Allow me to introduce myself...

[Adria]

Hi, I'm glad I found this board. I've been doing some lurking for a couple of days and now I want to get involved in some of these discussions.

To make a long story short and a short story over...I'm 34 years old, a three year breast cancer survivor (still on treatments though), have three kids (9, 10 & 13) and I've been married for 15 years. When I first got sick, my husband turned to cocaine. Three years later, he's addicted to it. He prefers straight coke, but will buy crack when he doesn't have a lot of money. He's a binge user. Sometimes every couple of weeks, sometimes 3-4 times a week. The longest he's went without in the last three years was about two months. He won't talk about to me and says he doesn't have a problem. I think ruining our relationship and spending tons of money on it makes it a problem.

Anyway, I recognize that I am a massive enabler, fixing every jam that his addictions gets himself into. I really want to learn to detach myself from this and learn that he's not doing this to hurt me, though that's what I feel like most of the time.

[BuDoc]

Welcome Adria. You and your Husband will be in my thoughts and prayers. The news of your three year survival is encouraging. My Foster-Mother is a breast cancer survivor too...



Hang loose, Doc.

[Doug]

Welcome Adria, you've come to a good place to get started, and we're glad you found us.

[Disorderly]

Hello Adria I'm also new... also 34, also 3 kids, 16 years married here.

DO your children know he has a substance abuse problem, or does he hide it from them? I ask because my own 3 kids (7, 13 and 14) were all very much aware of my "problem" even when I thought I was hiding it from them.

[Phinneas]

Welcome to SR, Adria (beautiful name!).

I suggest that you check out our Naranon forum here at SR. There you will find people who can relate to your situation as they are going through it themselves with loved ones. You will find lots of info and support. Here is the link -

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/nar-anon/

We're glad you're here!

[Lollipop]

Welcome to SR!!!
Phinneas beat me to it LOL but definately check out the NA and friends and family boards!! My hubby joined when I did and they were wonderful at helping him learn to help me with my addiction. The support all over this site is awesome!!

Liss

[Adria]

Originally Posted by Disorderly

Hello Adria I'm also new... also 34, also 3 kids, 16 years married here.

DO your children know he has a substance abuse problem, or does he hide it from them? I ask because my own 3 kids (7, 13 and 14) were all very much aware of my "problem" even when I thought I was hiding it from them.

He certianly does think he's hiding it from everyone. But I told the kids last year. He acts like Jekyll and Hyde. When he has come home is crashing after a binge, he stays on the couch for like two days, only getting up to use the bathroom and get a little something to eat. He doesn't talk to anyone (yells at me in response to anything I say), isn't interested in doing anything around here. After that period is over and before the next binge, he is Mr. Family Man. Taking care of the house and yard, playing with his dogs, taking the kids out places, talking to me in a normal way...just acting "normal."

So when he kept acting crazy in between the normal days, the kids kept asking "what's Dad's problem." And also, I felt I had to explain why we didn't have money sometimes for normal things. Or why I was in a bad mood on Friday's. I wanted them to understand that Dad has a sickness and he still loves them, but he's really struggling...he's not himself.

[mygirls_mylife]

Hi! Welcome! Glad you joined us!

[Arura]

Welcome Adria,...Ditto on what (((Phinney))) n ((((Liss)))) said head down to the fnf forums, an imense amount of help n advice on theses issues...!

Glad you found us sweetie...

[NEEDTOBESOBER]

Welcome, I am 41 and have 2 boys, 12 and 18 and married for 12 years, will be 13 yrs in November. Glad to see you joined, I understand about drug abuse as I went thru hell with my 18 yr old in his younger teenage years, but he is doing much better now and I am an alcoholic.