Failure - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

thiskidknows · 06-15-2007, 12:42 PM

Failure is printed on my head...all day I've kept myself busy, cleaning, posting, ironing, washing, reading don't let myself think. I get one phone call from my ex and i'm back on the drinking I can't face him with out drink. I can't deal with him. I'm home on my own, there's no one around no one to call so I just have to wait. I can't give up drinking, I'm a failure everyone was right. I give up. Sorry take care this is a place for successors not failures like me. Sorry.

**BigSis** · 06-15-2007, 12:55 PM

You are not a failure... you are on a path. Recovery is a process, not a destination.

So you have some awareness about what happens to you when you get calls from your ex.

So how about some brain storming about how to deal with it next time?

1. Let the phone machine get it.
2. Take the phone off the hook when you expect his call.
3. Have numbers for local AA folks on hand to call if he DOES get through to you.
4. Know where a local meeting is and attend as often as you can.
5. Get some AA speaker cds and listen to them instead of his phone messages.
6. Play a game with yourself about how many days can you go without contact with him.
7. Flush the booze.
8. Take a nap.
9. Call someone - even an emergency hotline.

(((LostChild)))

parentrecovers · 06-15-2007, 12:57 PM

why don't you just not take his calls?

(by the way, i am a mom of an alcoholic and one thing i know for about her drinking - i don't cause it)

blessings, throw the booze away if you can today.

k

**51anna** · 06-15-2007, 01:04 PM

Yes, you can give up drinking.

And, don't answer his calls if you have caller ID. If you don't, hang up if it's him.

You have far more control of your life than you think you do.

caileesnana · 06-15-2007, 01:40 PM

The first time I didn't answer one the "the calls" I actually felt empowered, felt good. Try it!

liveweyerd · 06-15-2007, 01:48 PM

I know you read alot and see a therapist. Didn't you have an appmt today?

I am impressed with your reading list and your reviews!

But I wonder if you might pick up an entertainment novel....something to distract you that you can get lost in and enjoy. I use mystery novels when I need to sort of check out and see if I can figure it out like a puzzle before the end.

thiskidknows · 06-15-2007, 02:11 PM

I have called ID on my mobile, but he's got clever and now withholds he's number...i have to answer unknown numbers cause if I don't I get the police calling round my house, so I can't win. I know I should hang up, I shouldn't let him get to me. I did have counselling today, and it was difficult which is why I was trying to keep myself busy. I've already drank 6 pints why can't I jsut deal with things in a normal way. I didn't go out so i wouldn't drink but still I drink. I don't go to AA or have anyone to call.

parentrecovers · 06-15-2007, 02:12 PM

can you get to aa?

Dee74 · 06-15-2007, 02:16 PM

sounds like this guy is kinda toxic, LC....but if he's your ex, don't you have the right to hang up on him, or not let him in ? (heck, you'd have that right if he was still your bf !)

D

thiskidknows · 06-15-2007, 02:18 PM

I don't know, I don't have the confidence to go. I have panic attacks in large groups and I don't know where any are. I don't htink I'm alcholic but my physicatrist thinks I have a tendancy to be one as I drink 100+ units a week and by midday get the shakes. I don't know anymore. I always set myself up to fail

parentrecovers · 06-15-2007, 02:20 PM

there are solutions lost child. you just have to make up your mind you want to get better..

blessings, k

**51anna** · 06-15-2007, 02:26 PM

Try to think about what you can do, rather than what you can't do.

If you keep believing you will never move forward in your life, then you never will.

MissKittyLuvs · 06-15-2007, 02:38 PM

Can you block his number from your phone?

Do you have any friends/family you can call after you talk with him? Someone that knows the situation and can help get you through your craving?

Please, find an AA meeting ... there are some meetings that have a small number of people attending ... look for those and sit there and listen. You don't have to talk.

God Bless.

nogard · 06-15-2007, 04:14 PM

(((lc))) you can try AA for 3 months and then if you don't like it give it up.

Kevin

GlassPrisoner · 06-15-2007, 04:16 PM

That's good advice. LC, you'd be surprised how different things look after even 90 days in AA.

Lollipop · 06-15-2007, 09:13 PM

((((LC)))))

Listen, we all have been influenced by outside (or inside) things that arise, BUT they CAN be overcome!!!! I know the anxiety and panick attacks ALL too well, get to an online meeting to start....they really do help (at least for me they did and do) pm me, Ill meet you in one, you can talk about your worries and probs without leaving the house. Meanwhile, work on ridding yourself of the things that are toxic to you... keep up with your doc. and think about what it is that YOU need!!!!

We are all here hun! Keep posting...you are NOT alone!

~HUGS!~ Liss

liveweyerd · 06-15-2007, 09:52 PM

AH! Therapy always stirs thing up, eh?

I would have to go home, get in bed and get lost in a book and get lots of sleep.

Therapy is hard work and very draining! Also made me feel far more vulnerable.

chiynita · 06-15-2007, 10:32 PM

I dont know what I can say to you LC.
I hope you find some peace in your life.
You are such a special person with alot to offer and very talented with words.
I wish you could see what I see just from reading your posts.
And your one wish thread.
I wish I could do the same for you.
We are all here for you.

luv2all · 06-15-2007, 10:39 PM

If you can't stay away from alcohol, then it's a pretty good indication that you have an alcohol problem! I speak from experience! I, too, suffered with anxiety and panic attacks, thanks to my low-to-no self-esteem. But I forced myself to go to meetings, because I wanted to change the awful way I was living. I didn't have to speak at any of the meetings if I didn't want to. Just say you'd rather listen! No one will faint or BOOOOO you if you say this.

At my very first meeting, I heard a man say that if I wanted sobriety and the good life, then I must be willing to go to any lengths to get it!! It was always "Poor me, Poor me, Pour me a drink!!!" But nothing ever got better. In fact, continued drinking makes it progressively worse.

Please, please think well of yourself and that you are worth the good life. You can make it happen. I hope you'll keep coming back here to share with all of us, because we sure care about you and I hope you'll keep us posted about your AA meetings. Alcoholics Ano

06-15-2007, 12:42 PM	#1 (permalink)
thiskidknows Member Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: England Posts: 392	Failure Failure is printed on my head...all day I've kept myself busy, cleaning, posting, ironing, washing, reading don't let myself think. I get one phone call from my ex and i'm back on the drinking I can't face him with out drink. I can't deal with him. I'm home on my own, there's no one around no one to call so I just have to wait. I can't give up drinking, I'm a failure everyone was right. I give up. Sorry take care this is a place for successors not failures like me. Sorry.

06-15-2007, 12:55 PM	#2 (permalink)
BigSis On a tear Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Volcano Country! Posts: 3,157	You are not a failure... you are on a path. Recovery is a process, not a destination. So you have some awareness about what happens to you when you get calls from your ex. So how about some brain storming about how to deal with it next time? 1. Let the phone machine get it. 2. Take the phone off the hook when you expect his call. 3. Have numbers for local AA folks on hand to call if he DOES get through to you. 4. Know where a local meeting is and attend as often as you can. 5. Get some AA speaker cds and listen to them instead of his phone messages. 6. Play a game with yourself about how many days can you go without contact with him. 7. Flush the booze. 8. Take a nap. 9. Call someone - even an emergency hotline. (((LostChild)))
	__________________ No matter how spoiled the past may be, our future is spotless.... BigSis

06-15-2007, 01:04 PM	#4 (permalink)
51anna Forum Leader Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Dancing in the Light Posts: 10,518	Yes, you can give up drinking. And, don't answer his calls if you have caller ID. If you don't, hang up if it's him. You have far more control of your life than you think you do.
	__________________ Anna "I don't know what the future is holding in store I don't know where Im going, Im not sure where Ive been Theres a spirit that guides me, a light that shines for me My life is worth the living, I don't need to see the end." John Denver

06-15-2007, 01:48 PM	#6 (permalink)
liveweyerd Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: central Florida Posts: 6,920	I know you read alot and see a therapist. Didn't you have an appmt today? I am impressed with your reading list and your reviews! But I wonder if you might pick up an entertainment novel....something to distract you that you can get lost in and enjoy. I use mystery novels when I need to sort of check out and see if I can figure it out like a puzzle before the end.
	__________________ Each small candle lights a corner of the dark....Roger Waters

06-15-2007, 02:16 PM	#9 (permalink)
Dee74 warning contents may settle Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: far out. Posts: 8,411	sounds like this guy is kinda toxic, LC....but if he's your ex, don't you have the right to hang up on him, or not let him in ? (heck, you'd have that right if he was still your bf !) D
	__________________ No More Groundhog Day!! Never argue with an idiot: they'll drag you down to their level - and beat you with experience....

06-15-2007, 12:57 PM	#3 (permalink)
parentrecovers Member Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: USA Posts: 11,578	why don't you just not take his calls? (by the way, i am a mom of an alcoholic and one thing i know for about her drinking - i don't cause it) blessings, throw the booze away if you can today. k

06-15-2007, 01:40 PM	#5 (permalink)
caileesnana Member Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: dallas texas Posts: 1,520	The first time I didn't answer one the "the calls" I actually felt empowered, felt good. Try it!

06-15-2007, 02:11 PM	#7 (permalink)
thiskidknows Member Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: England Posts: 392	I have called ID on my mobile, but he's got clever and now withholds he's number...i have to answer unknown numbers cause if I don't I get the police calling round my house, so I can't win. I know I should hang up, I shouldn't let him get to me. I did have counselling today, and it was difficult which is why I was trying to keep myself busy. I've already drank 6 pints why can't I jsut deal with things in a normal way. I didn't go out so i wouldn't drink but still I drink. I don't go to AA or have anyone to call.

06-15-2007, 02:12 PM	#8 (permalink)
parentrecovers Member Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: USA Posts: 11,578	can you get to aa?

06-15-2007, 02:18 PM	#10 (permalink)
thiskidknows Member Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: England Posts: 392	I don't know, I don't have the confidence to go. I have panic attacks in large groups and I don't know where any are. I don't htink I'm alcholic but my physicatrist thinks I have a tendancy to be one as I drink 100+ units a week and by midday get the shakes. I don't know anymore. I always set myself up to fail

06-15-2007, 02:20 PM	#11 (permalink)
parentrecovers Member Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: USA Posts: 11,578	there are solutions lost child. you just have to make up your mind you want to get better.. blessings, k

06-15-2007, 02:26 PM	#12 (permalink)
51anna Forum Leader Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Dancing in the Light Posts: 10,518	Try to think about what you can do, rather than what you can't do. If you keep believing you will never move forward in your life, then you never will.
	__________________ Anna "I don't know what the future is holding in store I don't know where Im going, Im not sure where Ive been Theres a spirit that guides me, a light that shines for me My life is worth the living, I don't need to see the end." John Denver

06-15-2007, 02:38 PM	#13 (permalink)
MissKittyLuvs Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: In a pickle in White Oak, Pennsylvania Posts: 45	Can you block his number from your phone? Do you have any friends/family you can call after you talk with him? Someone that knows the situation and can help get you through your craving? Please, find an AA meeting ... there are some meetings that have a small number of people attending ... look for those and sit there and listen. You don't have to talk. God Bless.
	__________________ Valerie ************************* G.O.D. = Good Orderly Direction!

06-15-2007, 04:14 PM	#14 (permalink)
nogard Connected at last Join Date: May 2005 Location: Melbourne Victoria Australia Posts: 11,366	(((lc))) you can try AA for 3 months and then if you don't like it give it up. Kevin
	__________________ ...And like a bird that's on the wing and is flying free He can hear the song of home endlessly

06-15-2007, 04:16 PM	#15 (permalink)
GlassPrisoner Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Murrieta, Ca Posts: 2,685	That's good advice. LC, you'd be surprised how different things look after even 90 days in AA.
	__________________ Life Happens

06-15-2007, 09:13 PM	#16 (permalink)
Lollipop Member Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Ohio Posts: 859	((((LC))))) Listen, we all have been influenced by outside (or inside) things that arise, BUT they CAN be overcome!!!! I know the anxiety and panick attacks ALL too well, get to an online meeting to start....they really do help (at least for me they did and do) pm me, Ill meet you in one, you can talk about your worries and probs without leaving the house. Meanwhile, work on ridding yourself of the things that are toxic to you... keep up with your doc. and think about what it is that YOU need!!!! We are all here hun! Keep posting...you are NOT alone! ~HUGS!~ Liss
	__________________ "It is like a man takes a drink, the drink takes a drink, and the drink takes the man." My Friend LuckyV

06-15-2007, 09:52 PM	#17 (permalink)
liveweyerd Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: central Florida Posts: 6,920	AH! Therapy always stirs thing up, eh? I would have to go home, get in bed and get lost in a book and get lots of sleep. Therapy is hard work and very draining! Also made me feel far more vulnerable.
	__________________ Each small candle lights a corner of the dark....Roger Waters