Finding a Sponsor...

[1_day@_a_time]

Astro boy...........if you felt is was a great suggestion, it sure has not felt that way on my end.

I have never suggested the easier, softer way. Candidly, I want a sponsor who has the courage to speak the blunt truth. No pansy a$$ed puff & fluff.

That was ALL I said.

It is strongly suggested.

NOTHING MORE.

Along comes someone with over 2 decades of sobriety who I felt sarcastically asks where it states such in the literature?

"Hmmmmn...please tell me where that is written...in my 27 years of continued sobriety, I must have missed it in the literature".

Let me see, little humility, lots o' ego it feels like here.

Unnecessary at best. IMHO!

[Astro]

Originally Posted by 1_day@_a_time

I have never suggested the easier, softer way. Candidly, I want a sponsor who has the courage to speak the blunt truth. No pansy a$$ed puff & fluff.

There are some who need a sponsor like that, and there are others who don't. When I came into the program I was mentally beaten down to the point where I knew my next drink would kill me. My relief came 6 months later when I found a good sponsor and started working the Steps, but in between that time I was blessed with the presence of others who shared their stories with me.

I only registered on this forum two weeks ago, and with only 21 months of sobriety I probably don't have any business debating with you or anyone else about sponsorship. I only know what worked, and continues to work for me personally. My apologies if I've offended.

[1_day@_a_time]

When I walked into the rooms of AA in May of 2001, I had no idea what was to happen next.

I foolishly went to one meeting a week, did not read the Big Book, had no sponsor, thus did no step work.

While I have never taken another drink, I did continue to smoke dope daily.

I also foolishly, was under the impression it was OK to have a sober AND clean date..........pretty funny reflecting back.

The following year, I finally understood getting high was not working in my life any longer, and I was not sober. I took my last puff July 3rd, 2002 and re-set my sobriety date.

It was about this time, I started working with a sponsor.

Since I had put little into my sobriety, I got little in return.

I am of the AA school, that anyone with less than 5 yrs of sobriety is a newcomer, thus my comment.

I have learned so much, but only touched the surface.

Looking back, guess all I had hoped for when I posted my comment was acknowledgement it was a strong suggestion, not a frickin' debate from an "oldtimer".

I then went to the AA forum to see if I was the only one around here who felt this way.

MY BAD for entering into this nonsense.......my apologies.

[Astro]

C'mon ODAAT, aren't you gonna post a link to your "Your Insight Requested" post, maybe even cross-link it so everyone else can read what we're debating here? Lighten up. Hopefully we haven't scared Wharf Rat off his own thread here.

[Jersey Nonny]

Well, you're right that newcomers do look up to those with 20+ years for direction and leadership, but what I'm reading from you (and I could be wrong) is that you want validation of your suggestion from .... everyone .... and validation is something that neither '20+ persons' nor sponsors do....

Noelle...thanks for your insightful comments.

Wharf, my apologies that this has turned into a debate over sponsorship and the Steps. Hopefully the only thing you've walked away with is some helpful suggestions.

Astro, may I say, "Ditto"...

Do you not get how it sets a poor example? The easier softer way........AA lite.

ODAT...if there is a "poor example" being set for the newcomer in general, and for WR in particular, it would be to belabor this topic. Can we not just agree to disagree and let it go at that?

Actually, having tried for many years to get and stay sober, I found the "easier softer way" to be in the rooms of AA...with or without an official sponsor. There is always a Higher Power, plus the power of all the members of AA in the many rooms...

Looking back, guess all I had hoped for when I posted my comment was acknowledgement it was a strong suggestion, not a frickin' debate from an "oldtimer".

Oh, My...ODAT...that was pretty cold! I would say you might have a bit more step work to do.

[Astro]

Now I really want to thank you for sharing your story on this thread, and for some awesome wisdom. You're right, you only get back what you put in. And this comment you shared: "I foolishly went to one meeting a week, did not read the Big Book, had no sponsor, thus did no step work." was my initial approach to AA also.

The Steps are so important, but they're just one of the many parts of my program. I rely highly on the Fellowship, meetings, and service work for maintaining my sobriety. There's also Step and BB studies for me. 9 meetings a week, so maybe that makes me sicker than others.

I'd like to always remain a Newcomer, in spite of my years in sobriety. Because when it comes right down to it, I came in knowing nothing. Everything I know has been shared by another alcoholic or given to me by my higher power.

Truce?

[1_day@_a_time]

I was at a meeting in Tempe a while back, when I met an oldtimer with 30+ yrs of sobriety.

He rides a Honda Gold Wing, and packs heat.

Maybe you have even met him........anyway, when his mouth opens, toxic waste exits.

All I remember of what he said, and how he acted to this day is:

HE HAS NOTHING IN SOBRIETY I WANT.

Some folks just make you feel that way! It's always a learning experience if you have an open mind!

[Astro]

Originally Posted by raerob

Actually, having tried for many years to get and stay sober, I found the "easier softer way" to be in the rooms of AA...with or without an official sponsor. There is always a Higher Power, plus the power of all the members of AA in the many rooms...[/b]

[1_day@_a_time]

Jersey girl.......hey, my LOUSY excuse for my admitted nonsense is my short term sobriety of 4 yrs.

WHAT is yours?

And, I have learned how to make an apology.

You? Ever live in AZ?

[Jersey Nonny]

It's always a learning experience if you have an open mind!

Hey, ODAT...we finally agree on something!

[1_day@_a_time]

not

[1_day@_a_time]

if YOU had an open mind, you would support a simple positive suggestion.........

[1_day@_a_time]

"Oh, My...ODAT...that was pretty cold! I would say you might have a bit more step work to do".

Oh, I sure do!

I admit it.

I also admit it when I'm wrong........and can apologize.

[Jersey Nonny]

if YOU had an open mind,

you would be able to accept that others can be following suggestions that don't necessarily agree with yours!

I am able to accept that you have made a suggestion (that was no doubt made to you by your sponsor...who, in turn got it from his sponsor). I respect that...I accept that...I do not have to agree with it.

Apology accepted.

[1_day@_a_time]

Oh, you are terribly mistaken is you think my apology was directed at you.

Once again, your lack of humility and your sarcasm screams out!

When you come up with ANY evidence to convince me it is not a positive suggestion that a sponsor should have worked all 12 steps, I'll be very impressed.

[Astro]

I'm climbing back up on my soapbox:-)

The DIY Recovery posts I see scare the bejesus out of me, but they're obviously working for others. Should we question what method people choose to stay sober?

Another thought. How do we know that just because someone's worked the Steps, they've worked them the right way? Just having worked the Steps does not make one immune to a relapse.

I need to hit a meeting. Check back in tomorrow for your greatly appreciated thoughts. And I do mean from all of you, OK?

[Jersey Nonny]

OOOPS! My mistake...jumping on an apology that was meant for someone else. No harm, no foul.