Cheers for Venuscat Part Four
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
I do understand feeling as though life is worthless, Suze. I never made plans to kill myself--I never would. But I have wished to be dead, wished to have never been born.
When my husband died 1.5 years ago it was like someone opened a trap door at my feet sending me down a chute into a world and life that I did not choose, and I could not change course....turn around. All the joy, the color, the purpose in life left in an instant. All of my hopes and plans for the future died that day.
Although I still do not know at all what my future will hold, I am OK. There are moments of joy and family, places, and things in my life that I love. I have and do still receive a lot of love and support from family and friends--just like the outpouring of love and support you are receiving here.
I don't know what is going on, and it is vastly none of my business. But I am here to assure you that you can make it to the other side of any chasm life places at your feet. I know...I am making my way. Whatever happens, I know you can, too. You are more than worth the effort
When my husband died 1.5 years ago it was like someone opened a trap door at my feet sending me down a chute into a world and life that I did not choose, and I could not change course....turn around. All the joy, the color, the purpose in life left in an instant. All of my hopes and plans for the future died that day.
Although I still do not know at all what my future will hold, I am OK. There are moments of joy and family, places, and things in my life that I love. I have and do still receive a lot of love and support from family and friends--just like the outpouring of love and support you are receiving here.
I don't know what is going on, and it is vastly none of my business. But I am here to assure you that you can make it to the other side of any chasm life places at your feet. I know...I am making my way. Whatever happens, I know you can, too. You are more than worth the effort
Big hugs for you, and prayers for strength.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
The Gate of the Year
“And I said to the man who stood at the gate of the year: ‘Give me a light that I may tread safely into the unknown.’
And he replied:‘Go out into the darkness and put your hand into the Hand of God. That shall be to you better than light and safer than a known way.’
So I went forth, and finding the Hand of God, trod gladly into the night. And He led me towards the hills and the breaking of day in the lone East.”
* * *
From a poem, popularly known as "The Gate of the Year" by Minnie Louise Haskins, published in 1908, the original title having been "God Knows", part of a collection titled “The Desert”. The poem was quoted by England’s King George VI in his 1939 Christmas broadcast to the British Empire. Hitler had invaded Poland and England had entered the war with Germany These words. engraved on brass plaques, remain fixed to the gates of the King George VI Memorial Chapel at Windsor Castle, where the King was interred. When Queen Elizabeth (the Queen Mother) was also buried there in 2002, the poem was read at her state funeral.
“And I said to the man who stood at the gate of the year: ‘Give me a light that I may tread safely into the unknown.’
And he replied:‘Go out into the darkness and put your hand into the Hand of God. That shall be to you better than light and safer than a known way.’
So I went forth, and finding the Hand of God, trod gladly into the night. And He led me towards the hills and the breaking of day in the lone East.”
* * *
From a poem, popularly known as "The Gate of the Year" by Minnie Louise Haskins, published in 1908, the original title having been "God Knows", part of a collection titled “The Desert”. The poem was quoted by England’s King George VI in his 1939 Christmas broadcast to the British Empire. Hitler had invaded Poland and England had entered the war with Germany These words. engraved on brass plaques, remain fixed to the gates of the King George VI Memorial Chapel at Windsor Castle, where the King was interred. When Queen Elizabeth (the Queen Mother) was also buried there in 2002, the poem was read at her state funeral.
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Originally Posted by Leshar 
Hugs to you, dear Seren. You are a brave woman.
...and I just want Suze to know that life can and does begin again.
Hold fast, Suze.
Accept help when it is offered.
Ask for help when it is needed.
Know that you are worthy of the support you are receiving.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: South Bay, So Cal
Posts: 6,123
Originally Posted by venuscat
Yeah, I am difficult. I obviously drove him to this.
And it doesn't matter now, because all is lost.
I don't care about food.
And it doesn't matter now, because all is lost.
I don't care about food.
With love and compassion......is there anything you can do to change? Difficult to be with? Maybe a quiet time to reflect and go inward.
Love
💛 Bobbi
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
Dear Suze
I am thinking of you tonight. We are thinking of you, my dog and and I. We (all of us, on SR (except for the dog who for some reason does not do SR!) care for you so very much.) And I think to myself, what is the purpose of it all? What might be my purpose? The “meaning” of why I am here. Some may believe that they could have been “sent” to help others yet differ about what that might mean. As for me it is enough to think that, when I pass on, I may have left something behind, if only a memory, perhaps something or someone somewhere who might be a little better, a little happier, safer. A footprint. That is enough.
One way or another you will work as an accredited counselor. And you will be one of the finest. Never give up on this. Never surrender. The Aussie’s are known for pressing on, whatever the odds, whatever the challenge. Also the Scots with their bagpipes. They have “meaning”! And I know you will always have meaning and I admire that so much! Look at Churchill! It’s all there and it is indomitable.
Bill.
I am thinking of you tonight. We are thinking of you, my dog and and I. We (all of us, on SR (except for the dog who for some reason does not do SR!) care for you so very much.) And I think to myself, what is the purpose of it all? What might be my purpose? The “meaning” of why I am here. Some may believe that they could have been “sent” to help others yet differ about what that might mean. As for me it is enough to think that, when I pass on, I may have left something behind, if only a memory, perhaps something or someone somewhere who might be a little better, a little happier, safer. A footprint. That is enough.
One way or another you will work as an accredited counselor. And you will be one of the finest. Never give up on this. Never surrender. The Aussie’s are known for pressing on, whatever the odds, whatever the challenge. Also the Scots with their bagpipes. They have “meaning”! And I know you will always have meaning and I admire that so much! Look at Churchill! It’s all there and it is indomitable.
Bill.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,042
Originally Posted by venuscat
I thought I could....but I don't think I can.
I don't even know that I want to.
What for?
How do I live my life without him?
What's the point....this meant everything to me.
Sure, I was difficult to live with. I know that. I was struggling.
It was hard for him. But I thought we would make it....I never actually had a doubt we would make it.
I was angry and that fueled me for a few days. Now I am not angry anymore.
Now I am just completely broken. Completely.
I don't even know that I want to.
What for?
How do I live my life without him?
What's the point....this meant everything to me.
Sure, I was difficult to live with. I know that. I was struggling.
It was hard for him. But I thought we would make it....I never actually had a doubt we would make it.
I was angry and that fueled me for a few days. Now I am not angry anymore.
Now I am just completely broken. Completely.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,042
Originally Posted by venuscat
I thought I could....but I don't think I can.
I don't even know that I want to.
What for?
How do I live my life without him?
What's the point....this meant everything to me.
Sure, I was difficult to live with. I know that. I was struggling.
It was hard for him. But I thought we would make it....I never actually had a doubt we would make it.
I was angry and that fueled me for a few days. Now I am not angry anymore.
Now I am just completely broken. Completely.
I don't even know that I want to.
What for?
How do I live my life without him?
What's the point....this meant everything to me.
Sure, I was difficult to live with. I know that. I was struggling.
It was hard for him. But I thought we would make it....I never actually had a doubt we would make it.
I was angry and that fueled me for a few days. Now I am not angry anymore.
Now I am just completely broken. Completely.
Originally Posted by venuscat
Yeah, I am difficult. I obviously drove him to this.
And it doesn't matter now, because all is lost.
I don't care about food.
And it doesn't matter now, because all is lost.
I don't care about food.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
You say your life will have no "meaning" unless... Your life will have meaning to others whom you will help and you will look back and know that what is happening right now enabled you to help so many others who, like you, are suffering each in her or his own way. Your life will have meaning! Stick with it, never give in. You are there, strong and you will survive.
Bill
Bill
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,496
Originally Posted by Seren
I do understand feeling as though life is worthless, Suze. I never made plans to kill myself--I never would. But I have wished to be dead, wished to have never been born.
When my husband died 1.5 years ago it was like someone opened a trap door at my feet sending me down a chute into a world and life that I did not choose, and I could not change course....turn around. All the joy, the color, the purpose in life left in an instant. All of my hopes and plans for the future died that day.
Although I still do not know at all what my future will hold, I am OK. There are moments of joy and family, places, and things in my life that I love. I have and do still receive a lot of love and support from family and friends--just like the outpouring of love and support you are receiving here.
I don't know what is going on, and it is vastly none of my business. But I am here to assure you that you can make it to the other side of any chasm life places at your feet. I know...I am making my way. Whatever happens, I know you can, too. You are more than worth the effort
When my husband died 1.5 years ago it was like someone opened a trap door at my feet sending me down a chute into a world and life that I did not choose, and I could not change course....turn around. All the joy, the color, the purpose in life left in an instant. All of my hopes and plans for the future died that day.
Although I still do not know at all what my future will hold, I am OK. There are moments of joy and family, places, and things in my life that I love. I have and do still receive a lot of love and support from family and friends--just like the outpouring of love and support you are receiving here.
I don't know what is going on, and it is vastly none of my business. But I am here to assure you that you can make it to the other side of any chasm life places at your feet. I know...I am making my way. Whatever happens, I know you can, too. You are more than worth the effort
And I am sorry that I worried you all so much....I was not however joking. Or acting out. I lost it. Completely.
God intervened. Nick called me. Knowing he is alive and in one relative piece has helped a great deal. Somehow we will work through this. We are both far stronger than either of us ever knew we were.
Slowly but surely with strong recovery programs and faith, healing is possible.
I did not think I was going to come out of this day alive, but that was not the plan for me. Tomorrow I will start college. Time to believe in myself again and make a new beginning.
Once again I am so sorry....I was truly desperate today.
I am grateful to be alive and grateful for all of your compassion. ♥
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