JimmyJam

I recall climbing a volcano in St. Kitts with a group who appeared to be serious climbers. Had tons of Coronas the night before. Half way up I thought I was going to have a heart attack (dry heaves, heart pounding) but I made it. I was in decent shape but the booze said your not today..

SandyO

Thanks for link JCNY. There are some good strategies on here. I really need to tackle these sudden sadness days. I was fine yesterday. Just goes in waves but one of these sad days may lead me back to drinking to "perk me up"! I haven't really had any full-on urges to drink just fleeting thoughts. It's good to know what to expect and now I need to work out the best way to deal with overwhelming negative thoughts when they hit.
Hope everyone is well. How are you doing Agri? It must be nice to be back home.

Take care all. Have a happy sober day 😊

Outonthetiles

I hope every Ninja had a sober weekend. Today I had this thought: the effort/reward ratio for stopping drinking is off the charts. It takes a serious effort, I know because I went through it (withdrawals, vomiting, sweating, bad AV, the whole enchilada), so I know it's not easy, but the rewards are incredible. I'd say I've gotten back 100 times the benefits compared to the effort it's taken. It's overwhelmingly worth it.

JimiC

I can definitely see that Tiles and I'm only on day 45.

The alarm just went off for work and I was in my first alcohol related dream i can recall since quitting. Somebody gave me a six pack of rasberry flavored beer and it was 16 abv! In the dream I decided to dump it not because I don't drink, but because I didn't think I'd like it - weird!

Have a safe and sober week everybody!

BetterIsBetter

Happy Monday Ninjas. I have a little cold - but I'm sober so it feels like nothing really. A little cold when hungover, however, would make me feel like I needed to be quarantined. Have a great day + week everyone.

Outonthetiles

JCNY, love the new avatar. It's like mountain biking with Van Gogh or Edvard Munch.

argillaceous

Hi everyone,

Well, the 10-hour ride home Sat was just too much, even with my husband picking me up at the 2-hour mark and driving the rest of the way. The jaw pain got really bad, and I drank when I got home (my husband had had company over while I was gone and there was still some hard liquor in the house).

Was A, angry at the never-friggin'-ending pain, and T, tired beyond comprehension from little sleep, too tired to check in on HALT as one of the ways to prevent what happened.

So I made a bad decision (for two days actually). But am getting up, dusting off, and moving forward.

So Day 1.

Dee74

Welcome back Argi

Maybe nows a good time to start thinking about what you might do differently next time you're in pain and exhausted?

There must be healthier ways for you to deal with that - but I know myself I'd never have found them if I stuck with the default method of reaching for the bottle?

D

D

argillaceous

That's a really good point Dee. I need to work on accepting that I don't drink anymore. If I don't accept that completely, then alcohol will always be on the list of choices to deal with the chronic pain rather than having to choose another way because alcohol is not an option.

I am hopefully getting an MRI finally, and a consult with a neurosurgeon to look for nerve compression that might be operable (sorry if I said this before already...). And I'm meeting with my GP this week for an annual, and am also setting up some psychopharm appts for the increasing depression. All that gives me some hope.

And also, the meditation. The seminar was absolutely incredible and I've started a daily practice. My goals are to put energy into that, getting out of the house at least once a day (if only to do some weeding in the back yard), and to work on stretching and mobility exercises.

But the bottom line is coming to a place of acceptance where I can't drink anymore, ever. I know everyone is different, but how do you get there (not just saying it, but really believing it)? Having a total of 57 sober days since February 24, for the first time in my life I am moving toward living sober rather than not drinking (a subtle but important difference I think). But I just don't know how to get to the next level of commitment.

I think getting some relief from the pain will help tremendously. So will focus on that, and not drinking, right now.

Thanks for listening Marchers...

JimiC

Argi, I'm sorry you're going through so much pain. Hang in there and get right back on the sober bus.

JimiC

I just wrote an emotional birthday card to my brother about how I've kind of trudged through life too long. That I am focusing on working out my sh!t and improving relationships. We're somewhat close, but can and will build a stonger bond. Feeling kind of raw right now and just wanted to post that.

Later ninjas!

BetterIsBetter

This really resonates with me. You nailed it. Out of everything we deal with, that distinction is one of the most important. I tried "not drinking" a ton of times, but that just puts the emphasis on - and therefore gives the power to - drinking.

SandyO

Thanks for sharing that JCNY. With each sober day, we become more and more aware of our emotions and learn to deal with them better day by day. Your brother will really appreciate his birthday card.
Agri, I'm sorry to hear about your slip but very pleased to hear how you are dealing with it. It's so true about focusing on living a sober life rather than a life deprived of alcohol.
I managed to get out for an hour break today from work. I'm sitting outside on a gorgeous day at my favourite cafe. It's nice to appreciate the small joys of life.
Hope you are all having a great day.

Mish

Argi each time we try is a step closer to long term sobriety. Sobriety takes a hell of a lot of perseverance and a rock solid plan. Great to see you're straight back with us darling. xxx
I have a ripper of a headache that's been hanging around since yesterday so I'm off to bed now after a huge day at work. Love to all....stay sober ninjas xxxx

Mish

Just beautiful. Proud of you JCNY. xxxx

JimiC

Thanks Mish and Sandy.

I was just out with my wife and I held up my phone to show her the time since we had to pick up my daughter and I didn't realize I had this site up. She said, "sober recovery, do you think you drink too much?" I was kind of taken a back since I have not discussed my 46 days sober with her at all and she never expressed concern about my drinking in our 15 years together. Anyway, I said that yeah I probably was and that's where it ended. I know it's not the healthiest that I haven't been open with my wife, but at least that came out for now.

I wish this thread was a little busier, how's everybody doing? Maybe quarterly classes like Jan.-March might be better. More members to chat and bond with.

Dee74

A few people might be finding their way here after the move JCNY?

You can always check out the Under One Year thread if you want more support guys

I think it takes time. Even tho I nearly died I was still not ready for forever. It was not so much I wanted to drink but I was scared I would 'have to'.

Turns out I didn't have to - but yeah, I had to pretend like I had acceptance for a little while.

I needed to not drink for an extended period of time to see if anything really would change.

By not drinking, and finding other ways to deal with life, I was in a much better place after 3 months, and I was ready to accept I could do this



D

JimiC

Gotcha, thanks Dee!

SandyO

Hi everyone. I know what you mean about things getting quiet here, JCNY.
It's a beautiful spring day. My day off. First time the temperature has been above 20 degrees C in over 6 months. I just got back from the garden centre with lots of veggies and flowers to plant. So why, why am I thinking about drinking today? It's the biggest urge I've had so far. I'm not going to, but I needed to share. I hate this AV in my head. I want to shred it to pieces. I've just made some peach and mango tea and will now go outside to beautify my garden.
Have a nice day everyone and please check in when you can. Take care 😊

Outonthetiles

JCNY, again, parallel lives. I still haven't told Mrs. Tiles that I'm on SR, and she has no idea how bad my drinking was, even though she caught me sleeping in the middle of the day once, cheap beer ( and I MEAN cheap, street drunk type beer) empties stacked in the living room. I told a friend of hers, who's ostensibly in AA, that I quit because I "felt I was starting to have a problem," but that was a lie. I had a very real problem. Anyhoo, her friend continues to drink alcoholically, and I know when she does because I know all the tricks of the trade.
So no one knows in my non virtual life how bad of an alcoholic I was. I didn't make a big production about quitting. No selfies with my last vodka bottle. . . no saved beer cans....
My drinking was secret and my recovery is secret. I know it's not cool to keep it from Mrs. Tiles, but the bulk of the drinking took place before we even met, so I think of it as just cleaning up an addiction I had before beginning my new married life. In any case, whatever it is that I'm doing, it's working and I'm not going to mess with it.