Class of May 2015 Part 8
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Intro
Hey, thought I should introduce myself a little. I'm Susan, 47, had about a 4 year run drinking nightly. Had been drinking a glass of wine nightly for about a year before to help lose weight before that. Up till then hardly drank at all--had a bottle of rum that would last a year, xmas cheer... When I was a kid I had my bouts of debauchery with alcohol but developed a meth addiction that trumped alcohol by far. I got pregnant at 21 and that was the end of everything (except smoking a little pot). I started drinking like I did the last few years because of personal reasons. It's really hard to explain it to someone but I had a crush on a co-worker who was also involved in a relationship and to cope--I'd drink. Every time I tried to get over him I was suicidal--like visiting gun shops suicidal-- as bad as I've ever been. My reason to quit drinking was because I was recently passed over for a pretty important promotion. I had to re- evaluate my life and change something. Well-- I decided drinking was the problem. I had no idea how bad I'd gotten until I quit. Was already cutting back on drinking, but in cutting back I was doing the same thing everyone else did-deciding it was ok to have a few more on this night etc. I'm sure it would have just been a matter of time until I was back up to where I was. So I'm kind of glad this happened in a way- I wouldn't have ever quit. The thing with the boy-- I'm not over him, but it's kind of running it's course anyway. I barely see him any more with cutting back to 20 hours. I just want what's best for him--he's 17 years younger than me and I'm Not. At least he's finally out of a horrible relationship....
So I'm left with this train wreck of a life. Aside from my job, I have a daughter that I have only recently realized has been an alcoholic since she was 17 who is now settled down with 2 babies and a boyfriend and is basically following my footsteps. She says she's cut back quite a bit and I believe that but all the damage has been done to us as a family has left us not talking and I just don't know how to fix that right now and it hangs heavy on me every day.
So every aspect of my life is messed up but not to the point where it's completely irreparable I'm hoping. I've been working on household stuff that's been neglected by me and trying to pull my own weight around the house. Husbands picked up a lot of the slack over the years. Wanting to drink hasn't been a problem, it's just dealing with the recovery that's sucked. Insomnia at first, then tiredness, which is still a factor, but getting better. I had terrible stomach issues which are only a factor now if I don't eat fiber lol, and still have bad sugar cravings. I also have life beckoning me and it's scary and wants me to come out and play. I'm used to just staying in my safe cocoon. I am really trying to get stuff done, I've caught up on a lot of dr/dentist appointments for everyone. I'm trying to stay with my exercise routine but that's been hard because of the exhaustion levels.
On a side note, I've been married 25 years to a gruff but seriously supporting and caring husband, I'm originally from Illinois, (close to Peoria) only blood relative out here is my Mom and kids of course, staying with the crazy--owned by close to 20 rescued felines, Love music, reading, tv., movies, staying in shape. Union steward in a grocery store I've worked at 23 years until the recent sell to Haggen who in 5 months after taking us over has filed chapter 11 bankruptcy...yeah I'm trying to get it together to look for a job but for now it's still there. Anyway--
Thanks for taking the time to read.
So I'm left with this train wreck of a life. Aside from my job, I have a daughter that I have only recently realized has been an alcoholic since she was 17 who is now settled down with 2 babies and a boyfriend and is basically following my footsteps. She says she's cut back quite a bit and I believe that but all the damage has been done to us as a family has left us not talking and I just don't know how to fix that right now and it hangs heavy on me every day.
So every aspect of my life is messed up but not to the point where it's completely irreparable I'm hoping. I've been working on household stuff that's been neglected by me and trying to pull my own weight around the house. Husbands picked up a lot of the slack over the years. Wanting to drink hasn't been a problem, it's just dealing with the recovery that's sucked. Insomnia at first, then tiredness, which is still a factor, but getting better. I had terrible stomach issues which are only a factor now if I don't eat fiber lol, and still have bad sugar cravings. I also have life beckoning me and it's scary and wants me to come out and play. I'm used to just staying in my safe cocoon. I am really trying to get stuff done, I've caught up on a lot of dr/dentist appointments for everyone. I'm trying to stay with my exercise routine but that's been hard because of the exhaustion levels.
On a side note, I've been married 25 years to a gruff but seriously supporting and caring husband, I'm originally from Illinois, (close to Peoria) only blood relative out here is my Mom and kids of course, staying with the crazy--owned by close to 20 rescued felines, Love music, reading, tv., movies, staying in shape. Union steward in a grocery store I've worked at 23 years until the recent sell to Haggen who in 5 months after taking us over has filed chapter 11 bankruptcy...yeah I'm trying to get it together to look for a job but for now it's still there. Anyway--
Thanks for taking the time to read.
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Originally Posted by Hypernova 
Hi Everyone,
Checking in with triple ones today, haven't been around much, trying to stay busy with work and the gym but still seem to find myself with too much time on my hands. I can't help but keep feeling like something is missing in my life like a great big empty void that needs to be filled and I don't feel like it's the booze either, I have no real desire to drink, haven't for awhile now. I'm really impressed with my progress and going back to day one is just not an option but yet the void is still there, it may have always been there but I used the booze to fill it?
Not really sure where I'm going with this, been doing a lot of "soul searching" lately, trying to figure out who I am and where I'm going and don't seem to be making much progress. Can anyone relate?
Day 112 tomorrow have an awesome weekend!
Checking in with triple ones today, haven't been around much, trying to stay busy with work and the gym but still seem to find myself with too much time on my hands. I can't help but keep feeling like something is missing in my life like a great big empty void that needs to be filled and I don't feel like it's the booze either, I have no real desire to drink, haven't for awhile now. I'm really impressed with my progress and going back to day one is just not an option but yet the void is still there, it may have always been there but I used the booze to fill it?
Not really sure where I'm going with this, been doing a lot of "soul searching" lately, trying to figure out who I am and where I'm going and don't seem to be making much progress. Can anyone relate?
Day 112 tomorrow have an awesome weekend!
It takes time to build fully discover who sober us is and then start building that new sober life.
What other things have you done since you quit drinking Hypernova - what do you want your life to be like - what are you interested in? what's your passion? where do you want to be?
those are all rhetorical questions, but for me that was phase two - I had phase one down - don't drink ever - phase two took a little longer....
Don't give up - you're definitely on the right road
D
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Thanks for sharing that BF
I've absolutely no doubt you're on the right road too.
It took me a while to sort out the mess my life was in - I had a lot of debris on the beach I had to clean up.
Piece by piece I got there in the end tho.
Its never too late to start on that Chapter Two
D
I've absolutely no doubt you're on the right road too.
It took me a while to sort out the mess my life was in - I had a lot of debris on the beach I had to clean up.
Piece by piece I got there in the end tho.
Its never too late to start on that Chapter Two
D
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Join Date: Jul 2013
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Originally Posted by Hypernova
Not really sure where I'm going with this, been doing a lot of "soul searching" lately, trying to figure out who I am and where I'm going and don't seem to be making much progress. Can anyone relate?
BlueFairy -- thanks for the introduction! Hope your example rubs off on your daughter. That's probably the best way you can help her--by helping yourself. I come from a long line of alcoholics and addicts myself.
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Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Illinois
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BlueFairy... It's a tough one when you realize your kids are following in your alcoholic destructive ways. I, too, come from a long line of alcoholics/addicts and have 2 kids that have both struggled. One of the many reasons I wanted to get sober was to help my daughter who had just received her 3rd DUI in less than 2 years. Getting your life together will be a huge influence on your daughter and hopefully will lead to mending your relationship with her.
Thanks for sharing.
Thanks for sharing.
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Join Date: Jul 2013
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Starting day 135. I ended up not having to work last night so decided to take in an AA meeting. I got very upset at someone there before the meeting and ended up leaving before the meeting was over because I couldn't stand being there anymore. Thoughts of drinking definitely crossed my mind momentarily but I knew deep down that would only make things worse so I came home and got on here instead. I had a couple of great messages from others waiting here for me, just when I needed them most.
Anyways, I'm better this morning. Need to just let that resentment from last night go. It's doing me nothing but harm.
Wishing everyone a safe and sober Saturday...
Anyways, I'm better this morning. Need to just let that resentment from last night go. It's doing me nothing but harm.
Wishing everyone a safe and sober Saturday...
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Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 2,412
Howdy do May! Been a while. Ya'll are lookin good.
Find ourselves...yeppo. It's a bit of a struggle in April too. A couple of us are struggling with it.
I've managed to break free lately. Mostly because I stopped worrying about it. Probably not the best solution, but I figured time will tell.
Right now I'm an alcoholic who does not drink. It's not really sexy...know what I mean?
For me it's the realization that I'm still surrounded by the huge pile of stinky poo I made for myself. Bankruptcy, struggling to make money, divorced.
All that is going to take time. So right now I'm a divorced alcoholic whose broke and doesn't drink. Lol.
I've been giving some thought to getting back to church and getting involved in some way. I could only imagine that would help. It would be sweet to help others with addiction in some way.
I'm also going to start exploring one AA mtg / week until I find one I like. It's tough because I'm working two jobs so I really don't have time. It's tough though, not impossible.
Have a great weekend! Glad to see ya'll still trucking!
Find ourselves...yeppo. It's a bit of a struggle in April too. A couple of us are struggling with it.
I've managed to break free lately. Mostly because I stopped worrying about it. Probably not the best solution, but I figured time will tell.
Right now I'm an alcoholic who does not drink. It's not really sexy...know what I mean?
For me it's the realization that I'm still surrounded by the huge pile of stinky poo I made for myself. Bankruptcy, struggling to make money, divorced.
All that is going to take time. So right now I'm a divorced alcoholic whose broke and doesn't drink. Lol.
I've been giving some thought to getting back to church and getting involved in some way. I could only imagine that would help. It would be sweet to help others with addiction in some way.
I'm also going to start exploring one AA mtg / week until I find one I like. It's tough because I'm working two jobs so I really don't have time. It's tough though, not impossible.
Have a great weekend! Glad to see ya'll still trucking!
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Join Date: Jul 2013
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Thanks for checking in, Incontrol. I think just not worrying about where I'm at/where am I going is probably what I need to be doing too.
Having a rough evening with some strong cravings. Not going to act on them but I'll be hanging close to SR tonight.
Having a rough evening with some strong cravings. Not going to act on them but I'll be hanging close to SR tonight.
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Join Date: May 2015
Location: Eugene Oregon
Posts: 306
Originally Posted by CaseyW
Starting day 135. I ended up not having to work last night so decided to take in an AA meeting. I got very upset at someone there before the meeting and ended up leaving before the meeting was over because I couldn't stand being there anymore. Thoughts of drinking definitely crossed my mind momentarily but I knew deep down that would only make things worse so I came home and got on here instead. I had a couple of great messages from others waiting here for me, just when I needed them most.
Anyways, I'm better this morning. Need to just let that resentment from last night go. It's doing me nothing but harm.
Wishing everyone a safe and sober Saturday...
Anyways, I'm better this morning. Need to just let that resentment from last night go. It's doing me nothing but harm.
Wishing everyone a safe and sober Saturday...
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Join Date: May 2015
Location: Eugene Oregon
Posts: 306
Originally Posted by Incontrol15
All that is going to take time. So right now I'm a divorced alcoholic whose broke and doesn't drink. Lol.
I've been giving some thought to getting back to church and getting involved in some way. I could only imagine that would help. It would be sweet to help others with addiction in some way.
I'm also going to start exploring one AA mtg / week until I find one I like. It's tough because I'm working two jobs so I really don't have time. It's tough though, not impossible.
Have a great weekend! Glad to see ya'll still trucking!
Maybe you'll meet someone... if I thought they could just let me go to a meeting and not have to go to a billion at first like they want and do all these steps etc. I'd be curious enough to go, just to be around other people going through the same thing, or have done it.
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Join Date: Jun 2014
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Hi all.
Just checking in. Been busy with work and sick kids. Jeez, school's been in for like a month, and already it starts. Dealing with trying to help my oldest kids, too, and its just alot going on. Hopefully it will all settle down soon.
Off work today, so I guess I will try to get other stuff done. I'd like to go back to sleep, but I know that if I try, my mind will just keep me awake thinking about stuff.
Welcome BF!,
I was feeling very down yesterday. Hoping it passes.
Hope you all have a great day!
Just checking in. Been busy with work and sick kids. Jeez, school's been in for like a month, and already it starts. Dealing with trying to help my oldest kids, too, and its just alot going on. Hopefully it will all settle down soon.
Off work today, so I guess I will try to get other stuff done. I'd like to go back to sleep, but I know that if I try, my mind will just keep me awake thinking about stuff.
Welcome BF!,
I was feeling very down yesterday. Hoping it passes.
Hope you all have a great day!
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Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Illinois
Posts: 1,343
Morning Class.
Just a quick check-in for me too. It's a beautiful fall morning in Illinois. Couldn't ask for much nicer weather. Mid to upper 70's and sunshine. Perfect!! Too bad I'll be in an office all day at work. I'm hoping to run a bunch of errands during my lunch hour and soak up some sunshine. Maybe that will perk me up... I've been a little moody/depressed myself the last few days. Not sure what's going on, but I hope it passes soon too.
Wishing all of you a great sober Monday!
Just a quick check-in for me too. It's a beautiful fall morning in Illinois. Couldn't ask for much nicer weather. Mid to upper 70's and sunshine. Perfect!! Too bad I'll be in an office all day at work. I'm hoping to run a bunch of errands during my lunch hour and soak up some sunshine. Maybe that will perk me up... I've been a little moody/depressed myself the last few days. Not sure what's going on, but I hope it passes soon too.
Wishing all of you a great sober Monday!
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Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Illinois
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Thanks Dee
Sag... it sure is quiet today. Hope you're feeling better. Another beautiful day here. The sunshine sure seems to help my mood improve. Chocolate does a pretty good job too!!
I hope everyone has a great day!!
Sag... it sure is quiet today. Hope you're feeling better. Another beautiful day here. The sunshine sure seems to help my mood improve. Chocolate does a pretty good job too!!
I hope everyone has a great day!!
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: USA
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I'm still around too. I've moved my daily check-ins to the one year and under thread as there is just not enough activity or support left in this thread on a daily/hourly basis. I love this class, it got me sober, I'll always be grateful for you folks and here to support others but felt like I had to move my base to somewhere I could get some support too. I had a rough weekend, especially Saturday night, and it was the One Year and Under and July 2013 classes that were there to help me get through them. Very grateful for them too.
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Join Date: May 2015
Location: Eugene Oregon
Posts: 306
I've been on the busier thread too. Just checking in to say while I've had some great days, at 4 months I'm still having paws. Anxiety (not as bad as it was) being extremely emotional, sugar cravings, fatigue. I just really need to learn to slow down. Kind of like swimming. I took swimming lessons awhile back because somehow through the years I forgot how to swim freestyle and couldn't even put my face in water. When I was getting the hang of it I would completely lose my breath with every lap and the swim instructor kept telling me to slow down. I do ok now with swimming but I constantly have to tell myself to slow down, with just about every stroke. I need to do that with life also.
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