paid for my flight, as I'll no longer be going to London, and I won't be at the concert
I'm so sad I almost want to cry.
However today's events got me thinking. The vast majority of people are more then happy to just go to one concert of the tour. The addict in me wanted me to go to the one which was logistaclly more comfortable for me (Milan, which I went to a couple of weeks ago) and I also wanted to go to the London show as it was the last of this leg of the tour. That's a bit extreme isn't it.
Plus in retrospect (in retrospect everything's diffrent. Even my gambling doesn't make sense in retrospect) going to the other side of a continent just for one day to see a concert isn't very balanced or rational either.
I'm no good at doing anything in moderation.
Do you think I could learn to be rational and moderate and balanced or am I always going to be like this?

[aldo1980]

Hi Friends!
I feel like **** tonight, both psyically (stomach) and psychologically.
I can't stop gambling. What do I have to do to stop?? I don't want to gamble, but I do!
Tonight I have 4 ciggys left to last me all of the evening and all of tomorrow. I have no food in the house, so tonight I went for a meal in a restraunt where I'm well known and in the end I had to tell the waiter "sorry, i've left my wallet at home. i'll pay you tomorrow". I don't like lying.
It was a horrible meal I had tonight too. The restraunt was filled with couples, and their I was eating alone. It makes me anxious to observe all the couples because when I'm sober i'm so shy that it's almost impossible for me to make a connection with a girl. Even if I were to see the most beautiful girl in the world I probably wouldn't say anything to her. On the other hand if I were inhebriated I'd probably ask her to marry me
This gambling's become a big problem. It's even put a shaddow over my drinking (Day 90 today) at the moment. As soon as I have some money in my pocket i'll throw it in the machines. I am powerless over money (oh, their's a song on the radio at the moment which is adapt to my present life circumstances. Shattered, by the Rolling Stones. I quote "Laughs and joys and lonliness and sex and sex and sex and sex. look at me I'm in tatters, I'm shattered." ) I still havn't paid my grandmothers phone bill (see a few posts above for the story about that) and if I don't have a win soon they'll probably disconect her phone and she'll find out I havn't paid it yet. How can I be so irresponsabile???
My mom asked me what she can do to help. I asked her to get me locked up in jail or detox or in a monestry - anything to stop me gambling. No doubt she won't be able to help.
Anyway, as we're getting near the festivaties I just wanted to thank all of you for keeping me sober and I want to wish you all a happy and sober chrismass.
I don't know what I'll be doing at christmass. I'd like to just stay alone at home (stay in bed. play guitar. internet. tv). But I know my grandparents would like me to go for a meal with them. They're old and even if I don't really want to. I know that if they want me to go out for a meal with them at christmas then I really should because if it were their last christmas I'd feel bad if I did something selfish like not hanging out with them at christmas.
I saw my ex-girlfriend today (not the one that went away, cut me like a kniff and broke my heart. another one. just a girl i've been with a few times for a few days).
She got me thinking and I ended up feeling sad. All the opportunitys I've wasted because my prioritys were all mixed up and because drinking was more important then everything else. It's all wasted. My life's in tatters. I'm shattered.

[scaredykat]

Hi Aldo, hang in there. You've come so far. As to your gambling, whatever is working to help you stay sober, use that to help you not to gamble.

I don't know much about gambling additions so i can't really help you much there except what i already wrote.

I wish you a Merry Christmas also, and stay safe and sober.

Barb