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08-07-2006, 06:32 PM
| #1 (permalink) |
| Member  Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Ohio
Posts: 859
| Dont Even Fk With Me
Yup, Im drinkin...........so shoot me......... (go ahead, everyone else has.............I do not care.....) My best friend in the world DIED today, at 9:45 am......... I was headed out to sit with him. He had cancer, yup it was bad, yup we knew this was comin.... he was down to 90 pounds, he was weak he was .........well he was just plain scarey.......BUT he was comin back, the doc said he was doin well and there is this new chemo that would be less invasive on his body but would do so much.........If not total recovery, a chance to do what he wanted "before" Mannnnn........ we were going to the grand canyon, AZ here we come........plane, car........it didnt matter, just last week we talked about it........soooooooooooo much fun and something Kurt wanted to do before he died.............so much for that......... I am so pissed.......at the world, God (if you will, I dont believe but thats another chapter) The docs for making empty promises, (maybe they didnt but it SURE seems like it) my friends, the docs that had my number ............ it doesnt matter............. they ALL SUCK!!!!!!! Im sure I will wake up tomorrow and feel the pain and anguish of slipping and screwing up but yanno what????!!!! I look forward to that headache, I look forward to being sick and wasting the day!!!!!!!! HERE IS TO MY BEST FRIEND AND MY INSPIRATION KURT KLEUMPER I LOVE YOU SWEETIE AND I MISS YOU!!!!! I HATE LIFE WITHOUT YOU AND I NEED TO LEARN!!!!! BE AT PEACE MY FRIEND!!!!!!!! I AM ON YOUR SHOULDER....EVERY STEP OF THE WAY!!!!! |
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08-07-2006, 06:37 PM
| #2 (permalink) |
| Don't get undies in a bunch  Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 7,184
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So sorry to read of your loss. As for the drinking...tomorrow is another day. Today you are hurting and I truly feel your pain. It is never easy when a friend leaves us in such a way. *HUG*
__________________ * I asked God to spare me pain. God said "No", Suffering draws you apart from worldly cares and brings you closer to me.  Recovery Related Acronym B. E. S. T. = Been Enjoying Sobriety Today? |
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08-07-2006, 06:38 PM
| #3 (permalink) |
| Dreamz do come true!!!  Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Australia
Posts: 348
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I'm really sorry that you have to go through that. I can't even imagine what it would be like to lose a best friend. I am currently losing my grandfather - to cancer. Its hard seeing him get weaker and weaker and I don't know how any of us will get through it, I guess we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. I hope you're ok - if you need to talk, or want to vent, and hate the world - just let me know. I'm a good listener
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08-07-2006, 07:05 PM
| #6 (permalink) |
| Forum Leader  Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 11,498
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I'm sorry for your loss Liss. I do hope you feel better tomorrow!
__________________ Anna  "I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. Maya Angelou |
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08-07-2006, 07:10 PM
| #7 (permalink) |
| Getting Better All The Time  Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Recovering
Posts: 3,289
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(((Liss))) sweetie, I'm so sorry!! You can vent all you want. We're here for you! I wish I was there to give you a huge hug in person. I'm thinking of you during this difficult time. |
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08-07-2006, 07:21 PM
| #8 (permalink) |
| Member  Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Finding out what I have been missing!
Posts: 1,013
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Hey Lizz, Wow, really sorry to hear you lost your friend, I could tell by your posts how close you were. You deserve to be angry at the whole world right now. Take one day at time and let your emotions grieve. Stay here with us no matter what, you have a good heart and it will lead you down the right path. Stay strong if you can and lean on us if you need. Love, Barb  (((((((Lizz)))))))) |
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08-07-2006, 08:07 PM
| #10 (permalink) |
| Forum Leader  Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Dallas, Ga. USA
Posts: 16,049
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I once broke my sobriety when a dear friend died in my apartment of a sudden heart attack. I was asleep and did not wake. After calling the police.. I drank the last of a bottle he had brought over. 3 days later...I restarted my sobriety at Day 1. I am sooo sorry for your pain.
__________________  Each Day Sober Is A Victory!! Joy In AA Recovery!  |
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08-07-2006, 08:35 PM
| #11 (permalink) |
| Clean and Fabulous  Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Lexington, KY
Posts: 23
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I just wanted to say, that it is at these moments, when we must hang on to our recovery for dear life. Even when a newcomer, we never ever EVER have to use again, NO MATTER WHAT. That includes deaths of loved ones, ending of relationships, anything. NO MATTER WHAT. I am so sorry for your loss, and saddened by the fact that you felt you had to use. There are many people who have walked through these times clean, for even when we relapse over such an event, we might not get to make it back. Our funeral could be the next. I send you much love and know you are not alone. big ups, an addict named cass
__________________ "We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars." -Oscar Wilde  |
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08-07-2006, 08:37 PM
| #12 (permalink) |
| Community Greeter  Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: FL
Posts: 10,009
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I am so sorry for the loss of your friend, Kurt. Times like these are so hard, I have lost some dear ones too. Please know that you will be in my thoughts and that we are all here for you no matter what- no matter what. (((hugs)))) |
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08-07-2006, 08:37 PM
| #13 (permalink) |
| Member  Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Somwhere over the rainbow
Posts: 1,202
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I felt exactly this way when my father shot himself this past year. It was brutal. Unlike you I did not have the presence of mind to acknowledge my pain. It took a real bottom out for me to finally accept all the pain and decide to change. I pray that will not happen to you too. Peace, Levi
__________________ Hope springs eternal!  |
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08-07-2006, 08:42 PM
| #14 (permalink) |
| On a tear  Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,157
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Lollipop... you are in my prayers. Please accept my condolences for the loss of your very good friend. Grief is the hardest of all things I've ever had to endure. Each of us gets through it however we can. No judgements, just lots of love. ((((Lollipop))))
__________________ No matter how spoiled the past may be, our future is spotless.... BigSis |
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08-07-2006, 09:03 PM
| #16 (permalink) |
| Inspired  Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Long Island, NY
Posts: 143
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Lots of love from me Liss. Hope you feel better tomorrow. 
__________________ "I strongly suggest that you get the courage to stand up in front of the group and discuss what is driving you. The truth shall set you free." |
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08-07-2006, 09:05 PM
| #17 (permalink) |
| We all need each other.  Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: The road of happy destiny.
Posts: 2,223
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(((Liss))) Thinking of you........
__________________  "You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face.....do the thing you think you cannot do." ~Eleanor Roosevelt |
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08-07-2006, 09:50 PM
| #19 (permalink) |
| Member  Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Colorado
Posts: 154
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Liss my friend I CARE!! Im so sorry for your loss, I cant find the words. You have helped me more than u know, encouraging. I will be right here for you. And I'm not the only one ok? Please be kind to yourself.
__________________ Zoro  "At last the sun is shining, The clouds of blue roll by, With flames from the dragon of darkness, the sunlight blinds his eyes." - The Battle of Evermore, Led Zeppelin |
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08-07-2006, 10:28 PM
| #20 (permalink) |
| Member  Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: CA
Posts: 308
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I'm sorry you have to go through this lollipop, Know that there are a lot of people here pulling for you and a lot of us have been there too. Come back into the light of sobriety. We need each other to stay sober and find meaning in life. Jup.
__________________ Now don't say you can't swear off drinking, it's easy. I've done it a thousand times. Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water. W.C. Fields |
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08-07-2006, 10:57 PM
| #21 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: heardon virginia
Posts: 8
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Watching cancer take away someone you love is heartbreaking. My dad died 4 years ago from pancreatic cancer and it still hurts. If you need anything (although you do not know me), I'll be here to help.
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08-07-2006, 11:48 PM
| #22 (permalink) |
| Trying to do the right thing.  Join Date: May 2006 Location: London
Posts: 4,354
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Oh Darlin (((Liss))). im sending you some love while you sleep.! Im So Very sorry to hear of the dissressing news of your friends death. I hope your heads not too bad in the morning sweetie. Thinking of you (((Liss)))
__________________ Weve come along way and were Changing day by day  We DO Recover. We can Recover...! |
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08-08-2006, 06:08 AM
| #24 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: in a better place
Posts: 1,397
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I'm so sorry to hear about the pain you're suffering right now. I hope that you do feel better emotionally tomorrow (even if you have a headache). Give yourself the time you need to grieve and try not to rush it or cover it.
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((((Lollipop))))
but tomorrow's another day and you don't lose the sober time you already got under your belt, imo. 