Relationships

[Free Roll]

With my father, to be precise. This is what;s going on. For the last few months while I have been on the road to recovery, changing as I go, just trying to be myself at the time... my father gets annoyed and angry with me when I'm just trying to make conversation. Says things that quite frankly hurt my feelings. Such as.. 'you are always like that'. 'you've always been that way'. 'that's something a republican would say'.????? 'youve always been cheap'. So after months of weekly struggles with this, I decided I'd be better off being away from him until I was recovered/more recovered. He seems to have no compassion for me what so ever. Paradoxially, I can't seemingly recover as long as our relationship is as it is. I desperately need to accept something here, I presume. Basically I have allowed him to take over my mind and I'm going crazy.

Any ideas or books to read or anything at all would be welcome.

[51anna]

Hi and Welcome,

I had to remove myself from my relationship with my mother, in order for me to stay sane and sober. Sometimes we have to do these things in order to move forward. Hang in there.

[Nuno]

Realizing that is a powerful movement.I had a very bad relation with my Dad. I never Know what he is going to do, so i just don't trust him so i don't get disappointed. Do what's best for your recovery, you're worth it, just don't get discouraged. I was told so many times i sucked, i believed it. Don't do that!....

[SaTiT]

Sorry about that.

you can try looking in ACOA..my father is very abrassive and cold.
very, very simular
I can't be around him for too long. As a matter of fact i havn't seen
him in a couple of months. Breaking the cycle of me seeking approval
from my father was a bit tough. I just had to relize or suffered enough
pain to accepted that the man is encapible of loving me or I was barking
up the wrong tree..

You pretty much nail it on the head.
It felt like he took over my mind, but he's not around to feel the damn
torture that gose on inside of me.

I had to work through the guilt trip and a lot of negative inner vioce
and bascially reparent myself. Bascially wash out my mind.
Sometimes I wish there was an easy botton I can just push to erase those data banks.

these power post helped me a lot
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...wer-posts.html

[rabye]

does he know you have an addiction? cause my dad does not know and always used to critisice me for being unreliable, spend too much, lazy ect.....

recently when i have been getting my act together and changing to the better i found his attitude changed as he sees a different person. He does not know why, but he can see that I am making an effort to lead a better life and be a better person, so is more easy going.

I remember last year stealing cash from my parents, and all kinds of terrible things and one reason I am trying to quit all this is the guilt i feel for letting myself be this dishonest person to two people who love me so so much.

I am not saying you are doing things wrong, and maybe your dad is just too hard on you, but once you start to feel in control of yourself and life you will deal with him in a different was and it all will not seem so bad.

Dont give up, dont worry about him and what he thinks, concentrate on YOU, and u will see the change around you so fast and how good it will be.

Good luck and God bless, and pray to god when in a moment of weakness to pull u through. It helps.

[Free Roll]

Originally Posted by SaTiT

Sorry about that.

you can try looking in ACOA..my father is very abrassive and cold.
very, very simular
I can't be around him for too long. As a matter of fact i havn't seen
him in a couple of months. Breaking the cycle of me seeking approval
from my father was a bit tough. I just had to relize or suffered enough
pain to accepted that the man is encapible of loving me or I was barking
up the wrong tree..

Yes, me seeking his approval. Trying to prove to him that I have changed. That I'm a 'good boy' now. And feeling guilty about not seeing him, when I feel miserable when I do see him. Makes no sense.

[Rumi]

There are parents who are abusive, however traditional "psychotherapy" generally blames parents for the children's failures and problems which I consider a cop-out. I am not sure which category you fall under but be careful not to blame your father/mother for the state that you're in today.

It is customary in some circles to blame others for one's problems and displace responsibility.

[rabye]

true parents are only human and we tend to blame them for our insecurities which lead us to drug and alcohol abuse.

its not that its easy to blame them, once we our recovering we realise how much else is to blame and how we got there in thefirst place, and most of the time, we cannot even truly sya exactly what it was.

i guess we were at the wrong place at the wrong time.!!!!

Dont analyse too much, it gets you no where and self pity is just a wa y backward. focus on being healthy, looking and feeling great and getting the life you really want , cause NOW you can, you now have the power that u never had before, even when you never took drugs or alcohol, you now have determination to live your life to the full like never before.

so who cares about the past, its the past, look to the future and strive to be the person you dream to be.

kisses and love to all and good luck.