Cheers for Venuscat Part Five
No judgment here, I'm in perfect agreement that we're all damaged and doing the best we can. I was curious to hear from Goat, I just used his own words to ask these questions. I may be way off here, but this self-flagellation does not seem constructive, and I hope it comes with ownership for the choices and the way you're being treated. But in the end you're right, only you two know the full extent of what goes on there, and you're the ones to live it. I wish you the healthiest path forward possible.
It took me some time to change my self-image from the fantasy construction I had used for most of my life to a more constructive, realistic image.
Despite my best efforts to hide the fact from myself, I can now admit that I am extremely arrogant. To the point that the way I phrase many otherwise harmless statements turns them into a condescending insult. When this was first pointed out to me I was angry. How could someone think I was arrogant or condescending? But... The truth is the truth.
I am working on this. I have been working on it for long enough that I certainly feel different on the inside... But I still need more work on how I come across to others.
There is a lot more I am working on... I have a tendency to be passive-aggressive and I also have such a fear of conflict that I tend to shut down conversations before they have a chance to start... I am absolutely working on that. I am well past the point where I was upset to learn these things about myself, and I am now well into becoming more mindful of my behavior and changing it.
To some extent these seem like things I probably should have worked on and fixed years ago... But... I am not going to look back and beat myself up about that (anymore).
Part of what makes a relationship successful is the willingness to change.
People talk about compromise ~ I don't believe in compromise. I believe in looking at things that need to be looked at and addressing them fully.
Neither of us have to put up with the things that we find hurtful or uncomfortable in each other.....we are both working hard to change the things that need to be changed.
Hopefully all of this will lead to some days ahead that are easier, some days that are filled with fun and love. I know we already have the love.
Thank you for your willingness and all you are doing for you and for us Nick.
As you know, I am trying my hardest as well....some days I succeed better than other days.
Perhaps today is going to be a day when we both feel better and lighter and happier.
So much love. ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
People talk about compromise ~ I don't believe in compromise. I believe in looking at things that need to be looked at and addressing them fully.
Neither of us have to put up with the things that we find hurtful or uncomfortable in each other.....we are both working hard to change the things that need to be changed.
Hopefully all of this will lead to some days ahead that are easier, some days that are filled with fun and love. I know we already have the love.
Thank you for your willingness and all you are doing for you and for us Nick.
As you know, I am trying my hardest as well....some days I succeed better than other days.
Perhaps today is going to be a day when we both feel better and lighter and happier.
So much love. ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
For a long time I felt like you were working hard, putting in so much effort, changing and growing all while adapting to a very different life here in America... And I was floundering, confused, not understanding what to do and what to change and how to proceed.
It took me too long to catch up and figure out what to do... But now I am growing and changing right along with you. Now I feel as well that I can hope this will lead to days filled with fun and love.... And yes we definitely have the love... That, in my opinion, is what makes this whole thing possible. Without your love I would never have been where I am today.
All the love ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
It took me too long to catch up and figure out what to do... But now I am growing and changing right along with you. Now I feel as well that I can hope this will lead to days filled with fun and love.... And yes we definitely have the love... That, in my opinion, is what makes this whole thing possible. Without your love I would never have been where I am today.
All the love ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
Well, what doesn't kill us makes us stronger.....so they say.
I don't think either of us would have chosen for all of this to unfold as it has, but perhaps one day we will see that it all happened for reasons that are not yet clear.
What I see is that we are far more caring and gentle with each other than we were before we divebombed. And yes, we both have a long way to go to be who we want to be, but that's one of the magical parts of the recovery journey for me. We are willing to be aware of our 'defects' (you know I hate that word) in ways that I'm not sure a lot of people are in life. We are willing to not be offended even when things hurt and we are willing to keep trying to make things better.
I think life is more rewarding that way.....egos can get so big and bruised and that doesn't go well with damaged self-esteem. This way, we stay humble and we stay in faith. We remain grateful for every blessing and every chance.
Love and faith propelled us to take this chance, to make this giant leap of faith. And love and forgiveness and understanding will keep us going from this point.
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
I don't think either of us would have chosen for all of this to unfold as it has, but perhaps one day we will see that it all happened for reasons that are not yet clear.
What I see is that we are far more caring and gentle with each other than we were before we divebombed. And yes, we both have a long way to go to be who we want to be, but that's one of the magical parts of the recovery journey for me. We are willing to be aware of our 'defects' (you know I hate that word) in ways that I'm not sure a lot of people are in life. We are willing to not be offended even when things hurt and we are willing to keep trying to make things better.
I think life is more rewarding that way.....egos can get so big and bruised and that doesn't go well with damaged self-esteem. This way, we stay humble and we stay in faith. We remain grateful for every blessing and every chance.
Love and faith propelled us to take this chance, to make this giant leap of faith. And love and forgiveness and understanding will keep us going from this point.
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
We are in this together in every way my love, and I am so very blessed and happy to share this journey with you
Well, what doesn't kill us makes us stronger.....so they say.
I don't think either of us would have chosen for all of this to unfold as it has, but perhaps one day we will see that it all happened for reasons that are not yet clear.
What I see is that we are far more caring and gentle with each other than we were before we divebombed. And yes, we both have a long way to go to be who we want to be, but that's one of the magical parts of the recovery journey for me. We are willing to be aware of our 'defects' (you know I hate that word) in ways that I'm not sure a lot of people are in life. We are willing to not be offended even when things hurt and we are willing to keep trying to make things better.
I think life is more rewarding that way.....egos can get so big and bruised and that doesn't go well with damaged self-esteem. This way, we stay humble and we stay in faith. We remain grateful for every blessing and every chance.
Love and faith propelled us to take this chance, to make this giant leap of faith. And love and forgiveness and understanding will keep us going from this point.
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
I don't think either of us would have chosen for all of this to unfold as it has, but perhaps one day we will see that it all happened for reasons that are not yet clear.
What I see is that we are far more caring and gentle with each other than we were before we divebombed. And yes, we both have a long way to go to be who we want to be, but that's one of the magical parts of the recovery journey for me. We are willing to be aware of our 'defects' (you know I hate that word) in ways that I'm not sure a lot of people are in life. We are willing to not be offended even when things hurt and we are willing to keep trying to make things better.
I think life is more rewarding that way.....egos can get so big and bruised and that doesn't go well with damaged self-esteem. This way, we stay humble and we stay in faith. We remain grateful for every blessing and every chance.
Love and faith propelled us to take this chance, to make this giant leap of faith. And love and forgiveness and understanding will keep us going from this point.
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
Best of luck you two.
I believe I have recommended in the past Ernie Kurtz Book,written with a co author (Ketcham) on The Spirituality of Imperfection, Story Telling. When I read the your posts, Nick and Suze, I am impressed at how helpful this book might be for you, as it has been for me. When I have suggested it on SR i can't recall getting much reaction. Ernie died over a year ago and he was most respected not only for this book but for his history of AA, which he interpreted in liberal not dogmatic terms, consistent with the later thinking of Bill W. The whole tenor of the book is that we learn from our imperfections, even from failure, when everything seems to have collapsed and we pick up the pieces and do what's necessary even with "worn out tools." I am also reminded of the closing lines of Tennyson's poem "Ulysses":
There lies the port; the vessel puffs her sail:
There gloom the dark, broad seas. My mariners,
Souls that have toil'd, and wrought, and thought with me—
That ever with a frolic welcome took
The thunder and the sunshine, and opposed
Free hearts, free foreheads—you and I are old;
Old age hath yet his honour and his toil;
Death closes all: but something ere the end,
Some work of noble note, may yet be done,
Not unbecoming men that strove with Gods.
The lights begin to twinkle from the rocks:
The long day wanes: the slow moon climbs: the deep
Moans round with many voices. Come, my friends,
'T is not too late to seek a newer world.
Push off, and sitting well in order smite
The sounding furrows; for my purpose holds
To sail beyond the sunset, and the baths
Of all the western stars, until I die.
It may be that the gulfs will wash us down:
It may be we shall touch the Happy Isles,
And see the great Achilles, whom we knew.
Tho' much is taken, much abides; and tho'
We are not now that strength which in old days
Moved earth and heaven, that which we are, we are;
One equal temper of heroic hearts,
Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will
To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.
Good Luck, Bon Voyage and Every good wish to you both! My heart goes out to you and is with you always.
Bill
There lies the port; the vessel puffs her sail:
There gloom the dark, broad seas. My mariners,
Souls that have toil'd, and wrought, and thought with me—
That ever with a frolic welcome took
The thunder and the sunshine, and opposed
Free hearts, free foreheads—you and I are old;
Old age hath yet his honour and his toil;
Death closes all: but something ere the end,
Some work of noble note, may yet be done,
Not unbecoming men that strove with Gods.
The lights begin to twinkle from the rocks:
The long day wanes: the slow moon climbs: the deep
Moans round with many voices. Come, my friends,
'T is not too late to seek a newer world.
Push off, and sitting well in order smite
The sounding furrows; for my purpose holds
To sail beyond the sunset, and the baths
Of all the western stars, until I die.
It may be that the gulfs will wash us down:
It may be we shall touch the Happy Isles,
And see the great Achilles, whom we knew.
Tho' much is taken, much abides; and tho'
We are not now that strength which in old days
Moved earth and heaven, that which we are, we are;
One equal temper of heroic hearts,
Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will
To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.
Good Luck, Bon Voyage and Every good wish to you both! My heart goes out to you and is with you always.
Bill
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)