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03-11-2007, 02:07 PM
| #1 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Ohio
Posts: 9
| SOOO Scared
Hi all, I started to post last night, and then got too scared to actually hit the "submit" button. Like, if it was in print it was real, and I have been trying to lie to myself for quite awhile now. Last night, I couldn't lie anymore. I finally hit rock bottom. About me, I'm 31, married to a great guy, and have always been a pretty hard partier, but generally I kept it to the "normal" nights. Then I took a new job which allowed me considerable freedom, and I started drinking when I got home (3-ish). Then I just started working less. Then I just stopped working, and was either drunk or sleeping - with the aid of Ambien, Lunesta, and any other sleep pill I could get my hands on. Last night I got, quite franky, trashed. Then I took a few Lunesta, woke up, and started drinking the drink I had made before the Lunesta knocked me out. I became so overwhelmingly sad, so I called my dad, who begged me to look into rehab. I called them last night, and they got me in for an eval today. Tomorrow I check in for a 3-5 day detox, and then go from there. I am petrified. Scared isn't even an adequate description. What happens in detox? How will I handle it? I can't remember not going to bed without some liquor or meds. HOW WILL I HANDLE IT? I am scared of never being able to have a drink again, never be able to fall back on that crutch. Anyway, I'm glad I found this place; it looks like a wonderful place for support. And if anyone knows anything about detox, please let me know! I think I'm most scared about that... |
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03-11-2007, 02:15 PM
| #2 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: pass the bon bons
Posts: 2,363
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you are so brave to admit that you have a problem........i don't know what you can expect in rehab, but i do know that there will be someone along soon who will be able to tell you exactly what to expect..... i want to welcome you to sr, and sobriety....and remember, no matter how afraid you are right now....you are taking steps to have a much better life......and you are stopping behavior that can be very dangerous, not to mention what it's doing to your body... i'm 30, a mother of three and i also live in ohio...i didn't drink, pills were my problem........but thanks to this site i have more than 100 days clean and i feel really good.....most of the time....lol.....if i can do this, you can......my mother quit drinking after 40 years of drinking.......you can do this..... don't be afraid.....it's only 3-5 days right now.....just take it one minute at a time...... good luck, sweetie... |
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03-11-2007, 02:16 PM
| #3 (permalink) | |
| Member  Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Murfreesboro, TN
Posts: 595
|  Quote:
Kermit, Welcome to SR! Everyone here will be happy to help you. Detox is really just giving your body time to filter out the alcohol. It's best done under the care of a doctor because sometimes, depending on the individual, there might physical discomfort that needs attention. We know you're scared. There are many here who have been through what you're going through. They will all testify that they survived. Once you're out, come back here. We will give you suggestions as to how to work toward freedom from alcohol. But that's not all, we'll suggest ways that you can turn your life around and be happy, peaceful, joyous, and free. That may sound impossible right now, but don't worry, this is a process, not a quick fix. We will move forward with you hand in hand. The only thing you should be thinking about right now is getting through detox and coming back with a desire to stop drinking. Not forever, just for today. Your fear will slip away and pretty soon you'll be helping others just like you. You are in our prayers. Your in sobriety, ED | |
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03-11-2007, 02:24 PM
| #4 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Ohio
Posts: 9
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Wow, thank you both so much for answering so quickly. I know I need to try to take this one day at a time, but it's so overwhelming. I appreciate the kind words more than you guys know. And ayla, I have dabbled in pills as well. It never got to the point where it consumed me, but I think I have such an addictive personality that it easily could have. Well, I do have issues with sleeping pills, but I think that's more of an alcohol thing. I guess I'll find out. |
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03-11-2007, 02:25 PM
| #5 (permalink) |
| Life is Grand  Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Michigan
Posts: 1,340
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Welcome kermit, I am so glad you decided to get help. Golfmans post was right on the money. I am not going to lie and say the next few day will be easy, you will probably be pretty miserable.....alway remember that feeling, because you will never have to feel that way again!!!! I will be looking for your post in 5 days telling of your expereince in detox, and your new outlook about being clean and sober!!! SRH
__________________ Every Saint has a past and every Sinner has a future!  |
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03-11-2007, 02:36 PM
| #7 (permalink) |
| Member  Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Toronto Ontario
Posts: 336
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Kermit, lots of support here. I would be scared if I were you as well but you know what is scarier, scarier is not getting help. Keep reading and posting here, we're all here to listen and help out where we can. I'm still pretty new but it's been this site that has kept me sane and sober for the last coupla weeks.
__________________ I keep my head on straight, and my eyes wide open. I try to move forward wishing and hoping. I took a hold of myself in the middle of November. Don’t you look back now, it’s all I can remember. I’m breaking this line before it comes full circle. ---Beth Hart--- |
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03-11-2007, 02:37 PM
| #8 (permalink) | |
| Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Murfreesboro, TN
Posts: 595
|  Quote:
Not cheezy at all. We all feel the same way when we know we're not alone. Being with people who understand where you are is one of the nicest feelings you'll get. Come back in 5 days, you ain't seen nothin' yet!! Hang in there lady, the best is yet to come! Your friend, Ed | |
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03-11-2007, 02:46 PM
| #9 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: pass the bon bons
Posts: 2,363
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lol.....definately not cheesy........it's so great here........i'm really glad you are finding that it helps.......did you get my link?..... gonna take the kiddos outside....but i'll be back... hugs ayla |
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03-11-2007, 03:00 PM
| #11 (permalink) |
| Member  Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: MA.
Posts: 1,693
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Hi Kermit and a big welcome to you! When I was in Rehab my fears were lifted. This is because my peers were JUST like me, searching for a life free from the bonds of addiction. I found that my peers had experienced many of the same things I had. I didn't feel alone. I find that here is very comforting. You are never judged, and the people here take a real interest in you. They truly care about your wellbeing. So, keep in touch with us. We are here for you. |
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03-11-2007, 03:03 PM
| #12 (permalink) | |
| Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Ohio
Posts: 9
| Quote:
Sure did; I'm reading it now! Thank you all so much. You know, I'm terrified of what's going to happen the next few days, but all of the posts about how good they feel sober actually excites me enough to quiet the fear a little bit. I can't remember the last time I felt energetic or excited about...well...anything other than vodka. Enjoy the nice Ohio weather while you can; not sure where you're located, but here in Cleveland it can be 50 one day and -20 the next! | |
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03-11-2007, 03:17 PM
| #13 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Ohio
Posts: 9
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I just called the rehab place, and I can smoke in there! Woo hoo! I know it's an addiction as well, but the idea of going 5 days without a cigarette sounded awful. Reading the "What to Expect" thread is amazing. Some of the side effects are pretty scary, but I just want to he healthier. I wish it were tomorrow morning already! |
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03-11-2007, 03:37 PM
| #14 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: pass the bon bons
Posts: 2,363
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trust me.....i know all about ohio weather.....hehe...i've lived here almost my whole life....i live near columbus.....it is beautiful out today...but i'm taking advantage of the family being out of the house to clean....well, i'm supposed to be cleaning...lol.....
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03-11-2007, 04:05 PM
| #15 (permalink) |
| Member  Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,605
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Hi Kermit, A big hello to you and welcome. I know the fear. It helps me if I write down my fears and the worst thing that could happen. Sometimes the worst thing isn't that bad. If it is bad and you can't handle it, at least you know and you can maybe take some actions to avoid it happening. I have to go and do some work now but I will be keeping an eye out for how you get on. That Dad of yours sounds like someone who cares about you a lot. We do too. Love, Steph
__________________ ************************************ 3 August 2007 Be a fisher of men. You catch them. He’ll clean them! Cliff B (Texas) |
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03-11-2007, 04:16 PM
| #16 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Ohio
Posts: 9
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You are all so freakin' awesome! I have spent the past four hours on this board, and my guess is that I'll be spending way more time once I get back. The clinician told me to NOT cut out alcohol tonight, because the dangers associated with it are too high. So I'm sitting here, with all of my thoughts about getting sober, wondering if I should make a drink or try to make it. I know she knows better than me, but it sounds like a step back. Any thoughts? And Steph, I am a "closet writer"; I don't ever show anyone what I write generally but LOVE it. It's so therapeutic; I am planning on bringing a journal to the facility so I can keep track of this journey. It's going to be hard, but I want to remember the bad times so I never have to do it again. I don't know if I can say enough "thanks". Jess |
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03-11-2007, 04:25 PM
| #17 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Toronto Ontario
Posts: 336
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Jess, these boards are really addictive, I may need a support group to get me off here. I've only been here 2 weeks and I have already racked up more than 100 posts. But I have learned a ton and checking here daily really does keep me honest with myself. Keep reading and posting. I'm looking forward to seeing back when you're done with detox.
__________________ I keep my head on straight, and my eyes wide open. I try to move forward wishing and hoping. I took a hold of myself in the middle of November. Don’t you look back now, it’s all I can remember. I’m breaking this line before it comes full circle. ---Beth Hart--- |
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03-12-2007, 05:07 AM
| #20 (permalink) |
| Lurker  Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Western NC
Posts: 781
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Wlecome kermit. I too never went to rehab. Guess at that point did not have the guts to admit to everyone that I had the problem. I just white knuckled it, and read this board alot. Good luck!! Sobroety is a wonderful thing.
__________________ John, It works if you work it |
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03-12-2007, 06:15 AM
| #21 (permalink) |
| Member  Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: my room in ct.
Posts: 20,638
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hello dare kermit... just stick'n my three cents in... no major news flash here.. its been said... after re-hab... c'mon back ya'hear... all good wishes kermit... xxoo, rz
__________________ Rule 62 |
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03-23-2007, 02:08 AM
| #23 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Ohio
Posts: 9
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Update! Well, I was in rehab/detox for 6 days. Official detox for three, where they gave me Librium for the withdrawal symptoms. Worked wonderful...other than my BP going all over the board, I didn't have too many symptoms. No tremors - the worst was night-sweat/chills. Then I moved past detox and into a rehab program for a few days. It went well; I made a lot of good friends and I feel really good about the program. I will tell you that the best meeting I attended was an NA meeting; for some reason, all of the AA meetings made me just want to drink more! I'm sure it's just the group, though. I feel mentally and physically better and made some great friends there. Group therapy is great; I cried more than I thought was possible, but it all felt good. They kept me for a few additional days just to make sure I had the foundation for recovery. I am now in an intensive outpatient program where I go to 3-hour meetings three times a week. I'm looking forward to it, actually. I will admit that I am having all of these weird symptoms of withdrawal; short term memory loss, weight gained, etc., but it beats being drunk at 1pm watching crappy TV! On Monday, it will be two weeks sober, and that is a damned good thing, if I do say so myself.  So, I lived, detox wasn't bad, and I'm SOBER. Yay! They took away my Ambien meds, so I'm stuck waiting for my body to want sleep, hence the 4am post. In the past, I would be searching my medicine cabinet to find ANYTHING to make me sleep...now, I'm patient and waiting for my BODY to want to sleep, not ME wanting to sleep. It'll happen. Hopefully, that is! Thanks again for everyone's support! |
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03-23-2007, 05:18 AM
| #25 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: my room in ct.
Posts: 20,638
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kermit, so happy for you... a nice positive attitude you have... see rehab wasnt so bad... what we have to fear...? theres nothing to fear in the dark... thats not there when the lights come on... your lights are on now kermit... root'n for ya... good wishes kerm... xxoo, zip
__________________ Rule 62 |
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