introduction & my story

[51anna]

Let's get this thread back on track helping Aldo.

[TTOSBT]

That it takes more than putting down the drugs and alcohol to find happiness in recovery. It takes being willing to make changes in our thinking and old beliefs.

We all have our different opinions on what is working in our lives. I shared what was working for me, AA is a big part of that. I completely understand if it is not a part of your recovery and I respect that.

ETA: Anna, point taken. I was in all honesty, trying to help Aldo. I apologize if it did not come out that way.

[51anna]

Again, let's focus on helping Aldo or this thread will be closed.

All we can do is share our own personal experience.

[aldo1980]

Originally Posted by BackToSquareOne

I read through parts of this thread and I don't think any of it's real, sounds like Aldo is just having a good time screwing with everyone. The part about the bank forciing him to file bankruptcy for 70 Euros proves my point. I think you've all been had.

if this is what you believe that's fine.
if i'm not real i don't see why anybody would waste so much time writing fiction though. lol.
all i know is i have serious problems. that's why i'm here. i want to get better.

[aldo1980]

Originally Posted by BackToSquareOne

The part about the bank forciing him to file bankruptcy for 70 Euros proves my point.

i was just wondering, in your oppinion, what do you think they do?

[Dee74]

Good to see you back Aldo.

Just focus on the important stuff - you and your recovery.
What other ppl think is so much white noise

D

[aldo1980]

STATUS REPORT

hi friends!
i'm ok. 166 Days no alcohol or drugs and 2 Days no gambling, thanks to those of you who are helping me on the other thread.
i had stoped smoking a couple of months ago for about 6 weeks but i've since started again
i've been peeling the onion and i have a theory as to why i am the way i am.
when i was a child my dad used to verbally abuse me. he's ok now but back then he had a short temper. if i did something stupid, as kids often do, he'd yell at me. he'd tell me things like "you're a waste of space; you're a f**king animal; you're an arrogant pig", things like that.
is it possible this caused me an infeririority complex that caused me to not connect with my peers or something which in turn caused me to turn to drinking and drugs and gambling? or is the problem even deeper then this?
i heard that when kids are verbally abused it causes some kind of hormone reaction in the brain or something which then dystroys certain brain cells, or something.
my dad's ok now and i don't think i really hold a great resentment towards him for those things. i don't think he woke up one day and thought "wow, 'arrogant pig' sounds like a really good insult!". he was probably verbally abused himself, so i guess it wasn't really his fault. so in regards to this i'm ok with him.
even now when i'm sober i don't really know how to go about making a connection with another person. and i'm trying so hard, to the best of my abbilities, to connect with other people, especially girls because i know that if i don't find somebody special soon i'll probably end up never getting married or having kids or any of that (that's eating at me on the inside too. because all my friends have good jobs and they have nice cars and some of them are married and some of them have kids and they have houses and investments and things, i'm 28 and i've already wasted the past 15 years or so chasing after alcohol and drugs and gambling i have none of that - or at least what little bit of that i was able to obtain, i don't know how i managed that, i've gone and lost it all in just one year drinking and drugging! but that's another issue for another time)
i must admit i'm probably very introverted. i have my own interests. i do my own things. i'm comfortable with my own company. but i'm really so lonely. some days i see maybe 100s or even 1000s of people but i never know what to say so i often don't say anything at all. other days i just stay home and remain lonely on my own.
i haven't really made any true friends in about 10 years. i'm scared of having a meaninful conversation with people i don't know because i think maybe they know who i am and they know of the shenanigans i used to get myself into when drunk or stoned and i guess that nobody would really want to talk to a person like me. i mean like how could they find me interesting!
i've just reccently discovered that asking questions is a good way to talk to people. i'm not really good at conversing so i ask allot of questions. but i don't really like this either because i'm a discret and reserved person and i don't know if i'd be comfortable if somebody asked me questions all the time.
for example, i fly quite frequently. here in europe we have low cost airlines, so you can go from say london to berlin even for just €20 sometimes. and on flights like these they don't assign you a seat number, you can sit whereever you like. i reccently found out that if there are already people sitting in a row of seats and you want to take the free one it's probably always a good idea to ask if it's occupied. before if i saw an empty seat i'd just take it, but nobody was ever really friendly on the planes then. then i started asking if the seat was occupied and that, i think, is a great opener. because - it could just be a coincidence - but since i started asking that i've actually had some conversations during my travels and some people have even been kind enough to offer me some of there chocolate or there newspapers. so i ask questions and this keeps the conversation going.
the thing is once, before i adopted this technique, i was sitting next to the most beautiful woman i've ever seen. and for the duration of the flight i couldn't talk to her. i couldn't really think of anything to say but not only that she was also somewhat hostile towards me. i could have asked if it was a good book she was reading or i could have acted stupid and asked if the time zone we were travelling to was ahead or behind but because i hadn't smiled and asked if the seat was occupied i wasn't able to say anything.
the thing is i don't know if it's ok to ask people questions. i wouldn't want them to think i'm invading or anything.
once i was on the train from rome to milan to see a bruce springsteen concert (i like going to concerts because i've only just reccently found out that it could be a good way of meeting like minded people). so i had a springsteen t-shirt on. and the chap sitting opposite me asked me "so you like springsteen?". i didn't mind that he'd asked me a question because it was a good one. as a matter of consequence we conversed for 3 hours and it turned out that he was somewhat of a springsteen fan too and had seen him 9 times. he also told me about where he lives and his job and his wife and kids and things like that. i was not botthered at all talking with him.
but from his point of view if i were talking with somebody who had their book and ipod out i might feal as if i'm being invadent because perhaps the other person would prefer to read their book and listen to their music rather then talk with me.
so i really don't think i have the confidence that people want me to talk to them. and i guess because of this sometimes people can think i'm arrogant and pretentious.

[aldo1980]

this is very bad. i guess the roots to all the problems in my present life circumstances are a consequence of my addicitions. i am f**ked. if i continue like this i will never have a job, a girlfriend (i'm going to be alone for ever!), a car, i'll never be able to pay my bills, i'll never have anybodys respect. i'll never have nothing. and their's nothing i can do about it to make this situation any better
addiction has been a parenthesis of my life and now the parenthesis is closed (somewhat) i'm back where i started before the parenthesis opened, alas with less time. i've lost 15 years that i'll never recuperate and i can't compare to my peers.
this hurts big time.
still not drinking (but i forcast a relapse on it's way) and i hadn't been gambling for 2 weeks but yesterday and today i have.
not good.

[aldo1980]

Dancing In The Dark by Springsteen.

I get up in the evening, and I aint got nothing to say.
I come home in the morning, I go to bed feeling the same way.
I aint nothing but tired, man I'm just tired and bored with myself.
Hey there baby, I could use just a little help.

You can't start a fire, you cant start a fire without a spark.
This gun's for hire even if were just dancing in the dark.

Messages keeps getting clearer, radios on and Im moving round my place.
I check my look in the mirror, I wanna change my clothes my hair my face.
Man I aint getting nowhere I'm just living in a dump like this.
Theres something happening somewhere, baby I just know that there is.

You can't start a fire, you can't start a fire without a sprak.
This gun's for hire even if were just dancing in the dark.

You sit around getting older theres a joke here somewhere and its on me.
I'll shake this world off my shoulders. Come baby the laughs on me.

Stay on the streets of this town and they'll be carving you up alright.
They say you got to stay hungry, hey baby Im just about starving tonight.
I'm dying for some action. Im sick of sitting round here trying to write this book.
I need a love reaction, come on now baby give me just one look.

You can't start a fire, sitting round crying over a broken heart.
This gun's for hire even if were just dancing in the dark.
You can't start a fire, worrying about your little world falling apart.
This gun's for hire even if were just dancing in the dark.

[aldo1980]

today, thanks to my friends here, i am sober for 200 Days and I haven't been gambling for 18

[TTOSBT]

Congratulations Aldo!!!
That is fantastic!