Vent

[nogard]

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh

Having a cr*p day, feel like poop and want it all to go away!

Kevin

[CarolD]

"God Grant Me...."

Huge Hug

[Dreamz]

I hate cr*p days - Sometimes I get so pissed off and wonder why I even bother, I guess the thing I do is just sit there and think....yes it sucks but it'll probably only last a day so just try and sit through the sh*t until it's time to go to sleep...Then you never know how you'll feel when you wake up - more often than not you'll feel better!!!

But I also hate people trying to cheer me up when I just want to hate the world - so I won't be too bubbly - in fact I won't even make this colourful - well maybe only a little!!!!!

[GreenTea]

Nogard: Let it out! ... C'mon, share with us! ...

(Grease - "Tell me more, tell me more...")
(Rocky Horror - "Tell us about it, Nogard...")

[nogard]

Thanks guys, it passed and am having a much better day today.

Kevin

[Dreamz]

Glad to hear it - hang in there

[leviathon]

Crap days pass and then you have good days... they are soooo worth it.

Funny thing about crap days, you have them a lot for the first three or four months, then they sorta just fade away and most days are good with an odd crap day.

Peace, Levi

[Chy]

((((nogard))) Long time no see.. hope today is better for you!

[Blake]

Crap days are nesseccary...otherwise, how would you judge a good day?

[best]

Originally Posted by nogard

it passed

Crap days are like kidney stones Once they pass, things start to feel better *LOL*

Must have been something in the water yesterday. I think a few of us felt it yesterday.
As Anne says...The sun will come out tomorrow
And no I will not put on the wig and sing *LOL*

[best]

Originally Posted by Blake

Crap days are nesseccary...otherwise, how would you judge a good day?

Good days would be the days that are a little less then a Great Day.
Yes...yesterday was a good day, today is a Great Day.

[nogard]

Thanks guys

Great to see you Chy.

Yesterday I nearly blew it ended up the day with every intention of getting out of it, but my heart took me to a meeting instead, I shared and was very hostile but members listened. I left the meeting went home and went to bed. I stayed in bed until about 1 hour ago 2pm (phoned in sick at work which is true sort of).

So now I am in the process of getting up and dusting myself off. This last week has been the most difficult since the first few weeks.

I am very frightened, I was willing to give up my life and my disease had convinced that was not only ok but the only thing to do.

Thanks for your thoughts.

Kevin

[best]

Originally Posted by nogard

I shared and was very hostile but members listened.

Good to know there are people who understand that we can go to.
Being a little frightened was a good thing for me. Fear is what started me thinking I need stop and fear kept me on the right path till I learned a better way.

Good choices Kevin. Enjoy your day off from work.
How is the weather there?

[nogard]

Thanks best, the weather here is warm as spring approaches, still cold at night.

A member just told me that recovery is great until you get used to it" so I guess that this is a stark reminer and a 'little' fear is a good thing best, not a lot cos that just gets my head going.

Feeling a little better. Thanks

Kevin

[c'est la vie]

Hey Kevin, I'm glad to hear you got past your bad moment. I like what Blake says about using the bad days to recognize and measure the good in a good day. A councelor I spoke to listed all these dates that are generally trigger days (1 month, 3 months, 6 months etc) so now I think I'm setting myself up to feel bad at all these anniversary dates. Did your crap moment have anything to do with your recent 1 year anniversary?

I also wanted to let you know that I think of you each time I post on the recently resurected HATZ thread.

[nogard]

Originally Posted by c'est la vie

Hey Kevin, I'm glad to hear you got past your bad moment. I like what Blake says about using the bad days to recognize and measure the good in a good day. A councelor I spoke to listed all these dates that are generally trigger days (1 month, 3 months, 6 months etc) so now I think I'm setting myself up to feel bad at all these anniversary dates. Did your crap moment have anything to do with your recent 1 year anniversary?

I also wanted to let you know that I think of you each time I post on the recently resurected HATZ thread.

Thanks

[nogard]

Its Sat Morning and I am awake early feeling much better, lighter in my heart and with my commitment intact as well as my sobriety.

At one point the feelings of rage and fear inside me felt like my dis ease attacking me from the inside. I had never stayed with the feelings that long before so I had no idea how wild this disease is in full flight.

This morning I am posting here, praying, readding some of the BB, then housework only the min. then off to see members go to one or two meetings and then more time with members.

Thanks for your support. I really no longer feel alone not even in the middle of hell and thats because of wonderful people like you.

Love Kevin
PS I am making amends to one member I was rude too and big amends to Tobi and Rana as I screamed at them and they stood there shaking.

[miss communicat]

Hi Kevin,

I am really re-inspired by you today!

This was a tough passage for you but you made it with more awareness of yourself and strength to carry on in sobriety. You are a ray of hope and light for me today because i have had the absolutlely worst week in sobriety, and I have felt like numbing out alot. Instead, I stayed with the pain and anxiety and it has led me to a better frame of mind.

And in the relative calm, i am looking for the lessons and the hidden blessings that the situation brings. They are there for you, too.

[nogard]

Originally Posted by miss communicat

Hi Kevin,

I am really re-inspired by you today!

This was a tough passage for you but you made it with more awareness of yourself and strength to carry on in sobriety. You are a ray of hope and light for me today because i have had the absolutlely worst week in sobriety, and I have felt like numbing out alot. Instead, I stayed with the pain and anxiety and it has led me to a better frame of mind.

And in the relative calm, i am looking for the lessons and the hidden blessings that the situation brings. They are there for you, too.

Thanks MC, it works both ways your an inspiration too

I am pondering the lessons, but I already have some, stay closeto teh program, I was but was slacking of on my reading, after the event I learn that I can stay with the feelings my disease rises and need not take any negative action and need not stop my daily recovery.

I expect other insights will surface over the days and weeks.

Kevin

[Arura]

Vent you say ... no problem ... I carnt take this anymore others contorlling my life, ALL the time ... i carnt even go for a dinner with friends without getting hassled,.!@ ALL i want is to be left alone... not used or Hurt anymore by anyone,.. no more.,...

[nogard]

Hi Arura,

Whatever "we" you are going through it will pass, all we have to do is take the next step and keep focussed. Some days are better than other as some periods of time are better than others, but there is much to learn for the difficult times and therefore much progress to be made.

Lets roll our sleeves up together and get busy recovery and busy at life on lifes terms.

Love Kevin

[Arura]

Im sturggling with life on lifes trems...? ... So many outside influances affect me... Why carnt i be Stronger to deal with it...?

[nogard]

Arura, hang on talk to members or those you trust, talk to your HP, post here and remember its just for today. Be kind to yourself and give yourself the great gift of life today.

Kevin