First AA Meeting

[Mick HK]

Hi,

I attended my first AA meeting tonight. Lovely ,friendly, supportive people, who obviously wanted the best for themselves, each other and me.

And yet, I feel a bit weird. There was stuff which made me uncomfortable. Too much God on the wall although not so much in the talk (not to offend, but I'm not religious),too much reading stuff out and group recitation, too much handholding. I know that sounds awful, but I don't know if it's for me. I'll be back tomorrow and the next day, purely because I'd feel it rude not to, which is probably not the world's best reason! I think I've obviously gone in with negative preconceptions.

I'm completely NOT a 'people person'. I find smalltalk impossible and intolerable, and being in groups of people I don't know pretty well makes me very uncomfortable, which is why I find online talk much more useful. Here ends the whining. I guess I'm just asking for general comments, or whether this is normal.

Oh - and does everybody REALLY do 90 meetings in 90 days???

[dgillz]

Not everyone does 90 meetings in 90 days...it only took me about 70 days to do that

Of course, I still went out and got drunk anyway

And of course some people come in for 1 or 2 meetings and never come back.

I do think a lot of your sentiments are normal. Small talk certainly takes place before and after the meeting, but I don't consider the sharing part of an AA meeting small talk.

90 meetings in 90 days is really to get you used to the atmosphere. Early on when everything is new, we are so busy trying to get comfortable in the new environment and getting used to being sober, we often miss the message. So 90 in 90 is a rule of thumb that has evolved over the years.

"too much hand holding"? Are you kidding? The only time I have see people hold hands is at the end of the meeting for about 30 seconds. If that's too much to help solve your alcohol problem I don't know how to respond.

[gurujake]

Welcome to SR, Wander. You will find some awesome folks on this site and some amazing support in the rooms of AA. At least that's been my experience. Yes, it was a little weird at first...I think it is for most of us. Many comment on it seeming very much like a cult because of certain rituals and the way in which following a structured program is stressed. All I can do is share my experience with it. I first entered the rooms two years ago and quickly got a sponsor. After a few meetngs, I found someone that had some time, seemed comfortable in his own skin (which i was not at the time), made me laugh and had something I could relate to in his shares. Once I had a sponsor, things started to fall into place for me. I started to feel like I was part of something at that moment and my level of comfort gradually improved. Just try connecting with one person at first while being as friendly and cordial to others as you can. As far as the God topic goes, I think that the program does a great job (at least in my meetings) of differentiating between God and a power greater than myself. I just had to learn that there was something else at work and that I do not have control over all of what happens in my life. It got pretty easy after that. So, I encourage you to get a sponsor and also attend the same meeitings each week so you can get to know some quality folks and learn that they are just like you and I. They just want to live a better life, free from alcohol and drugs. Again, welcome and please stick around.

[Chance]

Originally Posted by wander1971

Oh - and does everybody REALLY do 90 meetings in 90 days???

I have done up to 297 meetings in 90 days. I was shooting for 300 and went to the meeting and they had a cake there with a 300 candle, and I told them that I counted up my meetings and I only did 297 meetings and I was a failure again! They said, "Vic, maybe just maybe you miss counted!" Hum never thought of that

It is like you said about the meetings. But remember that the Program of NA/AA is not a religious program it is a spiritual program. You are more than allowed to take your own HP into the meeting! That has been a life saver for me. GOD (GROUP OF DRUGGIES) GOD (GROUP OF DRUNKS)

I still do a meeting everyday (missing a few here or there) and if it is working why should I get in the way and try to fix something that isn't broke. I have almost 10 1/2 months and I know this time around it is completely different. There is a saying that is in the NA Basic Text

"Take what you want and leave the rest!"

Good advice. Keep trying and remember that we are all with you!

With Love and Respect

Vic

[scootinbabe]

i am relatively new--about 8 months from my last drink--and i have small kids and a husband who works long hours. I could only do about two meetings a week. I supplement by coming here, reading a lot about alcoholism and trying to touch base with my sponsor. So far, it's been working.

aa IS was a real alien environment to me too. but it was the only place i could speak openly about drinking and not feel guilty or ashamed. that alone was a great gift.

there is a lot of use of the word "God" in AA literature. don't get too hung up on it. "god" means your higher power. whatever you define it to be. it can be anything that's bigger than you--greater than what is under your control. it can be a belief in the vastness in the universe--literally the stars--or the fellowship of other non-drinkers, or your dead grandmother, the generations that came before...whatever. "God" is supposed to be your own personal definition of a power greater than you.

talking to others is sometimes very difficult for me. but amazingly sometimes all you need to do is listen. be there for someone else. touching base with another human makes you accountable to a group. they look to see you at the meetings, you look for others at the meetings. you start to see the same faces. it becomes reassuring.

aa has really helped me.

congratulations on making it to a meeting. that step is a big one and--so far--actually going to a meeting and admitting i was an alcoholic was the hardest and biggest step in the right direction that i have made.

keep coming back!

[azure]

scootinbabe... you just made me feel a bit better about going to my first meeting!! when I read the original post, I was scared. I haven't started AA yet, but plan on it. I can't make the 90 meetings either because of my hub's schedule and I have small kids, too.

I like the idea of the forum as an anytime support system.

[Mick HK]

Thanks for all the replies.

Azure, I owe you an apology if I put you off going to the meeting. Like I said, I found it a bit unusual (or 'new', rather), but I'll be going back. It's a bunch of people who have this problem and who have, in many cases, learned how to deal with it. They have a lot of useful experience and are willing to share it. At that level alone, it's got to be worth trying. I wrote that message immediately after returning - I'm a lot more positive now, a few hours later.

Sorry for disjointed ramblings - again, thanks for any replies.

[ayla zaire]

wander......you don't have to love meetings.......i don't go at all, i'm addicted to vicoden......so it would be NA for me......you are right, and so are the others here....there is a wealth of experience to draw from and i can see how contact with people who share your problems is very benefical......the only reason i do not go is that i have 3 children and no transportation........so it's difficult for me to get out.....

good luck to you, i hope you find the help and support you need
ayla

[azure]

wander... belive me, you didn't cause my fear!! I've been 'around' groups before through my husband and even myself back in high school. Truthfully, I'm looking for any excuse.

It does a great deal for me to see that other people aren't completely enamoured with the process... I already have reservations, so it helps that everyone else might, too.

keep up the good work, and we'll compare notes soon!

[Ngokpa]

Going to AA can be a shock at first. It has it's own culture, which is different from the norm. When I started all I knew is that I needed a change, and I couldn't do it on my own. I decided to shoot for 90 days and do whatever it took to get through the day one day at a time.

Many people struggle with the "God stuff", and some eventually find another way to do it. Either way it involves change, and being open to how that's going to play out.

I've been sober for 24 years. AA was a big part of why. But eventually I broadened my horizons to find other things to help as well, which helped me with problems AA wasn't very good at dealing with. But I had to learn to stay sober first.

AA is good because it has so many meetings. If you need to check out an alternative, fine. But addiction is tough to beat, and most folks don't make it. Give yourself a chance.

[recovery4me]

i am on my third aa meeting and found the last one better than the first 2 yes i am not into hand shacking and all that but dont do it at my group as for 90 groups in 90 days no i will not get that done anyway goodluck

[miss communicat]

I just wanted to welcome you here and share what worked for me. I have been sober since Dec 1 2005 with the help and support of SR in addition to AA.

In addition to traditional AA I am also a member of Freethinkers AA and Agnostic AA both of which have online meetings and an online members list/dialogue you can sign up to receive and interact with as much or as little as you care to. I did do the 90 meetings in 90 days and found it helpful to get a solid sober base.

For me, someone who was also intloerant of other people (whether it be small talk, or big talk...I just prefeerrred to stay in my own world, thank you), these online commnuities were a saving grace in the beginning until I felt less discomfort joining the fellowship model of support.

However, you may wish to keep an open mind about AA, because the benefits of fellowship in sobrieyu are immense. It matters less that their is god talk on the walls....I mean, compared to the kind of BS in the air in bars, at dinner parties, and in my own head sometimes....a little slogan here and there are benign at worst, and pretty pithy at best.

Yep, in AA some people have their god and other people have another ideology of higher power...thats why they say "take what you need and leave the rest". Just a hunch here, but, based on my own experience, if you are alcoholic like me, if you need sobriety, you may need to make a few changes in approach and attitude.

I had to relinquish the notion that somewhere out there was a group of people or a program of recovery with people who all thought like I did, liked the same music, had the same esthetic preferences and so on. And, the irony of it was, that once i gave up wanting AA to fit my requirements, it started to feel more and more comfortable.

Good luck with your day to day journey! Keep us posted about how it goes!

[51anna]

Hi Wander,

I am glad you're taking steps towards a sober life. I don't go to meetings, but I do understand the uncomfortable feeling you are talking about. Change is always hard and moving out of our comfort zone is something we don't usually want to do. But, in order to get better, I had to face things and do things I didn't want to.

Keep moving forward!

[Raineydae]

Hi Wander. I totally get where you're at right now because reading your post, I was like, "Wow, have I gone back in time & that's me posting 6 weeks ago?"

I'll tell you something great, hon: It's weird but it works!

I wanted to stop drinking. Now, 3 months later, I want to stay stopped. I decided that I would do whatever I had to do to keep this sober thing going. Folk will all gladly share their own little thoughts about how it works. There's even a chapter in the Big Book all about it. Which, by the way, you can find online at:
http://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org/...tableofcnt.cfm

Most will remain baffled as to how it works. I'll be honest with you, I still don't like crappy small talk. I don't much like all the bits at the beginning and the end of a meeting either but, for me, I have found that the magic is in the sharing. It makes me think about how I'm doing stuff right now and maybe how I can change what I'm doing for the better.

Another tip, if you're not keen on AA, try NA. I find the spirituality emphasis slightly different there and I feel more comfortable.

I actually think this whole business of getting to meetings is making me slightly more tolerant of all those other people out there. Hell, I may have even - quietly now - made a friend or two. Yes! It's true!
I'm finding a new way to think and therefore a new way to live, to replace the drinking. Please do keep trying. It's true what they say: It works if you work it.

[TINLIZZY]

Wander -

My first meeting was not that long ago. I walked in crying and shaking, literally, and left with a purse full of phone numbers and a slightly better feeling. I continued to go to several other meetings, sat in the back and did not participate. Every time something in my life caused me stress, I did what I always do. I reached for the bottle. It was not working over well!

Last week, I got some really bad news and did what I always do. I reached for the bottle, yet again. Before I finished my second drink, I decided to pick up the phone. I called a woman that I met at my first meeting. She, I believe, did not even remember who I was. She met me at a meeting that evening, told me not to drink on my way home, and checked in on me the next day. She also introduced me to several other women who checked in on me the next day. I have been given soo much support!! These women offered to attend other meetings with me and encouraged me to look into an outpatient rehab here in my town which has a fantastic reputation. A program, by the way, that my husband has been trying to get me to look into for the past 3 months! Their encouragement and suport helped me to gain the confidence to go the the hospital and have an assessment for the rehab program. It is an outpatient program which meets three times per week. I can still go to work and be home for my family. I am on a waiting list (not more that a week) and am really looking forward to gaining some insight to my problem and tools to deal with stressors/triggers.

I have been to a meeting everyday since. I have even "shared" twice.

It was VERY hard for me to reach out for help. I have always thought of myself as a strong woman, one that can stand on her own feet and one that does not need help. Unfortuanately for me, recovering from alcoholism will take more than willpower. I can't do this by myself, and I can't tell you how hard that is for me to admit.

A little about myself. I'm 45, married for 21 years, and have three children. I work in a male dominated field and have for the past 15 years. My hobby of choice is flying private planes, also male dominated (something I have NOT done since drinking became a problem). I am not a "girly girl", do not "do" lunch, and have no religious background.

Give AA another chance, and then another, and then another. I'm not good at small talk either, but the "small talk" at an AA meeting tends to revolve around sobriety and recovery. God is not as important as you (or I) are afraid it is, believe me. And, reaching out for help is not as hard as it seems.

Sorry for the rant -

TinLizzy