read old threads and 2 years later Im in the same place - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Change4life · 07-23-2007, 01:51 PM

More than 2 years after registering here on SR and I am no better.\

I am so disgusted with myself.

What is wrong with me. No wonder the people that I use to talk to here dont have anything to do with me. Theyve moved ahead and I am still stuck in the same pityful spot.

I am still slamming my fists on the table and screaming about the same ****.

Im getting worse not better. maybe my short periods of sobriety are becoming more frequent, but my binges are becming more severe when I go off.

parentrecovers · 07-23-2007, 01:52 PM

stay in today, bfree. the past is over. blessings, k

Spiritual Seeker · 07-23-2007, 01:58 PM

Sobriety can become a way of life. Stand frim with step one "Admitted that I was powerless over alcohol and that my life had become unmanageable" Get into working the steps of AA with meeting attendance and a sponsor. It will give you the tools and courage to turn your life around and become the perosn U want to B.

Dee74 · 07-23-2007, 02:01 PM

Beth I was in the same place for 15 years. Today, if I wanted I could be down at the Store at opening and be right back there in 'that place' by 10 this morning.

But I won't. I'm working it, day by day, and so far staying sober.

and I'll *always* talk to you.

so shut up.

D

Change4life · 07-23-2007, 02:14 PM

Im staying in today except for the dumb counceling session, and I am keeping my mouth shut for you Dee.

Im gonna try and sleep, maybe im just still tired from last week I was pretty rough on myself. I went way overboard

chiynita · 07-23-2007, 02:27 PM

Beth..Like you said to me..we are so in the same situaTION.

I have been banging my fists for years too.
And you hit it on the head with short periods of clean time more frequent. But the binges are most definately out weighing everything else. Mine are getting worse and worse everytime too.
It is time for me to quit playing and get serious.
I know you want to too.
I am at the end of my rope.
i will be lucky not to go to jail for what I have done the past 2 months.
I havent had legal problems in almost 5 years till now.
We can do this. I am with you all the way.
Just take it easy and live for this day and this minute. Live for a good clean life. If only for today.
You know I am thinking of you.

**51anna** · 07-23-2007, 02:33 PM

Beth,

I am so impressed with how hard you're trying.

I've been with you since you arrived and I know how much you want to be sober. I am going to be honest with you and give you my opinion about what I think you can do. I think you need more of a change in your life as far as people, places and things. I think your living situation was bad for you. I do understand you needed a place to live and that it's very difficult at times, but it made things hard for you. Maybe a sober living house would be a good way to go and then try to find a job in a completely different area from where you are now.

I know you can do this and I will never give up hope for your success!

Jersey Nonny · 07-23-2007, 02:49 PM

Quote:

If you want what we have, and are willing to go to any lengths to get it, then you are ready to take certain steps.

Have you truly gone to any lengths? Alcoholism is a progressive disease; so, if as you say,

Quote:

Im getting worse not better. maybe my short periods of sobriety are becoming more frequent, but my binges are becming more severe when I go off.

how can you honestly expect to get better?

Being a little bit alcoholic is like being a little bit pregnant...you either are or you're not. And, you can't be sober just by occasionally putting the plug in the jug. It takes much more than that, and it is hard work...but, so worthwhile! I do believe you want to be sober...how could you not? It's that any lengths part that's tripping you up.

Dee74 · 07-23-2007, 03:51 PM

you know the shut up thing was a joke right?

LOL

D

nogard · 07-23-2007, 05:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bfree4u

More than 2 years after registering here on SR and I am no better.\

I am so disgusted with myself.

What is wrong with me. No wonder the people that I use to talk to here dont have anything to do with me. Theyve moved ahead and I am still stuck in the same pityful spot.

I am still slamming my fists on the table and screaming about the same ****.

Im getting worse not better. maybe my short periods of sobriety are becoming more frequent, but my binges are becming more severe when I go off.

Hi Beth,

I wish you only recovery and love and a good life but you have to put the work in. Do this with others in a program. As to older members here not responding to you well thats your disease talking again and I am sure they keep an eye out here and say something now and then. Its up to us to take responsibility for our recovery however it is going and keep reaching out and doing the footwork (our program).

Kevin

IO Storm · 07-23-2007, 05:46 PM

Befree4U...

I'll awlays talk to you too..

Struggling with sobriety is a paradox...the disease is progressive..it bites much

harder when taken up again..

But the periods of sobriety plant seeds that go way, way down deep. You

haven't "lost" your sober time...even tho' we always have to go back to Day1..

be fortunate YOU ARE STILL HERE and able to try again...

You might try a sober living facility as Anna suggested...I know I cannot be

around alcohol or drugs...

My best to you BEfree..

Love,

:

IO

msh58 · 07-23-2007, 07:11 PM

I know that feeling well, losing to alcohol over a number of years after telling other people and myself i'm sobering up.

all i can suggest, because its what i'm trying now after butting my head again and again trying the same old ways is try something new, a new approach. Anything you haven't tried before. Just don't give up.

Chance · 07-23-2007, 07:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bfree4u

No wonder the people that I use to talk to here dont have anything to do with me. Theyve moved ahead and I am still stuck in the same pityful spot.
.

Sorry my friend but that isn't true! I have been here the whole time until recently. I have watched as best as I can for your post. I do miss talking to you on the phone. I have always cared about you and I always will NO MATTER WHAT! You know that I joined in 2005! I have had my relapses, and yes it does get worse each time and even harder to put some clean time together.

Even after 14 months I still some days want to escape reality, but I just don't. I know that it will be even harder for me than ever if I go back out. I think that keeps me clean today, because I thought for sure that I was going to be locked up for life. I really am not that terrified to die, I don't think that most addicts are. The reason that I say that is because most of us have tried to kill ourselves more than once. You know where I am. I hope Beth that you will quit beating yourself up because none of us here are any different. Most of us are retreads and those that are not are darn lucky.

IO Storm · 07-23-2007, 07:51 PM

Retreads..yo yo's...rubber bands....

You have a lot of company here..

Love,

IO

BaldHeadedJohn · 07-23-2007, 07:58 PM

I've been bouncing around since 2003. As the people above have said, it takes work.
I (and you) need to put forth that effort. I personally know people in the AA program who now have 25 and 30 years sober, and their drinking days were as bad or worse than mine. And they did it the same way we all do it. One day at a time. Just don't pick up today. I use these people as a source of strength and hope. Nothing is truly impossible, unless we believe it is.

My best to you.

BHJ

Mick HK · 07-23-2007, 09:52 PM

I started on the recovery road in about 2002. Only now have I managed to put together a half-decent amount of clean time. You're far from being alone in your situation.

I'm not much of a Big-Book thumper, but there's a lot of simple wisdom in AA. Deal with today. Leave it at that.

Best wishes,

Mick

chicago · 07-23-2007, 10:24 PM

have you ever surrendered? regularly made meetings, gotten a sponsor, and worked steps? rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed this path. it works for me and everyone else i know who has achieved extended period of sobriety. the people i know who constantly relapse have never completely surrended to this path. they may say they have but lack the rigorous honestly to admit they havent. just my experience...im not the know-all by any means. i dont know anything about your situation but i like the odds of "rarely" alot.

splendra · 07-23-2007, 10:49 PM

(((((beth))))

I think you have gotten better. It takes what it takes... I know there is a part of you that wants to be clean other wise you would not keep trying just keep trying you will get it I just know it...

stone · 07-24-2007, 02:51 AM

My join date is 2005 too Beth!
I only really started posting regularly in January of this year and my binges started getting worse at that time too, like the more serious I was about getting sober the more the addiction made itself felt.
I too was having more sober periods but with the binges getting worse.

In the end I went to AA, I cant do it alone and I have a feeling maybe you cant either.
I think you are gonna have to do the same as me hun-admit defeat and get to a MEETING!

That is tough love with the emphasis on the LOVE part Beth!

Change4life · 07-24-2007, 02:42 PM

thank you everyone for the much needed support.

My head is in a bad place. im tired of being in the revolving door all the time. I am tired.

I have never been this close to the end of my rope as I am now.

Chiy I was hoping we could do this together, but im having a hell of a time.

VIc I miss talking to you also. I think I still have your number somewhere i ahve been so screwed up I dont know where anything is.

Im looking up a meeeting for tonight and will go. Even if i am buzzed by then, better to go than not.

GlassPrisoner · 07-24-2007, 03:03 PM

Quote:

Im getting worse not better. maybe my short periods of sobriety are becoming more frequent, but my binges are becming more severe when I go off.

This is straight from the Big Book:

Quote:

in some instances there has been brief recovery, followed always by a still worse relapse

Get to that meeting. Don't drink or use until the next one. That's ALL you have do do today. Nothing else.

anvilhead · 07-24-2007, 03:04 PM

how about giving yourself a break, and resigning yourself to SUCCESS, instead of failure???? no one is beyond hope or redemption, everyone gets an equal shot and we CAN and DO recover!!!! but we gotta go GET IT. so.....get going!!! so get to that meeting. when they ask are there any newcomers, raise your hand. rat yourself out. ask for help. let them help you!!!! get phone numbers, go to coffee, ask them how they do it.

if you are clean n sober right you, you don't ever have to use again. EVER......you can, but know that that is entirely YOUR CHOICE as well. you can get off the merry go round at any time. all you have to do is take the steps...........

Change4life · 07-24-2007, 03:17 PM

im still on the merry-go-round.

im sitting here with an open beer. I want to go see my mom. I need rest. I need someone to just haul me off somewhere anywhere that I can just take a break.

When I was in rehab i became friends with one of the nurses. I have her cell # and Im going to call her when she gets out of work.

She might be able to help me. She is one of the only people I ever been able to talk to besides my friend lynn. I dont know what if anything she can do, but I know her hubby is in the program maybe he will be willing to take me to a meeting or just talk.

07-23-2007, 01:51 PM	#1 (permalink)
Change4life Member Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: wherever my feet take me Posts: 1,060	read old threads and 2 years later Im in the same place More than 2 years after registering here on SR and I am no better.\ I am so disgusted with myself. What is wrong with me. No wonder the people that I use to talk to here dont have anything to do with me. Theyve moved ahead and I am still stuck in the same pityful spot. I am still slamming my fists on the table and screaming about the same ****. Im getting worse not better. maybe my short periods of sobriety are becoming more frequent, but my binges are becming more severe when I go off. __________________ I know there is no clearcut answer, but it is safe to say the answer wont be found in using.

07-23-2007, 02:01 PM	#4 (permalink)
Dee74 Me. Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: far out. Posts: 8,784	Beth I was in the same place for 15 years. Today, if I wanted I could be down at the Store at opening and be right back there in 'that place' by 10 this morning. But I won't. I'm working it, day by day, and so far staying sober. and I'll always talk to you. so shut up. D __________________ No More Groundhog Day!! ...If ignorance is bliss, why are so many people unhappy?....

07-23-2007, 02:14 PM	#5 (permalink)
Change4life Member Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: wherever my feet take me Posts: 1,060	Im staying in today except for the dumb counceling session, and I am keeping my mouth shut for you Dee. Im gonna try and sleep, maybe im just still tired from last week I was pretty rough on myself. I went way overboard __________________ I know there is no clearcut answer, but it is safe to say the answer wont be found in using.

07-23-2007, 02:33 PM	#7 (permalink)
51anna Forum Leader Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Dancing in the Light Posts: 11,020	Beth, I am so impressed with how hard you're trying. I've been with you since you arrived and I know how much you want to be sober. I am going to be honest with you and give you my opinion about what I think you can do. I think you need more of a change in your life as far as people, places and things. I think your living situation was bad for you. I do understand you needed a place to live and that it's very difficult at times, but it made things hard for you. Maybe a sober living house would be a good way to go and then try to find a job in a completely different area from where you are now. I know you can do this and I will never give up hope for your success! __________________ Anna "I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. Maya Angelou

07-23-2007, 03:51 PM	#9 (permalink)
Dee74 Me. Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: far out. Posts: 8,784	you know the shut up thing was a joke right? LOL D __________________ No More Groundhog Day!! ...If ignorance is bliss, why are so many people unhappy?....

07-23-2007, 01:52 PM	#2 (permalink)
parentrecovers Member Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: USA Posts: 11,839	stay in today, bfree. the past is over. blessings, k

07-23-2007, 01:58 PM	#3 (permalink)
Spiritual Seeker get it, give it, grow in it Join Date: May 2007 Location: Calif coast Posts: 2,143	Sobriety can become a way of life. Stand frim with step one "Admitted that I was powerless over alcohol and that my life had become unmanageable" Get into working the steps of AA with meeting attendance and a sponsor. It will give you the tools and courage to turn your life around and become the perosn U want to B.

07-23-2007, 05:46 PM	#11 (permalink)
IO Storm IO Storm Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Southern California Posts: 8,814 Blog Entries: 1	Befree4U... I'll awlays talk to you too.. Struggling with sobriety is a paradox...the disease is progressive..it bites much harder when taken up again.. But the periods of sobriety plant seeds that go way, way down deep. You haven't "lost" your sober time...even tho' we always have to go back to Day1.. be fortunate YOU ARE STILL HERE and able to try again... You might try a sober living facility as Anna suggested...I know I cannot be around alcohol or drugs... My best to you BEfree.. Love, : IO __________________ "God holds me still in the eye of the Storm" "You are so much neater a person healed, than just plain well." Beth Moore

07-23-2007, 07:11 PM	#12 (permalink)
msh58 Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Posts: 96	I know that feeling well, losing to alcohol over a number of years after telling other people and myself i'm sobering up. all i can suggest, because its what i'm trying now after butting my head again and again trying the same old ways is try something new, a new approach. Anything you haven't tried before. Just don't give up.

07-23-2007, 07:51 PM	#14 (permalink)
IO Storm IO Storm Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Southern California Posts: 8,814 Blog Entries: 1	Retreads..yo yo's...rubber bands.... You have a lot of company here.. Love, IO __________________ "God holds me still in the eye of the Storm" "You are so much neater a person healed, than just plain well." Beth Moore

07-23-2007, 07:58 PM	#15 (permalink)
BaldHeadedJohn Member Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Southwest PA USA Posts: 336	I've been bouncing around since 2003. As the people above have said, it takes work. I (and you) need to put forth that effort. I personally know people in the AA program who now have 25 and 30 years sober, and their drinking days were as bad or worse than mine. And they did it the same way we all do it. One day at a time. Just don't pick up today. I use these people as a source of strength and hope. Nothing is truly impossible, unless we believe it is. My best to you. BHJ __________________ What's so funny about peace, love, and understanding?

07-23-2007, 09:52 PM	#16 (permalink)
Mick HK Member Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Hong Kong Posts: 280	I started on the recovery road in about 2002. Only now have I managed to put together a half-decent amount of clean time. You're far from being alone in your situation. I'm not much of a Big-Book thumper, but there's a lot of simple wisdom in AA. Deal with today. Leave it at that. Best wishes, Mick

07-23-2007, 10:24 PM	#17 (permalink)
chicago Raised from the Dead Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Chicago Posts: 373	have you ever surrendered? regularly made meetings, gotten a sponsor, and worked steps? rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed this path. it works for me and everyone else i know who has achieved extended period of sobriety. the people i know who constantly relapse have never completely surrended to this path. they may say they have but lack the rigorous honestly to admit they havent. just my experience...im not the know-all by any means. i dont know anything about your situation but i like the odds of "rarely" alot. __________________ "Its not impossible....so let go....because I aint afraid to try!" -Matt Pryor

07-23-2007, 10:49 PM	#18 (permalink)
splendra the girl can't help it Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: splendraville Posts: 4,771 Blog Entries: 3	(((((beth)))) I think you have gotten better. It takes what it takes... I know there is a part of you that wants to be clean other wise you would not keep trying just keep trying you will get it I just know it... __________________ nice has a hisssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

07-24-2007, 02:51 AM	#19 (permalink)
stone Member Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: UK Posts: 11,282	My join date is 2005 too Beth! I only really started posting regularly in January of this year and my binges started getting worse at that time too, like the more serious I was about getting sober the more the addiction made itself felt. I too was having more sober periods but with the binges getting worse. In the end I went to AA, I cant do it alone and I have a feeling maybe you cant either. I think you are gonna have to do the same as me hun-admit defeat and get to a MEETING! That is tough love with the emphasis on the LOVE part Beth! __________________ "When you look through the eyes of the beloved, all you see is the beloved." ~Rumi. "Age is a very high price to pay for maturity." ~Tom Stoppard.

07-24-2007, 02:42 PM	#20 (permalink)
Change4life Member Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: wherever my feet take me Posts: 1,060	thank you everyone for the much needed support. My head is in a bad place. im tired of being in the revolving door all the time. I am tired. I have never been this close to the end of my rope as I am now. Chiy I was hoping we could do this together, but im having a hell of a time. VIc I miss talking to you also. I think I still have your number somewhere i ahve been so screwed up I dont know where anything is. Im looking up a meeeting for tonight and will go. Even if i am buzzed by then, better to go than not. __________________ I know there is no clearcut answer, but it is safe to say the answer wont be found in using.

07-24-2007, 03:04 PM	#22 (permalink)
anvilhead Honorary Cheesehead Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Western Washington Posts: 7,031	how about giving yourself a break, and resigning yourself to SUCCESS, instead of failure???? no one is beyond hope or redemption, everyone gets an equal shot and we CAN and DO recover!!!! but we gotta go GET IT. so.....get going!!! so get to that meeting. when they ask are there any newcomers, raise your hand. rat yourself out. ask for help. let them help you!!!! get phone numbers, go to coffee, ask them how they do it. if you are clean n sober right you, you don't ever have to use again. EVER......you can, but know that that is entirely YOUR CHOICE as well. you can get off the merry go round at any time. all you have to do is take the steps...........

07-24-2007, 03:17 PM	#23 (permalink)
Change4life Member Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: wherever my feet take me Posts: 1,060	im still on the merry-go-round. im sitting here with an open beer. I want to go see my mom. I need rest. I need someone to just haul me off somewhere anywhere that I can just take a break. When I was in rehab i became friends with one of the nurses. I have her cell # and Im going to call her when she gets out of work. She might be able to help me. She is one of the only people I ever been able to talk to besides my friend lynn. I dont know what if anything she can do, but I know her hubby is in the program maybe he will be willing to take me to a meeting or just talk. __________________ I know there is no clearcut answer, but it is safe to say the answer wont be found in using.