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Class of November 2016 Support Thread Part 11

Old 08-13-2017, 11:02 PM
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Hi everyone,
Nands, you seem to mow a lot. Guessing you live on lots of land?
Great to hear you are plowing through with your move Steely.
Badge, it really is a comfort to know others slip or blip, we are human, we will make mistakes but it seems we are learning from them We didn't sail off into the horrid nightmare of continuous drinking, we came back here, tail between legs and hopped back on the horse. Yay for us.
Kenton, some of your posts make me laugh out loud. I can't remember the most recent one but dang girl, what a riot. Think it had something to do with being sun burnt and red lights haha.
Anyhoo, I'm about to have some cuddle time with my 2kg chihuahua, she is patiently waiting for me to finish up typing so I can settle on the couch with her in my lap
xoxo stay strong nobenders. Love.
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Old 08-14-2017, 12:51 AM
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I'm reading but I'm really busy at the moment - off to bed in a minute. Will catch up in a day or so

D
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Old 08-14-2017, 02:40 AM
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Hello!

So Nands, the surgery is this week? Sending you lots of love. I hope it goes really well and you make a quick recovery. I bet you can't wait to get it done.

Nands, Badger, hope you enjoyed/ do enjoy the eclipse. I've become really interested in space, planets, stars etc. Never really thought about it before. Now I'm endlessly fascinated.

Steely, I never knew about your husband taking the kids. I can't imagine what that must have been like. Sounds likely that your son is holding onto stuff from that time. I don't know how you begin to address this with him. Staying sober has got to be the biggest thing. Stay strong Steely - as I know you always do xxx

Poppy, hope you enjoyed your snuggles with your dog. I saw someone the other day wearing a t shirt that said, "The more people I meet, the more I love my dog". I thought that was pretty funny. Bit mean to people but I understand the sentiment. Dogs never judge, always love unconditionally and can't speak. Perfect companions. I want to get a t shirt that says, " I'm sober. What's your superpower?" Because when I was drinking I felt weak and insignificant and now I sometimes feel like a superhero! I think we are all awesome. Fighting this fight every day and being honest about our struggles - to use my sons' favourite word, that's EPIC!!

Kev, are you okay? I really hope so. Hope you check in soon Kev. I'd love to hear from you xxx
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Old 08-14-2017, 08:46 AM
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Good Morning from hedgy land!

Kenton - the eclipse is next Monday and my surgery is after that. sorry for the confusion!

This week is all about mowing and cleaning. Although my lawn is a bit larger than some, the reason it takes up all my mornings is because I am very slow walking it due to my balance issues, and the mower we bought that I can push is quite narrow so it takes more swipes of the lawn to cut the grass. Additionally, with rain the grass grows a lot which means the grass was too tall and I had to double swipe some parts as there were lots of stick up parts... I think mowers will know what I mean.

I am thinking that most if not all of us have dogs? I use to have a T-shirt that read "I don't need a man, I have a dog". That was during my man hating stage .... I no longer see men as the enemy. I figure every one is my enemy now (yes I'm kidding).

Slept too late again, so will try to cram a whole lot of work in the next 6 hours - mowing, big book reading and note taking for K, and then the flood claim work that requires sorting through a bunch of boxes.

I think I will set my alarm for tommarrow morning right now and turn it on so I can try and get back on track.

Hope your home design is going well Steely. Although I'm really not very good at it, at some point I had to accept intellectually that I cannot control how my son feels. Sometimes that even reaches my heart.

Bager, Poppy, Plenny and ... oh crap, my memory for names is gone although I know who all I'm talking about! - I hope you all can try to check in daily. K, my sponsor that I don't call a sponsor, has pointed out to me that checking in here is a really strong statement of commitment to sobriety.

Love to all of you!

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Old 08-14-2017, 01:22 PM
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I haven't mowed in a long time but I do recall it being quite therapeutic. Would love to have a big yard but alas we live on a 450sqm block.
Kev, how are you going? Haven't seen you on here in a wee bit.
I just went for a jog/walk (see how I swapped the words around, I did more jogging than walking YAY).
Must keep up the exercise as I know losing my motivation a few weeks ago contributed to my 'blip'.
So right now I am grateful for my mind set being strong and in good stead. May it last throughout the day.
Love to all xx
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Old 08-14-2017, 03:18 PM
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Not read anyone's posts but wanted to check in.

If I don't have a nervous breakdown as a result of this move I'll be surprised. It's IS traumatic Dee, really traumatic.

I have organised a Quit date for 21st August and it might run over that date whereby my son still expects rent, and I am now committed, having signed the Agreement, to pay the Dept. Of Housing.

This means I'll be paying double rent and my son KNOWS this is beyond my capacity to pay. I have my kidneys prepared. Do you think he would take both?

I am beside myself and wandering around in a semi daze, but still getting things done and I am sober.

Having not read anyone's posts hope that all are going better than me and still rocking on sober.

If I could not communicate with you this morning I don't know what I would do. Just to know that you are there helps beyond measure. I dreamed last night that I jumped off a building.

No, I would never do that (honest), but does indicate my state of mind. It will pass, hey?
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Old 08-14-2017, 06:07 PM
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Took a chance and hoped this would work. Tinypic is uploading

This is me as I roar out of this joint.

PS I have never listened to the record but the cover made me laugh.
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Old 08-14-2017, 06:15 PM
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Nope, it's still not working. Usually it just says "upload failed, try again", but this time it gave their logo.

It was a record cover with a 1950's James Dean lookin' guy with slicked back hair on a really big "grunt" bike trying to look like a rock and roller. Blush job.

I've never listened to the record but thought the cover was funny when I saw it in an op shop.
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Old 08-14-2017, 06:39 PM
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I always paid my rent upfront - that meant there was some overlap in a two week period when I moved but I was reimbursed later from the real estate.

I'm not up on NSW law but seems common sense you're not obliged to pay rent once you leave a premises - a premises the landlord has demanded you vacate.

That's two bites of the cherry.

If you're not up to date with rent... If it was me I would pay the Dept of Housing rent...and maybe pay back the private rent when you can.

That to me seems a reasonable response to an unreasonable demand.

If in doubt check with the tenants union.
D
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Old 08-14-2017, 07:10 PM
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I understand what you mean by rent in advance Dee but because he was my son he did not ask for it. If he had have known, he would have. And am definitely going to pay DoH rent first.

If my son were desperate for money, or needed it badly it would be different but it is just going to go into his bank account to add another zero to the rest of the mega bucks. He's living rent free himself, owns this property outright, and is about to buy another.

I have thought about the Tenants' Union but it feels terrible to have to resort to such lengths with my own son.
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Old 08-14-2017, 07:31 PM
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It wasn't my idea to pay rent in advance - just the way they do it up here

Again I'm not sure about NSW but up here tenants unions can only advise you on your options. It's not like your son would be contacted or anything.

The bottom line is probably the worst thing your son can do is put you on the rental blacklist - which you'll be off of anyway now you're in Government housing

Give him the old Aussie salute




D

D
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Old 08-14-2017, 08:00 PM
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Thanks Dee. That's the way we do it here too, in fact I think it's increased to 4 weeks in advance plus bond.

I could contact the tenants union, but as you say they could only adivise me and I don't have a leg to stand on, lawfully he can demand it, son or no son.

Getting there and loved the Aussie salute. Thanks Dee.
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Old 08-14-2017, 09:46 PM
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Can I clobber your son on the head!

I won't permanently wound him ... just make him hurt a bit....

I suspect that if your son isn't acting like a son, perhaps you don't need to treat him like a son. At one point I cut all contact with family for more than 6 months, less than a year ... not sure exactly how long.

After I started letting them back into my life it was on a different footing and at least for several years things were much better. Unfortunately at some point (mostly due to drinking) I let them back in and it is a nightmare to try and untangle the mess now.

I'm not sure what you can/should/want to do, there isn't a right answer. I do believe it is one of those times where you may want to just do what YOU feel like you can live with as easily as possible. A time when it might not be wise to consider his needs, but rather what makes you comfortable.

When my son was on everyone's "looser list" they wanted me to kick him out. They said it would be the best thing for him ... make him get a job and get a life. I didn't do that. Basically, it was no skin off my back if he stayed with me .... he is the one who will end up with no job possibilities ,no place to live, etc. when I die. And I have always known that for ME I would pay his bail to get out of jail because I couldn't live with myself if I didn't. Even knowing he may need a wake up call. I just don't want to be the wake up call. He will get one eventually, no action necessary on my part.

OK ... none of that had anything to do with your situation steely! Not sure why that is what came out on my keyboard...

The meeting tonight was on step 4 and 5 and reviewing 1,2 & 3... I told them that I really have no idea how this will work out for me as I don't believe in a god to turn my life over to or to restore me to sanity (step 2 and 3). I told them I would let them know what happens when I get to those steps

I do remember from past step work that they only work if you are honest about them and not just pretending. For me I would say that I believe that the spiritual path I am on will restore me to sanity, and I focus each day on remembering that my life and my will are not really my own... I turn those over to the spiritual path I am following. And that path (the 5-10 precepts of Buddhism) is based on morality, meditation and giving. I figure that accomplishes step 2 and 3, but it isn't what the original AAers had in mind ... so I'm not sure exactly how this will all pull together.

OK ... I need to go to bed. I set my alarm for the morning and hope I won't turn it off. The other day I was asleep and Chris got Gunny to get on the bed and cudgel up next to me ... and I didn't wake up

Love to all!
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Old 08-15-2017, 02:23 AM
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Feeling a bit blurgghh today. Had really vivid dream about dad last night. He was laughing and happy and when I woke up I thought he was still alive. I think the fast approaching first anniversary of his death is really playing on my mind. He died on 2 September last year. 2 September this year will mark 10 months sober for me.

I've been posting daily on the 24 hour thread. Every day they post lists of everyone celebrating milestones. But here's the thing. They never mention me. Every 2nd day of each month they post a list of people celebrating milestones and every month I'm left off the list. I've mentioned it to the person who compiles the lists and she's assured me I'll be included next month but I'm not convinced I will be. I know it sounds stupid and it does sound stupid but I don't think I can stand it next month if I'm overlooked again on the first anniversary of dad's death.

This ridiculous issue has hurt me so much I've decided today to cut contact with the 24 hour thread so I don't get hurt anymore. What this has shown me is that I have a barrel load of issues to deal with. Mum always used to leave me out of family outings when I was a kid. She'd take my siblings somewhere and I'd have to go to pubs with my dad. Dad would get me a lemonade and a packet of crisps but then he'd get drunk with his friends and I'd be left feeling bored and wondering what my siblings were doing. I think these feelings of being left out have stayed with me. Even being left off a milestones list on a website of strangers can trigger all the old hurt.

I'm sorry this is all about me. Emotions are coming thick and fast at the moment and writing this down has helped. I'll be back when I'm feeling a bit more normal. Not that normal exists xxx
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Old 08-15-2017, 05:41 AM
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Dearest Kenton, that happened to me in the beginning (before my blip) and it really upset me too even though I thought it was a bit silly of me, but it did hurt and was disappointing. I used to look for it excitedly. Everyone else was getting firecrackers and cakes and my name was always missing.

I made contact with venuscat who, because I was new thought she was a moderator because she seemed always to be doing such a great job.

I've never mentioned this before but I worry about venus and hope she is OK. She is a really beautiful woman and extended her hand to me from the very start, she deserves the very best. I don't like America to have her, she's ours, all ours!

She told me she wasn't a moderator and put in contact with Anna, I think, and my name eventually appeared.

It makes perfect sense kenton, your milestone is so very important and should be recognised as such, and your assessment of feeling left out left because of the actions of your mother having done the same, could not make more sense.

You are always included in my mind kenton, always,and I'm going to adopt you You are a Nobender the most inclusive mob in the world. You are loved, and I love you deeply. You possess all of the the qualities that are so rarely seen these days. I so respect you.

Now watch this kenton -

:


Kenton Is the Very Best and I Love Her
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Old 08-15-2017, 05:44 AM
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And now to my dear friend Nands who is wisdom woman personified. Just need a cuppa and a fag (that's a cigarette) to make my reply.

I love you guys so much. Never believed that people from afar and having never met could be so important in my life. You saved me.
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Old 08-15-2017, 05:53 AM
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Hey badge how you 'doing?

I have been so all over the shop with this move have not been able to keep up with everyone's comings and goings. Hope you are doing good. Well I know you're good, but are you well?

That was a grammatical rule drummed into my head since childhood so I deliberately try to override it. Me and authority, never changes
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Old 08-15-2017, 08:30 AM
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https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=7z3FS71Tgzw

I know this doesn't quite fit with my situation but still think it's a good old song from the 70's when the women's movement was just kicking off here.

I'm angry at the moment so when I say I'm reading it like my son is (figuratively) moving out, forgive me and truly hope it will change. I do love him you know.

I know it's getting a bit stale but not only does he own this property outright, he can afford to buy the SECOND one outright too, and that don't count ready capital. I'm going to the food bank. Love that Mulligan Stew.

I can hardly wait to reclaim my life. Can you believe it girls? I'm still sober. "If not for you....."

Liam Gallagher just came on one of those Late Shows, and I do have a soft spot for Liam.
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Old 08-15-2017, 10:15 AM
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Thank you Steely. Your post made me cry. Happy, loved tears. It is marvellous to be part of a group and feel like I belong.

I'm sorry you had the same experience of getting missed off the milestones lists but I also found it comforting to know I'm not the only one. When everything starts feeling personal, that's when I know my AV is on the war path. It's so frustrating because in so many areas of my life I can be strong but as soon as I feel unfairly left out, I'm back to feeling like a child with no power, no control and no way out.

I've always liked Liam Gallagher too. No people pleasing with him. He always says what he thinks. I bet he never gets bothered about being left out. I need to be a bit more like Liam Gallagher. Stop looking for validation from others and start providing it for myself. Love you Steely. Love all you guys xxx
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Old 08-15-2017, 11:37 AM
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Hi guys!

I haven't been able to listen to the Liam songs yet ... but did you know he played on the Colbert Show last night (here)? Unfortunately, because I'm trying to go to bed earlier, I missed it. will listen to the songs soon!

I did listen to the other song Steely, and yes! It is soooo seventies LOL. I always remember LuLu and Boom Bangabang ... 1968.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ew43u2gS0Y

I have major fits of "don't belong" and nobody cares, and no one remembers me. I think most people have the thought (yes even Liam), the difference is how I can hang on to it instead of brushing it off like a nat ... it then becomes the charming voice of Mara telling me all will be well if I just take a drink.

My birthday for 9 months is coming up on August 30th (I think). In my AA "home group" they do celebrate 9 months (I think) and if you have a sponsor the sponsor gives it to you. Since I don't actually support the type of sponsorship that the people who's sponsor's give them chips have ... I don't know ... If K gives me the chip I'll feel weird and if she doesn't I'll feel weird. Just knowing that I have boxed myself into an intellectual corner makes it less likely I'll be concerned about all that BS

I know you love your son steely ... I love mine too ... even when he is mean. I just wish I were god and could change his heart and heal your relationship with each other... but if I were god I probably would find a way to f it up

Laters!
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