Certain types of thinking...

[Erin]

Morning
I'm going to throw this out there as I don't know enough about addiction.

I've noticed that one of my biggest triggers is the 'oh poor me' mentality. As in I'd get home from tough day at work, walk into my empty apartment, and think 'oh poor me my life sucks because ...' Then after this self talk would go on after awhile it would be like 'it doesn't matter i'll just drink' or 'i need to escape how i feel'.

It's not happening now and when I do start the whole self pity thing then I need to step back.

Also a part of addiction is the world revolves around me. Stupid, I know. I don't think that way but I've noticed that in other people with addictions issues. Like the world owes you something. My sister who's been had a drug addiction/alcohol addiction is like this. As in my parents were horrible so the world or they owe something therefore I'll drink and get stoned to handle a family situation.

I don't know if anyone else has noticed this.

All I know if really the only person that can change my life is me. And in reality life ain't that bad. Yes I don't have a lot of money because I'm digging myself out of a financial whole because of drinking. However I've got a good job, some good friends, a cat, family, and most importantly I'm not drinking. So in actuality self pity doesn't hold any water.

That's my rant for the morning.

[Rusty Zipper]

Erin, IMO, it sounds like you know more then your giving yourself credit for!

when i put the above to use, and started to change the negatives.

my life, did get, and stil is way better.

xxoo, bless, ..... Rusty

[51anna]

You're right Erin, taking a step back is the best thing we can do for ourselves when we feel negative. Taking a step back, looking at the bigger picture is so helpful. It changes our perspective and can change our outlook and attitude.

And, I think 'giving back' is also another big thing for us addicts. It helps us to get outside of ourselves and do something to help others.

[OnceNice]

This is my biggest problem. I think being negative is what my addiction thrives on.

In this first couple of weeks of not drinking, all I'm doing is thinking about things, and blaming others (which I hate) and that makes me want to drink. Since not having a drink, I've notices its been mostly things I can't control that make me want to drink. Like how someone responds to me at work, or what mabye my mom said to me, or maybe even what someone here might say to me. That's what makes the not drinking hard and it blows my mind that thoughts and things other say control my mind so much that my actions follow the negative by grabbing a drink.

Sometimes I wonder if drinking is really the problem or my thinking. It seems like my thinking causes my drinking, then my drinking causes my problems.

They are so closely intertwined.

That sound stupid?

And sometimes when I try to talk myself into something positive. then I come up with a positive reason to drink. It weird.

Normal people I guess have a drink because they want to. And they stop at one or two because they want to.

I have a drink because I don't want to think and then I drink and think even more. Its weird.

[RubyT]

Several years ago a political group I was involved with was working with lobbyists to get a bill passed that would allow children who had been abused to videotape their testimony rather than having to sit in a courtroom facing the accused. At one of our meetings someone gave a speech that I think of all the time, in it he related this story:

A guy is on the beach observing a little boy picking up starfish and throwing them back into the ocean. He approached the boy and asked him why, told him there were too many, it didn't make a difference. The little boy picked one up, threw it in the ocean and said...it matters to that one.

Nineteen days into sobriety that's kind of how I view things. I look at all the things I need to do, wrongs I have to right, apologies I need to make. It can be overwhelming. But each day that I do not pick up a drink matters. Today matters!

[StrongR2Day]

That sound stupid?

No, no, no! That doesn't sound stupid at all. Most of us admit our drinking problem started with our thinking problem. You are actually quite enlightened if you figured that out by yourself!

One of the (many) reasons I attend 12 step meetings is because I learn these things from others, much faster than I would on my own.

You're doing great.

[Greenbug]

I had this problem for a long time, then it was "suggested" that I seperate my "wants" from "needs" and that was so key for me. My wants are many, my needs are few.

Good post.

GB

[nocellphone]

Originally Posted by Erin

I've noticed that one of my biggest triggers is the 'oh poor me' mentality.

I can identify with this. I've heard recovering alcoholics put it this way:

"Poor me. Poooooor me. Pooooooour me a drink..."

Originally Posted by Erin

Also a part of addiction is the world revolves around me. Stupid, I know.

Yup. This disease affects and distorts ego. I never thought I was the greatest thing in the world; this is not how my sick ego manifests. On the contrary, what my ego told me was that I was the absolute WORST, most horrible person ever to draw breath on this planet. If that's not a sign of an ego in serious need of balancing/a glaring lack of humility, I don't know what is.

I've been taught that humility is simply understanding one's right place in relation to the Universe.

My ego is much more balanced and "right-sized" today thanks to many twenty-four hours in 12-Step recovery! Without that, I shudder to think of where I might be today...

[Slowbriety]

All I know if really the only person that can change my life is me.

if i could change my life i wouldnt need AA or the 12 steps. there are only 2 things i can change about me, my location and apperance. the rest, the man upstairs has to do it. when i came into the program i admitted my life was unmanagable, just because i have been given a few 24 hours clean and sober dosent mean my life has gotton to the point where i can manage it. trust me i take it back over still from time to time and I just make it werse.

[michski]

(( erin ))) you sure are asking the right questions! All the attitudes that you brought up are all part of alcoholic/addict thinking. I know it just blew me away when I did my fourth step and found out that the world didn't revolve around me and my thoughts and my desires.
It's difficult in early recovery to feel a sense of belonging to the rest of the world.. it's hard to find a sense of place among everyone else. Anna had a wonderful suggestion for you to try and give back some of what you have... nothing like helping another younger (or older for that matter) in their sobriety to hear what you know. I never felt much self confidence before I sponsored women. I couldn't believe the stuff that was coming out of my head.. Finally, I felt that I had arrived and was just one more person in the world that didn't drink period. I had grown up... emotionally I had matured.

Keep up the good work.. sounds like your mind is on your side!!!!
That was a good healthy strong rant so rant on!

[Erin]

Hi
I can appreciate the 'AA' point of view, but for whatever reason what I'm doing seems to be working.

As far as the giving back is concerned... I was a lousy friend, sister, daughter, and employee in the height of drinking. So I'm giving back that way - ie. helping out my Pa who's going in for major surgery next week, spending time with a friend who's currently going through a tough time, and being really focussed at work (I manage people so I know I have an impact there and it's in health care. I'm also giving back to me in positive ways - like sleeping and exercising and not hating myself (like I did when I was drinking).

You never know. I haven't ruled AA out.

[2dayzmuse]

AA has helped me get a handle on my thinking. It's funny, after getting a sponsor and working the steps, a whole different perspective of life opened up to me. For that, I am very grateful.

[Rho]

morning all... I have heard it myself, the recovering addicts always seem to have the poor me, if I only could have this or done that life would be better. It is EVERYONE Elses fault around them that make them the alcholic/addict that they are.

My Ex is the best he is KING manipualtor of the systems, his self, me but I have been working HARD to break 100% away, it has been hard but it has been worth every tooth and nail:-)

Addicts in recovery NEED to take blame for themselvves and life will get better, at times I say to myself will it really get better but I know it will

It is all MIND OVER MATTER and life is what we make it.

I LOVE BEING DRUG FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE it is the best feeling ever and the best period the best. For those of you having the pitty party for your self to day Be strong and GET OVER IT! Just think it couldalways be worse then it is for you:-)

Peace Out
Rho

[Slowbriety]

but for whatever reason what I'm doing seems to be working.

hey, if its working roll with it, i was just telling you how it is for me. AA dosent hold a monopoly on getting sober, but it is the only thing that works for me. we all have to find our own way in sobriety and i have things that work for me that wouldnt work for other people and vice versa. its all good as long as you are striving (sp?) to be a better person.

[Rusty Zipper]

AA, NA, RR, SR, self help books, Oprah (phoey), The Dali Lama, Secular... Aunt Tilly, Whatever! Whoever, Wherever, However ...


recovery is about change .... what ever it takes ... for me, i knew i had to change, and did.

agw & gol ..... pattee

[NEEDTOBESOBER]

i think I have the same problem of negative thinking or thinking that everything should go my way and if it doesnt I get mad and maybe that is where my drinking came from, I have tried to be positive but it is hard when it seems like my whole world he going to pieces and I also tend to be a perfectionist and want to control everything and everyone or at least in my family and dont like it when I am not in control and then I start thinking and I just cant shut my brain off- going from one thought to the other, the only thing that stops me from all of this is alcohol and I dont know how or never learned how to cope with stress without it.

[OnceNice]

Needtobesober. I swear you are my twin. I feel awful today. The stress is killing me now and I just want to drink. Every negative thought is filling my entired body.

20 days so far.

I feel nothing but sadness and stupidity. I cannot focus on anything good. I feel like I"m just too old to change.