Class of April 2015 Part 12
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Spain
Posts: 2,004
Took my own advice this morning. I moved a muscle and changed a thought!
As a rule I go out running 3 or 4 times a week but I hadn't been out for 3 days. The moment I got through the first couple of Kms I felt way better and have carried the positivity into the rest of the day.
I won't be able to set things straight till the end of the academic year (June). We've been hit by a lot of new competition undercutting us and we've lost out about 20% of our market share. It's not as bad as it sounds as we still have a really healthy number of students. The problem is that we set up this year for 20% more trade than we have. I have contracts with some staff till June which I will respect but when they expire I will not be able to renew. 2 of my 5 offices are losing money so we're going to consolidate in 3 main centres. A lot of people who have positions of responsibility will be asked to take a step down. One of my co-directors has been offered a new job with an international firm and I've suggested she take it as we need to cut costs and fast. I will miss her as she is a very good person to have on side and it will ramp up my workload big style without her on board, but needs must when the devil drives.
We should make it through the year with some losses and as long as we get the reconsolidation right we'll probably be ok. I can't imagine what this would have been like had I been drinking. I need to be strong right now and a clear head will help...
As a rule I go out running 3 or 4 times a week but I hadn't been out for 3 days. The moment I got through the first couple of Kms I felt way better and have carried the positivity into the rest of the day.
I won't be able to set things straight till the end of the academic year (June). We've been hit by a lot of new competition undercutting us and we've lost out about 20% of our market share. It's not as bad as it sounds as we still have a really healthy number of students. The problem is that we set up this year for 20% more trade than we have. I have contracts with some staff till June which I will respect but when they expire I will not be able to renew. 2 of my 5 offices are losing money so we're going to consolidate in 3 main centres. A lot of people who have positions of responsibility will be asked to take a step down. One of my co-directors has been offered a new job with an international firm and I've suggested she take it as we need to cut costs and fast. I will miss her as she is a very good person to have on side and it will ramp up my workload big style without her on board, but needs must when the devil drives.
We should make it through the year with some losses and as long as we get the reconsolidation right we'll probably be ok. I can't imagine what this would have been like had I been drinking. I need to be strong right now and a clear head will help...
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 2,412
WHO IS YOUR FUTURE SELF?
I've found piece and understanding answering that question.
Somebody who is better then my current self. I don't need to think out as far I I'm pressuring myself to look.
All I need to do is "get in touch" with that better version of me. Just need to get in his head and feel how awesome it would feel.
I've found piece and understanding answering that question.
Somebody who is better then my current self. I don't need to think out as far I I'm pressuring myself to look.
All I need to do is "get in touch" with that better version of me. Just need to get in his head and feel how awesome it would feel.
Quit 4/17/15
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Pa
Posts: 15,176
Amp, I am definitely a believer in the move a muscle, change a thought line of thinking!
I am sorry that you are facing difficult business challenges. I hope that your wife is supportive of you and your business decisions, and not putting additional burdens on your shoulders.
Rather worn out this morning since I have been battling a cold all week. I least I feel better than I would have if I had still been drinking every day.
I was not much of a whiskey drinker at all in my drinking days. I had a bottle of Crown in the basement that I would literally glug straight from the bottle when I felt sick. My mother always told me as a child that when medicine burned that it was killing germs, so I guess I thought I was helping myself get better. Only an alcoholic would have a special bottle just for illnesses.
Have a great day all!
I am sorry that you are facing difficult business challenges. I hope that your wife is supportive of you and your business decisions, and not putting additional burdens on your shoulders.
Rather worn out this morning since I have been battling a cold all week. I least I feel better than I would have if I had still been drinking every day.
I was not much of a whiskey drinker at all in my drinking days. I had a bottle of Crown in the basement that I would literally glug straight from the bottle when I felt sick. My mother always told me as a child that when medicine burned that it was killing germs, so I guess I thought I was helping myself get better. Only an alcoholic would have a special bottle just for illnesses.
Have a great day all!
Quit 4/17/15
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Pa
Posts: 15,176
Finally have a day off and slept for almost ten hours. I am worn out after working very early hours all week and fighting a bad cold on top of it. Sometimes, our bodies just say enough is enough and force our hand. Kind of like drinking...
Have a great day all!
Have a great day all!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 2,412
I'm off today too. Last two days I've been ill. Last night I crased on the couch at 8. Slept for almost 12hrs. Sweating and having a hard time staying warm today.
Busy day.
8:30 Doctor appt followed by blood work. First time seeing a doc in years. Covered everything including my alcohol and drug use. Requested a battery of tests. Got the blood drawn following that visit.
That was followed by an emergency visit to my dentist. I had a wicked tooth Ache start yesterday. My dentist saw me on short notice then referred me out to an endodontist for a root canal :/
Now I'm waiting at the vet. My dog has something wrong. She's in bad pain. They are taking x-rays and blood work for $300 :/
I have my appointment with a counselor this afternoon too. Looking forward to that.
Wish I could do nothing today. But at least I'm taking care of important things.
Busy day.
8:30 Doctor appt followed by blood work. First time seeing a doc in years. Covered everything including my alcohol and drug use. Requested a battery of tests. Got the blood drawn following that visit.
That was followed by an emergency visit to my dentist. I had a wicked tooth Ache start yesterday. My dentist saw me on short notice then referred me out to an endodontist for a root canal :/
Now I'm waiting at the vet. My dog has something wrong. She's in bad pain. They are taking x-rays and blood work for $300 :/
I have my appointment with a counselor this afternoon too. Looking forward to that.
Wish I could do nothing today. But at least I'm taking care of important things.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 2,412
Thank you all for your good wishes. Skittles, my dog, is doing fine. Looks like arthritis pain. I suspect may be more, but that would require an MRI.
Got some aniinflamatory meds and muscle relaxers. She's doing much better, but still far off home base. We'll see.
Counseling was good. Caught up today. My takeaway for today is to take my meds. I'm not good at doing that. But yeah... He's right.
Got some aniinflamatory meds and muscle relaxers. She's doing much better, but still far off home base. We'll see.
Counseling was good. Caught up today. My takeaway for today is to take my meds. I'm not good at doing that. But yeah... He's right.
Quit 4/17/15
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Pa
Posts: 15,176
Inc, I think taking your meds will give you more focus and stability as you work on other aspects of your life with your new therapist. Though we often think otherwise, we aren't always the smartest people in the room!
Have a great day all!
Have a great day all!
Quit 4/17/15
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Pa
Posts: 15,176
It's my Monday today, and I am working until midnight. I have been in a little bit of a funk recently. Finally saw the sun for the first time in a week yesterday. Did a long walk in the park yesterday and did lots of errands the past two days. My to-do list never seems to get any shorter.
I am feeling fortunate that sobriety has mostly kept my SAD at bay this year. My Day Light has been sitting in a corner all winter, gathering dust. Though I will bust it out if needed.
I am trying to have a more realistic view of what I can accomplish at home and in everyday life. My wife has also been feeling very down recently, and I told her to go see a therapist again to help talk things through. Surprisingly, she actually jumped on the idea. I don't want to feel as though I am merely settling for " whatever happens in life happens" thinking, as that is alcoholic thinking to me. It is a fine line between realizing that you are doing what you can, and can't do anymore by yourself, versus just saying whatever and throwing in the towel emotionally. Her depression just had added lots of extra responsibilities on my shoulders. I feel obligated to try to make up for the house cleaning and whatnot that isn't getting done. When I was drinking, things just never got done.
Very happy to not be dealing with a funk with drinking on top of it. That never worked well over the decades. I think that being sober always means that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. That's what keeps me going sometimes day to day when life becomes somewhat of a grind.
I hope everyone is doing well!
I am feeling fortunate that sobriety has mostly kept my SAD at bay this year. My Day Light has been sitting in a corner all winter, gathering dust. Though I will bust it out if needed.
I am trying to have a more realistic view of what I can accomplish at home and in everyday life. My wife has also been feeling very down recently, and I told her to go see a therapist again to help talk things through. Surprisingly, she actually jumped on the idea. I don't want to feel as though I am merely settling for " whatever happens in life happens" thinking, as that is alcoholic thinking to me. It is a fine line between realizing that you are doing what you can, and can't do anymore by yourself, versus just saying whatever and throwing in the towel emotionally. Her depression just had added lots of extra responsibilities on my shoulders. I feel obligated to try to make up for the house cleaning and whatnot that isn't getting done. When I was drinking, things just never got done.
Very happy to not be dealing with a funk with drinking on top of it. That never worked well over the decades. I think that being sober always means that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. That's what keeps me going sometimes day to day when life becomes somewhat of a grind.
I hope everyone is doing well!
Quit 4/17/15
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Pa
Posts: 15,176
Feeling a little bit better this morning. The nice thing about not drinking, is though I still get down, it doesn't drag on for weeks and months at a time. It still frustrates me at times, but I know it's just part of life.
Enjoy your Fridays everyone!
Enjoy your Fridays everyone!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 2,412
Yeah... I've taken cauliflower's advice and found a way to accept some things. Not worry so much about the future and my lack of vision. Now that I'm seeing a therapist, I feel as though I don't have to worry about that stuff. Just put it on my shrink list. He'll guide me through that.
Something else I took away from my first session was how much I've gained since I saw him last. I have my new job, I have health insurance, I am not at suicid risk.
As my therapist looked back at all the case notes in the past, he read them out loud and asked how those things were going for me today. I appreciated that.
I'm happy to hear Mrs SG is seeing a therapist. I have the highest regard for that profession. I think everyone would benefit in having at least a life coach. Somebody who can help light the path using knowledge and experience. It's like having Mom available to you once a week.
Something else I took away from my first session was how much I've gained since I saw him last. I have my new job, I have health insurance, I am not at suicid risk.
As my therapist looked back at all the case notes in the past, he read them out loud and asked how those things were going for me today. I appreciated that.
I'm happy to hear Mrs SG is seeing a therapist. I have the highest regard for that profession. I think everyone would benefit in having at least a life coach. Somebody who can help light the path using knowledge and experience. It's like having Mom available to you once a week.
Quit 4/17/15
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Pa
Posts: 15,176
You have made huge strides Inc over the past 21 months Inc! Sometimes, we forget in the day to day living of our lives just how much progress we are making. It is good to see you heading your life back into a more positive direction once again.
Enjoy your day off non retail folks!
Enjoy your day off non retail folks!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 560
Hi all,
That time of year - feeling down, weather terrible, made worse by lots of germs n stuff flying around. Yep, real life just carries on when you're sober, with its ups and downs.
I have been a bit quiet recently - have been doing a lot of thinking and reading about drinking and moderation and wondering whether I should give that a go, so that I don't end up being a recluse/being regarded as the weird guy who doesn't drink.
Anyway, ultimately I can't see a big enough case for risking heading back to where I was. I don't need alcohol to have a good time - I just don't get invited to anything any more, and I certainly don't invite myself. I just don't know whether my mindset is now somewhere different with respect to alcohol because I certainly don't crave it any more. So can I have a sensible relationship and be like "normal" people? Who knows.
Anyway, just wanted to stop by, see how you guys are doing, and anchor myself a bit. I really don't buy the one drink and you're doomed mentality, that's the issue.
Amp I hope your business is ok, and that everyone here is keeping well.
Best wishes
OMD
That time of year - feeling down, weather terrible, made worse by lots of germs n stuff flying around. Yep, real life just carries on when you're sober, with its ups and downs.
I have been a bit quiet recently - have been doing a lot of thinking and reading about drinking and moderation and wondering whether I should give that a go, so that I don't end up being a recluse/being regarded as the weird guy who doesn't drink.
Anyway, ultimately I can't see a big enough case for risking heading back to where I was. I don't need alcohol to have a good time - I just don't get invited to anything any more, and I certainly don't invite myself. I just don't know whether my mindset is now somewhere different with respect to alcohol because I certainly don't crave it any more. So can I have a sensible relationship and be like "normal" people? Who knows.
Anyway, just wanted to stop by, see how you guys are doing, and anchor myself a bit. I really don't buy the one drink and you're doomed mentality, that's the issue.
Amp I hope your business is ok, and that everyone here is keeping well.
Best wishes
OMD
Quit 4/17/15
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Pa
Posts: 15,176
OMD, I did a lot of reading both here on SR and books about whether moderation is possible after a sustained abstinence period. The longest that I found anyone on SR to self admittedly be able to drink moderately was around six months. After that, they spiraled downward.
For me, once alcohol becomes an option again, I can imagine my AV will never stop whispering in my ear that "This would be a good time to drink, you deserve a drink, one more drink won't hurt," and so on. The mind numbing chatter would be enough to lead to excessive drinking.
Secondly, though we have repaired our bodies and our souls over the past 21 months, unfortunately, our brains are permanently rewired. Once we drink again, those circuits come back to life and I think we will quickly end up back to where we where.
Third, if we could moderate our drinking now, what could we not before. Lord knows I tried a dozen times to moderate, switching drinks, brands, times etc to no avail. I doubt that we suddenly have new found will power to be in control.
Lastly, I too no longer hang with the same folks that I used to while drinking. I view it that these folks were not so much friends as drinking buddies.
Alcohol is such a crazy drug, that even after all that we have gone through, nearly ruining our lives, that we still want to be able to use it. Think about that for a moment. I know that I am not ready at this point to risk the progress that I have made over 21 months so that I can see if I can have one beer or one glass of wine.
Just my thoughts...
For me, once alcohol becomes an option again, I can imagine my AV will never stop whispering in my ear that "This would be a good time to drink, you deserve a drink, one more drink won't hurt," and so on. The mind numbing chatter would be enough to lead to excessive drinking.
Secondly, though we have repaired our bodies and our souls over the past 21 months, unfortunately, our brains are permanently rewired. Once we drink again, those circuits come back to life and I think we will quickly end up back to where we where.
Third, if we could moderate our drinking now, what could we not before. Lord knows I tried a dozen times to moderate, switching drinks, brands, times etc to no avail. I doubt that we suddenly have new found will power to be in control.
Lastly, I too no longer hang with the same folks that I used to while drinking. I view it that these folks were not so much friends as drinking buddies.
Alcohol is such a crazy drug, that even after all that we have gone through, nearly ruining our lives, that we still want to be able to use it. Think about that for a moment. I know that I am not ready at this point to risk the progress that I have made over 21 months so that I can see if I can have one beer or one glass of wine.
Just my thoughts...
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Spain
Posts: 2,004
Hey guys! Just checking in. I've also been down with a cold and pretty much sleeping through the weekend. When you're self-employed you never really think of having a day off from illness. If you can rise from your bed you go to work. That's why I feel lucky to be sick at the weekend!
I think about moderation wistfully at times. Other times I'm just angry at alcohol and all the pain it brings to good people's lives. Essentially I agree with SG. I don't think I'd make a good moderator. Nobody seems to be able to keep up that kind of will power.
I don't seem to have built new relationships with different people since I stopped drinking. I just don't go anywhere anymore unless it is unavoidable. My wife has taken to having the occasional girls' night out which I have encouraged. What worries me slightly is that I have no wish to socially engage with anyone and would rather be on my own. I'm fine at work and I can share a joke and good humour with colleagues and clients, but at the end of the day I just want to go home. At weekends I'm occasionally forced into a social situation by my wife, but I know that left to my own devices I would avoid them all. I'm not unhappy though perhaps a little too indifferent. My main worry is that I may be becoming dull and that that might be a problem for my wife and kids. Obviously dull is preferable to drunk and embarrassing, but there is a feeling of something being missing.
Anyway, good to catch up with all of you and hope we all recover quickly from our respective ailments and hang ups. Happy to hear that Skittles is ok
I think about moderation wistfully at times. Other times I'm just angry at alcohol and all the pain it brings to good people's lives. Essentially I agree with SG. I don't think I'd make a good moderator. Nobody seems to be able to keep up that kind of will power.
I don't seem to have built new relationships with different people since I stopped drinking. I just don't go anywhere anymore unless it is unavoidable. My wife has taken to having the occasional girls' night out which I have encouraged. What worries me slightly is that I have no wish to socially engage with anyone and would rather be on my own. I'm fine at work and I can share a joke and good humour with colleagues and clients, but at the end of the day I just want to go home. At weekends I'm occasionally forced into a social situation by my wife, but I know that left to my own devices I would avoid them all. I'm not unhappy though perhaps a little too indifferent. My main worry is that I may be becoming dull and that that might be a problem for my wife and kids. Obviously dull is preferable to drunk and embarrassing, but there is a feeling of something being missing.
Anyway, good to catch up with all of you and hope we all recover quickly from our respective ailments and hang ups. Happy to hear that Skittles is ok
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Canada
Posts: 691
Good morning everyone.
Amp, i'm sorry to hear about your business downsizing, that's rough. On the bright side, when it's all said and done, it may become more manageable, less stressful, and you will have more time to invest in your family. You'll find something that you can all do together so as to be less dull (not that I agree that you are dull, but you get it!).
Inc., I am so glad you are keeping busy! It's a sure way to keep your mind from wondering all over the place. Keep it up, you are doing amazing!
SG, it's a good sign that you are able to take the reigns of the household. Your wife will catch up since she is getting professional help with her depression. Depression seeps in when we least expect it. I take extra care when I notice a funk coming on, and i'm able to rebound much quicker these days. Yoga and meditation are handy in the dreary winter months!
OMD, I am glad you are taking the time to seriously think about moderation without jumping right into it. Say no to knee jerk reactions, because we all know where that led us in the past. I know I could not moderate. I can train my brain in certain areas, but not drinking. I sometimes miss a nice glass of wine, but I know I would not stop...I just know myself. I don't drink to drink, I drink to get drunk. And I don't want to be drunk anymore. When I find myself thinking about a glass of wine, I dig deeper and figure out what is triggering the thought. It's usually stress, or loneliness. And I can work through those feelings easily now.
I am keeping busy this weeks. I am delving deeper in my business and it's not about sales anymore. It's about leadership and inspiring others to shine! It feels great, I have a new found confidence in myself. I know I still have work to do on the inside, but so far the goodness is showing on the outside. I find I am
able to spot negativity, in myself, and with others, and I am better able to deflect negativity out of my life.
Busy day today,I'm off and running. Chat soon!
Amp, i'm sorry to hear about your business downsizing, that's rough. On the bright side, when it's all said and done, it may become more manageable, less stressful, and you will have more time to invest in your family. You'll find something that you can all do together so as to be less dull (not that I agree that you are dull, but you get it!).
Inc., I am so glad you are keeping busy! It's a sure way to keep your mind from wondering all over the place. Keep it up, you are doing amazing!
SG, it's a good sign that you are able to take the reigns of the household. Your wife will catch up since she is getting professional help with her depression. Depression seeps in when we least expect it. I take extra care when I notice a funk coming on, and i'm able to rebound much quicker these days. Yoga and meditation are handy in the dreary winter months!
OMD, I am glad you are taking the time to seriously think about moderation without jumping right into it. Say no to knee jerk reactions, because we all know where that led us in the past. I know I could not moderate. I can train my brain in certain areas, but not drinking. I sometimes miss a nice glass of wine, but I know I would not stop...I just know myself. I don't drink to drink, I drink to get drunk. And I don't want to be drunk anymore. When I find myself thinking about a glass of wine, I dig deeper and figure out what is triggering the thought. It's usually stress, or loneliness. And I can work through those feelings easily now.
I am keeping busy this weeks. I am delving deeper in my business and it's not about sales anymore. It's about leadership and inspiring others to shine! It feels great, I have a new found confidence in myself. I know I still have work to do on the inside, but so far the goodness is showing on the outside. I find I am
able to spot negativity, in myself, and with others, and I am better able to deflect negativity out of my life.
Busy day today,I'm off and running. Chat soon!
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