Dee74

I'm sorry about the computer Nands.
Sorry about your dad too Kev.

hiya Steely Kenton and anyone lurking

I hope everyone had s a great weekend

D

Ananda

Sorry everyone ... I'm so overly irritable at this point that I'm going to the 5:30 meeting , then I have to cook dinner and waterte...

sorry sorry sorry

I'll post later

Poppy79

G'day peeps. Stopping by to let you all know that I'm doing well, stressful time of year in my profession but i will ride it out without any booze.
I don't post much here anymore as I just can't keep up.
Notice a few have not posted at all for awhile and I hope they are doing well.
Glad to see everyone on here staying on the path and helping/ supporting each other
xoxoxo

Dee74

really glad to hear you're doing well Poppy

No need to apologise Nands

D

Steely

No, Poppy just really great to see your little puppy avatar and that you are sober.

It's great if people just drop in from time to time to give an update. Nothing worse than not knowing what happened to so and so , and like you, have seen some people drop and hope everyone is doing well. Rock on.

I think Nands said it in an earlier post that though she wants f2f sometimes, sometimes it's just not on the cards.

Being here really does help, as I've found in getting to 'know' others here on SR, and my good and ever encouraging friends here on Nobenders.. I have developed a fondness for each and everyone.

It's like face to face as the trust has developed. And I'll find a friend one day.

Sounds like you have tax on the agenda at work Poppy, being that time of year. Ride it out as you say, you'll be fine, and you really do sound like you are doing great.

And you won the Origin. Grrrr. And I don't even like football, except for the soccer.

Steely

Don't be sorry Nands the shite just hit the fan here too with argument with my daughter. I lost it, and somewhat deservedly.
Won't go into the nitty gritty but reckon I should take some of my own advice.

Finished up getting my head together and told her that I understood, which I do, anxiety, but felt like a yo yo being pulled and pushed by another, and I am fighting hard for my autonomy. Just as I want for her.

It's like I'm just the escort and can be called upon at will. And my daughter must know that, while at the same time know that I am in her corner.

So if you want to go put the boot into a few computers I've got some steel capped

Awww, Nands, crapolla, but were not drinking.

Ananda

Yes to crappolla and even a bigger yes to we are not drinking!

So ... I just uploaded a bunch of windows updates, but now have to update my web browser

by the time I finish it will probably be bed time here.

Since I want to watch a show about the Boston Strangler at 11 tonight, I have a feeling I may not see you till you wake up tomarrow morning time zones suck big time!

Anyhow .. If I wake up or get things situated before then ... I'll check in.

And don't you dare disappear because we had a disconnected day. I have to tell you a story tomarrow about what happened at my meeting and what I heard Jack Kornfield speak on and and and and.....

Poppy! It was good to see you stop by. Feel free to stop in anytime and if you have something you are bursting to talk about we will be here to listen

Ananda

PS:

Steely ... you are just as good as any face to face friend to me

Steely

Nands thank you so much, and it's exactly as I feel. You are my friend.

Good show you are getting stuff retrieved or sorting stuff out with your files, I know from working how awful that can be. But double yes, we are getting it done, and we are sober.

I have a macabre interest in serial killers too Nands, unfulfilled desire? .

Enjoy. Sounds like the wrong word to use when describing serial killers.

I have to go visit my grandkids, and it's a huge journey, public transport, and my daughter bailed, hence the argument. And she organised it.

I'm staying overnight (Sat) and won't be home until late Sunday so won't be able to contact you until late (our) Sunday.

You're right, these Time Zones suck, I want to invite you around for a cuppa but you're asleep.

Always laughing Nands and good to know I got a friend.

Dee74

I hope the trip turns out good for you anyway Steely

D

Plenny

Hey everyone,
Just jumping in right in the middle here. After I write this I'm going to try to rewind a bit and catch up on all of you.
I'm sorry I disappeared like that. It's not uncommon for me I suppose. If anyone remembers, i was living with that very heavy drinking roommate, and although I had stopped hanging out with him, I was very unhappy and very stressed and i picked up the bottle again.
This time nothing terrible happened. But my quest was interrupted. A good bit of time has passed.
Bf is now 3 months sober, I could not be prouder of him. He looks great. He is productive and there is so much more clarity for him. He's struggling a lot too. All good normal signs of his process working.
I am not angry at myself for once. And I'm visiting you all to say, I am in and out of these forums over the years. That does not mean I am less serious, it does not mean there is no hope. What it means is that I know I can keep coming back here and I haven't given up.
Update in my process: I decided to move out of the drünk haüs. I just finished unpacking and getting art studio set up in my own teeny tiny new place. I feel a huge sense of relief. Big weight lifted, all the cliches. I did something to make my life healthier. I'm very very optimistic right now. It's been a long time.
I hope you're all well and don't mind me jumping in at you like this.

Plenny

Dee74

You're very welcome Plenny - good to have you back
Sounds like things are coming together for you

D

Ananda

Hi Plenny (yep ... I'm a hugger)

I don't think we have met ... but perhaps we have over the years. I understand what it is like to struggle to get sober and I always remember that the most important thing is to get up and start again. You are welcome on this thread any time and we love to hear from everyone.

Sounds like things are perhaps starting to change for you in a positive direction.

I sure hope to see you around more often and please jump in anytime on any topic. Sometimes we get to nannering, but we are always willing to switch to whatever is needed at the time.

Again

kenton

Hi everyone!! Great to hear from you Plenny and Poppy. I just managed to scrounge enough wifi together to log on and got very excited when I saw your names! Think of you all often and it's so nice to hear from you.

Sorry to hear about your computer Nands. Really sorry. I want to chuck my phone into the sea everytime my wifi runs out so I can only start to imagine your pain. Stay strong Nands xxx

Sorry to hear about your dad Kev. That must have been so hard to see him drinking so much. I got no words of wisdom other than I know exactly how you feel and I'm thinking of you xxx

Steely, I'm sorry about the row with your daughter. You're awesome Steely. Stay strong and I'll reply properly when I can read all the messages without getting angry messages popping up on my phone giving me wifi warnings.

Last full day of my holiday today, fly home tomorrow. It's been the best holiday ever and it's been completely sober. Yesterday on the bus to Pisa, this poor guy spent the whole journey throwing up because he was so hungover. I got no judgment, just tons of sympathy. I gave him my water because he needed it more than me. That's the reality of drinking though guys. One hour of dry heaving in a hot bus. If ever I needed a visual reminder of why I'm doing what I'm doing, seeing that poor guy was it.

Ahhhh, another angry wifi warning. If this posts, I'll eat my flip flop xxxx

kenton

Wow!! It posted.

Flip flop lunch for me. Yum xxx

Ananda

Hi Kev!

Yeah at least since I'm not drunk I'm getting some of the stuff worked on.

I'm about to go nuts cause I lost an important memory tool and will have to start it over from scratch. It's hard cause I don't remember when my last appointment was with some of the Drs., so don't know when it needs to be scheduled next, and I sure don't know when I last mowed the lawn to schedule that to be done. Guess on that I'll just have to guess.

Well ... I can't load IE 11, can't figure out how to get to my last youtube account with all my saved songs... it's so upsetting.

Well ... I get emails if some one posts here ... so I will see if any one is around. Right now I'm going to call mom and then meditate and then plant more plants before it is too late.

Dee74

I'm really sorry that you lost everything Nands - could Chris help maybe?

D

kevlarsjal

Good to see you back Poppy and Plenny!

Sorry about the mess with your computer Nands. That must be so frustrating

Kenton, it makes me so happy to hear you're having such a lovely holiday. You deserve it, hun! Hope that flip flop was tasty

Steely, are you feeling better again?


The wedding was good but draining. Pretty boozy and my dad drank loads again. He didn't act drunk and was in a good mood. He's not someone who gets nasty or behaves weird when drinking. But I think he's drinking too much and it looks like it's no longer fully under his control it makes me very sad and I really have to work through my emotions here. Since my mum never drink he's always been my "role model" or standard when it came to drinking. I tried to drink like him for my whole life because I thought it worked for him. And I thought it'd work for me too. Now I think it never worked for any of us.

My brother and his wife both loved the mugs I made them and they also loved the portrait my boyfriend made them. It was a really nice wedding, just a bit exhausting for us to be around drinkers all day long.

We felt both totally drained today so we didn't do much. He went for a run and I went to a meeting to clear our heads. The plan was to meet up with friends tonight but we both decided against it cause 2 boozy nights in a row was enough for this weekend. Now he's spending the evening sketching and I'm sewing.

Being around booze all day is always a bit weird for us (recovering BF and me) and we need some time to sort our thoughts again. Why we can't drink. Why it's better for us to not drink. Why it's not worth trying again.
We both still would love to drink and miss it at occasions like a wedding. I've heard from many people at AA that they don't feel like they also want to drink when they're surrounded by drinkers or they even feel repulsed by the thought. I hope that might be the case for me too one day. But as of now my mouth is watering when I smell the champagne in the morning. God would that be nice. Even now. It's still the same for him after almost 5 years without booze.

He's mentioned it more and more often lately that he sometimes has moments where he questions why he's even not drinking. A friend of his who says he's an alcoholic himself, is still drinking and taking drugs. My BF said that he has moments when he doesn't know why he even fights so hard for his sobriety and puts so much work into it if others are still drinking. It makes him think he could just say **** it and go back to drinking. At least his friends wouldn't find him boring then.

Last night was another situation like that when he mentioned that this woman who's his online friend and also an alcoholic is drinking again after some years sober and it seems to work for her. Makes him think maybe he should do the same or that it should work for him too. That being an alcoholic doesn't mean that you have to stay sober to make it through life.

All these thoughts worry me a bit. I know his recovery is his and mine is mine. But I would find it very scary if he started drinking again.
On thurday night at the dinner there was an incident that made my stomach flip, in a bad way. We were at a Greek restaurant and after the starters the waiter came with a tray of shots and handed one to everyone. I said no thanks but my BF took his and placed it on the table in front of him. Just seeing that and not 100% knowing what he'd do next felt so weird. I just hated seeing him accepting that glas. For me that was already too close to drinking I guess. After everyone drank their shots he asked my brother if he wanted to have his one too. So he didn't drink it and I like to think that he never intended to. But maybe he played with the thought? Or why did he take it first?

At the moment I'm very scared of alcoholism. How it tricks our brains, how it'll always be there, how we always have to remember and to be careful. I know that at one point we both felt a bit tempted and weak at the wedding and sometimes I had thoughts like "wouldn't it be nice to get drunk together". I guess the goal is to not become complacent but also not too scared of ******* it up.

Bed time now.

Good night and my love to all of you!

Ananda

going to bed late ... tried to update to windows 8.1 (required in order to get to IE 11 (I guess) .... won't load ... waited on some other updates... now I'm tired.

Chris is assisting as he can on the computer and will help as much as he can to help me keep on track till I get the calendar on (hopefully tomorrow).

Kev (hug) I know how it can be hard to get use to not drinking in the first part of recovery (which I believe we are still all in). I also know how it feels to think that maybe after a certain number of years, maybe we could drink rationally again. I learned the hard way. It only took me 3 days to go from a few beers during the Stanley cup finals to a liter a day and drinking before work.

Even though we are fairly new, when those thoughts arise it is a good idea to work with people who are new to sobriety and struggling. Sometimes it is that that will allow me to really FEEL the memory of what it was like, rather than just saying the words.

Yeah ... his sobriety is his and yours is yours, but ... even though we can stay sober "regardless of anyone or anything", there are circumstances that make sobriety harder or easier (IMO). I'm a bit different than some ... If I take responsibility for how I effect others, than I must also recognize that others effect me. Although his drinking would be his choice, you would still be there seeing it happen and having to adjust ... I guess I'm saying ... Of course it is scary (HUG).

Hopefully this is something he can successfully work through. If you get to feeling a bit too freaked out about his mind set ... maybe it is ok to tell him you aren't in a space to help him about that right now (as in not at that moment or not on that day ... not necessarily forever).

My son has learned to sometimes tell me ... Mom, maybe you could call one of your AA friends and talk to them. I think it is hardest for us to support those that we are close to, simply because we are likely to be affected by them.

Just some thoughts .... You are doing so well, and a bit of waffling in thoughts seems normal to me at our point ... probably always. I believe you will find some quite space inside yourself to see what the answer is for you right now (not forever, just for now). And it won't be drinking (hug)

I went to a meeting last night just because I felt wobbly emotionally, which makes me more susceptible to thought of drinking...and actually the meeting didn't make me feel anymore like the people there were going to help me ... but it didn't matter ... I still felt better ... strange how that works for me ... just telling a bit of my story of the day allowed me to move on, regardless of what others choose to give or not give. I guess maybe that is part of why I keep going ... just to say the truth out loud to myself.

OK ... I've just gone on and on and on and probably have contradicted myself many times over It truly is true that the only thing I am consistent about is my inconsistency. And I find that I'm ok with that ... sorta about being open minded and not stuck in a pat answer... so ..

that means tomorrow I will deny everything I just said! lmao

good night all

Wanted to share this picture:

dogs butt to nose.JPG

Dee74

I'm glad Chris is helping Nands

Kev - I wanted to drink for a reasonably long time after I quit - but each week it seemed a more remote possibility.

I tried to keep it simple - as long as I don't drink, my life has a chance of changing for the better and so do I.

My addiction can never ambush me cos I always have the power to say '''ya know what? NO'