Where to start?

[tapinyips]

I guess with what I am tired of:
-drinking, telling lies, being unproductive, wasting my life, pretending, crying, hating myself, slowly going broke, breaking promises, saying I can control it, hangovers, and mostly, repeatedly hurting the woman I love.

I have to stop; this is no life.

How do I start?
How do I continue? (It's usually when I start pulling myself together and feeling better about myself that I think I can control it and binge)
How do I tell my family? I'm embarrassed and feel I've let them down.
How do I tell friends?
How do I fill the hours I spent drinking?
How do I repair a relationship with someone who I've lied so much to that she doesn't trust me anymore.

I want this time to work. I need this time to work. This is day 1.

[bob123]

Heres a good place to start old chap!
I too went back binging again..after periods of control.....resist...
Theres tonnes of stuff you can do instead of guzzling poison..
ive started kayaking, going down gym, running and kickboxing for example..

Telling friends.. count yourself lucky ive got hardly any left cos of acting an idiot when drunk ) family...people offer different advice down to individual.. one ex-work colleague had 20 years sober.. if asked he just said I dont drink.. thats it.. I think he initially said stuff like on medication and stuff but you cant keep that up..

You could try AA and the alternatives.... cant find them right now theres a thread somewhere...

good luck.. just dont drink

[mygirls_mylife]

Hi and Welcome!!!!! Yo have definitley come to the right place!!

How do you start? - By not picking up that drink

How do you continue? - Still dont pick it up, if you have tried to "control" before and end up binging, chances are you will not be able to ever drink socially again. SO kill that thought. You said yourself its when you start to get it together that you binge.

How do you tell friends and family? It will come out as needed. I told certain people immediately, because I knew that they would be proud and support me. Trust me we are not fooling as many people as we thing we are.

How do you spend the hours not drinking? I go to AA meetings to meet with others that have a problem. I read inspirational books, post on SR, exercise (well, not much of that), I pray and meditate and go to church. I also am able to spend good quality time with my kids for once. Take a walk on the beach, stare at the stars, make pictures in the clouds. There is soooooo much to do.

How do I repair?? These things will come with time. If she sees you making the effort and doing the fight things may improve. Thats the reason I love AA because of its 12 step program. It guides us through repairing what we have broken and in repairing ourselves so that we DON't have to drink again.

I suggest getting to a meeting. There are other ways to remain sober, I just participate in the AA program. I love what it is doing for me. Go to a few meetings they are all different in meeting titles, but one thing is constant loving people who share a problem.

Good luck and keep posting,
Star

[Krys_wyo]

How do I start?........i think you just did.

How do I continue? ....every minute remind yourself of what you are and what you want to be, we are alcoholics I am an alcoholic scream that out admitt it and give into it accept it and then defeat it.
Just saying out loud I am an alcoholic.......gives me power.

How do I tell my family? like mygirls said...friends and family both, we really werent hiding it very well, i think mine personally were just waiting for me to admitt it.
How do I tell friends?see above..lol

How do I fill the hours I spent drinking? again mygirls had alot of great ideas, i am starting to clean alot more lately.

How do I repair a relationship with someone who I've lied so much to that she doesn't trust me anymore.
If she truely loves you she will forgive and be there with you every step of the way IF she can handle it, some people might not be strong enough or ready for the journey or for the NEW you.
I know the new sober me and my husband are working on some things i am not ready for but he is here and i have to face my demons and admit my lies and also he has to admitt that he did enable me alot of the time.

Congrats on Day 1 it is the start, and so many here have been there and more then once!
Keep posting it works.

[regrad]

congrats and good luck

You have a daily reprieve, if you keep yourself spritually fit.

Find your higher power.

Go to meetings, make yourself accountable to people who care..."tell on yourself" call someone before you drink, etc.

Recovery is so much more than being clean and sober...it offers a ticket to true lasting happiness...

thank you trying...one day at a time

[51anna]

Hi and Welcome,

You are not alone and you can do this!

Don't feel like you need all the answers right now. Don't drink and move forward slowly. As others have said there are countless things to do with time you spent drinking. The only thing you can do about your relationship is to not drink and show that you mean to stay sober. I would only suggest telling people you trust deeply because you may find that people, intentionally or unintentionally, try to sabotage your sobriety.

[tapinyips]

Thanks for all of the replies. It's nice to hear support and kind words, even though I don't feel very deserving of it right now.

I found out about a couple of meetings tonight thanks to your suggestions. Now just need the strength to go!

This is STILL day 1.

[scootinbabe]

go! meetings are not nearly as scary as you might think!

welcome to this board! it's really a great place for support.

CONGRATULATIONS on reaching out and for admitting that you have a problem, those are important first steps!!!

keep coming back!

[Don S]

Originally Posted by bob123

Heres a good place to start old chap!
I too went back binging again..after periods of control.....resist...
Theres tonnes of stuff you can do instead of guzzling poison..
ive started kayaking, going down gym, running and kickboxing for example..

Telling friends.. count yourself lucky ive got hardly any left cos of acting an idiot when drunk ) family...people offer different advice down to individual.. one ex-work colleague had 20 years sober.. if asked he just said I dont drink.. thats it.. I think he initially said stuff like on medication and stuff but you cant keep that up..

You could try AA and the alternatives.... cant find them right now theres a thread somewhere...

good luck.. just dont drink

Here's a link to various recovery programs:
AA alternatives.

Here's a handy table that compares them:
http://rrci.net/recovery_spectrum.htm
I'd urge you to do some reading, see which group fits your philosophical outlook, and then start learning the tools to stay sober. Meanwhile, don't drink. There's some discomfort you'll have to deal with now that you've quit, but it's bearable. There are some urges, sometimes pretty intense, but they're bearable.
One simple thing people often find useful is a SMART Recovery tool called the CBA (cost-benefit analysis). Here's a link with some questions you can answer that will help you develop more motivation to stay sober:
SMART Recovery CBA questions

Take care, and keep posting!

[nogard]

Hi and welcome to SR tapinyips. Hang in there and whatever don't pick up that first drink.

Thanks for posting the link to alternatives Don.

Kevin