How Critical Are You Of People?

[aasharon90]

Hi Im Sharon and Im an Alcoholic.

By the Grace of my HP and people like
you, I havent had a drink of alcohol
since 8-11-90. For that and you I am
truely grateful.


I am less critical of other people, inside and
outside of A.A. I used to run people down
all the time. I realize now that it was be-
cause I wanted unconsciously to build my-
self up. I was envious of people who lived
normal lives. I couldn't understand why I
couldn't be like them. And so I ran them
down. I called them sissies or hypocrites.
I was always looking for faults in the other
person. I loved to tear down what I called
"a stuffed shirt" or "a snob." I have found'
that I can never make a person any better
by criticism. A.A. has taught me this.

ARE YOU LESS CRITICAL OF PEOPLE?

Thanks for letting me share.

[Autumn]

I am highly critical. This helps me to distinguish which information and people are useful to my progress, and which information and people aren't.

However, I'm grateful not to carry envy, spite, grudges, etc., and for the ability to forgive and move on. People are what they are - whether I like it or not.

I still love people regardless of whatever it is I don't like, because they love, hurt, dream, laugh, cry, breathe - and are imperfect - just as I am.

[NEEDTOBESOBER]

I am also very critical, could be hereditary, my father was critical about everyone and everything.

Anyway sometimes whem I am critical, it is cause I am jealous of the fact that they are more successful, doing better than i am or jealous of something about another person that I wish I had or wish I could be like , but I try not to be critical, but it just comes out sometimes and I can't help it. I also have a hard time with forgiving people when they have done something to do me wrong- I eventually do , i think but it takes a long time.

[NEEDTOBESOBER]

I would like to add that I am a caring and loving person and like people and like helping people and I have noticed I am not as critical as I used to be.

[NEEDTOBESOBER]

Sweetnuff, I do the same I think I am harder on myself than others also, but I am working on it- I think I have a controlling and perfectionist type personality which makes it worse, but I am also working on that part too, especially once I got sober.

[c'est la vie]

I'm horribly critical of everyone on the planet. It comes as easily as breathing for me. I can look at someone and find problems with their hair or their body, or their voice, or their mannerisms, or their ideas, or the way they drive or the way they treat their kids. Holy crap do I have a lot of work to do on this problem of mine. Oh by the way the list of my faults is longer than anyone else's though.

[Chance]

I used to be very critical of others and myself and sometimes find that I still am. However with the steps and a Program it gives me a chance for change. I am grateful that today, I try to be the best Vic that I can and I try to treat others the way that I would like to be treated. A few months ago I had a problem with a few people but I had to step back and finally let them live their life and for me to live mine.

Love Vic

[aasharon90]

Thanks guys for sharing your thoughts on
this post.


Who am I to judge other people? Have I
proved by my great success in life that
I know all the answers? Exactly the oppo-
site. Until I came into A.A., my life could
be called a failure. I made all the mistakes
one could make. I took all the wrong roads
there were to take.

On the basis of my record, am I a fit
person to be a judge of other people?

Hardly.

In A.A. I have learned not to judge
people. I am so often wrong. Let the
results of what they do judge them.
It's not up to me.

ARE YOU LESS HARSH IN YOUR JUDGEMENT OF PEOPLE?

[miss communicat]

I notice in myself, since getting sober with a program, the difference between being critical and being discerning.

I used to be super critical of everyone. (Also impatient and irritated by most people most of the time).

Today as a matter of fact, I noticed myself feeling a near affection for a dufus-ey sales clerk who used to bug me before. It happens more and more. I see the humanity in people. I like people now.

But, regarding my thought processes: I am making wiser decisions and choices. Thats discernment. Sorting through information and selecting what is important and worthwhile. Ignoring the rest.

I think its partly that I am becoming more emotionally mature and healthy, and partly because I am sober. Oh...that's redundant!

[Usetobe]

I like Sharons intro reminds me of meetings. So here goes: Hi, I am Lori and I am an Al-Anon.

I didn't grow up in a critical, judgemental family. So when I married my alcoholic hubby I learned those two traits. I hate them. I am now trying to work my way back to being the trusting, loving, optomistic individual my parents raised me to be. I know she is in here somewhere. It really bothers me that those two attitudes have permeated inside our family and affected anyone who walked through our front door. But I am learning to, "Let go and Let God."

[Sobriety1st]

One of my worst enemies, MYSELF..bad defect for me, judging others, i really have to watch that about me..i mean no harm to anyone, it just seems to come so natural to me to be critical of others, so, i try, for me in my recovery, to not be judgmental, to treat others as i would want to be treated..and i certainly don't want to be judged..i think it may be me not wanting to look at my own defects, therefore i find something in someone else, yet, when i hear someone judging someone else, or being critical, it bothers me..hmm..alcoholic mind maybe? just something that i think everyone, wether in recovery or not, should try not to do..i do believe some of it is human nature..

[leviathon]

I try to be very conscious of my thought processes and to stop myself from judging others... I do know that there are times when I catch myself and I remind myself each time that I am not a god and I am not a judge, so I have no right to judge others. It is a constant thing and I need to be vigilant...

I know that I was really bad for judging when I was drinking... it is part of why I am so aware of it now...

Peace, Levi

[BSPGirl]

I try to practise a bit of unconditional acceptance of others, tho it's hard sometimes.

Marte

[aasharon90]

Thanks you guys for sharing....Ur thoughts are much appreciated....

Usually when i pick out faults in other people, normally they are the same faults i see and have in myself.....

There are many newcomers here in SR....feel free to share ur thoughts here if ud like....ur experiences, strengths and hopes even as early as u r in recovery are just as important as the elders here.....we need ur ESH just as much... : )

[laurience]

I do have alot of faults like everybody else but being critical is not one of them. I have always been scared to be judged and know how much it hurts so I have been very careful to try and not judge others. I also think, you cannot judge unless you walked in someone's shoes and people are the way they are for a reason (because what they went through).. I think your honesty with yourself is great. I have to recognize stuff before I can improve it and boy oh! boy.. do I need improving.. lol..
Joanne

[michski]

Originally Posted by c'est la vie

I'm horribly critical of everyone on the planet. It comes as easily as breathing for me. I can look at someone and find problems with their hair or their body, or their voice, or their mannerisms, or their ideas, or the way they drive or the way they treat their kids. Holy crap do I have a lot of work to do on this problem of mine. Oh by the way the list of my faults is longer than anyone else's though.

Yep, Me Too! However (and that's a big however) I have learned that my actions speak louder than my words so I have faked it until I made it and learned not open my mouth when I'm thinking negatively towards someone. Of course if I know the person then I'm more comfortable but I was such a bad mouth before I was in recovery it's been a huge one for me to change, so I just keep my mouth closed. When it comes to myself I am learning that I am now actively becoming the woman I want to be and in regards to some aspects of self condemnation I am willing to change and just being willing is most of what it takes.

Basically I'm not that nice of a person but Practice does makes perfect!