My insecurities...!

[IndigoNA]

How can I overcome this insecurity... after my parent's divorce I became introverted and didn't have friends as I grew up, I was also an only child.. I knew people and hung out but they were not really my friends. So that's a big insecurity I have, I'm starting college on Monday and that's one of my biggest fears that I won't make any friends.

I also look back and I don't like my past, I always wanted to be the cool guy that had many people around him.

It's also hard for me to love myself... sometimes I see myself in the mirror and I don't like my self.

Any help is appreciated, thanks guys.

[Krys_wyo]

I dont like my past either, and that "cool guy" just has to deal with all those peoples sh&t thats around him so dont look up to him to much.
Find yourself, create a new you, the new school you, dont be affraid to say hi to new people you may just make a friend if you do.
It sounds easy but i know its hard, i am trying to reintroduce myself as the sober me and i hope people like me and if they dont oh well, i like me finally.
I like you, i like you cause you had the courage to admit your insecurities and show how vunerable you are (we all are).
So hello my new friend my name is Krys and It is damn good to meet you.

[RubyT]

Boy I hope I can keep this one brief! My self esteem issues are what I think caused me to start drinking all the way back in high school. And I'm sure the main reason I was still drinking all these years later. I have never felt smart enough, pretty enough, thin enough, successful enough...you get my drift! Liquor made me think I was all of those things. (Except for being thin...) I now look at pictures taken at parties and such and whoa nellie...I look like an ugly drunken slob! And smart?? Who am I kidding? Who really wants to sit at a bar listening to a drunk slurringly sound off on global warming? I don't know anything about global warming!!!

My point is...I drank to be someone I wasn't. Looking back, I cringe at what I became with each cocktail. I'm still insecure. I still have no self confidence. But I am a little smarter these days because I know I won't find those things in the bottom of a bottle. My whole purpose in getting and staying sober is to like myself. Once that happens, everything else will fall in to place. I hope.

[NEEDTOBESOBER]

I can relate and my story is kind of like Ruby's, I have low self-esteem which I believe is one of the reasons I started drinking in the first place, I was a quiet child but outgrew that, but even though deep down I know I am smart and pretty, I was still insecure and lacking in confidence and drinking turned me into the person I thought I wanted to be like, confident, outgoing, etc. or so I thought and now that I am sober (25 days) I believe I like myself better then when I was drinking.

[RubyT]

The truly ironic thing is that the one thing I DO like about myself is my quick wit and sense of humor...and those were the first things to go when I got drunk! Go figure...

[Erin]

Hi
In my first year of college I was so introverted.

Then went I got in my program which was the same group of people taking the same classes for two years I met one person who became my friend. Then from there I slowly started making friends.

When I was high school I felt like I didn't fit it. In college there's no such thing as fitting in. It was very cool. All the all 'cool' things didn't apply. Chances are you'll meet people you can relate to, who like you for you.

Good luck. Cut yourself some slack (a lot of it). Takes time to practice social skills (I'm a learned 'extrovert').

[IndigoNA]

How can I start learning to be extroverted?

And learn social skills?

[Erin]

Hi Indigo

I think becoming more extroverted takes practice. My first year of college I was so shy I think I completely forgot how to even say 'hello' to someone. It takes time. It's hard to describe.

I think you have to focus on getting out of your introvert zone and even say 'hello'. I'm still not good at small talk, but I'm great with a smile and hello. Plus when you're in school and in a class you do have one thing in common - the class you're taking. I also use humour as well. I'm not a really funny person but I'm goofy which I think is really non-threatening to people. Make sense? In some ways I'm the opposite of 'cool' but then most people are. They may look like they have it all together but kept in mind nobody does - ever. They feel just as awkward and insecure as you do - some more then others, but no one is perfect.

Anyone else have some suggestions????

Hope that helps. I have to think about it some more. It took me a long time to work on this.

[Erin]

BTW...

Not liking what you see in the mirror is something else a lot of people can relate too. It's really hard to like what you see and sometimes you just don't.

I think it's a part of life.

[ibhmn]

Colleges have lots of clubs. Find some that interest you and you will find other like minded people and you'll have a built in topic for ice-breaking. Also, colleges have plenty of counselors that deal with this all the time. They can point you in the right direction.

Be careful not to drink when the anxious college moments hit. (Anxiety was my trigger.) When there is nothing else to do, study...there is something about facing the fear that reduces the anxiety--and gets you closer to graduating!