Confusion

[try try again]

I'm so scared that I don't even know what to say. Just the thought of posting has me about to start crying. I've been in love with a drunk/addict for over twenty years and let me tell you I'm a very sick cookie. I recently asked him to leave for the good of my kids and myself, because he was becoming violent and just plain stupid again. The problem is I can't function without him (or at least I don't think I can). I'm finishing a bachelors degree soon and would love to run away, but part of me knows that I can't stay away from him. My drunk is my addiction and I don't know how to recover from him or even if I should. Am I co-dependant? I'm sure I am, but I'm a full time college student and mother and live in a small town and my kids are already alone too much now that their Dads gone, so I can't drive to a meeting, or even probably find one near here I can make it to on a regular basis. Plus, it scares me because I've tried it before and I replaced my addiction with an addiction for meetings and met a lot more loser guys there and screwed my life up worse than it was already. Any suggestions? Or should I just give up and give in to y incredibly screwed up life and the fact that I will never be successful?

[Sheryl85]

Welcome to SR. There is a forum here that I think can really help you. Click on the Friends and Families of Alcoholics board and I bet you will get more support than you ever thought possible. Don't give up... Help is on the way!

[Astro]

Welcome, I'm so glad you're posting here. You're going to find that there are many people here with stories very similar to yours, so you're not alone. More help will be along soon.

If you decide to try meetings again (maybe find a womens meeting so you're not dealing with the loser guys) how about taking your kids with you if it's allowed? My kids attend 2-5 meetings every week with me, and are very supportive of the parent I've become in sobriety.

You'll be fine, and success is available if you want it and are willing to do whatever it takes to find it.

[CarolD]

Hi and Welcome!

An addiction to a toxic man?

I left my abusive husband because
I loved ME more than HE.

It's great you are getting your education
that will give you self esteen and a
better financial base to move forward.

Read "Co Dependant No More" by Beattie.

I do hope you will find your way to happiness.
I certainly have.

[SaTiT]

yeah....do reserch on co-dependency.

Oh man...I remember those days. Just total chaos
and confussion and I couldn't think cleary or see
clearly and I wasn't the one that was drunk or high.

The book I have is "love is a chioce"
No...no don't give up on yourself.
Just let go....there's a difference.

I do suggest getting support locally. Yeah trying to replace
the empty hole inside is a trip...looser guys nor any guy
arn't capable of such task. Feels like your a walking dougnut
sometimes dosn't it.

re-focusing on ourselves instead of getting absorb into
others is a challenge.
There's a song call......
"Be Good to yourself cuz nobody else will"

[Golfman]

Originally Posted by try try again

I'm so scared that I don't even know what to say. Just the thought of posting has me about to start crying. I've been in love with a drunk/addict for over twenty years and let me tell you I'm a very sick cookie. I recently asked him to leave for the good of my kids and myself, because he was becoming violent and just plain stupid again. The problem is I can't function without him (or at least I don't think I can). I'm finishing a bachelors degree soon and would love to run away, but part of me knows that I can't stay away from him. My drunk is my addiction and I don't know how to recover from him or even if I should. Am I co-dependant? I'm sure I am, but I'm a full time college student and mother and live in a small town and my kids are already alone too much now that their Dads gone, so I can't drive to a meeting, or even probably find one near here I can make it to on a regular basis. Plus, it scares me because I've tried it before and I replaced my addiction with an addiction for meetings and met a lot more loser guys there and screwed my life up worse than it was already. Any suggestions? Or should I just give up and give in to y incredibly screwed up life and the fact that I will never be successful?

Welcome Try,

As has been said, you will find understanding, love, and help here at SR. First thing I'd suggest is to slow down, take a deep breath, and know that it's going to be okay. You do not have to take that kind of abuse from anyone. You're probably feeling trapped right now with no way out. We can assure you there is a way out.

You probably feel that this is all your fault. It's not!! You may have put up with this a little too long, but you can change that now. The most important thing for you to do is to think about your well-being and that of your children. It's wonderful you are completing your education. That alone will give you a sense of independence.

This guy you're with cares nothing about you. He's feeding his addiction. He uses your vulnerability as a mechanism to feel better about himself. He knows that he has some control over you. But you can be a different person and live a happy and productive life without him.

There is a forum on this site for Friends and Family of Alcoholic and Addicts. I know you will find a lot of support there. The folks on that Forum have either gone through or are going through the same thing you are.

I'm not suggesting that you leave here and go there. I'm suggesting that you use all the resources available on this site to get help.

We will be here when you need us and remember, you are not alone. You deserve a much better life. We'll help you find it.

Big hug,
EH

[try try again]

Thank you all so much for your support. Now I am crying. I'll keep trying and putting one foot in front of the other.

[TheGirlInside]

Originally Posted by try try again

I can't function without him (or at least I don't think I can).

Ask yourself (your mind, not heart). Is this true? What proof is there? What proof do you have to the contrary?

[/QUOTE]My drunk is my addiction and I don't know how to recover from him or even if I should.[/QUOTE]

All addictions are unhealthy. To me, I define addiction as something that I KNOW is bad for me, but that I WANT anyway.

[/QUOTE]
I'm a full time college student and mother and live in a small town and my kids are already alone too much now that their Dads gone, so I can't drive to a meeting, or even probably find one near here I can make it to on a regular basis. [/QUOTE]

Perhaps someone has more info for your area. One hour one night a week (for a meeting) won't trauamatizing your children, if they have already been alone before. Some meetings do offer childcare.


[/QUOTE] I've tried it before and I replaced my addiction with an addiction for meetings and met a lot more loser guys there and screwed my life up worse than it was already.[/QUOTE]

You might try an all-women's meeting...I think these are easier for me, to keep me from my addictive relationship issues (and ooh, do I still have them! Dangit) to talk more freely about relationship/sex issues.


[/QUOTE]
should I just give up and give in to my incredibly screwed up life and the fact that I will never be successful? [/QUOTE]

Again...where is your proof that it's a "fact" that you will "never" anything?

Hang in there, and give yourself a brake, okay (mispelled on purpose)? You've taken a brave first baby step by posting here. Ala-non, Nar-anon and similar programs will most likely give you the best help. Even if you don't like the meetings, you can always go once and borrow or buy some pamphlets, books or tapes, and utilize them in the three minutes you have to yourself every now and again...lol...I used them to "fill in the gaps" between the very l-o-ong week between ACOA and AA meetings...now I'm working on OA, too.

[Pilgrim]

Try try again,

Thank you for coming here. You have helped me to remember why I shouldn't have a drink. Did God send you or what?

I know what it is to be in love with a bad man. But you know, it might be the feelings you are comfortable with aren't love. You may be equating love with adrenilin, fear. Those feelings are intense and can be confused with love. They are addictive too. Carol - we need a new thread - adrenilin addiction help. Hehe.

This site is amazing. I hope you will find what you are looking for hunny.

[ayla zaire]

i'm so glad you have found us here.....and also happy you are finding the help and support you need........there are so many wonderful people here that understand what you are going through and can help you recover.....good luck, i'm always happy to see a fellow mama on the board....

please follow this link, it will take you to the friends and family of alcoholics forum......good luck...
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ly-alcoholics/

good luck to you
hugs
ayla

[Moontime]

Nar-anon

http://nar-anon.org/naranongroups.htm