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Class of May 2016 Support Thread Part 10

Old 07-17-2017, 07:09 PM
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Thanks all for the continued support guys I know I can do this. I know I have to do this. Just requiring a little more fight than I feel I have the energy for, but hey, I didn't drink today. Tomorrow will be a tough one. Potential legal issues going down with my son. The legal issues will be the easier ones to deal with. We've been down this road before so this would be another parole violation. We shall see what happens. I hoping they mandate rehab, because that's what he really needs but they could just as easily throw him in jail (again). I hate drugs. I hate what he's doing to himself and his wife, his daughters. She took the kids out of town this past weekend just to get away.....she's not even off of maternity leave yet Think she may be coming over tomorrow night for dinner. It would be good to see the kids, get my snuggles, and see their little smiles.
Wishing y'all a good Tuesday
Has anyone heard from Elke?
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Old 07-18-2017, 08:33 AM
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Hi everyone. Had yet another blow up with daughter last night. Her behaviour is going the wrong way and it's really tough. Now let's not overdramatise here she is just being very "teen" but her lousy attitude is being noticed at school and is steadily getting worse. I put up with so much (overcompensating for what she's been through) but deep down I know that I need to do more. Better discipline and boundaries that kind of thing. Problem is I'm still emotionally very weak. Almost to the point of unstable and I broke down in absolute hysterical tears last night. I can't go back to drinking but I'm not coping very well at all. Day to day life is a challenge and the slightest thing can flip my mood in seconds. God I didn't know quite how badly equipped I was for real life. I do believe years of drinking has caused this. All I can do is keep going and trying. I am trying to accept that my road to contentment will be a long one and be patient. Having said that I really did hope to feel a bit more......er........well by now.
Sooooo anyway sorry about that I'm just a little overawed and frightened. But, you know the one, one day at a time blah blah blah!
Sim I hope you're getting a little stronger each day and no I've not spotted Elke for quite a while hope she's okay.
Hi Arp, hi Camery, hi tootiesdad, hi Dee, hi Elke xxx
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Old 07-18-2017, 02:21 PM
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Hi everyone, sorry I've been away for so long, just busy with this new project.... wish I would have been here...

((((Sim))), I'm so sorry you're having such a tough time. It's good to hear that you're getting back on track so quickly. I think everyone enjoys reading your inspiring post and I loved the one where you wrote how good it is being in the driving seat and not giving your AV legs. That was pretty powerful stuff for me.
You are such a fighter and you've come a long way.... please don't give up.

Jo, you're doing a great job, I can't put into words how impressed I am how you cope with your jobs and family life and your sobriety. It's awesome, I'm not surprised that you're weary sometimes but look back and see your achievements as well. Be proud!

Arp, how wonderful to hear that you're well. A late happy birthday, a very good vintage too ;-)

Hi Camery X, Toot and Dee X

Sorry, can't write anymore, too tired. Lot's of love and good vibes to you all.
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Old 07-18-2017, 05:02 PM
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great to hear from you Elke - hope you're taking care of yourself

D
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Old 07-19-2017, 04:52 AM
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Nothing profound or inspiring to post today!

Just wanted to say hello to some Mayflies, wish everyone a good sober day, and get this thread bumped back up to the top of the page, at least for a few minutes! Hi Elke, nice to "see" you. Carry on, all...
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Old 07-19-2017, 01:22 PM
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Hey all....the saga continues. Son blew off parole the other day. Now they're looking for him. He could write the book on "what not to do to have a successful life", I could co-author.
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Old 07-19-2017, 04:25 PM
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I'm really sorry Sim. How are you holding up?

D
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Old 07-20-2017, 06:48 AM
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I'm not great Dee. I feel like giving up. I drink, then I don't drink, then I drink. I "moderate", then get wasted, then go a day without drinking, repeat. I don't post when I do drink because I'm ashamed. I'm ashamed to be on Day 1 again; day after day, ashamed that I'm an alcoholic, ashamed that I turned what could've been a slip into a 4 week relapse, and ashamed that at this point my drinking and my son's issues are 2 very different things and my continued drinking is because I'm an alcoholic, not because he's drug addict.
I'm also ashamed because I have only recently realized that when I quit last year, it was to save my marriage, and not for me. This go round, this quit has to be for me and my wellness and at this very moment I'm hung over and feel like crap and that's about the only motivation I have to begin again. Its like the last year of fight has been drained right out of me
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Old 07-20-2017, 11:00 AM
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Just sitting here re-reading my last post and wondering who the girl who wrote that is....because it was written by the self pitying part of myself that should not be determining the direction of my life.
I have off today due to a slow surgical schedule at work so I spent this a.m. just attending to myself. Basics that I've been neglecting like eating and showering and what not, along with taking some time to connect to my faith and overall recalibrating my "center". Even through in some light non-overwhelming chores around the house and some gentle yoga which clued me into what all this tension has been doing to me physically----I'm a tight ball of physical tension Now that all the physical care is done (hubs will appreciate the shaved legs, I'm sure) I shall commence in starting at ground zero and make a new recovery plan. A life recovery plan of sorts as I have felt a little out of flow with my life even before the relapse occurred.
This is big ole fat and ugly Day 1 and I will have a Day 2 tomorrow because I can't do this anymore. The self disgust and self defeatist bull**** is just not me.
Sorry for the worry I've been causing y'all and for hijacking the thread with me, me, me, and more me. And thank you my Mayflies for not turning your backs on me
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Old 07-20-2017, 11:33 AM
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That's the one Sim....big fat old ugly day one. Let it be as ugly and smelly as it likes. There's only one objective for today and that's to get to bed sober tonight. Absolutely nothing else matters (although massive respect for the leg shaving dear!!!!)
The only thing of any real practical help I could give is that during my last withdrawal period (it was bad). I worked on my mind. I read here, I posted here (at times several times an hour) and I got deadly serious with myself.
Basically I did literally nothing except get physically and mentally well (as much as I could). I was lucky to be off work for a few days so it was day 7 by the time I went back. Could you take a few days off Sim?
Allow yourself to be "selfish" Sim. You are such a kind giving person but this is for YOU. For YOUR life.
Plus if you want to post any time day or night rest assured I'll keep checking in and so will others I'm sure. If "me me me" is what it takes so what? Who cares? We are a team here and you need a little support. I for one am honoured to be here for you xxx
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Old 07-20-2017, 02:34 PM
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Some deep insights at your post #48, Simplicity.
Know that your words are helpful to others too.
Best wishes to you and all the Mayflies xxx
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Old 07-20-2017, 03:40 PM
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I think you're worth saving Sim

I started simply - no booze in the house, no buying booze, no ebing around booze.

That was me for the first 30 days.

I had to leave all the crises and whatnot to others, cos I had the fight of my life on my hands.

Like jo says thats not selfish - I saw it as self preservation.

I'm no good to anyone drunk or dead.

when I was ready...then I faced my problems - and I leant on whatever support I had to help me face problems sober and develop new healthy positive coping skills.

you can do this, sim

D
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Old 07-20-2017, 03:42 PM
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Simplicity: I think it was Dee who's posted all over SR that "we don't shoot our wounded." I absolutely love the sentiment behind that statement, and I think it especially applies here, in our Home Group, so to speak. None of us hanging around here would ever consider turning our backs, giving up, on anyone, and most certainly not you!

Ladies and gentleman, Mr. James Taylor! (crowd cheers wildly)
"When you're down, and troubled, and you need a helping hand..."

You've got a friend,
Arp
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Old 07-20-2017, 05:07 PM
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Thanks friends Day 1 is winding down. I'm getting ready to turn in early. Brain is still thick with fog but clear enough to have worked out a rough sketch of a recovery plan. Lots of getting back to the basics of those early days of sobriety and attending to my stress in live time, if possible. I would love to have a week or two off work to redirect the course of this ship, but I know that's not a possibility at the moment as co-workers are in full summer vacation mode and I have no seniority. So I will just try to plod along and try to leave early if the opportunity arises, which it will due to the surgeons being on summer vacation as well. Hubs is happy to hear I'm going back on the wagon but I'm not doing it for him this time, I'm doing it for me. Day 2 is on the horizon and lucky for me the horizon is a pretty massive target....so I'm sure to hit it, even if my aim's a little off due to the lingering effects of this relapse.
Lots of love for all of you
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Old 07-20-2017, 05:50 PM
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@Joe - I hope things are better with you?
@ Sim you're doing great!
I might not post every day, but I do try to keep up with my group. With that said, I would like to share my thoughts: There's not one single person here who's not a hero..,whether you feel it all the time or not...we are all strong. It's not so much if you, we, individually slip...it's that we get up and get back on the path. This is a conscious choice that we have each made, and in my moments of weakness, I try remind myself of this...and it never ceases to be extremely empowering.
You are all awesome...
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Old 07-20-2017, 11:16 PM
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Early morning Mayflies It's 2am and I can't sleep. Not sure if it's insomnia from withdraw or worry but hey, I'm not passed out so that's good right? Got a feeling this is going to be a veryyyy long Day 2 but I will make the conscious decision today to not drink, although I can not commit against chocolate indulgences, napping, or smoking.
Toot-Thanks for your post That was exactly what I needed to hear/be reminded of at this very moment.
Wishing all of you wonderful Mayflies a Happy Friday! I will check in after work.
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Old 07-21-2017, 01:47 AM
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Sending love and support Sim. It doesn't really matter how much coffee or chocolate or tobacco you consume. It doesn't matter if you achieve anything today except getting your head on that pillow sober tonight. You're doing great.....honestly ❤❤❤
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Old 07-21-2017, 10:42 AM
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Jeezus, I'm struggling at the moment. AV is going bat **** crazy and I am so very depressed. Bring on bedtime!
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Old 07-21-2017, 12:00 PM
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That lovely safe bed of yours won't be long now Sim. More hugs and prayers to you sweetheart xxx
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Old 07-21-2017, 03:58 PM
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Day 2 winding down. Binge watched "Real Housewives", did a little yoga. eating dinner, and heading to bed.
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