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03-08-2007, 08:01 AM
| #1 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: far far away
Posts: 12
| Confusion
I'm so scared that I don't even know what to say. Just the thought of posting has me about to start crying. I've been in love with a drunk/addict for over twenty years and let me tell you I'm a very sick cookie. I recently asked him to leave for the good of my kids and myself, because he was becoming violent and just plain stupid again. The problem is I can't function without him (or at least I don't think I can). I'm finishing a bachelors degree soon and would love to run away, but part of me knows that I can't stay away from him. My drunk is my addiction and I don't know how to recover from him or even if I should. Am I co-dependant? I'm sure I am, but I'm a full time college student and mother and live in a small town and my kids are already alone too much now that their Dads gone, so I can't drive to a meeting, or even probably find one near here I can make it to on a regular basis. Plus, it scares me because I've tried it before and I replaced my addiction with an addiction for meetings and met a lot more loser guys there and screwed my life up worse than it was already. Any suggestions? Or should I just give up and give in to y incredibly screwed up life and the fact that I will never be successful?
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03-08-2007, 08:08 AM
| #2 (permalink) |
| '55 Classic  Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Waco, TX
Posts: 630
|
Welcome to SR. There is a forum here that I think can really help you. Click on the Friends and Families of Alcoholics board and I bet you will get more support than you ever thought possible. Don't give up... Help is on the way!
__________________ "Temper is a quality that at a critical moment brings out the best in steel and worst in people." - William Grohse NOTE: All Big Book quotes are from the First Edition of the Big Book |
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03-08-2007, 08:11 AM
| #3 (permalink) |
| Forum Leader  Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
Posts: 11,833
|
Welcome, I'm so glad you're posting here. You're going to find that there are many people here with stories very similar to yours, so you're not alone. More help will be along soon. If you decide to try meetings again (maybe find a womens meeting so you're not dealing with the loser guys) how about taking your kids with you if it's allowed? My kids attend 2-5 meetings every week with me, and are very supportive of the parent I've become in sobriety. You'll be fine, and success is available if you want it and are willing to do whatever it takes to find it.
__________________ "Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty, and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming---*WOW-What a ride*!" |
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03-08-2007, 08:14 AM
| #4 (permalink) |
| Forum Leader  Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 34,835
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Hi and Welcome! An addiction to a toxic man? I left my abusive husband because I loved ME more than HE. It's great you are getting your education that will give you self esteen and a better financial base to move forward. Read "Co Dependant No More" by Beattie. I do hope you will find your way to happiness. I certainly have.
__________________  Each Day Sober Is A Victory!! Joy In AA Recovery!  |
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03-08-2007, 09:10 AM
| #5 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: anomaly
Posts: 2,181
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yeah....do reserch on co-dependency. Oh man...I remember those days. Just total chaos and confussion and I couldn't think cleary or see clearly and I wasn't the one that was drunk or high. The book I have is "love is a chioce" No...no don't give up on yourself. Just let go....there's a difference. I do suggest getting support locally. Yeah trying to replace the empty hole inside is a trip...looser guys nor any guy arn't capable of such task. Feels like your a walking dougnut sometimes dosn't it. re-focusing on ourselves instead of getting absorb into others is a challenge. There's a song call...... "Be Good to yourself cuz nobody else will" |
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03-08-2007, 10:43 AM
| #6 (permalink) | |
| Member  Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Murfreesboro, TN
Posts: 595
|  Quote:
Welcome Try, As has been said, you will find understanding, love, and help here at SR. First thing I'd suggest is to slow down, take a deep breath, and know that it's going to be okay. You do not have to take that kind of abuse from anyone. You're probably feeling trapped right now with no way out. We can assure you there is a way out. You probably feel that this is all your fault. It's not!! You may have put up with this a little too long, but you can change that now. The most important thing for you to do is to think about your well-being and that of your children. It's wonderful you are completing your education. That alone will give you a sense of independence. This guy you're with cares nothing about you. He's feeding his addiction. He uses your vulnerability as a mechanism to feel better about himself. He knows that he has some control over you. But you can be a different person and live a happy and productive life without him. There is a forum on this site for Friends and Family of Alcoholic and Addicts. I know you will find a lot of support there. The folks on that Forum have either gone through or are going through the same thing you are. I'm not suggesting that you leave here and go there. I'm suggesting that you use all the resources available on this site to get help. We will be here when you need us and remember, you are not alone. You deserve a much better life. We'll help you find it. Big hug, EH | |
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03-08-2007, 11:50 AM
| #8 (permalink) | |
| In Recovery Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Upper Midwest
Posts: 259
| Quote:
[/QUOTE]My drunk is my addiction and I don't know how to recover from him or even if I should.[/QUOTE] All addictions are unhealthy. To me, I define addiction as something that I KNOW is bad for me, but that I WANT anyway. [/QUOTE] I'm a full time college student and mother and live in a small town and my kids are already alone too much now that their Dads gone, so I can't drive to a meeting, or even probably find one near here I can make it to on a regular basis. [/QUOTE] Perhaps someone has more info for your area. One hour one night a week (for a meeting) won't trauamatizing your children, if they have already been alone before. Some meetings do offer childcare. [/QUOTE] I've tried it before and I replaced my addiction with an addiction for meetings and met a lot more loser guys there and screwed my life up worse than it was already.[/QUOTE] You might try an all-women's meeting...I think these are easier for me, to keep me from my addictive relationship issues (and ooh, do I still have them! Dangit) to talk more freely about relationship/sex issues. [/QUOTE] should I just give up and give in to my incredibly screwed up life and the fact that I will never be successful? [/QUOTE] Again...where is your proof that it's a "fact" that you will "never" anything? Hang in there, and give yourself a brake, okay (mispelled on purpose)? You've taken a brave first baby step by posting here. Ala-non, Nar-anon and similar programs will most likely give you the best help. Even if you don't like the meetings, you can always go once and borrow or buy some pamphlets, books or tapes, and utilize them in the three minutes you have to yourself every now and again...lol...I used them to "fill in the gaps" between the very l-o-ong week between ACOA and AA meetings...now I'm working on OA, too.
__________________  KariNo Storm Can Shake my innermost calm while to that rock I'm clinging... Since Love is Lord o'er Heaven and Earth, How can I keep from Singing? -Enya (old Quaker hymn) | |
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03-08-2007, 11:53 AM
| #9 (permalink) |
| Member  Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,623
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Try try again, Thank you for coming here. You have helped me to remember why I shouldn't have a drink. Did God send you or what? I know what it is to be in love with a bad man. But you know, it might be the feelings you are comfortable with aren't love. You may be equating love with adrenilin, fear. Those feelings are intense and can be confused with love. They are addictive too. Carol - we need a new thread - adrenilin addiction help. Hehe. This site is amazing. I hope you will find what you are looking for hunny.
__________________ ************************************ 3 August 2007 Be a fisher of men. You catch them. He’ll clean them! Cliff B (Texas) |
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03-08-2007, 12:06 PM
| #10 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: pass the bon bons
Posts: 2,363
|  i'm so glad you have found us here.....and also happy you are finding the help and support you need........there are so many wonderful people here that understand what you are going through and can help you recover.....good luck, i'm always happy to see a fellow mama on the board.... please follow this link, it will take you to the friends and family of alcoholics forum......good luck... http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ly-alcoholics/ good luck to you hugs ayla |
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