Class of March 2013 Part 50
so sorry you had a tough Mothers' Day. Great that you are going to meeting and getting the support you need. Sending lots of love your way!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 4,672
Well, like they say---tomorrow is another day. I did talk a little bit about what a disappointment Mothers Day was to me at AA and then I said poor pitty me mood out loud and that seemed to snap me out of my ugly mood.
I talked to my daughter this morning ---finally----
She lost another job and that's why I had not heard from her. To make a long story very short. I borrowed her some money for a apartment which of course she was going to pay back thinking that she had a good job and that she would pay me back this time. Ugh. she also has a 14 year old son who is a handful and doesn't set very good examples. soooo, I'm waiting for the second half of this story. Not sure. Hope this made sense. I've got to have some tough love this time. A person doesn't reward someone for doing something that doesn't deserve one. It too will pass.
Hope every one is doing ok.
Babs
I talked to my daughter this morning ---finally----
She lost another job and that's why I had not heard from her. To make a long story very short. I borrowed her some money for a apartment which of course she was going to pay back thinking that she had a good job and that she would pay me back this time. Ugh. she also has a 14 year old son who is a handful and doesn't set very good examples. soooo, I'm waiting for the second half of this story. Not sure. Hope this made sense. I've got to have some tough love this time. A person doesn't reward someone for doing something that doesn't deserve one. It too will pass.
Hope every one is doing ok.
Babs
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ashburn, VA
Posts: 30,196
Laying down the law with tough love is very hard, especially on a mom, I think.
We've had to do it with two of our sons, and I grieved and second-guessed the decision several times, but I knew we were right in taking a stand.
The one son turned around the second he was out of the house. He did what he had to do to survive--and now he's not just surviving but thriving.
The other son is not thriving--but he has adjusted, and after a couple years he accepted that for good or for ill he is the master of his own destiny, and he's stopped blaming us for his current difficulties. He can admit his own responsibility for his situation.
We've had to do it with two of our sons, and I grieved and second-guessed the decision several times, but I knew we were right in taking a stand.
The one son turned around the second he was out of the house. He did what he had to do to survive--and now he's not just surviving but thriving.
The other son is not thriving--but he has adjusted, and after a couple years he accepted that for good or for ill he is the master of his own destiny, and he's stopped blaming us for his current difficulties. He can admit his own responsibility for his situation.
Living and Loving Life at Last
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: gods own country
Posts: 12,164
I suffer the consequences with my step daughter of my husband being too soft. He give in rather than have her fall out with him! There is a background, she was only 8 when he & her mum split up & she still feels that vulnerable need for his affection ( and an inappropriate jealousy of me which make her behave like an 8 yo again!) one day I hope, hubby will give tough love. Heavens it's not like either wants to fall out, but they do need to realise she is an adult who needs to act like one!
That said, I think it is is only ever with a good therapist that we see what our true issues are, and learn ways to change them.
Bon chance mez amis!
That said, I think it is is only ever with a good therapist that we see what our true issues are, and learn ways to change them.
Bon chance mez amis!
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,285
Hmmm, that puts me in mind of an old, definitely joking, theory of raising kids I once heard: when young, you put them in a barrel and feed them there. Then when they turn 18 you close the bung hole. Not really funny when I think about it and these days it would be much younger than 18 but it is a pithy way of describing the challenges in raising not only children but also dealing with them as adults. As much as I love my daughter, we don't communicate a whole heck of a lot and that saddens me at times.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 4,672
hi guys ! Well, she came over yesterday afternoon and we discussed her unemployment and of course it wasn't her fault why she lost the job. and she got paid and gave me some of what she owes me. I've just got to let go --I'm also a step mom so, I can relate to that also Toots. these girls are in there middle 40's and both have one child and are single moms. My daughter did tell me yesterday not to worry about it. I co signed for this apartment so you know darn well that I'm concerned. Ugh. I'm not going to dwell on it. I have learned to put up a wall to my feelings and that's how I handle things right now.
So, anyway on a lighter note ! I'm meeting a girl friend I use to work with for lunch today . Yippee ! ! and looking forward to it.
Enough of me and my booooo whoooo story. at least I'm not drinking. and that's #1 to me . Hugs to all of you.
Babs
So, anyway on a lighter note ! I'm meeting a girl friend I use to work with for lunch today . Yippee ! ! and looking forward to it.
Enough of me and my booooo whoooo story. at least I'm not drinking. and that's #1 to me . Hugs to all of you.
Babs
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,733
Hi Gilmer! I have my ups & downs. I've just sent the boys off to their dad after having them for 3 weeks but am handling it much better than ever before - perhaps beginning to get used to our new "normal?" I still have a long weekend to get through without them but I'm hopeful I can stay strong.
How are you?
How are you?
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ashburn, VA
Posts: 30,196
I'm fine, thanks, Duff.
I've had a bit of a technical struggle with SR during the past week, but it's more or less OK now.
I spent last week in the mountains and ended up having a great time. I visited a cool little country library that is located in what used to be a two-room schoolhouse (they expanded it to three rooms). It was renowned for being the smallest school in VA with the highest test scores.
I also fell in love again with nature walks (well, only one walk, but still
).
Plus I got a LOT of my needlework done.
Today I started my next class, so I should have plenty to occupy myself with in the next three months.
I'm in a very good place.
I've had a bit of a technical struggle with SR during the past week, but it's more or less OK now.
I spent last week in the mountains and ended up having a great time. I visited a cool little country library that is located in what used to be a two-room schoolhouse (they expanded it to three rooms). It was renowned for being the smallest school in VA with the highest test scores.
I also fell in love again with nature walks (well, only one walk, but still
).Plus I got a LOT of my needlework done.
Today I started my next class, so I should have plenty to occupy myself with in the next three months.
I'm in a very good place.
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