Class of November 2016 Support Thread Part 8
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Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Europe
Posts: 523
Thanks Dee. I did for tonight at least. To be fully honest I stood a good 10 minutes browsing the wine section though. I nearly convinced myself I deserved a 'day off'.
I am a totally confused about the situation with me Bf. He ignored me all day and then suggested we meet the day after tomorrow. He said he still wants us to be together and wants to make it work and that I mean more to him than anyone ever did before. Then he went back to being silent. I thought a lot about what my therapist said and I think there's much more thinking left to do. I also know that he does a lot for me otherwise and has supported me incredibly much in my recovery.
I am a totally confused about the situation with me Bf. He ignored me all day and then suggested we meet the day after tomorrow. He said he still wants us to be together and wants to make it work and that I mean more to him than anyone ever did before. Then he went back to being silent. I thought a lot about what my therapist said and I think there's much more thinking left to do. I also know that he does a lot for me otherwise and has supported me incredibly much in my recovery.
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Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Queensland
Posts: 568
Great to see the thread back in regular action 
sorry to read about the struggles of some lately 
This whole recovery journey sure is a roller coaster of a ride isn't it. Then again, non drinkers no doubt experience their own type of roller coaster, just different.
So long as we avoid the booze we will prevail. It defs is hard at times and will continue to be for some time I would expect.
Stay strong lovely peeps xoxo
sorry to read about the struggles of some lately 
This whole recovery journey sure is a roller coaster of a ride isn't it. Then again, non drinkers no doubt experience their own type of roller coaster, just different.
So long as we avoid the booze we will prevail. It defs is hard at times and will continue to be for some time I would expect.
Stay strong lovely peeps xoxo
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 126
I feel this is going to be a long one despite my broken pinkie.
Note to self: copy before posting so that I can paste if it gets lost.
Rainy I've just started packing to move too. I am not looking forward to the unpacking part. In fact, it was during the unpacking part of my last move that I started drinking again after 3 months of abstaining. You may not be able to take a vacation but take a break if and when you need it.
Poppy funny you brought up the roller coaster ..Just yesterday when I was talking to my husband about how I felt frustrated that I was having a harder time with cravings 4 months in than I did in the first weeks and his response was "addiction really is a roller coaster". I know it may seem like just a small coincidence that you said that but to me, I take them as little signs that I am on the right track, scratch that: WE are on the right track (albeit a roller coaster track
)
Speaking of signs..over the weekend, my husband and I went down to VA to try and find a house to live in. We weren't sure if we were going to rent or try and buy. But the ammount we would have to spend on rent for a 4 bedroom in the area we are moving to, it would cost the same if not more than morgage. There was a house for sale that we wanted but we were really uncertain and scared. Now back to "signs"... I was praying on this decision and asked for a sign. The realtor called. Well that wasn't enough of a sign for me I guess. So we are discussing it again We wanted to make a decision on wether or not to make an offer because other people had been looking at the house. I think to myself "I need an answer now". I see a sign with numbers coming up on the side of the road and ask my husband "what is the house number?" As he says the house number I read the sign and it has the same numbers (Well the sign said 610 and the house is 601 but STILL).
We decided to go for it and the offer is already accepted. I did not know it would happen this fast and I am overwhelmed. We only just saw the house on Saturday. I am 36 but I do not feel like an adult at all and this is just really scary to me. I should be excited and I am somewhat, but mostly I'm just sick about it. Every time I think about it I get a pit in my stomach, and the longer I think about it the bigger it gets. So right now I feel like I'm in an elevator with broken cables. ENough about that!
Regrettably I am not as in touch with what's going on in all of your lives as I'd like to be. I get behind on posts and don't read them all. I feel bad and selfish about that but I can't let it stop me from being a part of this class because not only do I consider this an important tool in my recovery, I genuinely do care about you all.
Honestly I didn't even get to what I wanted to say but at this point it's nearly midnight and I have to get up in 7 hrs. Considering it takes me a while to actually fall asleep I need start that process now. So another day...
Note to self: copy before posting so that I can paste if it gets lost.
Rainy I've just started packing to move too. I am not looking forward to the unpacking part. In fact, it was during the unpacking part of my last move that I started drinking again after 3 months of abstaining. You may not be able to take a vacation but take a break if and when you need it.
Poppy funny you brought up the roller coaster ..Just yesterday when I was talking to my husband about how I felt frustrated that I was having a harder time with cravings 4 months in than I did in the first weeks and his response was "addiction really is a roller coaster". I know it may seem like just a small coincidence that you said that but to me, I take them as little signs that I am on the right track, scratch that: WE are on the right track (albeit a roller coaster track
)Speaking of signs..over the weekend, my husband and I went down to VA to try and find a house to live in. We weren't sure if we were going to rent or try and buy. But the ammount we would have to spend on rent for a 4 bedroom in the area we are moving to, it would cost the same if not more than morgage. There was a house for sale that we wanted but we were really uncertain and scared. Now back to "signs"... I was praying on this decision and asked for a sign. The realtor called. Well that wasn't enough of a sign for me I guess. So we are discussing it again We wanted to make a decision on wether or not to make an offer because other people had been looking at the house. I think to myself "I need an answer now". I see a sign with numbers coming up on the side of the road and ask my husband "what is the house number?" As he says the house number I read the sign and it has the same numbers (Well the sign said 610 and the house is 601 but STILL).
We decided to go for it and the offer is already accepted. I did not know it would happen this fast and I am overwhelmed. We only just saw the house on Saturday. I am 36 but I do not feel like an adult at all and this is just really scary to me. I should be excited and I am somewhat, but mostly I'm just sick about it. Every time I think about it I get a pit in my stomach, and the longer I think about it the bigger it gets. So right now I feel like I'm in an elevator with broken cables. ENough about that!
Regrettably I am not as in touch with what's going on in all of your lives as I'd like to be. I get behind on posts and don't read them all. I feel bad and selfish about that but I can't let it stop me from being a part of this class because not only do I consider this an important tool in my recovery, I genuinely do care about you all.
Honestly I didn't even get to what I wanted to say but at this point it's nearly midnight and I have to get up in 7 hrs. Considering it takes me a while to actually fall asleep I need start that process now. So another day...
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Join Date: Apr 2017
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Can totally relate to so much in recent posts. My cravings are definitely stronger now than they were in November and December. I think in the really early days it took all my attention to just be sober. Now I'm beginning to realise that being sober is so much more than not drinking. It's sort of like learning to be a whole new person. One that can make decisions and choices without the benefit of hindsight and the soft cushioning of booze. It's about learning how to be a proper grown up. And without booze, these grown up decisions are scary so my AV calls repeatedly for me to drink, to make the scariness go away. That's why I think my cravings are worse now.
And there's no better way to describe this experience than a roller coaster. Yesterday I was at a really low point. But on this roller coaster whenever I'm really low I can always think, "this is really hard right now. But at least I'm not drinking". Maybe this is an advantage of being alcoholic. We know that the lows can get much worse; that they will get much worse if we start drinking.
So this morning on my daily gratitude list I wrote that I'm grateful for being an alcoholic. If I wasn't alcoholic I wouldn't be on this roller coaster and if I wasn't on this roller coaster I'd never even have the chance of experiencing the joy of recovery. I already get glimpses and sometimes longer periods of that joy and I know that all the long term recovering alcoholics on this site can't be wrong. They say that over time all the glimpses of joy join up. I know that if I can stay strong enough I'll be able to experience that joy too. We all will. Have a great day.
And there's no better way to describe this experience than a roller coaster. Yesterday I was at a really low point. But on this roller coaster whenever I'm really low I can always think, "this is really hard right now. But at least I'm not drinking". Maybe this is an advantage of being alcoholic. We know that the lows can get much worse; that they will get much worse if we start drinking.
So this morning on my daily gratitude list I wrote that I'm grateful for being an alcoholic. If I wasn't alcoholic I wouldn't be on this roller coaster and if I wasn't on this roller coaster I'd never even have the chance of experiencing the joy of recovery. I already get glimpses and sometimes longer periods of that joy and I know that all the long term recovering alcoholics on this site can't be wrong. They say that over time all the glimpses of joy join up. I know that if I can stay strong enough I'll be able to experience that joy too. We all will. Have a great day.
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 126
*correction:
Not that it matters, but for the sake of accuracy, I remembered that it was not during unpacking that I first started drinking again after 3 months. It was shortly before. I was "managing" my drinking during unpacking. Obviously that worked out [insert sarcasm].
Take it easy y'all
Not that it matters, but for the sake of accuracy, I remembered that it was not during unpacking that I first started drinking again after 3 months. It was shortly before. I was "managing" my drinking during unpacking. Obviously that worked out [insert sarcasm].
Take it easy y'all
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 2,737
Poppy -- I have been visiting an apothecary in my neighborhood and describing my symptoms for anxiety and irritability, etc. I talked about my quitting drinking too, and they formulated something for me. I'd speak to an herbalist nearby, if you have one, about your own specific issues. But I have a daily tincture of skullcap, blue vervain, milky oats, passionflower, motherwort, and lavender. They gave me a liver lover tincture as well with dandelion root. Some herbs don't react well with other medications and symptoms so please talk to a pro about it, but I'll tell you it is helping me out and I think it's a great idea.
Kevlar -- I understand how you feel about confusion in therapy. My therapist years ago was always championing me and pointing out where I was being treated poorly. It confused me and went against my instincts. But at that time in my life I was very low on self esteem and needed building up. I went through a 'coming out' period where I stood up for my boundaries vehemently. It was terrifying so I might have overdone it a bit to protect myself, but I grew into it and have learned to manage it comfortably. I was confused in therapy because I felt like I wasn't being allowed to take responsibility for my own mistakes, but then I started asking myself, 'does THAT person apologize for this kind of mistake? Why do I have to?' Sometimes I was in the wrong but sometimes I was taking the fall simply to dissolve a conflict and it brainwashed me. My husband at that time turned out to be very manipulative, even though he had been very supportive of me in many many ways too. Your situation may be different of course, but something in what you were describing was familiar to me.
Kenton -- I keep forgetting people's names and faces, and I seem to be fixated on a few wrong words. Example: "Hey June, can you please grab me a few computers from the fridge? Thank you."
Kevlar -- I understand how you feel about confusion in therapy. My therapist years ago was always championing me and pointing out where I was being treated poorly. It confused me and went against my instincts. But at that time in my life I was very low on self esteem and needed building up. I went through a 'coming out' period where I stood up for my boundaries vehemently. It was terrifying so I might have overdone it a bit to protect myself, but I grew into it and have learned to manage it comfortably. I was confused in therapy because I felt like I wasn't being allowed to take responsibility for my own mistakes, but then I started asking myself, 'does THAT person apologize for this kind of mistake? Why do I have to?' Sometimes I was in the wrong but sometimes I was taking the fall simply to dissolve a conflict and it brainwashed me. My husband at that time turned out to be very manipulative, even though he had been very supportive of me in many many ways too. Your situation may be different of course, but something in what you were describing was familiar to me.
Kenton -- I keep forgetting people's names and faces, and I seem to be fixated on a few wrong words. Example: "Hey June, can you please grab me a few computers from the fridge? Thank you."
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Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Queensland
Posts: 568
OMG Kenton, just yesterday morning I was thinking to myself that this journey I am on wouldn't be happening if I didn't have an addiction to alcohol and I surprised myself by feeling somewhat thankful.
I thought I was a complete weirdo but it seems I am not alone in that thought.
Maybe my life would be heaps better had I not ever taken my first drink, but that's not how the chips fell and I have to say my life is pretty bloody great. Even when my AV rears up, I don't act on it. And that is great too.
Thanks Plenny, I will research a herbalist in my area. I am really interested in PMS relief remedies. I can be a real cow one week of the month lol. It would be great to curb that cowness haha.
Steely, if you are reading posts on here, I hope you are doing well and that you pop back in soon to let us know how you are travelling with your house move etc
Kevlar, hello. My memory is lacking at the moment so I will reply to your post separately cause I need to go back and re read it, I got all excited with Kentons post about being grateful for being an alcoholic.
LSW, Phoenix, Rainy, November and everyone else in the Nobenders club that I have failed to mention - I hope you are all not drinking still and being happy xoxo
I thought I was a complete weirdo but it seems I am not alone in that thought.
Maybe my life would be heaps better had I not ever taken my first drink, but that's not how the chips fell and I have to say my life is pretty bloody great. Even when my AV rears up, I don't act on it. And that is great too.
Thanks Plenny, I will research a herbalist in my area. I am really interested in PMS relief remedies. I can be a real cow one week of the month lol. It would be great to curb that cowness haha.
Steely, if you are reading posts on here, I hope you are doing well and that you pop back in soon to let us know how you are travelling with your house move etc
Kevlar, hello. My memory is lacking at the moment so I will reply to your post separately cause I need to go back and re read it, I got all excited with Kentons post about being grateful for being an alcoholic.
LSW, Phoenix, Rainy, November and everyone else in the Nobenders club that I have failed to mention - I hope you are all not drinking still and being happy xoxo
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Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Queensland
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Kevlar, I reiterate what Plenny wrote above. Sometimes we take blame for things that are not our fault because we have this perception that it has to be our fault because of the drinking. I know my self esteem was non existent for years and years.
That said, no one is perfect. Your BF may be trying to navigate how to act and react while you are maintaining sobriety in the early-ish days. If he needs some space I would give it. I need space regularly and it's not a slight on my other half.
If he talks to you like crap though, you need to nip that in the bud toot sweet.
That said, no one is perfect. Your BF may be trying to navigate how to act and react while you are maintaining sobriety in the early-ish days. If he needs some space I would give it. I need space regularly and it's not a slight on my other half.
If he talks to you like crap though, you need to nip that in the bud toot sweet.
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Join Date: Jul 2013
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Just went to an outdoor dinner that was an all inclusive ticket for food from several different chefs around town and drinks. I didn't know many people there, and I went alone in the first place. It was really fun. It was so nice to get to know a few people better and I didn't feel tempted to drink. The old me would have been so nervous and drunk that I would have made an awkward situation. And I would have gotten REALLY drunk, even/especially by myself!
I ate twice as much as everyone and it was a beautiful evening with tiki torches in the garden. Great food that I could taste and appreciate. Instead of drinking the majority of my ticket price and barely enjoying the food!
I did not invite Bf with me today. In fact, he called to try to spend time together today, and it was very difficult and I was not graceful but I told him no I need space. Three people begged me to work for them and I stuck to my guns because I needed me-time. It feels good to say yes to myself. Whats that saying? "If saying yes to them means saying No to you, then it's a No?"
I tried out something today during an anxiety attack. I usually have a strong craving for a cigarette and even though smoking is bad for everyone, narrow bronchial passages run in my family and I am on birth control pills so I must never smoke tobacco again. I had a mullein cigarette. Yeah, another thng from the herb shop. I figure, if I have these overwhelming cravings and I keep slipping up, might as well pacify it. If I break down and smoke a cigarette I feel sick and immediately regret it, then I feel horrible for a week. With these granola cigarettes at least I haven't put myself at risk of having a stroke. It worked out pretty well
I ate twice as much as everyone and it was a beautiful evening with tiki torches in the garden. Great food that I could taste and appreciate. Instead of drinking the majority of my ticket price and barely enjoying the food!
I did not invite Bf with me today. In fact, he called to try to spend time together today, and it was very difficult and I was not graceful but I told him no I need space. Three people begged me to work for them and I stuck to my guns because I needed me-time. It feels good to say yes to myself. Whats that saying? "If saying yes to them means saying No to you, then it's a No?"
I tried out something today during an anxiety attack. I usually have a strong craving for a cigarette and even though smoking is bad for everyone, narrow bronchial passages run in my family and I am on birth control pills so I must never smoke tobacco again. I had a mullein cigarette. Yeah, another thng from the herb shop. I figure, if I have these overwhelming cravings and I keep slipping up, might as well pacify it. If I break down and smoke a cigarette I feel sick and immediately regret it, then I feel horrible for a week. With these granola cigarettes at least I haven't put myself at risk of having a stroke. It worked out pretty well
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Portsmouth UK
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Greetings Fellow Travellers, Nobenders and Classmates. Checking in at 21 weeks (147 days), which coincides with my 68th birthday.
I was sort of hoping for a miracle in which those numbers had somehow been transposed, so waking up to 68 weeks sober on my 21st Birthday...........but no such luck........sigh! ��
I shall celebrate with perhaps two glasses of ginger beer ��this evening, and enjoy waking up tomorrow with no hangover.
Thinking about you all, and wishing you success. Keep keeping the faith.........
I was sort of hoping for a miracle in which those numbers had somehow been transposed, so waking up to 68 weeks sober on my 21st Birthday...........but no such luck........sigh! ��
I shall celebrate with perhaps two glasses of ginger beer ��this evening, and enjoy waking up tomorrow with no hangover.
Thinking about you all, and wishing you success. Keep keeping the faith.........
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Happy Birthday SollytheGolly!! Hope your day is great.
Well done Plenny. Your evening sounds amazing. Having the courage to go somewhere on your own, chatting to new people and having the strength to stay sober sounds like exactly the kind of person I want to try to be.
Well done Plenny. Your evening sounds amazing. Having the courage to go somewhere on your own, chatting to new people and having the strength to stay sober sounds like exactly the kind of person I want to try to be.
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Join Date: Apr 2017
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So I just found out by accident that a group of our friends, really good friends are meeting up later this month without us (me and my husband). My AV is going into overdrive at this snub. "How dare they leave us out??" "Who the hell do they think they are??" "What about all the times they've been invited round to our house??" Blah blah blah.
My non AV voice which I guess is the real me is countering all this hysteria with reason. "Are they such good friends really?" "How often have you seen them since you stopped drinking?" "Do you reckon they liked drunk Kenton being around because she made them feel way better about their own drinking?" "And why shouldn't they meet up without you anyway?" "And more importantly, haven't you got enough going on at the moment? Don't you think the last place you should be is somewhere with loads of booze and people pressuring you to drink it?"
When I told my husband we hadn't been invited he just said, "that's a bit odd. Never mind, it probably wouldn't be a good environment for you right now anyway". He's not even bothered but I feel bad that he's been blacklisted too and not because of my alcoholism but because of my sobriety. I've no doubt that if I was still drinking, we'd be top of the invite list.
I'm ashamed to say but my initial thought when I found out was to phone my friends and confront them. I wanted to demand an explanation for why we had been snubbed. Then I realised that by doing this I would be giving a physical voice to my AV. Then I realised that that's what I've always done. No wonder I have a reputation for being such a hot head. And the problem is, once I give my AV a real voice, that's when I say stuff I regret, lose my temper, generally act like an out of control oversized toddler and end up drinking out of shame and remorse.
So instead I'm listening to my AV but not acting on anything it says. For me, this is a break through. A little personal triumph. This is a good day. Hope yours is too.
My non AV voice which I guess is the real me is countering all this hysteria with reason. "Are they such good friends really?" "How often have you seen them since you stopped drinking?" "Do you reckon they liked drunk Kenton being around because she made them feel way better about their own drinking?" "And why shouldn't they meet up without you anyway?" "And more importantly, haven't you got enough going on at the moment? Don't you think the last place you should be is somewhere with loads of booze and people pressuring you to drink it?"
When I told my husband we hadn't been invited he just said, "that's a bit odd. Never mind, it probably wouldn't be a good environment for you right now anyway". He's not even bothered but I feel bad that he's been blacklisted too and not because of my alcoholism but because of my sobriety. I've no doubt that if I was still drinking, we'd be top of the invite list.
I'm ashamed to say but my initial thought when I found out was to phone my friends and confront them. I wanted to demand an explanation for why we had been snubbed. Then I realised that by doing this I would be giving a physical voice to my AV. Then I realised that that's what I've always done. No wonder I have a reputation for being such a hot head. And the problem is, once I give my AV a real voice, that's when I say stuff I regret, lose my temper, generally act like an out of control oversized toddler and end up drinking out of shame and remorse.
So instead I'm listening to my AV but not acting on anything it says. For me, this is a break through. A little personal triumph. This is a good day. Hope yours is too.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
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Hi Kenton
I'm sorry - but I agree with your rational assessment - if they're shutting you out, how good a friend are they really?
Why not arrange to do something nice with your husband instead?
And...I wouldn't even listen to the voice - ignore it. It only tells lies anyway.
Ignore it, rob it of its power and it'll pipe down eventually
D
I'm sorry - but I agree with your rational assessment - if they're shutting you out, how good a friend are they really?
Why not arrange to do something nice with your husband instead?
And...I wouldn't even listen to the voice - ignore it. It only tells lies anyway.
Ignore it, rob it of its power and it'll pipe down eventually
D
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Join Date: Apr 2017
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Great advice Dee. Never thought about it before but you're right, the voice does only tell lies. If the voice was a real person, I'd run the other way every time it showed up. So yeah, I need to stop listening to it and start ignoring it. I'm quite excited about it actually! Can't wait to start robbing it of its power. Thank you
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Join Date: Nov 2016
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Happy Easter Nobenbers!! Sorry I have been absent. I have been on vacation with husband and best friends so have been away from computer, tv's and booze!! Hope all is well with you will catch up when I get back home
Love ya all!
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Feeling particularly foggy today. I am thinking a lot about my living situation and what to do.
I have been in a bad financial position since I left my ex husband just over two years ago. I was unemployed and went way into debt living off of credit cards. But I had to get out and stay out no matter how hard it was.
I've jumped from strange living situation to strange living situation ever since. I've moved so many times over the past two years. Once across the country. Now I am staying put because the rent is so cheap and I finally have an opportunity to pay down the last third of this debt that's been hanging over me and crippling me. I have a good job (I am still not making very much money but I am secure and I don't mind being poor because I have decided to say no forever to stress) and by this time next year I should be able to own a car and actually start saving some money.
The thing is, I am so sick of living with other people. I have been through some gross stuff and some serious discomfort. My first living situation ended very abruptly because of a very creepy roommate who crossed the line. The second one was actually wonderful but my bedroom was cut off from the rest of the house and it was vulnerable to the outside. And very expensive. My next situation was with a very very messy person who was unreliable in every aspect and who had an insane and violent dog. Next was the girl who pretended I didn't exist and would hide my things, let her dishes pile up, and leave the bathroom in a.... state. As if no one else were around. Now I live with a very heavy drinker who takes a lot of prescription pills. He snores unbelieveably loud and cranks up the TV. He also leaves the bathroom in a state. When I say that, I won't explain in graphic detail but I mean, I have to clean up things that only the parent of a toddler should have to clean up. Same thing with the last girl roommate!
I only keep my mouth shut these days because I am so incredibly tired of piping up and fighting my circumstances. I just think every day of earning more money and paying down this debt so that I can save enough to really be free one day.
Even if I live in a really shoddy little place, I can keep it clean and have my freedom finally. Someday.
I have been in a bad financial position since I left my ex husband just over two years ago. I was unemployed and went way into debt living off of credit cards. But I had to get out and stay out no matter how hard it was.
I've jumped from strange living situation to strange living situation ever since. I've moved so many times over the past two years. Once across the country. Now I am staying put because the rent is so cheap and I finally have an opportunity to pay down the last third of this debt that's been hanging over me and crippling me. I have a good job (I am still not making very much money but I am secure and I don't mind being poor because I have decided to say no forever to stress) and by this time next year I should be able to own a car and actually start saving some money.
The thing is, I am so sick of living with other people. I have been through some gross stuff and some serious discomfort. My first living situation ended very abruptly because of a very creepy roommate who crossed the line. The second one was actually wonderful but my bedroom was cut off from the rest of the house and it was vulnerable to the outside. And very expensive. My next situation was with a very very messy person who was unreliable in every aspect and who had an insane and violent dog. Next was the girl who pretended I didn't exist and would hide my things, let her dishes pile up, and leave the bathroom in a.... state. As if no one else were around. Now I live with a very heavy drinker who takes a lot of prescription pills. He snores unbelieveably loud and cranks up the TV. He also leaves the bathroom in a state. When I say that, I won't explain in graphic detail but I mean, I have to clean up things that only the parent of a toddler should have to clean up. Same thing with the last girl roommate!
I only keep my mouth shut these days because I am so incredibly tired of piping up and fighting my circumstances. I just think every day of earning more money and paying down this debt so that I can save enough to really be free one day.
Even if I live in a really shoddy little place, I can keep it clean and have my freedom finally. Someday.
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