Battling my own mind

[Distractions74]

The most frustrating/depressing/paralyzing thing is: sober, I am completely aware of my disease, my actions, and especially my past. I know I am a pathological procrastinater because I am frozen by the fear of knocking myself off the next ladder I decide to climb. Which every 3 years almost to the day, I do. Therefore if I stay knocked down .... I cant fall

[Distractions74]

The last time I worked steps and attended meetings I was 17. 17-28 : Blackout/party central. 4th DUI at 28, then 2 years dry but drugging. 30-32 old habits, old scenarios, same result. Sorry to be dumping here but I very much feel the need and am very appreciative for any response.

[cubbie]

I feel the same way about my alcoholism. Before my last arrest, I was turning into a real go getter. I was making a name for myself in my field. I had a side business that was steadily growing. Then, BOOM, it all came crashing down. I know I can pick myself up, but it will be much harder this time. I was denied two jobs because the last arrest appeared on my background check report.

[Distractions74]

I have job opportunities, but no truck no license. And I feel the need to go inpatient and start true personal recovery first before attempting to resurrect any social or career recovery as I will fall again without regaining my spiritual connection with God, my family, and a supported effort to sobriety. The more I try to control my life the more I screw it up; and that in itself is very disheartening as I am a very competent manager of everything other than my own person.

[cooky]

As alcoholic and drug addictts we really messed up our lifes.Thats because we had complete control.That which got us nowhere.Turning control over to God is the best move we can make.
When we take control things usually start going bad right away.
I don't know about you but I am my own worst enemy.
You will always see great things happen when you give control over to god as you understand him.
You might not get results when or how you want it but you will get it.
Patients as they say is a virtue.And well worth the wait.

[Distractions74]

Thank you

[best]

Originally Posted by Distractions74

The more I try to control my life the more I screw it up; and that in itself is very disheartening as I am a very competent manager of everything other than my own person.

You have learned a wonderful lesson that is filled with wisdom.

You need to give it away to gain it. By giving away our control to God we gain.

Luke 9:24
For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it.

[c'est la vie]

It's a good step to come here looking for more answers and more support. Hopefully you'll feel a difference in your attitude towards recovery soon.