Any Moms Out There Keeping Sane While Not Using Part 12
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Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: pass the bon bons
Posts: 2,363
jules, i don't think i saw you today.....how are you, sweetie???? i was thinking about how c'est commented on my sig in reference to what you're going through.....and i wanted to explain how i feel about these horrible life experiences....
if you change one thing.....you have to change everything....
if i had had my babies i lost, i would not have the children i have....i would not have become close with my mother, because chase brought us together, and the first time i was pregnant our relationship was so cold and distant, i would never have let her in......
if my mother had not had cancer.....i would not be home.....i would still be living in illinois where i had no family or friends, and was lonelier and more depressed than i've ever been.......if she had not been sick, i would not have had those precious 11 months with her, where we became closer than mother and daughter.....our bond was just incredible.....if she had not been sick, she would still not know her grandchildren.....because they would be growing up 2 states away......if she had not died, i would not know how precious life is.....how important it is to live each day well, to love with trust and faith, and to cherish each and every moment.....
if i had not been mugged at gunpoint when i was 16 i would still be unafraid to walk in the dark, and unaware of how to stay safe and not look like a victim.... and who knows what could have happened to me without caution in my life?????
if my first boyfriend had not cheated on me and treated me like dirt, i would not have learned so quickly to guard my heart from unworthy men....and i would surely be with a total a-hole right now, instead of my husband, who, although he is not perfect, adores me and my children, is still attracted to me after 8 years and two babies.....who tells me i'm beautiful when i'm in stained pajamas and have not had time to comb my hair in 2 days......
if i had not become an addict....i would not have met you all....who are by far the strongest, most amazing, loyal and understanding.women i have ever known......and without you all, i would be a sad, sorry woman.....my grief and addiction would have eventually ruined my life....
my point is, you have a long life ahead, and many wonderful things to look forward to, things that you will face with strength because you have overcome so much.....
i love you, jules......
if you change one thing.....you have to change everything....
if i had had my babies i lost, i would not have the children i have....i would not have become close with my mother, because chase brought us together, and the first time i was pregnant our relationship was so cold and distant, i would never have let her in......
if my mother had not had cancer.....i would not be home.....i would still be living in illinois where i had no family or friends, and was lonelier and more depressed than i've ever been.......if she had not been sick, i would not have had those precious 11 months with her, where we became closer than mother and daughter.....our bond was just incredible.....if she had not been sick, she would still not know her grandchildren.....because they would be growing up 2 states away......if she had not died, i would not know how precious life is.....how important it is to live each day well, to love with trust and faith, and to cherish each and every moment.....
if i had not been mugged at gunpoint when i was 16 i would still be unafraid to walk in the dark, and unaware of how to stay safe and not look like a victim.... and who knows what could have happened to me without caution in my life?????
if my first boyfriend had not cheated on me and treated me like dirt, i would not have learned so quickly to guard my heart from unworthy men....and i would surely be with a total a-hole right now, instead of my husband, who, although he is not perfect, adores me and my children, is still attracted to me after 8 years and two babies.....who tells me i'm beautiful when i'm in stained pajamas and have not had time to comb my hair in 2 days......
if i had not become an addict....i would not have met you all....who are by far the strongest, most amazing, loyal and understanding.women i have ever known......and without you all, i would be a sad, sorry woman.....my grief and addiction would have eventually ruined my life....
my point is, you have a long life ahead, and many wonderful things to look forward to, things that you will face with strength because you have overcome so much.....
i love you, jules......
Last edited by ayla zaire; 01-31-2007 at 08:39 PM.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Middle Ga
Posts: 1,515
You are a remarkable woman, Miss AylaBoop! We are all so very lucky to have you in our lives.
I feel very blessed to have each and every one of you- Yes, that includes YOU!
**This is out of a book I read every morning, Daily Splashes of Joy:
When things go bad, cheer up. Remember, they could always be worse. And, of course, if they do get worse, it will make your heart smile to remember that when it's this bad, it has to get better soon.**
Sleep well and sweet dreams.
xoxo T
I feel very blessed to have each and every one of you- Yes, that includes YOU!
**This is out of a book I read every morning, Daily Splashes of Joy:
When things go bad, cheer up. Remember, they could always be worse. And, of course, if they do get worse, it will make your heart smile to remember that when it's this bad, it has to get better soon.**
Sleep well and sweet dreams.
xoxo T
Member
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: pass the bon bons
Posts: 2,363
aloooonnnnneeee again........sigh........gonna go make a boop......
btw....i'm back on my zoloft and trazadone for sleep....and i feel much better.......i don't know which it was, but i know one of them helped, i think the trazadone helps me sleep more deeply....and of course the zoloft helps with my energy, temper, depression, you name it.......i wonder if the dizziness was a symptom of stress, my ptsd....or a side effect of stopping those prescriptions suddenly.....i just kept forgetting to take them....
btw....i'm back on my zoloft and trazadone for sleep....and i feel much better.......i don't know which it was, but i know one of them helped, i think the trazadone helps me sleep more deeply....and of course the zoloft helps with my energy, temper, depression, you name it.......i wonder if the dizziness was a symptom of stress, my ptsd....or a side effect of stopping those prescriptions suddenly.....i just kept forgetting to take them....
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in a better place
Posts: 1,406
Hi moms, Just checking in. Had visitors last weekend, then youngest son got a tummy bug and was home a couple days. I've spent countless hours on the internet looking up info about potential towns, homes, schools. I'm getting so excited, but I've got to temper my obsession. I could easily get nothing done other than printing out hundreds of home pics.
ayla, your post about changing one thing was really touching. I wouldn't feel so accepting of my life right now and see the potential and excitement of all the things I want to do if I hadn't drank myself into a cess pool and come here to help myself out. I used to get really pathetically sad and trace the "changeable point" back to my birth. I'm glad I don't feel like that anymore.
ayla, your post about changing one thing was really touching. I wouldn't feel so accepting of my life right now and see the potential and excitement of all the things I want to do if I hadn't drank myself into a cess pool and come here to help myself out. I used to get really pathetically sad and trace the "changeable point" back to my birth. I'm glad I don't feel like that anymore.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Middle Ga
Posts: 1,515
Good Morning!
Very rainy and glum here today, but that's ok.
Becca has twins day at school today. She and her friend are so cute! This girls mom (who is really good with arts and crap) tie dyed tshirts hot pink and then outlined green shamrocks on the front. (Dublin Fighting Irish...). My ONLY job was to iron their names on the back with green iron on letters- the other mom brought the supplies over. 1 job- 1 job to not mess up. Got "Erin" with no problem... I put Bec's "B" on backwards! Yes, I did! SO like me- SUCH a dork. We were laughing pretty hard... Finally peeled it off and fixed it. She actually thanked me for doing it- sincerely. WOW! I told her..again.. see, and I'm not even drinking! Whenever I do something ******** and say that she grins and shakes her head.
Hi, C'est- sorry you had the buggy there. What city are you scoping out? When is the 'official' move back?
On another note: I am worried about quite a few moms who have gone MIA. Isolate with the rest of the world, but not us!! (or AA if applicable) Just know WE LOVE YOU and accept you regardless of where you have been or where you are going.
Have a good day everyone! Thanks for being here!
xoxo T
Very rainy and glum here today, but that's ok.
Becca has twins day at school today. She and her friend are so cute! This girls mom (who is really good with arts and crap) tie dyed tshirts hot pink and then outlined green shamrocks on the front. (Dublin Fighting Irish...). My ONLY job was to iron their names on the back with green iron on letters- the other mom brought the supplies over. 1 job- 1 job to not mess up. Got "Erin" with no problem... I put Bec's "B" on backwards! Yes, I did! SO like me- SUCH a dork. We were laughing pretty hard... Finally peeled it off and fixed it. She actually thanked me for doing it- sincerely. WOW! I told her..again.. see, and I'm not even drinking! Whenever I do something ******** and say that she grins and shakes her head.
Hi, C'est- sorry you had the buggy there. What city are you scoping out? When is the 'official' move back?
On another note: I am worried about quite a few moms who have gone MIA. Isolate with the rest of the world, but not us!! (or AA if applicable) Just know WE LOVE YOU and accept you regardless of where you have been or where you are going.
Have a good day everyone! Thanks for being here!
xoxo T
Member
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: road to recovery
Posts: 1,689
c'est! hi honey! are you moving back? is that what the househunting's about? PM me and let me know where...i'll come visit you and your wheaten!
good morning mums! i have a dentist appointment again today. another filling to dig out and refill (give me strength...hate hate hate teeth).
middle child wants to take bagpipe lessons. did i tell you all that? too young to start but has been going to observe. hmmm, what could be louder than a drumset? uh, bagpipes perhaps? oh, well. i love men in kilts! looking forward to field trips to scotland!
so far, i have one martial artist, one piper, and one wild child in stinky pants and a smile. not bad!
off to change a diap, and then to the dentist!
love to all the mommies and kev and steve and pattee!
bbl
good morning mums! i have a dentist appointment again today. another filling to dig out and refill (give me strength...hate hate hate teeth).
middle child wants to take bagpipe lessons. did i tell you all that? too young to start but has been going to observe. hmmm, what could be louder than a drumset? uh, bagpipes perhaps? oh, well. i love men in kilts! looking forward to field trips to scotland!
so far, i have one martial artist, one piper, and one wild child in stinky pants and a smile. not bad!
off to change a diap, and then to the dentist!
love to all the mommies and kev and steve and pattee!
bbl
Member
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: pass the bon bons
Posts: 2,363
i'm singing today....you know i'm feeling better if i feel like singing......it's like pure joy flowing through me when i sing......someday i'll be in a band.....if i can find the balls to sing in public sober, that is.......the only time i drink is when i sing......it's so stupid, it's one of the things i'm very confident about.....but i have crazy stagefright.....i wish i could sing for you all....
ok, where did everyone go? i miss my friends.....seems like people just drift away......and it doesn't make sense to me.....we don't care if you relapse, and come on here drunk every day.....we just want you all back.......
((((((ruby)))))) i miss you....pm me if you're around and want to talk....
each of us has so many walls and insecurities.....but those walls can be torn down, it's easier than you think, it's a choice....just like everything else.....i just think guilt is such a useless emotion.....it is just another way for us to punish ourselves for mistakes we made.....
we can't change the past.....and we can't control the future.....all we have is right now....this moment.....and today my zoloft and i choose to be happy.....to tickle the kids and ignore the dishes....to make my boops, which makes me so happy...and to sing....loudly.....and pretend i'm auditioning for american idol...hehe....
i hope each one of you take a moment today, for me, and think of your mistakes.....and then think of all the good things that would never have happened in your lives if you had not made them.....i am a spiritual person, and i believe that each event is an opportunity to learn....
when i moved to illinois, i was searching for a new, better life for my family....mike had a job opportunity with his brother, who is very rich and successful....my sil's life seemed perfect....perfect marriage, children., and she seemed like the perfect mother.....they had a big, beautiful home....2 lexus's and a huge, beautiful suv with heated seats......their kids did things i've never been able to provide for mine.....gymnastics, cheerleading, you name it, they did it......my sil never had to worry about money for food, she could shop all she wanted, had beautiful clothes, a size 2 body after 3 kids....and perky boobs, hehe......it all seemed so amazing, happy, and perfect......
well, i moved there....wanting all of those 'things'.....wanting the life.....
and when i got there i saw what was really going on, and it was shocking....a real wakeup call for me......brother in law is an alcoholic, lying workaholic, cheating , absent husband and father.....he 'works' 100 hours a week, and barely knows his children....his beautiful, funny wife is a different person when he walks in the room.....empty and distant.....
my sil is a mother that is frightening......she left her baby asleep in his crib and went for a walk.....her three year old was missing for 2 hours and she calmly paid her bills.....while everyone searched frantically for her.....she turned up 3 blocks away at a friends house......her oldest daughter is an incredibly talented gymnast....but she is only 9 and works from 5 am to 10 at night....and she gets terrible grades....she is always a little ill, and so tired looking.....oh, and those perky boobs after 3 kids???? you guessed it....boobjob....hehe...
i quickly learned that although mike and i didn't have 'things' we had so much more.....and he is a much more successful man than his brother.....
i think the biggest lesson i learned was not to sweat the small stuff.....not to worry about money anymore, because it's not everything, actually, it's not anything.......that the love and protection i provide for my children is far more important than activities to keep them busy and out of my hair....i missed my family so much, i learned just how important they to me.....and being totally isolated and alone i learned that i could not live my life without friends, and trust.....so when i came home....i set out to reconnect with old ones and make new ones.....
and the most important lesson of all......i really, really want a boobjob.....
ok, where did everyone go? i miss my friends.....seems like people just drift away......and it doesn't make sense to me.....we don't care if you relapse, and come on here drunk every day.....we just want you all back.......
((((((ruby)))))) i miss you....pm me if you're around and want to talk....
each of us has so many walls and insecurities.....but those walls can be torn down, it's easier than you think, it's a choice....just like everything else.....i just think guilt is such a useless emotion.....it is just another way for us to punish ourselves for mistakes we made.....
we can't change the past.....and we can't control the future.....all we have is right now....this moment.....and today my zoloft and i choose to be happy.....to tickle the kids and ignore the dishes....to make my boops, which makes me so happy...and to sing....loudly.....and pretend i'm auditioning for american idol...hehe....
i hope each one of you take a moment today, for me, and think of your mistakes.....and then think of all the good things that would never have happened in your lives if you had not made them.....i am a spiritual person, and i believe that each event is an opportunity to learn....
when i moved to illinois, i was searching for a new, better life for my family....mike had a job opportunity with his brother, who is very rich and successful....my sil's life seemed perfect....perfect marriage, children., and she seemed like the perfect mother.....they had a big, beautiful home....2 lexus's and a huge, beautiful suv with heated seats......their kids did things i've never been able to provide for mine.....gymnastics, cheerleading, you name it, they did it......my sil never had to worry about money for food, she could shop all she wanted, had beautiful clothes, a size 2 body after 3 kids....and perky boobs, hehe......it all seemed so amazing, happy, and perfect......
well, i moved there....wanting all of those 'things'.....wanting the life.....
and when i got there i saw what was really going on, and it was shocking....a real wakeup call for me......brother in law is an alcoholic, lying workaholic, cheating , absent husband and father.....he 'works' 100 hours a week, and barely knows his children....his beautiful, funny wife is a different person when he walks in the room.....empty and distant.....
my sil is a mother that is frightening......she left her baby asleep in his crib and went for a walk.....her three year old was missing for 2 hours and she calmly paid her bills.....while everyone searched frantically for her.....she turned up 3 blocks away at a friends house......her oldest daughter is an incredibly talented gymnast....but she is only 9 and works from 5 am to 10 at night....and she gets terrible grades....she is always a little ill, and so tired looking.....oh, and those perky boobs after 3 kids???? you guessed it....boobjob....hehe...
i quickly learned that although mike and i didn't have 'things' we had so much more.....and he is a much more successful man than his brother.....
i think the biggest lesson i learned was not to sweat the small stuff.....not to worry about money anymore, because it's not everything, actually, it's not anything.......that the love and protection i provide for my children is far more important than activities to keep them busy and out of my hair....i missed my family so much, i learned just how important they to me.....and being totally isolated and alone i learned that i could not live my life without friends, and trust.....so when i came home....i set out to reconnect with old ones and make new ones.....
and the most important lesson of all......i really, really want a boobjob.....
Sober and Free
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: bay area CA
Posts: 398
Ayla, you are full of wonder for me this morning. How is it you said exactly everything I needed to hear?
Except the boob part lol I had much while I was nursing and it as hard. However, my mother is a breast cancer and masecomey survivor. I love what I have, because I have them.
Even if they flop, they are healthy, and they are mine.
So ... hair question. I got my hair cut, she made it look great. She warned me it was not something I could get again unless I could takemy head off and put it on the table, and I am fine with that. It still looks better ... but ... I dont know how to do things with my hair now. I didn't before, Ijust stuck it in a poneytail. I could totally still do that, but now Ihave a do- I want to do!
How does one learn things like this? I feel so behind on girly things. Raised hippy ya'll ... have patience!
Except the boob part lol I had much while I was nursing and it as hard. However, my mother is a breast cancer and masecomey survivor. I love what I have, because I have them.
Even if they flop, they are healthy, and they are mine. So ... hair question. I got my hair cut, she made it look great. She warned me it was not something I could get again unless I could takemy head off and put it on the table, and I am fine with that. It still looks better ... but ... I dont know how to do things with my hair now. I didn't before, Ijust stuck it in a poneytail. I could totally still do that, but now Ihave a do- I want to do!
How does one learn things like this? I feel so behind on girly things. Raised hippy ya'll ... have patience!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 782
Ayla, you have such a way with words.......i wish i was able to put my feelings into words like you do. That is the most frustrating thing for me....i don't know how i feel half the time...i mean, i know when i'm angry but that's about it. My LADC will ask me all the time....."how do you feel today? What emotion best describes your mood today?" I have no friggin idea....i don't know how i'm supposed to feel.
My LADC referred me to a psychiatrist a month or so ago...she believes i'm still suffering from depression, i'm on prozac but she doesn't think it's working for me....i'm better than i would be without it, but i guess i could be better...again, i don't know how i could feel.....this is how i've felt all my life, so it's "normal" to me. Anyway, i resisted the shrink thing, but finally broke down last week and called him. I have an appt next Friday (Feb 9th) with him. I'm a little nervous about it....i mean, what if there's nothing wrong with me...what if my emotions can't be controlled by medication? What then? It's one thing to be a miserable drunk, but what's the point of not drinking if you're miserable sober too? The shrink told me that usually when my counselor refers someone to him, she's usually "spot on"..so i'm hoping she's right this time too.
My LADC referred me to a psychiatrist a month or so ago...she believes i'm still suffering from depression, i'm on prozac but she doesn't think it's working for me....i'm better than i would be without it, but i guess i could be better...again, i don't know how i could feel.....this is how i've felt all my life, so it's "normal" to me. Anyway, i resisted the shrink thing, but finally broke down last week and called him. I have an appt next Friday (Feb 9th) with him. I'm a little nervous about it....i mean, what if there's nothing wrong with me...what if my emotions can't be controlled by medication? What then? It's one thing to be a miserable drunk, but what's the point of not drinking if you're miserable sober too? The shrink told me that usually when my counselor refers someone to him, she's usually "spot on"..so i'm hoping she's right this time too.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Indiana
Posts: 693
Hey guys...
May be isolating a little, but just very very sick...
Can't be up for long periods at a time. Alot going on that I'm trying to wrap my mind around. Very confusing time. I'll talk to y'all about when I'm better.
Couldn't *talk* about now it anyway...laryngitis.
Love you guys.
May be isolating a little, but just very very sick...
Can't be up for long periods at a time. Alot going on that I'm trying to wrap my mind around. Very confusing time. I'll talk to y'all about when I'm better.
Couldn't *talk* about now it anyway...laryngitis.
Love you guys.
Guest
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 1,525
Good morning! Yet again, I missed a day here and have been reading FOREVER to catch up.
Tam and Curly, you two are cracking me up with your "CDTE" stuff. Ayla, you're making me wet my pants from laughing. Gosh, it's good to have this thread!
Mama, I read "Drinking - A Love Story"--one of my favorite books, and it really opened my eyes to the fact that I have a problem. It was like, "How did this woman get into my brain and write about it??" Another book of Knapp's I love is "Pack of Two"--not specifically recovery related, but a beautiful memoir.
The other night my youngest son (just turned 10) came into the kitchen where I was cooking and asked, "Mom, what's 'Hermes'?" I immediately thought he was talking about Greek Mythology, so launched into this big "Cliff Claven" explanation about Hermes being the messenger god from Mount Olympus, etc. (yes, I am a nerd.)
"But Mom! I just saw a commercial that said to ask your doctor if 'blahblah' (some prescription drug) is right for you if you have Hermes."
DS meant HERPES, and had just seen that commercial with the young, amorous couple gushing about how he takes "Once Daily BlahBlah" to prevent outbreaks so she doesn't catch herpes. Gee, it was fun explaining THAT to a 10-year-old boy!
OMG, I just heard on the news that a woman gave birth to a 14 1/2 pound baby in Cancun Monday. OUCH.
Tam and Curly, you two are cracking me up with your "CDTE" stuff. Ayla, you're making me wet my pants from laughing. Gosh, it's good to have this thread!
Mama, I read "Drinking - A Love Story"--one of my favorite books, and it really opened my eyes to the fact that I have a problem. It was like, "How did this woman get into my brain and write about it??" Another book of Knapp's I love is "Pack of Two"--not specifically recovery related, but a beautiful memoir.
The other night my youngest son (just turned 10) came into the kitchen where I was cooking and asked, "Mom, what's 'Hermes'?" I immediately thought he was talking about Greek Mythology, so launched into this big "Cliff Claven" explanation about Hermes being the messenger god from Mount Olympus, etc. (yes, I am a nerd.)
"But Mom! I just saw a commercial that said to ask your doctor if 'blahblah' (some prescription drug) is right for you if you have Hermes."
DS meant HERPES, and had just seen that commercial with the young, amorous couple gushing about how he takes "Once Daily BlahBlah" to prevent outbreaks so she doesn't catch herpes. Gee, it was fun explaining THAT to a 10-year-old boy!
OMG, I just heard on the news that a woman gave birth to a 14 1/2 pound baby in Cancun Monday. OUCH.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: pass the bon bons
Posts: 2,363
brandi....i wish i could help....but i'm hair challenged, too....i spent my teen years shaving my head and dying my hair pink.....yes....i was an alternative grunge queen.....my parents were hippies, too......hence my name, misti ffgfgfgdawn....hehe......they must have been having a great acid trip when they thought that up....that or they wanted me to be a strjuuuigttddfffgtyuyyyyuu
Guest
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 1,525
Brandi,
I don't personally have much success with my own hair--I'm feeling pretty much like Larry the Cable Guy with my appearance lately--but found this website that may be helpful:
http://www.hairfinder.com/howto/how_to_style_hair.htm
Have fun!
I don't personally have much success with my own hair--I'm feeling pretty much like Larry the Cable Guy with my appearance lately--but found this website that may be helpful:
http://www.hairfinder.com/howto/how_to_style_hair.htm
Have fun!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Middle Ga
Posts: 1,515
Ruby- I'm sorry you're sick- I was going to call you today- really!
Hey, Jane- I just have to remind Curly... besides, it reminds us all that way.
(((Ig))) I'm so proud of you for making that appt. You know- I think thatis kind of ******** that she just says- so, how are you feeling today?... It seems like it would come out a lot easier and would be more comfortable if she just started a conversation with you about something- anything- that would eventually get that out of you. But again, what the hell do I know. You will get it figured out- You will be amazed before you are half way thru.
I am so cold- thinking I might put on a pot of coffee.
DH got home from Cal. last night. He'll be coming home for lunch. I taught this morning and now I am feeling kind of lazy. I'm really making an effort to slow down a little. Feels kind of strange, but nice. I have to force myself to stay home- not run here or there.
xoxo T
Hey, Jane- I just have to remind Curly... besides, it reminds us all that way.
(((Ig))) I'm so proud of you for making that appt. You know- I think thatis kind of ******** that she just says- so, how are you feeling today?... It seems like it would come out a lot easier and would be more comfortable if she just started a conversation with you about something- anything- that would eventually get that out of you. But again, what the hell do I know. You will get it figured out- You will be amazed before you are half way thru.
I am so cold- thinking I might put on a pot of coffee.
DH got home from Cal. last night. He'll be coming home for lunch. I taught this morning and now I am feeling kind of lazy. I'm really making an effort to slow down a little. Feels kind of strange, but nice. I have to force myself to stay home- not run here or there.
xoxo T
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Middle Ga
Posts: 1,515
Hair- I almost forgot. Brandi, put some kind of mousse at the roots- do you have a round brush? Probably not... Blow it dry and use your fingers- blow it at the roots and try to give it volume by lifting at the root as you dry. You can flip it over while you dry also. The pics look like you have beautiful texture and pretty, full hair with a lot of body. You can get somm efinishing creme to smooth it out a little.
??? AGAIN- but what the hell do I know???
xoxo
??? AGAIN- but what the hell do I know???
xoxo
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