Gilmer

Please post, Ladybug! Glad to see you! I'm glad you're making the changes that you need to make--sometimes our loved ones can be a wild card. Way to take a step forward!

venuscat

^^^ This. Gilmer said it beautifully.

SO happy to see you dearest Bug!

For me, the way I was able to finally break free from alcohol's chains was by seeing that the biggest trigger for me was in fact the alcohol. I wanted it. I loved it. And I did not want to let it go.

I needed to base my early recovery around a routine that included activities at the times of day I always started drinking. I had to rewire my brain until I wanted other things instead. Things that I could never ever have while I was drinking.

And then I began to love other things and people, and I wanted all of the possibilities that my life could offer me more than I wanted a drink. And of course I knew it was one or the other ~ alcohol or life.

I chose life. I choose life every day.

Let's do this together. ♥

Petecrab

Night night all x

Gilmer

Good night, Pete!

Croissant

Thank you for sharing what you went through, V, I definitely felt the same way around the time that letter to alcohol was posted here. It is a difficult grieving process to let go of alcohol, and on reflection, it was like a death in many ways. The loss of a love, knowing we couldn't go on together - that no reunion was going to end up being a happy one.

But the space alcohol filled in my mind and heart has shrunk to something so small now, and filled with so many much more wonderful things - like you V, I know the two cannot co-exist. I've finally accepted that. It doesn't mean I don't get a tap on the shoulder from time to time from alcohol, but I turn the picture dark, I make myself feel sick, and I know the truth of what a reunion would mean.

Pete, LB and Lulu. Thinking of you all today as I head out to work, and know there's so much more for you all to do, see and experience without alcohol. Sending virtual hugs to you all.

Leshar

Hello all. Conflicted about posting. I'm still sober, but it's just not working. I'm dying inside and just wish I really was dying. No joy in anything. It's painful to live, to breathe.
I think sobriety just doesn't work for someone of my temperament.
I've tried for 4 years to get on with life without Larry and without some pain relief and frankly I'm just done, disappointed beyond measure.
I will read but will not continue to post. It's not working and I do not want to infect others anymore with my misery and bitterness with life.
Pete, do it for your family who need you. Same for you, Labybug. Lulu, you have a daughter. Do it for her. I have no one.

Gilmer

(((((Leshar)))))

I am praying for consolation for you.

venuscat

Leshar, love, I'm sorry, but what you said is not true.
Not working????
How is it not working? Because without being able to get drunk we can't get completely numb and not feel? Do you remember how truly awful that is? The shame, the despair.....gosh, look what LuLu is going through right now....this thing wants to kill us and you want to say OK, have at me.

No. You are too important to us for me to say nothing.....we love you and want you to be healthy and happy. I know how much this hurts, how hard it is to go on without Larry.....what would he want for you sweetheart? Not this. Definitely not this.

I apologise if I am overstepping. I do it with just SO MUCH love. And respect.

Please stay with us in every way. ♥

Dee74

Hi Leshar

you seem to really have caught hold of the idea that drinking will somehow make you feel if not better, different, or less worse.

It's a lie Leshar - if it did that you would never have come here to SR in the first place.

I hope you'll forgive me if you feel I'm too harsh nut I have to be blunt - nows the time to work harder, look harder for answers get yourself back on your feet and post more not less.

I know it's the last thing you want to do - I'm sorry you're hurting so much and I'm sorry because it's definitely not fair - but believe me drinking can only make what you;'re feeling now a thousand times worse.

I believe from all I know about him, Larry would want you to fight.

Please start fighting again.

D

Dee74

Welcome back laybug

You can do this - work hard at not drinking and you will stay sober - and that where the real miracles happen.

D

SoberLeigh

((((Leshar, sweetheart))))). We have to do this, first and foremost, for ourselves because WE are worth it. To conclude otherwise is a conclusion heavily swayed by our AV and by our disease.

YOU are worth continued sobriety, Leshar, and full recovery.

Have you considered volunteering. It is always my sure-fire way to get ME out of MY way.

We love you and care about you, Leshar. Don't be misled by the lies your disease is telling you.

SoberLeigh

Welcome back, Lulu, Ladybug and Pete.

Don't give up the fight.

SoberLeigh

Hope to catch up soon, dear Julyers.

Love to all.

SoberLeigh

Nighty-night.

Soberwolf

Well done Pete Lulu Ladybug & Leshar x

Your posting & reaching out which is vital if you don't think something is working then it's time for a change to push things forward not backwards

Life can really mess with us sometimes - sometimes were ahead sometimes behind but the race is long & in the end it's only with ourselves

You might of heard exercising really alleviates depression & anxiety.. for me it really improves my moods before i got exercising a few years back i was really depressed and i swear nowadays even going for a nice long walk somewhere nice really helps i still get depressed & anxious but it's a bit better these days

I'm sorry to anyone going through some stuff right now but drinking would only make you drunk unkempt & even more depressed and practically a zombie - yikes !! i don't miss that at all.. I actually feel sorry for people who drink as i once just like that needing my fix so to speak

If you feel depressed do speak to a Dr about support groups & exercise classes there is plenty for everyone, if your anything like me i was **** scared at first but soon enough i was on my way & now i couldn't picture not exercising

I'm nowhere near perfect nor do i plan to be i just want to be myself & if you want that too the only way to find that is with your real sober self with no influences fixes drinks or whatever

Give it a go a proper go.. start a journal & begin a new journey one that will make you feel better about yourself while improving your health it doesn't have to be a lot take it nice & easy & build your way up

Try it for 6-12 months without giving up on it & a year from now tell me how you feel x

It seems I'm assuming no one exercises i don't think that but if your suffering with low moods depression feelings of self worthlessness then trust me this is guaranteed to change that

Sorry I'm not posting as much but i think of you guys & havnt forgotten you x

Gilmer

That was a great post, SW. Thank you for it!

PhoenixJ

Leshar- being sober is not a surefire 'happy' life. That takes work. I am not implying you do not- but for me- I have to push myself very hard to do anything new- to get out of the isolative status quo years of drinking put me in. Your soul is failing to thrive. You say you are dying inside and an almost wish you were. No you do not..otherwise- why post? To fill that void- takes work. Write a list. Anything. Keep up meetings and professional support. I found just being sober- was not enough- 'dry drunk'....
I hear many people say they do not wish for death- but they do not know how to live either. Put some thought into it- you will be surprised.

Croissant

Leshar, you are the professional. A qualified psychiatrist. Is that the advice you would give to someone in your situation? tell them to isolate, stop posting, accept their lot and that they have nothing to live for and that's it?

I'm no professional, and I don't know, nor expect your to share your full diagnosis. But what I will say is this - you have openly admitted before that you suffered from melancholy even when Larry was alive and you've mentioned bipolar before. So, those things just don't disappear because you got sober. No more than my anxiety disappeared. It is still something I have to make a conscious effort to deal with. I've had cognitive therapy, and a range of other methods to deal with it, but the reality is, it's a part of me. It's probably a part of why I drank too. Yes, it sucks that I can be irrational and have to talk myself down sometimes, but I can't blame sobriety for failing to 'cure' my anxiety, any more than you can blame it for not 'curing' your chronic bouts of depression.

Getting sober means taking responsibility for what we can change. Otherwise it's just being a dry drunk and expecting miracles to happen because you deserve it. There are women right now where you live grieving a loved one, another who is depressed, a teenager who's been beaten by those who should love her most.....what I'm saying is this, reach out, and find a way to support or volunteer. Join a grief support group, find people who have lived through grief, or are now experiencing it for the first time. You have gifts, don't waste them.

A few weeks ago, you shared you were reading a book by Richard O'Connor, "Undoing Depression: What therapy doesn't teach you and medication can't give you". I downloaded it, and I agree wholeheartedly with the approach that you can't just undo depressed thinking patterns. I takes effort and persistence, but improvements can happen. Every negative thought just strengthens those synapses in your brain. We also know a lot more now about brain plasticity, so yes, there is hope to improve thinking patterns that no longer serve us well.

Croissant

You posted this as I was writing my post, I agree wholeheartedly, PJ and it's interesting we touched on similar points. (I just, as usual, sound like The Grinch! )

venuscat

^^^

THIS. Every single word.

You are some kind of amazing Crois, and Leshar.....boy oh boy, please hear this.

♥