Topic: Are You Close With Your Family? Kids? Husband? Wife? In-laws? Friends?

[aasharon90]

Hi Im Sharon and Im an Alcoholic.

By the Grace of my HP and
people like you here in SR I
havent had a drink of alcohol
since 8-11-90. For that Im
truely grateful.

FORMING TRUE PARTNERSHIP

But it is our twisted relations
with family, friends and society
at large that many of us have
suffered the most. We have
been especially stupid and
stubborn about them. The
primary fact that we fail to
recognize is our total inability
to form a true partnership
with another human being.

Twelve Step And Twelve Traditions, P.53

Can these words apply to me, am
I still unable to form a true partnership
with another human being? What a
terrible handicap that would be for
me to carry into my sober life! In my
sobriety I will meditate and pray to
discover how I may be a trusted
friend and companion.


I remember as a child my mom
telling me to stay away from my
dad because he was hers. Thru
her own illness with alcohol and
presciption meds mixed...she had
a Dr. Jeckle/Mr Hyde personality
Her own insecurities made
it difficult for me to form my own
relationships with others.

My dad was the one to console me
thru the physical, verbal abuse i
sustained thru out my childhood.
Due to his compassionate ways,
jealousy from my mom put a divider
between my own relationship with
my dad and others.

I swore when i got married that
would never be like my mom was to me.
So i have practically pushed the kids
close with their dad and visa versa.

And he has....they do have a good
son and daughter relationship....
and for me....i find myself jealous
because of my actions. I mean Im
grateful that my husband has
been a postive force in both of
thier lives...helping them and guiding
them thru lifes decisions and challanges.

I too have played an important
part in raising them and as a result
they r wonderful caring, loving, kind,
kids....22 and 19 now. Both in college.

However....due to my selfishness and
selfcenteredness i have pushed and
continue to push them away from me.
In fact ive pushed everyone that
probably loved me away. And the
pattern i see from my own mom
is with me, sad to say.

Im so use to it, that i enjoy my alone
time. My solitude. And then i will probably
die alone due to my selfish disease, unless....

Thru prayer and meditation I ask for
help to overcome this paralysing affliction.


What kind of a relationship do u have with
your own family? Are u close or do u
push them away like i have in order to
satisfy ur own selfishness?

Thanks for letting me share.

[nelle4]

I have distanced myself somewhat from my children (better now) because of a deep insecurity that I was loveable. That insecurity also still has its hold. I'm suspicious of friendship, I'm always on the lookout for slights, feel excluded, think people don't really like me. My children are also grown (22 and 26) and show me in so many ways that they do love me. I had a tortured relationship with my mother. For me, it's self-protection, not self-centeredness. I'm also meditating on it and trying to grow and let people in.

[RubyT]

Interesting question, Sharon. My first thought was...yes! The more I think about it, I would have to say yes, but superficially. When times are tough, I keep my distance. Still chasing that elusive unconditional love.

[aasharon90]

nelle4 and RubyT thank u both for sharing....Its sooo
comforting to know Im not alone here.....I know from
being sober a few yrs now that if something bothers
me or i need answers or understanding then all i have
to do is bring it to the table. Throw it out there and
see if others ...which they are.... are going thru the
same thing as I or have already gone thru this....then
to find out how they dealt with their problem....

For every problem there is a solution.....And coming
here to read others shares is definitely helping me
stay sober and work on my own problems.

So u guys r wonderful and helpful to me...even
if its just being here in SR. Thank you.




I can be doing great in the program --- applying it at
meetings, at work, and in service activities --and
find that things have gone to pieces at home. I ex-
pected my loved ones to understand, but they cannot.
I expect them to see and value my progress, but
they don't -- unless I show them. Do I neglect their
needs and desires for my attention and concern?
When I'm around them, am I irritable or boring?
Are my "amends" a mumbled "Sorry," or do they
take the form of patience and tolerance? Do I
preach to them, trying to reform or "fix" them?
Have I ever really cleaned house with them? "The
spiritual life is not a theory. We have to live it"
(Alcoholics Anonymous, pg.83)

Thanks for letting me share.

[Little Missy]

Am I close... I am now!!

[theonlyway]

Close? You know, some days I think I couldn't be closer to the people that I love than I am. Then other days, like today, I realize that none of them know me. This, of course, is due to me - not them. ACOA to the core, alcoholic reluctantly admitted, and walls... oh boy. I find myself NEEDING intimacy and trust FROM everyone... and then giving it to NO ONE, or everyone... I think I saw this earlier here today. "I'm Confused, No Wait, Maybe I'm Not." Boy, does that strike home.
Day Two, shooting for meeting #1... SIGH... If nothing else, I'm glad to be here so far...