One Year and Under Club Part 59 - Page 10 - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
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Old 08-13-2017, 09:42 AM   #181 (permalink)
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(((ST))) I very much understand that state of emotional chaos.
I remember very early on when I was doing intense outpatient work where I spent days and days crying and I couldn't figure out why. It was like mourning a death and celebrating a birth all at once... and when the tears eventually stopped, I felt a lot more peace than I had felt in years.

I also had that moment in treatment. I was walking to my van on pass day in the most frigid weather and suddenly the tears started quietly running down my face... all those people who had encouraged me and told me I was a survivor and I really was a special person, were right. And I had been doing my best all my life to try and put out that light. I spent years grinding myself down and denying myself of any worth. And all along I had been wrong.

Somebody told me once in a meeting that the worst form of abuse is self-abuse.
You pour a little bit of love and empathy on that shame and guilt and it's as though our inner child comes out, crying with relief and a quivering fear of the unknown. That part of our soul needs love and understanding. It's confusing and emotional digging through all the muck and mud until you find those things you thought you'd lost forever.
That's my feeling on it... we're all so precious inside. Busting through the denial of that can be painful, hard work.
Keep on keeping on. It's a beautiful journey hey?
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Old 08-13-2017, 04:13 PM   #182 (permalink)
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Thanks everyone for your words of encouragement and comfort. This weekend turned out to be a really good one that I won't soon forget. We went on another family adventure today and explored some nearby areas. It's amazing what can be found just outside your own back yard. (well, a 30 minute drive, but so worth it).
LockPortPellicans.JPG
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Old 08-13-2017, 06:05 PM   #183 (permalink)
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(((((One year and under club)))))
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Old 08-14-2017, 01:37 AM   #184 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Purplrks3647 View Post
(((((One year and under club)))))
Absolutely Purps!

StDragon, it sounds like you had to work through some stuff to be ready to move forward, and you have. That is awesome. Be kind to yourself over the next few days, we always feel a little more vulnerable than usual after an emotional adjustment.
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Old 08-14-2017, 01:39 AM   #185 (permalink)
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DDee, I am glad you found a way to see yourself as others do, That was a wonderful heartfelt post.
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" I tried to drown my demons, only to find they could swim" Anon
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Old 08-14-2017, 09:12 AM   #186 (permalink)
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Thanks toots.
It's not a state I can maintain consistently, it's just these little moments along the way where the dots connect and I find some clarity.
It's hard to stand firmly out of default mode and live intentionally. We are not conditioned to be that way.
But lucky for us, we can figure out we have the choice to stay that way or change.

I have hit a bit of a low myself. I am trying to be my best own cheerleader. My son has left back to his dad's after spending a great part of the summer here.
It doesn't help that often times when I am thinking of him, missing him, my 5 year old daughter chimes in sadly, "I miss N. When is he coming back to live with us? Are we going to see him tomorrow? I really love him. "

Early days, but it will get better and he'll be back soon enough, to live with us.
Grateful for the summer we had. Can't wait for school to start now.
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Old 08-15-2017, 02:31 AM   #187 (permalink)
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DDee do you schedule FaceTime/skypes with your son so his wee sister can chat? It must be tough on you to be seperated from your son, though modern technology does make it a little less painful.
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Old 08-15-2017, 03:50 AM   #188 (permalink)
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That's a good idea. They don't need cell phones. Just a couple of used iPod Touches and WiFi. I do that with my family when I'm away.
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Old 08-17-2017, 04:19 PM   #189 (permalink)
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HI all! Yes I am still here, still sober and busy with the buildings. We are redoing the front entrance and the terracotta cornices of the roof... lots of dollars flying out the door. Sadly not in my pocket.

Singing season again, so off to rehearse tonight for a bid Sunday mass at my church. I do get tired of it sometimes, but beats sitting around. That is when the call of the addict gets louder!

Going to check in with you all for a bit and then head out!

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Old Yesterday, 03:55 AM   #190 (permalink)
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So I'm 10 months in and I think I'm beginning to understand brain fog. I've had moments over the last week where I've noticed the clarity and others where I've felt the fog. I hope it continues to lift...
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Old Yesterday, 09:29 AM   #191 (permalink)
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STD, I found myself probably for the first year and a half bouncing between moments of great clarity and moments shrouded in a dense fog. Once I realized that this is apparently par for the course, I stopped beating myself up about it. Our brains are trying to heal and rebuild after drinking poison for many years. Sometimes, I feel our brains just simply need to reboot and reload. Hence the fog. I have found the fog to occur far less often these days. Hang in there!
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