Going Sober and learning to deal with the non sober "freinds"

[SeekSobriety]

Hi,
I am quitting pot and cigarettes simultaneously, it is the only way I can do it I feel. I am ok on my own but of course now that I have gone sober the phone does not stop ringing, friends wanting to go out or play music etc.
Problem is they all smoke cigarettes, pot and drink. These people are the only friends I have, how can I deal with them? Do I just tell them that I am sober and cannot hang out with you anymore? Any help or information would be greatly appreciated, thanks so much!

IseekSobriety

Welcome Aboard, SeekSobriety! We're glad you're here. It's a tough decision, but it is advisable to not be in the company of people who use (smoke, drink, or both) while you try to get sober yourself.

[SeekSobriety]

Thanks for the reply! What do I do if all my friends use? How do I tell them I cannot hang out with them anymore? It is much easier said than done as I am sure everyone has had to deal with this, but these friends are all I have. I am going to go to my first meeting tonight but I am really nervous about this.
-thanks again for your help.,

[51anna]

Hi and Welcome,

As Midas said, it's a tough decision. Getting sober and staying sober involves a lot of hard decisions. In my opinion, you need to whatever it takes to stay sober.

[Cguse]

My experience has been that most friends who use (not all of them) probably won't want to hang out with you if you don't. This is when you find out the people who you really want in your life.

[Ngokpa]

It's a big step. Just take it one day at a time. When I got sober I heard "90 meetings in 90 days", so I shot for that. I could always decide later if sobriety is really what I wanted.

You'll find the same types of folks in sobriety, but they tend to be more interesting. You might learn what true friends are all about.

[chip]

Hi Seek!

You brought up a very real and important issue for people who are getting sober. I agree with what Midas said. This experience might show you who your real friends really are.

Here's a couple suggestions I'd like to add:
- join a recovery based group ie. AA. This will introduce you to new people who are also trying to get sober.
- make your home "drug free". When your friends visit, ask that they respect your wishes not to use/drink in your home. This gives you the option to interact with your friends in an environment which is more controlled.
- tell your friends that you want to stay sober, and don't hang out with them when they are drinking/using.
- pick up some hobbies which don't involve drinking/ drugs, and try and meet new people in different avenues ie. gym, church, volunteer work etc...
- Stay focused on your sobriety, and be careful not to compromise it.
- Stay away from temptation in early sobriety.

It's a good idea to choose the path of sobriety. I had a hard time quitting drink and pot. I learned how to make choices which made things easier. The best choice I made was to join AA. A support group really makes a difference. I'm not preaching AA to you, I'm just saying that some sort of social network that respects and supports your sobriety will help you.
I hope you find answers that work in your life.
peace,
chip

[SeekSobriety]

Thanks so much for the advice!
I attended my first meeting tonight, (Marijuana Anonymous). It went well, I hope to attend more meetings soon. I assume AA and MA are almost the same in the way they are run etc, am I correct?
One thing that is hard for me is that I am quitting Cigarettes and Pot, it is hard to relate to some people there since some people do smoke cigarettes after the meeting (outside of course) For me Cigarettes and Pot are as destructive to me as the other.

Two Days sober from Nicotine and Marijuana!

[Eric808]

You could probably find a non-smoking support group. That's one thing I never understood about groups like AA. I went once and people were talking about saving their lives from alcohol, and there they were all smoking. So I looked up some info and found some non-smoking groups. I bet they have them for marijuana, too.

[SeekSobriety]

I looked on the website, the meeting I attending said N/S for non smoking, perhaps they meant non smoking inside the meeting room. Which for California does not apply since you cannot smoke indoors anymore practically anywhere except a private residence or family owned bar.

[Jersey Nonny]

I assume AA and MA are almost the same in the way they are run etc, am I correct?

All 12 Step Programs have basically the same format.

Here are my suggestions (for what they're worth):
Having smoked and drank for the same length of time (32 years), I found it easier to concentrate on one problem at a time; and, I would suggest you do the same. Actually, it was easier for me to stop drinking than smoking, although I finally managed to quit the latter after six years of sobriety.

It's suggested that we stay away from people, places, and things that might lead us back to drinking/drugging.

Don't be surprised if your non-sober "friends" 1) feel uncomfortable around you; 2) try to convince you that you don't really have a problem; 3) tell you they liked you better when you were drinking.

As Chip mentioned, you may want to cultivate an entirely new circle of friends; and, you may find a lot of them in the meeting rooms. Just be careful that you associate with those who have been clean and sober for a few months at least.

Good Luck...surprisingly, you may become aware that the biggest thing you and your "friends" had in common was your drinking/drugging.

[SeekSobriety]

Thanks again for all the advice,
I have attended my second meeting today and am planning to attend my 3rd tonight. While I can understand how some people might focus on one addiction at a time, I cannot, for me it is all or nothing. Smoking Cigarettes is just as bad as drinking or smoking dope. That is why I quit drinking, dope and cigarettes at the same time. I have to work to be sober, it will be hard either way so I must stop it all at once. Taking it one second at a time.