Notices

Cheers for Venuscat Part Five

Old 06-25-2017, 07:56 AM
  # 341 (permalink)  
Member
 
venuscat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,020
(((Kris))) ♥

Perhaps we are.
venuscat is online now  
Old 06-25-2017, 08:19 AM
  # 342 (permalink)  
capra laeviculus
 
Goat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: German Village, OH
Posts: 3,427
Originally Posted by melki View Post
No judgment here, I'm in perfect agreement that we're all damaged and doing the best we can. I was curious to hear from Goat, I just used his own words to ask these questions. I may be way off here, but this self-flagellation does not seem constructive, and I hope it comes with ownership for the choices and the way you're being treated. But in the end you're right, only you two know the full extent of what goes on there, and you're the ones to live it. I wish you the healthiest path forward possible.
I am having to come to terms with some facts about my behavior that I *really* did not want to look too closely at, and when I saw it really did not want to admit to.

It took me some time to change my self-image from the fantasy construction I had used for most of my life to a more constructive, realistic image.

Despite my best efforts to hide the fact from myself, I can now admit that I am extremely arrogant. To the point that the way I phrase many otherwise harmless statements turns them into a condescending insult. When this was first pointed out to me I was angry. How could someone think I was arrogant or condescending? But... The truth is the truth.

I am working on this. I have been working on it for long enough that I certainly feel different on the inside... But I still need more work on how I come across to others.

There is a lot more I am working on... I have a tendency to be passive-aggressive and I also have such a fear of conflict that I tend to shut down conversations before they have a chance to start... I am absolutely working on that. I am well past the point where I was upset to learn these things about myself, and I am now well into becoming more mindful of my behavior and changing it.

To some extent these seem like things I probably should have worked on and fixed years ago... But... I am not going to look back and beat myself up about that (anymore).
Goat is offline  
Old 06-25-2017, 08:30 AM
  # 343 (permalink)  
FBL
non-drinker
 
FBL's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Milwaukee, Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 13,795
Progress, not perfection is the key.
FBL is offline  
Old 06-25-2017, 08:30 AM
  # 344 (permalink)  
Member
 
venuscat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,020
Part of what makes a relationship successful is the willingness to change.
People talk about compromise ~ I don't believe in compromise. I believe in looking at things that need to be looked at and addressing them fully.

Neither of us have to put up with the things that we find hurtful or uncomfortable in each other.....we are both working hard to change the things that need to be changed.

Hopefully all of this will lead to some days ahead that are easier, some days that are filled with fun and love. I know we already have the love.

Thank you for your willingness and all you are doing for you and for us Nick.
As you know, I am trying my hardest as well....some days I succeed better than other days.

Perhaps today is going to be a day when we both feel better and lighter and happier.

So much love. ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
venuscat is online now  
Old 06-25-2017, 08:30 AM
  # 345 (permalink)  
Member
 
venuscat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,020
Originally Posted by FormerBeerLover View Post
Progress, not perfection is the key.
Exactly.
venuscat is online now  
Old 06-25-2017, 08:37 AM
  # 346 (permalink)  
capra laeviculus
 
Goat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: German Village, OH
Posts: 3,427
For a long time I felt like you were working hard, putting in so much effort, changing and growing all while adapting to a very different life here in America... And I was floundering, confused, not understanding what to do and what to change and how to proceed.

It took me too long to catch up and figure out what to do... But now I am growing and changing right along with you. Now I feel as well that I can hope this will lead to days filled with fun and love.... And yes we definitely have the love... That, in my opinion, is what makes this whole thing possible. Without your love I would never have been where I am today.

All the love ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
Goat is offline  
Old 06-25-2017, 08:49 AM
  # 347 (permalink)  
Member
 
venuscat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,020
Well, what doesn't kill us makes us stronger.....so they say.

I don't think either of us would have chosen for all of this to unfold as it has, but perhaps one day we will see that it all happened for reasons that are not yet clear.

What I see is that we are far more caring and gentle with each other than we were before we divebombed. And yes, we both have a long way to go to be who we want to be, but that's one of the magical parts of the recovery journey for me. We are willing to be aware of our 'defects' (you know I hate that word) in ways that I'm not sure a lot of people are in life. We are willing to not be offended even when things hurt and we are willing to keep trying to make things better.

I think life is more rewarding that way.....egos can get so big and bruised and that doesn't go well with damaged self-esteem. This way, we stay humble and we stay in faith. We remain grateful for every blessing and every chance.

Love and faith propelled us to take this chance, to make this giant leap of faith. And love and forgiveness and understanding will keep us going from this point.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
venuscat is online now  
Old 06-25-2017, 08:59 AM
  # 348 (permalink)  
capra laeviculus
 
Goat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: German Village, OH
Posts: 3,427
Originally Posted by venuscat View Post
Love and faith propelled us to take this chance, to make this giant leap of faith. And love and forgiveness and understanding will keep us going from this point.
I think these may be the most beautiful two sentences I have ever read.

We are in this together in every way my love, and I am so very blessed and happy to share this journey with you
Goat is offline  
Old 06-25-2017, 09:01 AM
  # 349 (permalink)  
Member
 
Croutie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Georgia
Posts: 711
Originally Posted by venuscat View Post
Well, what doesn't kill us makes us stronger.....so they say.

I don't think either of us would have chosen for all of this to unfold as it has, but perhaps one day we will see that it all happened for reasons that are not yet clear.

What I see is that we are far more caring and gentle with each other than we were before we divebombed. And yes, we both have a long way to go to be who we want to be, but that's one of the magical parts of the recovery journey for me. We are willing to be aware of our 'defects' (you know I hate that word) in ways that I'm not sure a lot of people are in life. We are willing to not be offended even when things hurt and we are willing to keep trying to make things better.

I think life is more rewarding that way.....egos can get so big and bruised and that doesn't go well with damaged self-esteem. This way, we stay humble and we stay in faith. We remain grateful for every blessing and every chance.

Love and faith propelled us to take this chance, to make this giant leap of faith. And love and forgiveness and understanding will keep us going from this point.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
Beautifully said; very insightful...
Best of luck you two.
Croutie is offline  
Old 06-25-2017, 09:02 AM
  # 350 (permalink)  
Member
 
venuscat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,020
Thank you dearest Croutie.
venuscat is online now  
Old 06-25-2017, 10:15 AM
  # 351 (permalink)  
Member
 
Kris47's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Northern Michigan
Posts: 28,801
The ultimate love Forgiveness.

You can't go wrong with these.
Kris47 is offline  
Old 06-25-2017, 10:43 AM
  # 352 (permalink)  
Member
 
SoberLeigh's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,770
Sending more love!!!!!
SoberLeigh is offline  
Old 06-25-2017, 11:16 AM
  # 353 (permalink)  
Member
 
Purplrks3647's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: US
Posts: 16,752
Purplrks3647 is offline  
Old 06-25-2017, 11:24 AM
  # 354 (permalink)  
Member
 
venuscat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,020
You guys are seriously awesome. Thank you thank you thank you!!! ♥♥♥
venuscat is online now  
Old 06-25-2017, 11:40 AM
  # 355 (permalink)  
Member
 
PhoenixJ's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,512
PhoenixJ is offline  
Old 06-25-2017, 12:14 PM
  # 356 (permalink)  
Magsie
 
Mags1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 26,507
I think you're both lovely people. Suze and Nick. ♥️
Mags1 is online now  
Old 06-25-2017, 03:37 PM
  # 357 (permalink)  
Member
 
Croutie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Georgia
Posts: 711
Originally Posted by Kris47 View Post
The ultimate love Forgiveness.

You can't go wrong with these.
^^^^
Amen

❤️
Croutie is offline  
Old 06-25-2017, 06:01 PM
  # 358 (permalink)  
Member
 
wpainterw's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
I believe I have recommended in the past Ernie Kurtz Book,written with a co author (Ketcham) on The Spirituality of Imperfection, Story Telling. When I read the your posts, Nick and Suze, I am impressed at how helpful this book might be for you, as it has been for me. When I have suggested it on SR i can't recall getting much reaction. Ernie died over a year ago and he was most respected not only for this book but for his history of AA, which he interpreted in liberal not dogmatic terms, consistent with the later thinking of Bill W. The whole tenor of the book is that we learn from our imperfections, even from failure, when everything seems to have collapsed and we pick up the pieces and do what's necessary even with "worn out tools." I am also reminded of the closing lines of Tennyson's poem "Ulysses":

There lies the port; the vessel puffs her sail:
There gloom the dark, broad seas. My mariners,
Souls that have toil'd, and wrought, and thought with me—
That ever with a frolic welcome took
The thunder and the sunshine, and opposed
Free hearts, free foreheads—you and I are old;
Old age hath yet his honour and his toil;
Death closes all: but something ere the end,
Some work of noble note, may yet be done,
Not unbecoming men that strove with Gods.
The lights begin to twinkle from the rocks:
The long day wanes: the slow moon climbs: the deep
Moans round with many voices. Come, my friends,
'T is not too late to seek a newer world.
Push off, and sitting well in order smite
The sounding furrows; for my purpose holds
To sail beyond the sunset, and the baths
Of all the western stars, until I die.
It may be that the gulfs will wash us down:
It may be we shall touch the Happy Isles,
And see the great Achilles, whom we knew.
Tho' much is taken, much abides; and tho'
We are not now that strength which in old days
Moved earth and heaven, that which we are, we are;
One equal temper of heroic hearts,
Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will
To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.


Good Luck, Bon Voyage and Every good wish to you both! My heart goes out to you and is with you always.

Bill
wpainterw is offline  
Old 06-25-2017, 08:47 PM
  # 359 (permalink)  
orangutan
 
aussieblue's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 5,970
Best wishes to you both.

Please don't ask me about my faults because I could list a number.

aussieblue is offline  
Old 06-26-2017, 10:43 AM
  # 360 (permalink)  
Member
 
SoberLeigh's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,770
Happy Monday!!!!!
SoberLeigh is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 07:51 AM.